Sizzle Says

I opened up the Santa Cruz Sentinel this morning to find my picture smack dab on the front page. Thank goodness I didn’t look like a dweeb. You can check it out at www.santacruzsentinel.com. Just click on the Wallace Baine article about the Academy Awards and the picture of me with Lex van den Berghe, his wife and two other guests will show itself. Last night at the Gala I introduced my good friend Supple to Lex and he promptly gave props to her sleeve tattoo. She got him to sign the Gala poster and he wrote: “Eryn, You are one white hot fox.” (Or something to that effect.) I think she may have passed out briefly from the sheer excitement of meeting her Survivor crush. Good thing her understanding boyfriend was sitting right there to catch her. ;)

My dear, dear friend JB showed up last night looking as daper as ever. On an empty stomach he consumed 6 glasses of complimentary champagne and then followed that by an Oscar Margarita and two “Finding Neverland” Coolers. Woah there JB! He and Jenny Two Times kept the party rolling post -Gala at a local joint where I hear it was “lesbian night.” Both of them were in heaven, I am sure of it. As they partied into the wee hours of the evening, I was fast asleep in my bed, not even near inebriation but definitely showing my age. Man, the 30’s sure have wiped out the nightowl in me.

It is absolutely perfect weather today. Too bad there was a downpour for last night’s festivities. Typical Mother Nature. If I had my way, I’d be at a park having a picnic with someone I find amusing, charming and devilishly handsome. Too bad I don’t have one of those! Guess I’ll leash up Lou and take a walk.

Today I saw a girl taking a photo of another girl on the sidewalk near downtown. The girl getting her picture taken was striking a sassy pose and pointing to her crotch. Attached to the crotch of her jeans was a yellow Santa Cruz Mystery Spot bumper sticker. Ha ha. That’s funny.

There is this saxophonist who often plays in the parking garage across from my work. The acoustics are great and the sounds of his playing carry over to my office. I love the days when he plays. I wish he could follow me around and play the soundtrack for my life. That would be kinda awesome.

I am sitting here, finally home, with a glass of wine. I didn’t drink during the Gala seeing as how I was “in charge” and needed to keep my proverbial wits about me. I think the event went off well and we may have even made some money, which would be great. Better than great. I liked mixing and mingling with people. I even enjoyed my 2 minutes of fame at the microphone. But I’m a ham, so that is to be expected, right? Overall, I think people had a good time. I am glad Jamie Foxx won for “Ray” and Hillary Swank won another Oscar. There was a whole lotta boob going on at the Awards ceremony, didn’t you think? Particularly in the balcony. And I guess very rosy cheeks and yellow are the new Hollywood fads. Um, no thanks, I’ll pass. I will say one thing: I did not wear pink or black to the festivities tonight. Will wonders ever cease! I’ll post a picture in a day or two if a decent one is found of me all glammed out. I want to thank my dear friends: Mikey, Meagan, JB, Jenny Two Times, Supple & Shocka, Amy, Hummingbird and Sami and my sweet mom for coming to the Gala. The support means a lot.

A new month starts in just another day. I am glad because February was a bitch. I am hoping March is entirely different- like no heartache or four day crying jags. Me no likey. I’d like instead some growing experiences that don’t make me sad. Maybe a travel or two to some new place, more walks, some fun times with my good pals, a new lease on life basically. You hear that universe? I’ve put my order in. Please pay attention. ;)

I actually stayed in bed until 9:30am. That’s a small miracle given my track record lately. I watched “Moonstruck” which is a good movie in my opinion. I particularly like the part where Loretta (Cher) and Ronnie (Nick Cage) are standing in the freezing cold arguing about love. Ronnie says something about how love is supposed to ruin you and break your heart. It’s good stuff. The best part is when they are all gathered around the table, after Johnny and Loretta have called off their wedding and Ronnie asks Loretta to marry him. Olympia Dukakis’s character says: “Do you love him Loretta?” And Cher says, “Aw, Ma, I love him awful.” And Olympia retorts: “Oh God, that’s too bad.” And then she says: “When you love them, they drive you crazy because they know they can.” Too true, too true.

I finally watched “Napoleon Dynamite.” I know, I know, I am tragically unhip because I hadn’t seen it. But seriously, what the hell is all the fuss about? It reminded me of a male version of “Welcome to the Dollhouse” which I thought was better, actually. I particularly enjoyed the scene where Napolean is practicing the dancing over and over and working up quite a sweat. It reminded me of me when I was about 11 or 12 and I would watch “Fast Forward” just to learn the awesome dance routines. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the cinematic genius that is “Fast Forward”- shame on you! It is THE definitive dance movie of the ’80s directed by none other than Sidney Poitier. It is ’80s cheesiness at its best. Right up there with “Breakin’ II: Electric Bogaloo”.

One time I was “practicing” in my room when no one was home and accidentally slid into my dresser- hey, it was a complicated move I was trying to pull off!- and subsequently, I injured my ankle. I dragged myself to my bed and lay there for an hour with my foot propped up on a mountain of pillows waiting for my family to get home. My mom did not believe me that I was hurt and made me wait until the following day to take me to the ER. Turns out I HAD injured myself and needed crutches. So there Mom! Hee hee. But truly, what kind of big dork was I? Please, don’t feel compelled to answer that. . .but if you do, you better share your most dorky/tragically unhip story with me and all my readers. ;)

(Hey Aim, Happy Birthday! I miss you and love you lots!)

I’m up to my eyeballs in raffle prizes and trivia questions. The phone has been ringing off the hook for me today. Thank God I scheduled that massage for next week. You know when you have so much to do you keep making multiple lists but nothing seems to be getting crossed off of them? I am kinda having one of those days. For the most part, I am feeling pretty good about the upcoming Academy Awards Gala. I have this nagging fear that too many people are going to show up at the door and we will not have enough food. I guess now would be the time to think of that loaves and fishes Jesus story, huh? I rush ordered some red ribbon pins but they didn’t arrive. That sucks! Worse things could have happened I guess. Worse things have happened to me, in the last month even. My friends at Revolution Studios were a great help. A big, big thanks to the Tomato and the Cowboy. Now some lucky audience member can win a coveted DVD of “Gigli” or the prop coffee mug from “13 Going on 30″. Prize or punishment? You be the judge. ;)

Most of what is on my mind wouldn’t be of interest to anyone but me. Hell, I don’t even think I am interested. I am so in my head about everything lately. I haven’t been sleeping well. It could be the event stress, it could be life stress. That good hair day I had a few days ago is so not happening today. My shirt is too low cut. Flashes of a teal bra keep distracting me. I’ve got stress blemishes and under eye bags. Yeah, totally, I am one hot mama. At least the upswing is that I’m hanging out with my dear friend JB tonight and he says that even though I am on a “love sabbatical” he is going to be showering me with the JB love. Watch out! Nah, it is harmless. He’s the sweetest. He makes me want to cry sometimes cuz he is so damn nice to me. He’s the best non-boyfriend I have ever had.

I can’t wait for next week when my life will hopefully return to some sort of normalcy.

Walking downtown in Santa Cruz is such a trip. Today I saw at least 3 people talking to themselves, and no, they weren’t talking on their cell phones with those easily disguised earpiece thingies. I don’t like those things but I hate people having private conversations in public places on their cell phones. I just don’t need to hear moms talking about their kids’ schools or lovers having a tiff or some airhead going on about how drunk she and her friends were last night at the Red Room. Isn’t anything private anymore?! But I digress. . .

We have some local crazies around here- like Umbrella Man for instance. He walks painfully slow. I mean, I think I have seen snails pass this fella up. Rumor has it he even got ticketed for crossing a crosswalk too slowly. And now, since his slow-walking-umbrella-toting notariety has worn off, he has taken to gender-bending. He wears this ’80s style pink coat, a pink scarf, a flowered, flowy skirt and some pink earrings. He is totally trying to usurp my Pinkie status around this town. The jerk! At Halloween a bunch of people dressed up like him. Frankly, I am over his whole shtick. Turns out he used to be the unknown guy under the large Hefty bag who would sit all day on a bench outside of the local bookstore. When people would walk by he would say in a high falsetto voice, “Have a nice day.” It was kind of disarming and strange but at least he wasn’t yelling obscenities like Teretza.

Teretza (aptly named by my boss upon his arrival to our fair town a year ago) is a total nutball. She’s the anti-Umbrella Man. She storms around Santa Cruz at a frenzied pace, sneering at people with her brightly lipsticked mouth and muttering under her breath. It is uncanny how she nails people. I heard a story of her yelling at a mom and dad with their five kids in tow, saying: “Got enough kids?! Stop procreating!” She got me good one time. I made the mistake of making eye contact with her- beware of eye contact with the crazies! She was barreling towards me pushing an empty Longs shopping cart. Our eyes met and she blurted out something to the effect of, “…You and your big jugs!” and as she said “jugs” she made a vehement cupping gesture at her non-existent breasts and then she flipped me off quite violently. It was hilarious and scary. I still get a good laugh out of it today. And I never make eye contact with her. Don’t need to teach me that lesson twice! Never a dull moment in this crazy town. Ah Santa Cruz, I love ya.

Today is my dear friend Marnacakes birthday. She is the sweetest, loveliest, most kind-hearted gal and I love her to bits and pieces.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANACAKES!

I’m in a bad way today. I don’t know what started this mood, maybe I woke up in it? Things just aren’t going my way and I am irritated at everything. The decorations I ordered from that stupid company, Shindigz (what kind of name is that?!), were back ordered and now it turns out there is no way it is arriving in time for my event. Argh! So now I have to make a Hollywood Hills out of cardboard, black paint and big white letters or else there will be a big, blank, boring white wall as the backdrop for the stage. That just won’t do. At least when I went to check out the cable hook up it worked. A live telecast WILL happen. Phew.

We got some really bad press today in the local rag, The Metro. Stupid controversy. I thought it was over but then this four page article, completely biased (and um, not in our direction) comes out. It’s such old news (like by 2 months) but still, it isn’t good for the agency. I am trying to have compassion for the people who were laid off but they are being such spiteful assholes that I am really, really struggling. I don’t like thinking badly of people, even those jerks who don’t deserve it. Call it a karma thing. Call it naivety. Whatever it is. . .I try to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I am thinking I might have to rethink this golden rule of mine though. Maybe put in a clause that specifies that if people are being spiteful assholes, they aren’t necessarily deserving of my niceness.

Why is it so hard for people to be kind to one another? Why does my car have to be such a piece of shit? Why am I so damn cranky?

Sorry for the negativity. Hopefully, tomorrow, we will resume our regular programming. I have no happy thoughts to share today. :(

Addendum: (10:09pm) Jenny Two Times took me to sushi. She is the best. Nothing like good conversation, sake and some unagi to cheer this girl up. Thanks Jen! XOXO. Oh and that Vasquez boy on AI is yummy. He cheers me up too. Hee hee.

“Firmly quash any inclinations you have toward selfishness this weekend; it’s only by putting your own interests aside that your heart will (paradoxically, beautifully) get ahead.” That is part of the weekly horoscope I received today. Interesting because I was just thinking this very thing. Well, sort of. I was thinking about how if your head and your heart aren’t in alignment/agreement, how can you be sure you are accomplishing what you need to accomplish or living the life you are supposed to? Until you get your heart and your head in the same space, things are sure to feel off, out of whack, frustrating or sad. And you have to be clear about your intent in situations. Am I doing this because it serves me but am acting like I am doing it because it serves others? Am I too attached to the outcome of this situation? Am I trying to control it or do I trust it will work out as it should? These are things I wonder and something I’m working on internally.

It is really warm here. Where did the rain go? The sun is shining and people are out on the benches along Pacific Avenue soaking up the rays. I just bought a bunch of cards. I love cards. I have four birthdays of loved ones this week, my Pisces friends. Those dear fishies- love you Em, Aim, Marnacakes & Jas. Don’t you think that getting a card in the mail, expected or unexpected, is one of the best things ever? I do. I’m also happy about a couple other things like the fact that people are actually buying tickets to the Gala this Sunday (phew), that I get to listen to my music loud because my officemate is out this week (Martin Sexton is my current obsession), that cheese is super yummy, and my hair looks pretty darn good today (if I do say so myself). See, life isn’t so bad afterall…just depends on how you are looking at it.

Ah, lovely Santa Cruz. Nothing beats hitting Highway 17 with the trees tall and green, the sky a brilliant blue among the puffy clouds, the crisp air alive with the scent of the sea. Home. I have yet to find a place that makes me feel so welcome. My stay in Berkeley was great, don’t get me wrong, but there’s nothing like coming home. I was listening to Ray Charles on the drive back. I cannot hear his music without singing and dancing. He gets into my soul or something. Whatever it is, I like it.

I saw Hotel Rwanda last night. Everyone should see that movie. Paul Rusesabagina is an inspiration and testament to the good of humanity. Ordinary people do extraordinary things every day. I am still too affected to speak about the film. I also finished that book I mentioned, “A Blind Man Could See How Much I Love You.” There is one line in it that has stuck with me. One character says, “I love you past speech.” Wow. That is a whole lot of love.

Do you ever notice how the thing you are trying to convince yourself you don’t need/want consistently shows up over and over again? Like when you are on a diet and everywhere you look are cupcakes. Or, for example, how I am single and dealing with the sadness and loss of my last relationship and all I see are happy couples. IKEA was full of them, shopping for their homes, some with kids in tow. I kept thinking about how my ex is probably doing that with his new girl, shopping for their new apartment together. It could be worse I suppose. He and his new girl could come across me and my friend singing “Surry With A Fringe On Top” at the Sharper Image or something (see When Harry Met Sally to get the reference). Still, ouch. I wish I didn’t think such thoughts.

My phone has not rung all day. I could feel sad & unpopular but instead, I feel grateful. I feel quiet and internal, contemplative but not in that obsessive way. I am practicing that “being still” thing. I’m thinking about taking up yoga. I need all the help I can get.

This was the weekend of warehouse shopping. I can truthfully say, I am not cut out for crowds – moving along sans people-mover like a cow in a herd.. . it just isn’t my bag. I have a warning for all of you non-Berkeley folk: Do not go to the Berkeley Bowl. That is, unless you have A LOT of time to kill and even more patience. My sis recommend this grocery store, referring to it as the “craziest grocery store in Berkeley.” I beg to differ. It is more like the craziest fucked up grocery store in California! The long line just to PARK should have tipped me off but no, I figured there must be something worth seeing if so many people wanted to wait to get in there. Turns out, there are a lot of people who are into hell. Battling masses of people to check out golden beets or the olive bar just seems like a waste of time to me. There were at least 15 registers going and each had a line of 12 people deep. Can I please get that hour of my life back? I coulda washed my hair or stared at my navel for christsakes.

I did, however, get some cute, though fairly unnecessary, things at IKEA. On the way, Supple pointed out an abandoned restaurant. The sign said- “Best Donuts Sandwiches”- we had a jolly good time making up concotions for their menu: Pastrami on a Maple Bar, Turkey & Cheese, extra mustard on a Glazed Twist. . .you get the drift. We crack ourselves up. Oh shuddup- you had to be there. :)

I had a great evening last night with Supple and her main squeeze at Marnacakes birthday party. We made sushi, ate sushi, drank sake and then more sake. Marnacakes made us play charades. It was a riot. I got to act out “lap dance” using Supple as my prop (I know, that is cheating in charades but shhhh). The topic of merkins came up. Everyone know what a merkin is? Well, shame on you. Or shame on us for using that term more times than one ever should in the span of an evening. If you dare, check this out to find out more in the privacy of your own home/cubicle.

Go to: http://www9.general-hosting.com/kctrln/SXM-Info/SXM-Beaches/amc/

Heehee.

I’m growing weary of being such a grumpy lonesome so I’ve compiled a list of things that made me happy today.

Waking up to cats warming my feet.
A good book and a comfortable bed.
Friends who make me laugh.
Root beer with crushed ice.
My converse.
Hot showers.
Madeleine Peyroux’s album “Careless Love.”

What made you happy today?

I am staying in Berkeley for the weekend, housesitting and watching the kitties for my little sis and her husband. I came across a tiny, old book by their bedside called, “The Book of Courage: A Little Book of Brave Thoughts.” Just what I need right about now, some words of encouragement. Here are a few I liked best:

“There are seasons when to be still demands immensely higher strength than to act.” – Channing

“We are haunted by an ideal life, and it is because we have within us the beginning and the possibility of it.”
- Phillip Brooks

“What your heart thinks great, is great. The soul’s emphasis is always right.” -Emerson

“It was high counsel that Jones heard given to a young person-’Always do what you are afraid to do.’” -Emerson

I think I am lonesome. I’m not used to being alone nor do I know how to “be still.” I am looking for the strength to do both. I think I am going on a “Love Sabbatical.” My heart is weary. I have lost my resiliency and have misplaced my smile. I’m on a quest to find the woman I am supposed to be. I’ll keep you posted.

The girls (aka Simba & Peanut, aka the kitties) are running around the apartment like kindergarteners on speed. My latte is getting cold and my new book is waiting for me to read it (the book is called: “A Blind Man Could See How Much I Love You” – isn’t that a great title?). I’m listening to The Shins. Good stuff. It is raining and I am glad about that.