Chilling, and I also think true. I think we have a hard time with using “no” because we don’t want to be seen as bad or not nice or whatever… but I think the more we tell stories like this, the more we encourage the generation behind us to learn how to use “no.” And mean it.

Oh, and btw? You’re not stupid, stupid Sizz… you learned from it.

Thank you for telling your stories and participating in such a good cause.

That’s why I “fuck off” at the drop of a hat. And I’m sure I’ve missed out on sex because of it. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to be that guy, or anywhere close to him.

I understand what you are saying, and I am all for going with the gut and doing what one feels safest with. However, I look at it a bit differently than you are. I feel we can never know how a situation will turn out or would have turned out–either better or worse–if we behaved a different way. Women who have done what many people think are all the “right things” have been raped. Women who have repeatedly done what others think are “foolish behaviors” have never been raped. There is no predictor for what behavior will make you safe or unsafe. In fact, many women will blame diametrically conflicting things for their rape–being too pretty and feminine vs. being too butch. Being too flirty vs. being too disinterested. Being too trusting vs. being too bitchily rejecting. It seems we’re so willing to label ANYTHING we do as a “NOT SMART” behavior.

I think it’s important to understand there IS no “right thing.” Assault situations are never “completely obvious,” when people are in the middle of them. That’s why they happen–the signals are conflicting and ambiguous. So looking back on a situation when you were confused or scared or unsure or being pushed or manipulated–and then comparing it to what you’d do or notice as “obvious” when you’re NOT under those conditions–well, I don’t think there’s a comparison, nor do I think the comparison is productive to our healing from the situation. Your brain sometimes can NOT think that way under such traumatic scenarios.

Sizzle had just as good–or better–a chance that the guy would turn out to be a decent human being than a potential rapist. Most guys are decent human beings. Her choice was just what it was. So was your choice in your situation. And so was mine, in mine. It wasn’t smart or dumb. It was simply the best you could do in a confusing situation.

I’m only trying to clarify so that as women, we may be vigilant in protecting ourselves. There are so so so many creeps out there, we HAVE to take responsibility in making smart choices… it could mean all the difference in the situations we find ourselves in.