Sizzle Says

I owe someone* a very big apology.

I’m sorry for not believing in you. You’re a good person but I made you feel like nothing you did was ever good enough.

I’m sorry for saying mean things to you. I said them out of fear which doesn’t excuse my behavior. All those negative things I’ve thrown at you all these years? I should have focused on the good. I should have been nicer to you.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most. I’ve watched you cry, lost in a feeling of hopelessness, seeking desperately for someone who would understand your sorrow. I was that person but instead I gave you the cold shoulder. It’s inexcusable.

I’m sorry that I didn’t call you on your passive aggressive behavior. You don’t want to act like that, I know. But you do and it doesn’t serve you. I should have been your ally. I should have called your bluff.

I’m sorry for not listening. You’ve tried to tell me the hidden meanings and explain your heart’s logic and I’ve turned a deaf ear. I thought I knew what was best. I’m controlling, I know, and it doesn’t help anyone (mostly you).

I’m sorry I never told you how beautiful you are. You are. Truly. It’s not about your body shape, your freckles, your stature. It’s you. Who you are inside that shines through. You are delicate and strong. People do notice you. I should have reminded you of that.

I’m sorry I was so hard on you. It’s ok to make mistakes. Really! But I was confused and thought if I just reminded you all the time about getting it right there would be less to fix in the long run. I was wrong. So wrong.

I’m so sorry your Dad died. That wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could. All these years you’ve lived in your regrets. You have to forgive yourself. Forgive you for being a kid and not knowing. It’s ok to miss him and to hurt.

I’m sorry I let you hide. You have so much to offer the world. Hiding is not an option. You belong out in the thick of it. People need to know you, who you really are.

I’m sorry it took so long for me to say these things to you. I’d like to make it up to you somehow, starting right now.

*That someone is me.

“He is inside you, he loved your marrow/you think you could cut him out with a knife/if you went deep enough/I don’t think so/maybe sing him back to living/’cause he might rise like a snake in a basket/or he may close his eyes/and wait till his life is a full-fledged casket, floating on/a river of tangled string. . . /you are unraveling/and no one else seems to mind/you keep it to yourself, stay numb and act fine/you wear the truth under your sole, like a pebble/it makes you limp and sway/but it will out someday.…” -Unraveling, Deb Talan