Sizzle Says

Sizz: I got drunk on PBR & Jameson.

Streets (my pal and my hair stylist): You drink like a man.

Sizz: Damn straight.

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I capped off a long Thursday with a stop off at The Whiskey which means, PBRs and Jameson shots with The Mad Irishman. Which means, in layman’s terms, “hello sweet debauchery.” The Southern Bell couldn’t make it but Mad’s friend from Winnipeg, AC was there. When I arrived they were well into drunksville. Mad claiming a 4 on the drunk scale (10 being blotto) and AC precariously clinging to a 5. As the night wore on AC steadily climbed to a 10 and with that climb came an increase in how many times he hit on me. I believe his exact words were:

“I think you are a way rad girl.”

“We could go out for a seafood dinner. Sober.”

And at one point he said, “Because of you, I am going to pee in this toilet.” Those are the words of a drunk dude, for sure. For the record we weren’t at an actual toilet like he was going to show me how he pees in it. He was just on his way to the restroom. They had just told me the tale of when they got super drunk and AC pissed in the street. Oh yes, there is photographic evidence. I saw it on Mad’s phone.

Mad also tried to embarrass me by dragging me over to the DJ and introducing me, telling the guy that I “dig” him. This is a man who legally changed his name to Hubba and who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a mustache that curled up on the sides. Not that that doesn’t make him a terrific fella. He does good ink work as Mad’s right arm tattoo can attest. He just wasn’t my type. Apparently though, I was drunk enough to get talked into taking photos that may or may not be used as blackmail later on. And no, you can’t see them.

We capped the night off with some chicken shwarma because none of us had eaten any dinner. At the restaurant while we were waiting on our food AC proceeded to do push ups on the dirty floor and to dump ice cubes out of the machine into his mouth and then throw his head back spitting them up in the air to catch them. He was definitely past a 10 on the drunkenness scale. Back at Mad’s place, we scarfed the grub, drank some water and watched a little Rescue Me on the tube. I promptly fell asleep on the leather couch and woke up to them both looking at me. How unsexy of me.

I made it home in one piece though and am not drunk this morning. This is progress, people.

“Over the great blue oceans/And then over the cities filled with light/I know we’ll be together tomorrow/But I’ll dream of you tonight/The world gets quiet in an ordinary minute/In the middle of the afternoon/We cross the street in the course of a day/And our eyes fix miles away…/The bird on a windowsill, he sings like a bell/Like lonesome lovers do/I’m sure as ever now; I’m scared as hell/I’m coming home to you” – I’ll Dream of You Tonight, Hem