No Wonder « Sizzle Says

No Wonder

May 5, 2008 at 6:41 am | In everyday frustrations, processing, the super |

It’s not like it’s a revelation but yesterday, while attending the “Opening to Your Calling” workshop, I realized that for months I have been working pretty much non-stop. Both of my jobs require me to manage people and so much of my time is taken up doing just that, it is no wonder I have about 5 minutes a day to focus on me. This is the first thing that must change.

I’m tired of feeling like an empty well. I’m giving so much to my jobs that I’m at the point where I am just shutting down on the people who matter the most to me. Including myself. I haven’t been exercising or eating particularly well or reading for more than 5 minutes before I fall asleep. I’m checked out. I’m unenthusiastic about the tasks before me. I’m buried in overwhelm. I don’t want to live like this.

I’m at a place in my life where I don’t want my career/my job(s) to take center stage. I want to find fulfillment in what I do but I don’t want it to own me. I want time to sit still. I want time to be. I want time to explore. My jobs do not come first and yet, lately, I’ve felt like they own me. I really want to strengthen my boundaries and learn to prioritize what is most important to me- self-care, time with loved ones, some peace- with what is required of me. I don’t regret taking the apartment manager gig it’s just that I didn’t realize that in doing the job well, it would be so constant. It’s just not in my nature to sit on my ass when I know that there are things that need to be done. I’ve started mapping out a schedule for the apartment maintenance and I’ve made a firm commitment internally to not answer every call that comes in, especially when I am at work. I can call them back on a break or when I get home. Not everything it is an emergency.

I’ve been trying to look at too many things at once. From now on, it’s one thing at a time. It’s either that, or my sanity. And frankly, what little I have left I’d rather hold onto.

“Well we dig our heels in/And wonder who’s gonna win/Who is gonna win it or wear it out/I change the lock on the door/Or learn how to take a little more/I can outrun all of the devils there/But never the doubt/Try not to throw all your money into 20/20 vision/For the world won’t wait on politics or indecision/Oh baby don’t you know that the/Time will do the talking/Years will do the walking/I’ll just find a comfy spot and wait it out/Time will do the talking/Years will do the walking/Time will tell you baby what you can’t hear now. . .” -Time Will Do the Talking, Patty Griffin

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Sizzle,

Work/Life balance is so hard and I can’t even imagine going home wherein home is also work. I struggled for years trying to have my job not own me - the hubs pointed it out one day that I was living to work not working to live.

Anyway, evenually I got out of management even with the hefty paycheck it wasn’t worth what it was doing to me.

I hope you have luck setting boundaries for yourself. I think that is definetly the first step to recovery :)

Comment by Kandace — May 5, 2008 #
Girl, I feel you with this post. Years ago, I made a very specific decision not to pursue the fast track at work. Not because I couldn’t do it. But, because having a balanced life between work and play was important to me. These days, I’ve even found myself cutting back from some voluntary commitments to continue to give myself that necessary balance. And all I can say is … it’s worth it! If you can find a way to balance your jobs with everything else in your life, you’ll find it’s so much more enjoyable - living in the moment. My only advice is practice saying, “no” because it will help you achieve that balance.

Comment by Nilsa S. — May 5, 2008 #
I am so in favor of the work/life balance, which sounds so obvious. But I try my very hardest to not let work interfere with me and my life.

Comment by ammanners — May 5, 2008 #
Those are some great realizations Sizz. I’m glad you’re taking the necessary steps to take care of you!

Comment by alissa — May 5, 2008 #
Good for you for taking the healthy way out. I’ve come to realize that the more available you are to people, the more they abuse your availability. Having a set schedule to tend to your needs as well as to everyone else’s is a very smart move.

Comment by Jen — May 5, 2008 #
YAY YOU! Sounds like that workshop did it’s job.

Comment by Tracy Lynn — May 5, 2008 #
I struggle with this a lot. I have one job, but it spills over into every part of my life. I get regular phone calls on the weekend, and often those lead to me running out to fix things. Even when they aren’t bothering me, I find myself dreaming about my task list.
I’ve seen building managers have “office hours.” I don’t think I could handle people interrupting my personal time at any time… and I certainly wouldn’t want to keep my bra on all of the time!

It was great meeting you. Finn is even more adorable in person.

Comment by kim — May 5, 2008 #
I agree that balancing work and life is so hard. Especially when work isn’t your perfect ideal dream-job. Not that it doesn’t have its perks, but still.

I hope things balance out the way you want them!

Comment by Kyra — May 5, 2008 #
It sounds like you have been seriously overwhelmed. With a new plan in place, things will get better. Change brings change and that’s not always a bad thing!

Comment by Vanessa — May 5, 2008 #
Self care is very important. I hope you get some soon..

Comment by hotpinksox — May 5, 2008 #
With everything you have to do it’s no wonder you don’t have time to just breath anymore. It’s so important to find that right balance where work doesn’t take over your life because it shouldn’t. Nor should it be your life. And saying “no” to people is hard (at least for me) but with practice you can get really good at it (I’m still practicing myself). I hope things calm down for you soon. Sending you more hugs.

Comment by Marie — May 5, 2008 #
So what’s the game plan? Because in order to really make it work, you need a game plan. Otherwise it’s just talk right? (Or maybe that’s only in my world.)

Comment by TC — May 5, 2008 #
I had to do the same thing with taking care of job #2 while at job #1 - everything does not need to be johnny on the spot - it’s part of perfectionism rearing it’s ugly head. I’m so glad you have identified this and are going to work towards change. Awesome.

Comment by Foo — May 5, 2008 #
Go YOU!! Put yourself first, and the rest will follow.

xoxo

Comment by Angella — May 5, 2008 #
Well said Sizzle!

First….You need to put YOU first!! Otherwise…what are you working so hard all for? Just to pay bills? That’s no way to live.

Second…Do like you said and let the machine get it. Handle the emergencies first and then handle all other requests in the order in which they came in.

Third….go make yourself a vodka/cherry slurpee, put your feet up and chill girlfriend because it’s all good! Life has a way of working out. It’s how you handle what life’s throws you that really matters. The world will not end if you have to tell someone no or that it will be taken care of tomorrow.

=)

Comment by justduckie73 — May 5, 2008 #
“Not everything it is an emergency”
Thank you for the much-needed reminder. Glad to hear the workshop was good for you. Best wishes in your struggle for balance–I hope I can learn from you!

Comment by diane — May 5, 2008 #
I emotionally/mentally quit my job every five minutes. It is so hard that I feel like it is my job or my sanity! Damn paycheck dependence!

Comment by skyzi — May 5, 2008 #
After the life I’ve lived, I’ve worked really hard to put my career 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th (which is kinda ironic - working to make work less important, unless that’s just me that sees the humor in it). ;-)

I say make a list of the priorities in your life and then treat each priority as importantly as you ranked them.

Comment by Michael C — May 5, 2008 #
Oh Sizzle darling, you definitely must find balance to kep your sanity. Good luck with that because you really need to find some “you” time.

Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — May 5, 2008 #
good for you. i try to schedule an hour a day of pure me-time. narcissistic? maybe. but oh so necessary!

Comment by Robin — May 5, 2008 #
Clarifying what you really want is the first step, right? :) Kudos to you.

Comment by Mel Heth — May 5, 2008 #
I suck at it too if it’s any consolation. It’s hard to turn it off sometimes especially when you are expected to be always on.

Comment by Nat — May 5, 2008 #
We need to find a way to make money per word we write on our blog without writing all day about deoderant or rice krispies. Then we’ll be rich inside and out.

Comment by Black Belt Mama — May 5, 2008 #
As someone who has recently seen the home/work lines blur a whole lot, I empathize. It is so much of and yet not at all what I’d expected.
I cannot imagine the balancing you must do now with managing the building. I don’t know what the answer is to balance, but I think it might involve drinking. (It did for me tonight.)

Comment by justrun — May 5, 2008 #
Sometimes I wonder if, regardless of the job you have, it is possible to have a work/life balance? I think realizing that you don’t have the amount of balance you want is a great step, and doing as you are with making internal commitments to yourself is a step further than most people get. So keep following through on these things and I bet it will make it easier to handle the jobs until you figure out how to win the lottery and only have to worry about a life balance :)

Comment by Sitcomgirl — May 5, 2008 #
I know you have a lot of other people and issues to take care of, but you need to take care of yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s self-preservation.

Comment by Melissa — May 6, 2008 #
I was wondering when it would start to take a toll. Double duty is so hard. Hugs, chica.

Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey — May 6, 2008 #
Pretty much what everyone else said. Don’t answer the phone especially at work #1. Also, if people know they can take advantage of you, they will. Don’t give them the opportunity. Be a hard-ass.

Comment by gorillabuns — May 7, 2008 #