Sizzle Says

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1. 

   you are not alone, when it comes to this subject - i think many of us have thought “this relationship is too good to be true” or “why is it so easy” or even “i don’t deserve this”… my therapist used to tell me that the more i worry about the unknown and stuff i can’t control - the less i am going to enjoy the here and now… made sense…

   it takes a lot of work to just sit back, and enjoy what’s going on w/out thinking you need to ‘fix’ something… and maybe once you get to that place, where you don’t think that anymore, you will have found mr. right… :o)

   Comment by jodi — October 16, 2007 #

2. 

   Wow. You know, that is how I always felt and I think that was one of the things that was so hard to accept when I met my current husband. He loved me for ME… and there really wasn’t anything I needed to fix about him. I was wounded, damaged goods, but he saw past that and boosted my self-confidence. He saw through it all and realized what was at the core of me. You too will have that someday… you just have to realize you ARE good enough to have it…but it isn’t always easy to get to that point.

   Comment by sue — October 16, 2007 #

3. 

   Real life. Real questions. Real unknowns. Jodi is right in telling you you’re not alone. Have you considered therapy? I’ve always been an advocate of it … everyday people sometimes need another unobstructed, unbiased point of view. I saw a therapist years ago for a number of months and the lessons learned from those sessions are things I still carry with me to this day.

   Comment by Nilsa S. — October 16, 2007 #

4. 

   I think every unhealthy relationship takes its toll. The longer it lasts, the more “unhealthy” becomes our “normal.” And then it’s a little harder the next time we’re presented with a healthy relationship. At least that’s how it has been in my case.

   *hugs*

   Comment by Bone — October 16, 2007 #

5. 

   “…Why else would someone need me or love me?”

   Holy CRAAP. Does that sound familiar! Oh Sizzle, why can I appreciate and love that about you so much? Why do I have so much compassion for you, and so little for myself? Why can I see this is true, and yet, continue on my way of thinking “not good enough, so just why even try”?
   *sigh*

   I can see your worth, and your beauty and all that good stuff, but maybe the trouble is in believing I have it too. Maybe your trouble is, you knowing you have it too, and you really truly are enough. I guess it’s letting go of the rescue-complex, or the feeling like you have to be a “princess” in order to deserve the perceived-prince. Sometimes, princes fall in love with people like Cinderella…and we all know, she was simply a noblewoman in disguise!

   I think you are a Cinderella. yup. *Hugs*

   Comment by Bully — October 16, 2007 #

6. 

   Ah, I do know this feeling. And likewise, when there’s less to fix about me. Will I be interesting enough if I’m just happy? If I’m just okay with who I am? You are right.
   It is a release… and I hope yours feels good and right when you get there.

   Comment by justrun — October 16, 2007 #

7. 

   My deeply held belief: it’s not love unless there’s beer.

   Comment by Lefty — October 16, 2007 #

8. 

   Why would this guy like me? … I’m useless. He’ll see I’m boring/not worth dating/blah blah blah.

   Want to write my autobiography for me? No wait, any book about me will be boring and no one will want to read it anyway.

   I have those thoughts and feelings all the time. And while part of me thinks “No man has proved them wrong yet,” I also sometimes wonder if that’s because I haven’t LET one do so?

   Comment by TC — October 16, 2007 #

9. 

   I think my biggest problem is that I’m always looking over my shoulder to be sure that this guy really is saying all these lovely things to me and that he doesn’t mean someone else - a heard truth to accept!

   Comment by Bre — October 16, 2007 #

10. 

    I can completely relate to this post with my current relationship with Ted. I think part of it’s because of the way we grew up with alcoholic parents — we’re so used to the chaos and unpredictability that when things are calm and “normal,” we’re just not quite sure what to do with ourselves. We question it, rather than embracing it. Each day that goes by helps for me to just get over that fear, but I don’t know if I ever will, but at least it gets a little easier to believe in us.

    Comment by Becky — October 16, 2007 #

11. 

    I don’t think most men would waste time on a woman they don’t find interesting or lovely in one way or the other, so yes…let that “truth” go.

    My truth is that when I find someone that intriguing, I wonder…okay, what’s REALLY wrong with them?

    Comment by Hilly — October 16, 2007 #

12. 

    I wonder if it’s our womanness that makes us want to fix things?

    Comment by Dawn — October 16, 2007 #

13. 

    It’s funny how when things are going well and there is no drama to speak of people question what’s wrong with it!

    Comment by Airam — October 16, 2007 #

14. 

    Wow. Very powerful post. I had almost the opposite problem. For years, I couldn’t hold a relationship if I didn’t think I was needed in some way by the other person. I didn’t believe someone could love me for me and not for what I would bring to the relationship. People became my “projects.” Like you, once I recognized the error in my thinking, I could work toward correcting it. Not easy, but you can do it!

    Comment by Diane Mandy — October 16, 2007 #

15. 

    It’s a long hard road sister. One foot in front of the other. :)

    Comment by aimee/greeblemonkey — October 16, 2007 #

16. 

    Why would this guy like me? and What on earth will I DO with myself if he doesn’t need me to fix anything? I’m useless. He’ll see I’m boring/not worth dating/blah blah blah. It’s such crap!

    Unfortunately it’s worse than crap. Because sometimes us men mistake your neurosis or need to fix something, as a need to fix us! Giving us a faulty belief that were broken (and yes some of us are). A self fulfilling prophecy if you will. It’s odd how us humans seem to cross contaminate each other with our dis empowering beliefs. Luckily the reverse cures this ill. It just takes more time and patience than we care to put in.

    And I agree with lefty, provided Pizza is included!

    Comment by mumbly — October 17, 2007 #

17. 

    “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

    - Rumi

    Comment by AppleTree — October 17, 2007 #

18. 

    um. stop. being. in. my. head.

    :)

    growth, yeah…it’s good stuff.

    Comment by jenny — October 17, 2007 #

19. 

    That was extremely insightful. I think your big hurdle is that you are such a giving person that “being there for others” is a central part of your personality. You need to separate who you naturally from some unhealthy patterns in relationships. You are good enough to have a relationship with someone who is your equal and doesn’t need fixing.

    Comment by Neil — October 17, 2007 #

20. 

    [...] (Take 2) October 25, 2007 Filed under: love, my neurosis — sizzlesays @ 7:45 am Another one of the truths I’ve held close is: Men [...]

    Pingback by Releasing (Take 2) « Sizzle Says — October 25, 2007 #

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