Seeing « Sizzle Says

Seeing

April 26, 2007 at 7:49 am | In life lessons | 16 Comments

I believe that everything happens for a reason. . .We just don’t always know the reason until much later.

Maybe the “reason” is some self-designed explanation that soothes an old wound. Without trying to placate myself, I find solace in it. When my grandmother was dying, I was able to be there for her and my family in a way that I was completely incapable of while my father was dying. Being there, holding her hand, singing her favorite song and the memories of her last days gives me great comfort while the regret of being unable to provide the same to my father eases. I was, after all, only 19 when he passed. And it was, to say the least, a very complicated relationship.

Or like how I have found myself in a friendship that is very dear to me and that friend struggles with alcoholism. This is not a burden nor something I “survive.” It is yet another way for me to work out my old stuff and create new ways of being/seeing/thriving. It is an opportunity for me to make my way through from the past to the present and to put away those painful memories, replacing them with new ones. I get to show up for my friend in ways I couldn’t fathom during my childhood and my dad’s drinking.

We do not have to hold on to everything that hurts us.

I meditated this morning. It felt good to focus on everything I am grateful for and to visualize the life I am moving into, day by day. I have hope which is a buoy. And faith. Faith that with each deep breath reminds me everything is going to be okay.

“Oh when it hits me all I can do is just breathe again and breathe through”

-Annie Stela, Breathe Through

16 Comments »

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Yes. I, too, believe everything happens for a reason. I believe if I hadn’t gone through some of the bad things I did when I was younger I wouldn’t have the compassion and understanding for people who go through their own pain. I’ve said it before, and will probably say it again, but I admire you so much for the willingness you have to honestly look at yourself and to spend the time trying to figure out the “why” of who you are. As wise as you are now, you are going to make one hellaciously-mindblowing old lady! :)

Comment by sue — April 26, 2007 #
I feel like I understand this so much. There’s a lot of freedom to be found in that balance between holding on and letting go.

Comment by justrun — April 26, 2007 #
Sizz, what a great connection to make between your friendship and the stuff with your dad. I’m am totally impressed with you.

Comment by alissa — April 26, 2007 #
Yep. There are no such things as coincidences. As corny as the whole, “reason, season, lifetime” thing is about the reasons why people come into our lives, it is SO TRUE!

Comment by Tam — April 26, 2007 #
Wow, it’s amazing to me that you have the courage to stay in a friendship with an alcoholic when you’ve endured such pain from that issue with your father. I’m not sure if that’s some form of karma or not, but I hope your friend realizes how lucky he or she is.

Comment by Debbie — April 26, 2007 #
It took me a long time to figure out to let go of the things that hurt me and to stop letting them run who I am. I found my way at age 30 so it is never too late!

Comment by Hilly — April 26, 2007 #
Indeed it does. I’m looking for some reasons right now and know they will become clear soon. I have faith.

Comment by Lisa — April 26, 2007 #
I think something that has always helped me to get through those times is to know that I’m not the only one and yes, I will be a better person after it all settles.

Comment by Stacie — April 26, 2007 #
Wow, I’m a longtime lurker but this post really struck a cord with me. I love this, “I have hope with is a buoy.”

Comment by Elaine — April 26, 2007 #
This is the second day in a row that all I can say to your post is “I agree”. You rock!

Comment by tori — April 26, 2007 #
Wow. I’m so glad I read this today, because it was exactly what I needed to hear!

Comment by Bre — April 26, 2007 #
This is Beautiful, Sizzle. Really beautiful.
(and so are your pics there on Flickr! WOO!)

Some of this life-stuff really does help us develop “skills” that we didn’t know we could. It’s a way of maturing, and blooming, and becoming a full flower. Along the way, it is such a relief when we figure out ways to cope, and dump excess baggage! I am still learning to let stuff go, but I am doing well. You are too!

Keep up the meditating, and the faith. Days turn out so great, when you stride forward like that!

Comment by Bully — April 26, 2007 #
I’ve always had trouble forgiving myself if I feel I’ve hurt someone, and letting go of people who are negative influences.

But it’s amazing how different each day looks and feels when you focus on the good and positive things.

Hope is priceless.

Comment by Bone — April 26, 2007 #
I cannot express how much I needed to hear this. This post is a gift and my hope for you is that you find the peace you so deserve.

Comment by holygirl427 — April 27, 2007 #
I really miss meditating. I have to do more of that.

Comment by Mrs Mogul — April 27, 2007 #
I believe that everything happens for a reason. . .We just don’t always know the reason until much later.

I have a hard time accepting this line of thought.

Comment by Ozymandias — April 30, 2007 #