Sizzle Says

Paula Abdul does not know how to clap properly.

There. I said it.

Why must she insist on clapping like a moron week after week? I couldn’t find a picture of her clapping. Why? Because they want you to forget. . . until next week when she does it again. I think she was medicated last night. Did you notice the droopy lids?

Finally Mandisa wore an outfit that a) didn’t look like lingerie and b) was flattering to her womanly figure. Plus, she belted one out like nobody else.

I have nothing nice to say about Bucky.

Katherine is still my favorite. I think I have a girlcrush on her. Plus, she sang one of my all time favorite songs ever.

Taylor, still a great singer but his song choices. . . well, I think he can do better. And the blue suit? It looked a little small for him. White shoes!

Elliot & Paris were hot. Great song choices.

Kevin, aka Chicken Little, has the same eyes as George W. That alone should disqualify him.

I think Lisa used to be on 21 Jump Street.

Chris & Ace are nice eye candy. I like how they each changed up their songs and made them their own.

Kellie Pickler looked like a squeezed lemon in that outfit. What was with her orange blush? She picked a good song but she seems emotionally vacant. Hello? Is anyone in there?

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In other news, it looks like I am a winner. Does tying for third place in two categories make me a winner? Or a wiener?