True or False? « Sizzle Says

True or False?

February 7, 2007 at 4:39 pm | In Uncategorized | 32 Comments

Snackie told me I should, so I am.

There are four “stories” here. One is not true. Can you guess which?

1.) I once walked into a coworker’s office to ask her an innocent, work-related question. She scrambled to grab something off her desk as I entered. I tried to not look but it was distracting. My eyes darted down in time to see her teeth in her hand. I had no idea she wore fake teeth, let alone that she took them out while working at her desk. I took that opportunity to quickly divert my gaze out the window and comment on the weather. She acted breezy and answered my question quickly.

I have still not really recovered.

2.) While on the phone the other night, my friend told me she bathes her dog in just a thong because he splashes too much and her clothes end up soaking wet.

That’s just in her underwear.

3.) I once posted in the Casual Encounters section of Craig’s List. I was bored on a Friday night and wanted to see how many responses I would get. All it said was “How do you want it?” with a photo of breasts- in a bra, mind you. No face shown.

I got 179 responses within one hour. There are a lot of lonely, horny men out there.

4.) I was in the public restroom at work the other day when someone came in and entered the stall next to me. They made quite a fuss with the toilet seat cover and the unzipping and the pulling down of underpants and what I could only discern as support hose. I heard peeing and then “pttttttttthhhhhhhhhhh.” Then silence. Then more loud farting. So of course I rushed to get out of there before I would be forced to come face to face with the Flatulence Offender and have to pretend that I didn’t want to laugh.

Clearly, I am an 11 year old boy.

5.) Back in college I came across a young couple as I made my way up a remote staircase that led to my street and house. They were in the middle of coitus. The girl ducked her head, averting her face from me but the young buck looked me straight in the eye and said, “Hey, how’s it going?” as if they were just doing their homework or something.

I almost offered them a condom. Safer sex is really important.

The truth will be revealed in tomorrow’s post!

32 Comments »

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Thanks for the early-morning chuckle! I vote for the fake teeth. Not sure why, it’s just a feeling I have.

Comment by LVGurl — February 7, 2007 #
Oh my god…I want them all to be true. LOL!

Ummm…thong dog groomer?

Comment by Eyes — February 7, 2007 #
#3 … somehow I just can’t get my brain around you doing this!

Comment by javajabberhttp://javajabber.wordpress.com — February 7, 2007 #
I will go with the Craigslist thing. Not sure why but it just seems that you would have gotten a lot more responses in an hour.

Comment by Rachel — February 7, 2007 #
I vote for the Craig’s list one.

And I totally try to avoid coming face to face with anyone doing anything more than emptying their bladder in the restroom. That’s not immature. Is it? :)

Comment by Bone — February 7, 2007 #
Hmmmm… I have no idea. But I’m going to guess the first one is not true – the dog thing? I’ve totally given my dog a bath in my underware. If you don’t your clothes smell like wet dog!

Great post!

Comment by alissahttp://www.alissaclare.typepad.com — February 7, 2007 #
I’m going with #2, although it took me a couple readings to figure out the DOG wasn’t the one in the thong. :-)
For some reason, all of the other ones are far too true in regard to human behavior to be made up!

Comment by dianehttp://www.sparktacular.blog-city.com — February 7, 2007 #
Yeah, I’m voting for the Craig’s list one too, even though that would be hilarious and something I might do one bored evening if I could make sure I’d remain anonymous.

This was fun!

Comment by Mrs. Ca — February 7, 2007 #
I’m going with the false teeth. Just because I hope it isn’t true for your sake – that would be very disturbing.
Why don’t people check to see if someone else is in the bathroom before doing that – but then we would not be so entertained if they did. I, too, am an 11 year old boy.

Comment by kim — February 7, 2007 #
I’m going with the Craigslist post…Although there ARE many horny men out there!

Comment by girl and doghttp://girlanddog.wordpress.com — February 7, 2007 #
OMG! They’re all so funny! I’m picking #2.

Comment by Lisa — February 7, 2007 #
yea, i’ll vote for number 1 too… the others are strange but totally believable… :o)

Comment by jodi — February 7, 2007 #
I am also going the fake teeth route, because don’t they have to glue them in or something? No… wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t need to know about fake teeth.

Comment by lauriehttp://www.crazyauntpurl.com — February 7, 2007 #
My money’s on #2.

Comment by kapgar — February 7, 2007 #
interjection:

this is hilarious!

(but i am keeping my mouth shut until tomorrow about which one is the lie)

Comment by Sizzle — February 7, 2007 #
I have to go with No. 2. And now I’m going to have to try the Craig’s List thing. You are a bad influence.

Comment by Melissa — February 7, 2007 #
“my friend told me she bathes her dog in just a thong”

Why bathe the dog in a thong? Does the dog have a matching top? Does he wear a leash, too?

Comment by emily — February 7, 2007 #
Just kidding.
:)

Comment by emily — February 7, 2007 #
These are too funny! Love ‘em!

I’m voting for Craig’s List… there are way more than 179 lonely/horny men out there. Way more. (Now if only some of them lived near me…)

Comment by Traveling Chica — February 7, 2007 #
I think I vote #2, though if they were all true I’d be SO entertained- hilarious! :)

Comment by JustRun — February 7, 2007 #
i can’t vote. i know the truth :)

Comment by Jenny — February 7, 2007 #
I was checking in to see if you posted the results. Then I reread your opening — it would be helpful if I would slow the frick down and actually read carefully. I thought only one was TRUE! So I need to reconsider my vote…

reconsidering…

hmmm…

I say #3 is the fib. I think you’re bold, but I don’t know if you’d put your boobs out there just ‘cuz you were bored.

Comment by LVGurl — February 7, 2007 #
I’m going with #1. As for #2, I can totally understand the inclination. I can buy #3 b/c you didn’t post your face.

Comment by Becky — February 7, 2007 #
What a great idea for a post. I’m guessing #4.

Comment by 180/360 — February 7, 2007 #
Well since I was involved in story number 5, I will guess number two is the FIB.

Comment by eganhttp://www.lessinges.blogspot.com — February 7, 2007 #
First of all, this JUST showed up in my Google Reader….what the?

Anyway, oh this is hard. I mean, I can see you DOING number three, not even one bit hesitant to say that by the way. However I am not sure there really were 179 responses in an hour….of course, gah, men are horn dogs.

I am going with the dog story as well…she has to wear a bra too…at least.

Comment by snackiepoo — February 8, 2007 #
Gosh, I hope they’re all true!!

Comment by LSL — February 8, 2007 #
I vote dog story. But really, why not jump in with the dog if you’re going to be nearly naked anyways?

Comment by nicalyse — February 8, 2007 #
i say #2, because who really bathes their dog?

Comment by gorillabunshttp://www.gorillabuns.com — February 8, 2007 #
What a cute idea, this post!

I’m going with the teeth, because that would be hilarious.

Comment by Anonymous — February 8, 2007 #
the farting woman…. happens everytime i go in and someone must take the same stall next to mine when i know all the other stalls are free. too damn funny.

Comment by Anonymous — February 10, 2007 #
[...] Make a deal to buy my couch and flake. Especially if you come over and look at it, offer me the money (to which I will stupidly say, “You can pay me tomorrow.”) and make plans to pick it up the following day. Especially if you call me the day of the supposed pick up saying, “I hope you won’t be mad…” because I WILL be mad and I will hang up on you in a curt manner. Fucking Craig’s List. It’s only good for pretending you want a Casual Encounter. [...]

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