I Like Guys « Sizzle Says

I Like Guys

June 22, 2007 at 8:09 am | In my neurosis | 43 Comments

People wonder if I am a lesbian.

In the past month, I’ve had numerous people- strangers, acquaintances and friends alike- inquire into the status of my sexuality. This is not a new occurrence honestly. Since college I’ve had these questions. I think being a) a Women’s Studies major, b) a self-defense instructor, c) an activist, d) a short haired sassafrass, e) a champion for gay righs and f) friends with many gay & queer-identified kick ass people somehow confuses people. Sometimes I think that maybe they are asking because they might want me for their own team (re: lesbian). Sometimes I think that maybe they are finally fed up with me and all my tales of love gone wrong (re: bad track record with the fellas). Sometimes I think that maybe they have watched The L Word one too many times (re: and want to live vicariously through my girl-on-girl adventure).

Or maybe it’s my short hair.

Anyway you shake it, I am flattered. I mean, I love my lesbian friends. I’d be a lesbian if I was a lesbian. If I was being true to my own sexual identity, I would totally get with the ladies. But I’ve never found myself attracted to another woman in that way. Though, to be clear, I would totally make out with a chick. I’d go so far as to say publicly that I would definitely have sex with a woman. But date? With her PMS and my PMS and all the processing and moods and feelings and stuff? I can’t do it. I can barely handle myself. It would be a disaster of epic proportions.

Hmm, interesting. . much like most of my relationship history. (Though to be fair, that was then and this is now. It’s a whole new me!)

Am I missing something that everyone else can see? It’s got me wondering- could I be a lesbian without my knowledge?

“Are you gay? Are you gay? Pick up the phone. Mommy think you gay. If you don’t pick up the phone, then you gay. Only gays screen call. You are gay. Why don’t you tell mommy you gay. You don’t have to hide. . . You have a cool Mommy.” -Margaret Cho recounting one of her mom’s many (hilarious) phone messages (from I’m The One That I Want)

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You had me at “I would totally make out with a chick.”

Comment by Lefty — June 22, 2007 #
The thought of making out or having sex with another woman totally grosses me out so I could never be a lesbian. I do love to have gays and lesbians as buddies/friends though. I totally love hanging out with them…esp. gay guys. They all totally rock!

Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — June 22, 2007 #
It seems to me that the only valid clue is the presence of attraction… But then again, it is not sufficient. Most lesbians I know are mainly attracted, in both a sexual and a romantic way, to women. That’s a much better sign than a haircut or even a fantasy. ;)

Comment by StupendousWoman — June 22, 2007 #
Great. Now I am wondering if I am gay!

Comment by Bob — June 22, 2007 #
Do you get the question from mostly guys? or girls?

Comment by Scott — June 22, 2007 #
It’s a sad day when a totally hot cut ‘n color draws questions about one’s sexual orientation.

Comment by LVGurl — June 22, 2007 #
Maybe you should just tell them you’re a “people person” . :)

Comment by alissa — June 22, 2007 #
i had a lesbian roommate after college and her friends would never believe i was straight because i seemed to fit into their ‘world’ so easily… nothing bothered me – heck, even her girlfiend lived w/us for a few months… i’ve never been asked point blank if i was gay but having the short hair and dressing masculine sometimes probably doesn’t help… i would be flattered if someone did though – so should you…

p.s. i think you would know by now if you were gay, right?

Comment by blue eyes — June 22, 2007 #
Lefty- color me surprised. ;)
Diva- glad to hear you are a supporter if not an active participant.
Stupendous- true that! i am not feeling at all romantical about the ladies.
Tomato- i almost spit out my tea. oh sweet irony!
Scott- girls.
LVGirl- i know, huh?
Alissa- i am soooo using that.
Blue Eyes- i think i would know by now, definitely. and i AM flattered.

Comment by sizzlesays — June 22, 2007 #
Too funny! But think how lucky you are that you’re considered attractive by both sexes! Most of us don’t have that. And, if gayness is now based on hair and clothing, we’re all in a murky mess! I have gay friends I like, and know gay people I don’t like. And, trust me, it has nothing to do with who they have sex with!

Comment by Sandi — June 22, 2007 #
If you ever feel the need for an audience while making out with a chick, you know where to reach me!

Comment by Dave2 — June 22, 2007 #
Dude, if it’s short hair, then I had my hair hacked off yesterday. I’m so lesbot gay with you.

Comment by Eileen Dover — June 22, 2007 #
Nah, I think you would have figured that out at this point……especially with all those potential suiters out there.

Comment by Skyzi — June 22, 2007 #
Sandi- That’s how hot I am- I love how you think. :)
Dave- I’ll make sure to give you a couple hours lead time so you can get to Seattle. Did you miss the kiss between Snackie & I at TC ‘07?
Eileen- always my girl!
Skyzi- Potential suitors? WHERE!? ;)

Comment by sizzlesays — June 22, 2007 #
You’re funny. Asking yourself, am I gay. ha. Think you would know. Yeah, I guess I would take it as flattery. I guess it did happen to me when I was a scuba instructor 10 yrs ago in the islands. My hubby said a fellow instructor was asking him who I was and that I was hot and was calling me ‘kitten’. It kind of freaked me out but oh well.

Comment by Patty — June 22, 2007 #
I can’t believe people inquire!

I think if you have to ask… then no. Every lesbian i’ve met, it was obvious what/who their preference was!

Comment by Kerry — June 22, 2007 #
People are funny about the gay issue. I dunno…Everyone wonders stuff, and thinks everything’s up for grabs, but what ever happened to just saying you aRe Straight, and it was enough?

My own issue that makes people wonder, is my direct energy, eyes meeting eyes. People seem confused by a person seeking intimacy in conversation and relating, for some reason.

I have a wonderful gay friend, who I think is totally amazing, but not in a get with her way. Nope. I always felt like girls/women were supposed to be the one, SAFE group to be with. That, other girls should want to look out for you, and you shouldn’t have to worry. Acceptance by other women, that is sooo important to becoming the best Woman you can be! (How can we grow and be what we cannot trust, or fear?)

Comment by Bully — June 22, 2007 #
Wow. I certainly glad we cleared that up!

Comment by Rick — June 22, 2007 #
Whatever, you let me feel you up and you licked my cupcake!

Comment by Hilly — June 22, 2007 #
I got this question twice a couple weeks ago.

Comment by Long Story Longer — June 22, 2007 #
Love the David Sedaris reference :)

Comment by Long Story Longer — June 22, 2007 #
I have a friend who puts it well. I love women…we’re great…I could totally date a woman…we’d bond for sure…but I couldn’t lick it. Case closed. Not a lez.

BTW, that Margaret Cho quote is hilarious!

Comment by Dawn — June 22, 2007 #
I’m glad someone has the balls to wear a short haircut well! I am too chicken to go short. Well done, I say!

:)

Comment by little miss mel — June 22, 2007 #
You a lesbian! That made me laugh.

Comment by Neil — June 22, 2007 #
If you’re gonna make out with chicks, do me a favor and take video footage, eh?

Comment by Karl — June 23, 2007 #
I totally love your hair… in a non-gay kinda way. :)

Comment by sue — June 23, 2007 #
would you rathe have sex with a dick or a chick?

Comment by question girl — June 23, 2007 #
A good friend of mine didn’t realize she was a lesbian until well into her mid-40s. had never ever crossed her mind before that she might be. she had been married … had children … got divorced … met another wonderful woman and ended up falling in love and have so far, lived happily ever after.

Comment by Brrrr — June 23, 2007 #
Patty- meow! ;)
Kerry- Inquiring minds want to know.
Bully- I agree about women being safe and I feel incredibly lucky that many of my closest female friends identify as gay.
Rick- in case there were any doubts!
Hilly- hushyamouth! heh, I enjoyed myself. ;)
LSL- it’s because I licked you, isn’t it? heehee.
Dawn- you gotta hear the whole Cho bit- check it out!
Mel- why thank you. :)
Neil- I’m not sure how I should take that (seeing as how you have met me AND touched my ass).
Karl- will do.
Sue- you made me spit out my tea.
Question Girl- gee, you cut right too it. Like I said, I like the fellas.
Brr- this is very true and I have friends that have had that similar experience. I’m open to whatever is true for me, at whatever time.

Love is love is love, people. That’s how I see it.

Comment by sizzlesays — June 23, 2007 #
heh. how many times have we had this conversation?

;)

Comment by jenny — June 23, 2007 #
Exactly what Lefty said.

Plus I could so totally imagine that. (maybe it is the plethera of you and girl photos?) I bet you would be a great lesbian. (I would! ;)

Comment by g-man — June 23, 2007 #
I suppose you could be a lesbian without knowing it. I suppose I could be gay without knowing it. I supposed I could really hate boobs and butts without knowing it. And not really love women … um. No. I’d probably know it. :)

Comment by Dan — June 23, 2007 #
What sort of dolt asks a question like that? And who the hell cares what the answer is? Ok maybe they care if they want you. Then again, who doesn’t want you, Siz? There isn’t anybody I know who wouldn’t want to ravish you and your sizzlieness.

Did I just say too much? Ooooops. Oh well. Have a great weekend.

TAG

Comment by TAG — June 23, 2007 #
I don’t know, if you are quoting Margaret Cho perhaps you are a lesbian. Then there is your choice of neighborhoods and the cats. Perhaps everyone just wants the Super Sexy Sizzle playing for their team.

Comment by kim — June 23, 2007 #
That is very interesting. I think by now you would know if you actually were gay. I believe there is a huge scale of gayness (for lack of a better word here) and we all fall somewhere on it. I like guys, but for the right person believe I could fall in love with a woman. I have never dated a woman, and so far have not been attracted enough to any women to do anything about it but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. I mean except that I am married, and that it wouldn’t be cool to seek out ANY other relationships regardless of man or woman. I sleep with women in my dreams all the time though because I can cheat all I want there with both men and women.

My sister in law has short hair and is pretty secure with herself and strong and gets the question all the time too. It is sort of a joke between us all now. If she were gay, good for her and I get what you are saying about if you were gay, you would be gay. That’s what she says too. She sometimes wishes she were because of all the comments and questions…she said it might be easier for her to find someone if she were.

Comment by tori — June 24, 2007 #
Funny! I always admire short hair (especially your cute, sassy cut) and wish I could pull it off. Don’t have the face for it. Now I’m wondering if that makes me a lesbo too?

Comment by Lisa — June 24, 2007 #
My mom jokingly asked me if I was gay the other day simply because I knew when Victoria’s Secret’s semi annual lingerie sale was. I told her it had nothing to do with being gay at all. She asked me how I figured that. I said, “duh, women in lingerie on TV… us guys pay attention.”

Comment by kapgar — June 25, 2007 #
Ha! Maybe it is the short hair – I used to get “Lesbian?” questions when mine was uber short… of course I could never quite rock the short sassy haircut like you rock it!

Comment by Bre — June 25, 2007 #
After having gone to the roller derby on Saturday night, I cannot imagine how people would think your short style would constitute being a lesbian. Way different…

Comment by Becky — June 25, 2007 #
Your lack of lesbian-ness gives single older guys like me hope that there are others.

Comment by Anthony S. — June 25, 2007 #
i have a lot of friends who contain both sexual orientations (read into that what you will) and you, my friend are not gay.

you know what you like and you just haven’t found it yet! no need to call in question your sexuality.

i guess i’m sensitive on this subject since, this question has been posed quite a few times to me.

Comment by gorillabuns — June 25, 2007 #
I never got a gay vibe. Of course, we’ve never met so I only have the internet to go by. However, I just love Margaret Cho’s bit, so that part of the post made me laugh for like 10 minutes.

Comment by aimee/greeblemonkey — June 26, 2007 #
I can say with some certainty that you are definitely not a Lesbian as you have never ever hit on me and the only possible explanation for such a social fau paux is that you are freakishly straight. it saddens me, of course, greatly.

Comment by Jules — July 2, 2007 #