Permission to Feel « Sizzle Says

Permission to Feel

May 3, 2007 at 7:09 am | In my neurosis, processing | 34 Comments

I’m a crier. I get that from my grandmother. She would cry tears of joy upon seeing us, tears of sadness when we’d part, happy tears during jovial Irish clan parties surrounded by her family, tears of anger and frustration when her health was failing or my grandfather was being mean again. I bet even sometimes a few would leak out watching Lawrence Welk. She really loved Lawrence Welk.

I’m one of those people who has a hard time not crying if other people are crying. I might be considered “overly empathetic” if there is such a term. It is particulary impossible for me to not well up with tears if someone very close to me is crying. If my sister cries, forget it. I’m crying with her. It’s always been like that with her and I. She cries, I cry. And vice versa.

Sometimes just talking about an emotional thing brings tears to my eyes but not the kind that fall, just the kind that cloud my vision for a second or two. I try to play them off. I don’t want to be seen as too soft, too sensitive or a cry baby. I think I often cry because I can put myself in someone else’s shoes in an instant. I can imagine the hardships and sorrows that brought the homeless man in his tattered clothing holding the begging sign to that very moment on the street, his beaten and weathered dignity worn like an inadequate overcoat. That was not the life he dreamed of. Or maybe I see an old couple walking hand in hand down the street. That makes me cry too because I want to grow old with someone and have them still want to hold my hand. Or maybe I am driving along and I catch a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of a young child running to his mother, arms stretched out as wide as his smile and she swoops him up, both giddy with delight. I am touched by these raw moments of being human.

I am actually grateful I am a crier. I’d rather be too connected to my feelings than closed off to them. I’d rather cry my eyes out for hours over heartache than rebuild the fortress walls around my heart. I’d rather feel connected to strangers and loved ones alike than feel separate. At some point you just get tired of trying to be the someone you think everyone else expects of you and you just become YOU. Unapologetically, you.

I’m Sizzle and I wear my heart on my sleeve.

“He’ll never know how much his loving me allowed me to begin/ I didn’t think anyone would want to travel with me all the way in/ I did not think I would ever discover him/ he is my Columbus sailed all around my heart/ opened my assumptions lemons of light in the dark/ there is nothing I could hold away from him/ like a native giving gifts received with gentleness/ he is my kinder Columbus” -Kinder Columbus, Deb Talan

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Ah, great post. My mother never allowed me to cry when I was little, she said it was for weaklings. I always defied her, and now she admits that she was wrong… She’ll even shed a little tear once in a while. Good for you for being able to cry, it’s so healing!

Comment by girlanddog — May 3, 2007 #
i finally admitted i am a crier too. and now, crying feels good. and i’ve known this about you, well, as long as we’ve been friends. and you know, it’s one of the things that i love about you…ability to have and feel your emotions. -hugs-

Comment by jenny — May 3, 2007 #
Girl, this post just made me cry! With each and every new post you write I am more and more convinced we are so very connected.

Comment by Lisa — May 3, 2007 #
I cry at the drop of a hat!

Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — May 3, 2007 #
You SO are my internet soul sister!

Comment by alissa — May 3, 2007 #
Growing up, I was told never to look at myself in the mirror while crying. I didn’t know why as a kid, but I worried it meant something really horrible would happen so I ducked whenever I went by one. It turns out my mother didn’t want me to cry more because I would apparently feel sorry for myself if I saw myself crying. I don’t. I eventually looked and went “dang, do everyone’s noses swell and turn red like that?” And wow, when the whites of your eyes are red, it makes the color of your eyes really neon. That’s so cool!!!

I don’t mind crying – except during anything professional/power struggly, OR when my husband is sitting next to me and I’m all weepy over something stupid on tv. Even though I know he cries too. We both hide it. I caught him sniffling over Freedom Writers last weekend – HA!

Comment by Kyra — May 3, 2007 #
As a full-time man, I usually keep my emotions under control.

Or I did until I became a dad. I tear up over freaking Pedigree and Hallmark commericals. Pathetic really.

Comment by whit — May 3, 2007 #
Crying is good for the soul. Things build up inside and the crying can be a pressure relief valve of sorts. After my partner at work left for law school I cried all the way home every day after work for like a month.

Comment by Melissa — May 3, 2007 #
Yep, pretty much sums up my world. I cry when I see old people at the store…picturing my parents as they age taking care of their daily duties…I seriously can’t handle it. I cry when I think my dog is sad, like I know exactly how he feels. I too like that I can connect with my feelings so well. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed by the amount I shed tears, it just feels so natural to me.

Comment by Foo — May 3, 2007 #
i tear-up when i see those assistance dogs, helping their master on the metro… i tear-up thinking about my mom not being around when my (future) kids are growing up… i tear-up at weddings and commercials about weddings… i tear-up when i hear certain songs, from my HS days… i tear-up watching baby animals on discovery’s planet earth…

i’m not afraid to cry – in private or public – and for that i’m thankful… :o)

Comment by jodi — May 3, 2007 #
Soooo glad I’m not the only one admitting to being empathetic to ridiculous proportions! I guess in part because my job has relied on connecting with people for so long now, I find it really difficult to turn it off sometimes. If I am getting a bad or negative read on someone, it will literally destroy my mood.
But I’m working on letting myself cry more. I have no idea why–at some point, I decided crying meant showing too much vulnerability. I need to cry more than I do, I think. Then I wouldn’t find myself breaking down in the middle of a massage! ;)

Comment by diane — May 3, 2007 #
Wait, Whit…you are a full-time man? ;)

I cry at the simply endearing things as well. But since people are used to it, I just get the look with a tissue!

Comment by Hilly — May 3, 2007 #
I’m not a very good crier, but I think that once I do, I generally feel a lot better; it’s SUCH a release. I do cry, however, when I see elderly people alone. My brother used to laugh and say, “Sam, their (spouse) is probably waiting for them at home” but I’d still well up, sad at the idea that someone could have worked so hard and lived so long, and go home alone.

Comment by sandra — May 3, 2007 #
Nicely said. I have been known to have my vision blurred from time to time. You made such a nice post, but all I think of was a joke. I’ll spare you from it since it may be one of those things that is only funny to me.

Hugs to you Siz.

Comment by G-man — May 3, 2007 #
me like you.

quite tiring if you ask me.

therapist mentioned he thought it was “neat”.

Comment by little miss mel — May 3, 2007 #
Me, too, Sizz. Me too.

Comment by jeopardygirl — May 3, 2007 #
OMG…I cry too. I cry for no reason. I even cry because the earth is round or even because people are jerks. I am so glad I am not the only one who is a crier.

Comment by misstressm — May 3, 2007 #
I’ve stopped watching Extreme Homemakeover Home Edition, Full House re-runs and any show that has the word “Angel” in it for this very reason.

Comment by brandy — May 3, 2007 #
My name is Monkey Boy and I am also a crier.

Lawrence Welk, oh boy. You just brought up some grandparent memories. The bubbles, I was fascinated with the bubbles and why my grandparents love the show.

Comment by egan — May 3, 2007 #
Oh, girl, you and me both. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, I just like to think I’m getting better at knowing when I need to do it. Sometimes. :)

Comment by justrun — May 3, 2007 #
omg – i am also… the problem is that i get all red and blotchy AND i get a massive headach for the next 24 hours!

Comment by question girl — May 3, 2007 #
I think everyone is a crier at one point or another… me? more often than not :P

Comment by Keri — May 3, 2007 #
sniff, sniff. I agree with the ability to cry. Very undervalued emotional connection.

Comment by Skyzi — May 3, 2007 #
Lately, I’ve really wished I was a crier. It takes an insane amount of stress or heartache for me to cry. I remember how great it feels when you’re done and I wish I could get it out more often. Instead I just sit there and try to will it into happening…it’s sad. Just not sad enough to make me cry. :)

You’re so lucky you’re not an ice princess…

Comment by em — May 3, 2007 #
I am middle of the road. Sometimes it pours, and sometimes I am bottled. I have certain movies that are fool-proof to make me cry through when I need it. Bryan sometimes will gently ask me, “Have you watched Beaches lately? Maybe you should go downstairs and pop it in.”

But, like you, if I am listening to a friend who it upset, the waterworks start like a faucet.

Comment by aimee/greeblemonkey — May 3, 2007 #
Stopped in to say hello. Don’t think I’ve commented before but got to your blog via hilly’s. I’m also a fellow washingtonion too, down here by tacoma.

About crying, I used to feel a little ashamed of it cause I couldn’t control my crying. Say, like when I had a big conflict at work or with my hubby. The waterworks started flowing and I’d get mad at myself like “why can’t I stop this!” and I would feel embarrassed. But, now, I cry of get misty eyed when I notice people interact or one day it was just a sweet looking child looking at me. It’s natural and I don’t hold back now but I can also go long periods with no crying too.

Comment by Patty — May 3, 2007 #
i cry at everything too. though, i usually try to duck and hide.

when i was younger, i used to walk through the living room with a blanket covering my head so family and friends wouldn’t notice that i had been crying.

i guess the blanket was a dead give away.

Comment by gorillabuns — May 4, 2007 #
I spent so many years as a child and teen hiding my tears that now I am pathetic by how often I cry. Hallmark cards make me weep, for God’s sake.

I used to think it was hormones, but now? I’m too old. That ship has sailed. I guess it’s just being an “old softy” in my old age… :)

You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think it says a great deal that you have the empathy to feel for your fellow man/woman. Love ya, Siz.

Comment by sue — May 4, 2007 #
I cry, therefore I am. There are actaully days where I genuinely need a good cry.

Empathy and mercy are gifts. They’re beautiful. Enjoy!

Comment by esmerelda — May 4, 2007 #
They way you described your crying sounds just like me. I am such a crier. I can’t control it and it has been realy embarrasing at times.

Comment by Theresa — May 4, 2007 #
I think people shoudl be allowed to cry as it’s such a relief-buster. However, I think our society shames most that do it public, so we just hold it in. I was watching one of the Sex in the City eps the other night where they were talking about how women aren’t able to show their emotions, esp. at work, without feeling repercussions. I feel the same way, even though I feel so much better after a good cry.

Sorry I’m so bad on reading lately — I’m just so swamped at work:(

Comment by Becky — May 4, 2007 #
i’m a crier too. i try to hide it, but it’s hard. i get teary so easily. even when i dont think im that emotionally connected – like when watching a bad movie.

Comment by bexinthecity — May 5, 2007 #
When I was growing up, I was taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. I can not hide my emotions, and was always made fun of for being “dramatic”. Thankfully as I got older, I realized that I am not the one with the problem, or at least that if I am, I am completely ok with people knowing I have feelings because that is ok with me.

Good for you…I would rather know someone who shows too much than someone who seems emotionless!

Comment by tori — May 6, 2007 #
[...] That is certainly a feeling I am familiar with. I’ve mentioned before that I wear my heart on my sleeve and also that I am a terrible liar. Imagine being both of those things and trying to pretend [...]

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