Sizzle Says

When you are not looking where you are going

Sometimes

You can slip on the black ice of hopelessness.

As you fall flat on the hard ground of reality

You realize too late you were hurried and harried and

Overly preoccupied with the maybes that make up your life.

Should have watched where you were going.

You pick yourself up, still startled and a bit shaken, and indefinitely

Bruised.

***********

Maybe if I spew some of this here, I will feel better. . .

1) I always thought I was good at leaving. The truth is I have lead feet when it comes to good-byes. I give too many chances to too many people. I am guilty of not listening to my own gut instincts.

2) I do not understand how I can be so direct in my professional life and yet seemingly incapable of saying what I want and need when it comes to my personal life.

3) I haven’t put any effort into my self-care in weeks. I’ve abandoned all the good work I was doing. Lately all I feel is anxious, angry, melancholy and ashamed. I feel like a big slob of a wallower. It is so not sexy.

4) I impose too many rules upon myself. I’m too structured and completely closed off. I push people away. I hide. I pretend I am ok when quite the opposite is true. I am afraid of being known. I am afraid of being known and then left.

5) I feel disconnected from my own heart.

6) I don’t know what is next but I know I need a next.

“And at closing time we’re a nickel and a dime/In the deep back pocket of America/Trying to find wings or something to carry you home/Right now you better make the best of your situation/Escape through a hole in the conversation/The sun comes up like a revelation and I’m so lonely without you…” -Sing Me To Sleep, Steve Tannen