Sizzle Says

Dear Low Self-Esteem,

I am done with you.

Because of you, I’ve hidden pieces of myself. I’ve sat on the sidelines when I wanted to be in the ring. I have watched when I wanted to be doing. I’ve been agreeable when I wanted to scream “Fuck You!” I’ve smiled when I wanted to cry. I’ve apologized for who I really am. I’ve not believed in myself. You convinced me that failure was always imminent so why waste the time and risk the embarrassment. Just don’t try.

Because of you, I’ve walked around in a body that I have never accepted as beautiful. I have never really absorbed the compliments I have received. You helped me find fault with every wrinkle, gray hair, pudge of fat, blemish or scar. I’ve wasted 32 years of life not loving the skin I am in. Feeling unattractive. Feeling unlovable.

Because of you, I’ve talked myself out of accepting love. I’ve sabotaged relationships that could have thrived and stayed in ones that were hurtful for far too long. I gave up too easily on some and clung like a barnacle on a sinking ship to others. You muddled my thinking. You convinced me that I was unworthy of love. I believed you.

Because of you, I have stayed stagnant- paralyzed by your whispers of guilt, obligation, and over-caretaking. You told me that putting everyone’s needs ahead of mine was the noble, loving thing to do. You told me to give and give and give some more and then maybe, just maybe, I would be lovable enough. Worthy enough. You were wrong.

I’ve spent my whole life under your reign . . . until today. Today is a new day.

Good-bye,
Sizzle