No Secret Identity Here

July 17, 2007 at 7:01 am | In my neurosis | 34 Comments

“I read your blog.”

I’ve heard this a lot lately from unlikely sources. There’s this part of me that goes, “Oh God what have I said?! Have I said anything offensive?!” And then this other part of me chimes in saying, “It’s your fucking blog. Say whatever the hell you want. (But really do you have to swear so much? You’re such a broad.)”

Originally this blog was supposed to be a way to keep in touch with far away friends and family – people who know me in “real life.” But now, years later, more people who have never met me in person read this blog than people who have. I know there are plenty of people out there who read and don’t comment. I track my stats and wonder who many of you are. Have I met you? Did you google me? And why am I so popular in Illinois?

Sometimes I censor myself. I can’t share everything about my life mostly out of courtesy for the people I love (though they are forewarned that anything goes as far as blog fodder- particularly if it is just too funny to pass up) and sometimes out of my own self-protection. When I think back on some of the stuff I have shared here I realize that anyone could discover some pretty private stuff about me. If I think about it too much, I feel too exposed. While I’ve never felt anything but totally accepted here (thank you) it makes me think twice about what I say. . .

I will admit that the vlog Tomato and I did gave me pause. Suddenly I am three dimensional, with a voice and hand gestures and a throw-back-your-head laugh. You SEE me. I felt like I gave up a bit of my mystique. Or was I fooling myself all along that I even had a mystique? I started to wonder if seeing me like that made me too human, too real. Was it better to keep it just to snapshots and words typed?

I’m lucky in the sense that no one has ever said, “I read your blog. . . It sucks.” It’s more like, “I read your blog. . .You’re a really good writer.” And then I blush. And then I wonder -Do I blog for me or for my audience?

What do you do?

“The catch 22s are all catching up with you/They’re laying all over the middle ground/You were walking on to avoid ‘em and it’s too late to turn around/On the corner of Morisson there’s a shop that sells bracelets and little glass ornaments/Looking in you can feel the magic and wait out the days” -Wait Out The Days, Rocky Votolato

34 Comments »

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I read you because you rock. :)

Comment by sandra — July 17, 2007 #
I blog for theraputic reasons and to entertain as well. I love reading your blog and do so every day. Keep up the good work girl.

Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — July 17, 2007 #
i have come to decide it is 50-50. i write for the audience at times, but at others i say suck it – this for me.

Comment by ammanners — July 17, 2007 #
I always say something comedic like, “uh oh – then you know way more about me than you should!”. I get a lot of people saying that because somehow people that work with Shawn or at companies that he is associated with have stumbled upon my blog. Those are actually easier than ex co-workers who bring up something I blogged about casually and shit!

Comment by Hilly — July 17, 2007 #
I read you because:

You write well.
You’re witty.
You are honest.
You don’t hold back.
You write for you. It’s very cathartic.

And now, that I’ve heard your voice on Baub’s vlog, when I read your blog I can almost see you throwing your head back and laughing.

Oh, and one more thing – some of your issues are also my issues. So the commonality is a hook too.

Comment by teebopop — July 17, 2007 #
I blog for both. In my first post, I wrestled with how 1- you write for yourself, but 2- you also write just hoping that someone else will come along and be interested enough in what you have to say to keep on reading. I don’t remember how I found you, but I do remember what was there- a tampon, a helmet and a hot dog down a hallway, if I remember correctly? Any otherwise normal lady with a sense of humor like mine is a keeper!

Comment by Carissa Ciuca — July 17, 2007 #
I think most everyone starts just for themselves. Maybe with an idea that people might read. I know that was me, anyway. Now that people read AND comment, I’m just amazed. I expected to write, I expected to read the sites of others but I never expected to have this cool little “community.” It’s really a wonderful and unique thing.

Comment by justrun — July 17, 2007 #
When I HAVE an audience, I’ll let you know… ;)

Hey, as long as we don’t know your name, you’re still mysterious!

Comment by LVGurl — July 17, 2007 #
i blog for me. It is how I process. I read you ’cause you are so freakn’ cool. I wish I could be cool like you.

The audience? Icing on the cake?

Comment by esmerelda — July 17, 2007 #
I meant CAKE!!

Comment by esmerelda — July 17, 2007 #
I loved the vlog! It was so fun to watch two good friends crack each other up.

I met someone this weekend who has a blog that is so much better than mine. She writes better, has better photos, hell she even dresses better (I did met her in person). Then I started reading Mortified, I think my blog is the middle school writings on a 30 something. Oh NO! :)

My point is I think we are our worst critics. Write what you feel and everything else will fall into place. Keep up the blog, I don’t know what I would do it I didn’t have my daily Sizzle.

Comment by hotpinksox — July 17, 2007 #
I just started reading your blog because of a true confession you made about facial hair plucking at Hilly’s confession booth. I totally agree.

I think I write my blog about 50% therapeutic, 25% keep friends up to date with my life, and the other 25% is perhaps for entertainment purposes. But that depends how much in need of therapy I am at the time, and how much stuff is going on in my life.

Comment by Fluffycat — July 17, 2007 #
I read your blog because I can tell I would like you.

I write a blog myself because it’s fun, it’s therapeutic and helps me write down (and remember!) all the great stuff Declan is up too.

Comment by aimee/greeblemonkey — July 17, 2007 #
I read you because I like to! hehe

Does it bother you that people read (or lurk/stalk as some put it) and never comment? We have tons that just read…. but never say a word. Doesnt bother us in the least!

Comment by Kerry — July 17, 2007 #
I think about such things quite a bit. When I started blogging, and there were only a handful of readers, I blogged mostly for myself. But now, with more readers and commenters and knowing certain people read my blog, I probably blog more for an audience, and I hold back from blogging certain things.

I miss writing like no one is reading, but it’s hard to find the way back there.

Comment by Bone — July 17, 2007 #
I used to blog for my friends – inside jokes and other boring things… then I started blogging for me and (hopefully) still do! I have become more private though, especially after a reader “bumped into me” … it really freaked me out!

Comment by Bre — July 17, 2007 #
I’ve been hearing that lately too and it’s always very unexpected. Thankfully they quickly add “it’s very funny!”, so I figure I’m in the clear. But yes, I too censor what I write, and sometimes I write more for the audience than I do for myself (I keep a journal for that purpose). I read your blog every day, it’s one of my favorites! Besides being an awesome writer, you are also very open and honest. I usually identify with what you share, and some times I wish I could be closer just to give a hug and help you feel better. Other times I just laugh, you’re funny! ; )

Comment by Jen — July 17, 2007 #
I think everyone blogs more often due to having an audience however big. Maybe keeps the drive alive??

dig reading your memoires!

Comment by little miss mel — July 17, 2007 #
i started by first reading my friends blogs… and then i starting writing my own as a catharic outpouring because my friends were just not getting me….

this past year i went thru a lot, and the fact that you and others were an audience who provided supportive feedback was an added bonus…

i do keep my blog private – none of my IRL friends actually know about it… but i also blog privatly because, as a teacher, you just have to be careful – and if i was public, i couldn’t write the way i do or about some of the things i write about….

a double added bonus was finding your blog, among others, and realizing that you were a kindred spirit – in many ways we are alike…. and it is nice to know that there are others out there who get me

Comment by question girl — July 17, 2007 #
I blog. Therefor, I am.

Comment by onegrumpybunny — July 17, 2007 #
I hide.
I’ve revealed my first name, in the past, but stick with Meghan mostly.
I never post pictures of myself (unless it’s as a child) and never give information that I feel would let someone else track me down.

On the other hand, my blog readers probably know more about me than most anyone in my life. I reveal secrets there that I would never tell anyone I know.

I admire your openness. I would even say I’m a bit jealous of it.

Comment by Meghan — July 17, 2007 #
I’ve been a lurker for a while – bad me!

I read your blog because you’re an excellent writer and do a great job of expressing your feelings to those of us that don’t even know you!

I just started blogging and I’d say at the moment I blog because I like writing and because it’s therapeutic. I don’t go into a lot of gory details yet, but even skimming the surface of issues seems to help.

Keep up the good work! :)

Comment by Megan — July 17, 2007 #
I’ve met you in person, so you’re 4-dimensional to me!

Comment by Dave2 — July 17, 2007 #
I started my blog because I wanted to find a way to write stories about my family and my growing up to leave for me kids. And my daughter talked me into a blog. Originally, it was just for me and her. But now I’ve met so many others and have “blog” friends – it’s pretty cool. However, must be something about Illinois – that is where a lot of my hits come from too!

Comment by Sandi — July 17, 2007 #
I too started my blog with people who know me in mind. Which has turned out to be a blessing and a curse. THEY are usually the ones who make me hold back – not the people I haven’t met.

I blog (MOSTLY) for myself, but sometimes the people who may be reading stop me from posting certain things.

Comment by Traveling Chica — July 17, 2007 #
I think most people start a blog for themselves. It’s just a happy coincidence that there are people out there who like what you write enough to comment on it.

I write for myself but I find that I write in such a way where I try and insert funny and witty into it so that people will enjoy it. I figure if people are reading anyways then I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting their time.

Comment by Airam — July 17, 2007 #
I have been reading you for about 2 years now…. Jenny Two Times sent me your link. I rarely comment anymore…. but I do find your words interesting to read you almost daily if I can swing it. I adore the photos of Finn. Anyways… for some reason I have a lurker from Thailand on my site too. Crazy. Today I is my 40th birthday. I had an amazing day with my family. Take care. Amy

Comment by Amy — July 17, 2007 #
That first sentence,”I read your blog.” Yikes! That would terrifying, for someone I know to say to me…or worse, for a stranger to look at my face one day and smile. Ooo, exposure.

You go to that place where you say, well, I haven’t said anything wrong or wierd, have I?? Have I? I hate to consider the ammunition that is out there, in our candid blogs! :-)

But yes, you are a DAMMM good writer. (A good person too, for a Broad!) You stay so cool, I wonder if I could.

Comment by Bully — July 17, 2007 #
I’ve only recently found your blog but I think it’s great :)

As for why I blog? Um… I’m a writer so any form of writing usually keeps me entertained. Like you, I started my blog for friends/family but it soon went off in it’s own direction. Now I blog because… ahh, I don’t know. I don’t think I know how not to blog anymore.

Comment by Ys — July 18, 2007 #
You’re popular in Illinois? I live in Illinois and I’m not popular here! What gives?!?!

Comment by kapgar — July 18, 2007 #
I just like stalkering you. ;) Hehehe!!

Seriously, you’re a great writer and we seem to share so many things in common you just sucked me in. I totally understand the “feeling exposed” though. I’ll share personal stuff on my blog, but if ya wanna know the real nitty gritty, it’s all verbal baby.

Comment by Lisa — July 18, 2007 #
People I know never read my blog.. people I know in person anyway. Only people I’ve met in the blogging world. I think they have to really be into blogging.

Comment by cynthiablue — July 18, 2007 #
I live in Illinois and I stalk you! I am apparently very popular in Michigan for some reason.

Comment by tori — July 18, 2007 #
I don’t remember how I found you, but when I did I caught a spark of what it was about you that made you so human. I’ve said this before, but you remind me so much of myself in so many ways that you really could be the little sis I never had. I’d be so proud to have you, too.

My blog? Well, I have always written as far back as I can remember. Sometimes it was for me, sometimes for an audience. Same way on the blog. Sometimes it is something I just have to get out and other times it is an answer to something that is out in the universe that I think needs my addressing. I like the idea that long after I’m gone, hopefully some of my words will still be around for my kids to see…one of those things I never had the opportunity to have with my mother (who passed when I was very small).

Comment by sue — July 23, 2007 #