Full Disclosure

This might come as a shock to some of you but I thought I should clear up any misconceptions. . . I am not thin. Ok, so, maybe that’s not a newsflash. But honestly, I just want to set the record straight because I am not actively trying to deceive you. Most of the photos on my blog are self-portraits and since I can’t quite ever remember how to set my digital camera timer, the shots are from the shoulders up. And I just so happen to not carry weight in my face.

I’ve had some of you approach me and ask why I might share a fat acceptance post via Google Reader or how I lost weight, etc. I know many of you are fairly new here so you haven’t had to read my numerous posts where I struggle to come to terms with my body. The truth is, I have always been chubby and by societal standards (and my own), I am overweight. Some medical doctors might refer to me as obese. I am short and I am heavy and that’s pretty much how it’s always been save those 3 years when I was 23-26 years old when I was a between a size 9-12. Yes, a size 9 was me at my thinnest. For some of you, maybe a size 9 is your heaviest.

Variety is the spice of life, right?

The other day The Fella and I stopped into a local cupcake shop. They had shirts for sale that said fun things like, “Show me your cupcakes” and “Legalize Frostitution” (my personal favorite). When we got to the front of the line, The Fella asked the counter girl what sizes the frostitution shirt came in- they only came in s to xl in girlie t-shirt sizes. I waved away The Fella’s sweet offer to buy me one, knowing that the xl in a girlie T would never fit me. What that ultimately feels like is: I don’t fit. I don’t fit in the world somehow. And I felt a deep sense of shame.

I spent the rest of the evening locked inside myself feeling like crap. Not because of the girlie T but because of all it represented about me, my worth, my own struggle to love what I look like regardless of what mass media says. Some days it is harder than others to like what I see in the mirror because as much as there are thousands upon thousands of women who look like me, we are not usually touted as “beautiful” in the media. Just go stand in a grocery line and check out the magazines or turn on the TV. It’s all over the place.

That brings me to the caricature of me in the header of this blog. It is very accurate in every way right down to the arch of my eyebrow except. . . I’m not that small. That plus the photos I share on here lead me to think that my readers will one day meet me in person and think, “Wow. She doesn’t look that big in her blog.” Maybe if TV adds pounds to a person, the internet takes them off? Either way, I don’t want there to be any surprises.

I don’t even know why I am writing this. Possibly self-preservation. If I say it first, it won’t hurt as much if/when someone says it to me. So much of me is here in this blog, in these words I write, I just wanted to be sure I was being authentic. I’m trying to accept my body. Part of my journey is honestly owning up to what it is.

I’m Sizzle and I’m a chubbette.

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88 thoughts on “Full Disclosure

  1. I love the word “chubbette.” My mom always used it describe those of us who are big and tall. I am big and tall, and for full disclosure’s sake, I’ll just say that today I weighed myself and the scale read 190. And you know, I’m OK with that.

    Can’t wait to meet you to tell you how fabulous you look – on the blog and in real life.

  2. I totally get this. When I’m on stage, I’m always fighting the urge to make a comment about my size before some stupid frat boy does. Its like I need them to know that I’m not under any illusion that I’m a size 2, and that I’m okay with it (which is totally debatable).

    I don’t know…I wish you didn’t feel like you needed to write this post.

  3. I was one of those people who didn’t realize you were a chubbette. You are blessed to not have the triple chin like myself.

    But I think we all love you no matter what. You are spunky and smart and sassy and all the other complimentary S words.

    And I can’t wait to bump boobies with you.

  4. wow, i was going to make a profound statement and am stuck on the comment above – bump boobies… that is like the best name for a band (or something) and it made me laugh but ANYWAY… i, too, don’t understand your need to post this about yourself… you are, who you are, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20 because SIZZLE RULES… there’s no need to justify the shoulder-up photos or the new image on the banner because this is YOUR blog… we love you and we love what you write so keep it up! :o)

  5. I think you are beautiful inside and out! The media and the world in general is hard on women.

    Thank you for sharing your struggles, even though it is hard to do so.

    You are amazing!

  6. Hi, I’m Hilly and I too am a chubbette.

    You know what? We chubbettes should ban together and create a store full of cute tees for us bigger girls. I hate the fact that if I want the “woman’s tee”, I can’t get it and end up having to get one made for dudes. I know, I could lose weight…but for now, I demand cute clothing.

    And cupcakes. Mmmm, you know how I feel about legalizing frostitution.

  7. Ugh, I just hate the damn Girly T’s. Look what they do to us!

    But, for serious- I think you are one fabulous lady. It doesn’t matter to me what size anyone is, what matters is their character and their inner-makeup.

    Geesh, I could write a trite little book for a coffee table.

  8. I hate it at work (sports/clothing store) when I have to be like, ‘Sorry, they don’t send us any bigger sizes.’ It sucks.

    Plus I think everyone edits their blog pictures like crazy. That’s why God invented Photoshop.

  9. You know I think you’re beautiful, inside, outside, right down to your red lipstick! (Down to? Maybe that should be up to?) You know what I mean ;o)

  10. Once again, your honesty amazes me. You are an incredible woman my friend. Thanks for putting yourself out there time and time again.

  11. Ms. Sizzle,
    First and foremost: you are adorable and gorgeous. And might I add smart as a whip. I personally hate what TV/Movies/Magazines/Ads what have you post on their pages or screens. They are most definitely NOT the norm and NOT what people should/should not look like. Screw them to hell for the images they try to assert onto society. As long as you are healthy, don’t worry about a thing. Because as previously mentioned, you are beautiful.

    And as for those damn, small girlie-Ts, it’s the fashion industry’s fault for not making them in a variety of sizes. Idiots. Snobs. Jerks. Is all what they are.

    *lots of hugs*
    Marie

    p.s. Just in case you are still in doubt, you are wicked awesome!

  12. I have nothing profound to say to this…just that I appreciate you being honest. I think all of us, even the “skinny” ones deal with body issues. It’s good to know that we’re not alone.

    And one day, when I do run into you, you’ll see what a huge nerd I am. So while the internet may take a few pounds off, it also allows some of us to hide our nerdiness.

  13. I’m sorry you feel like this on a regular basis or that you felt you had to disclose it to your readers. I think you have always been genuine in your portrayal of yourself. Besides, I’d excuse deceptive photos over deceptive personality any day.

    You are beautiful regardless of your size.

  14. As always, another very honest post. The honesty you display on your blog never ceases to amaze me actually.

    Oh, and I’m all for legalizing frostitution by the way.

  15. Writing about my body is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I can’t do it often. I guess what I’m saying is I know this was hard. But I think you’re right on in saying that somehow, wrestling with all the things you want or need to say AND the things you (we) feel like you have to say (for fear of what might be thought otherwise) is part of the process of accepting it. I don’t see that forest for it’s trees most days, but realizing it and working on it counts for a lot.

    For the record, I did not feel at all deceived by the illustration and it’s likeness to you. In fact, the one thing I did think other than “hey, that really does look just like her” is “I need a yellow umbrella.”

  16. Last summer I decided I HAD to have a t-shirt at a BB King concert. It said “Rock Me Baby” — how could I resist.

    When I asked if they had XL, they said yes but the young and undeniably skinny girl working the booth tried to convince me that I needed an L instead, telling me the XL would be “way too huge.”

    I bought the XL, which, when put on when I got home that night, fit something like a sausage casing.

    It happens every time I go shopping, which is why I tend to shop alone or with people of similar size. I get embarrassed to a point of shame when I shop with my husband of my sister.

    What the hell is wrong with us? What the hell is wrong with the society that feeds this sort of distortion?

    Thanks, as always for your candor. Always good to get a little push in the right direction. You’re beautiful and wonderful — don’t forget it.

  17. I would read and love you and your blog even if you were a size gazillion.

    Oh, and I am personally all about the internet taking off the pounds…a girl’s gotta take what she can get ;)

  18. Don’t you ever be ashamed or embarrassed for who you are. Fuck those who criticize, don’t they have better things to do. You rock! Don’t ever forget that.

  19. Speaking of the media, I “love” it when plus size clothing manufacturers have not-so-overweight women as their models. I mean, really — if you’re selling plus sized clothing to women who are interested in buying them, dontcha think you ought to have a realistic representation of those women in your catalogues and on your websites?

    (Pardon the rant!)

    But back to you and all your glory, and no matter what your clothing tags say, having never met you in my life and never having seen you in person, I think your style, beauty and “joi de vivre” are what really shine through on your blog and THAT would not change one little iota if you were larger or smaller.

    Those letters and numbers on your clothing tags have absolutely NO representation as to why people enjoy reading your blog.

    :O)

  20. There you go beating yourself up again. And there’s no need to! You are wonderful just the way you are!

    When I think of you as a whole person (instead of just head shots), your body dimensions don’t even enter into the equation.

    There’s a whole lot more to you than skin and size. You’ve GOT to know that by now.

    Seriously, Sizz? Knock it the frak off. You are beautiful.

  21. I find myself doing that a lot – only posting good pictures of myself, and I always wonder if people meet me in person and just go HOLY SHIT inside their heads. Because, for one thing, I am extremely short (4’10”) and also very heavy. As such, I just don’t take a lotta full-body pictures of myself… so most people would have no way of knowing that I am as heavy as I am and I’m sure its surprising. Or maybe not. I think some of my shoulders-up pictures hide quite a bit.

    Part of my (fat) problem is my lack of body issues. I have always been comfortable enough with who I am and so I am unmotivated to change. Which is bad. It really is.

  22. I think it is funny that you wrote this, but I understand too. I’ve had the dating situation where you meet someone and they are surprised that I’m not what I was in photographs… everyone is different and photographs differently. I think you are fine the way you are, whatever that might be, and don’t need to apologize or make excuses for it.

    I like the idea of the internet making us all thinner.

  23. I’ve always been slim, size 8 has been the fattest I’ve been in my life, and right now I’m dieting to go from being size 6 to 4 again. So I guess you would be right in saying “what the hell do you know?!”. But I do sympathize with you. I know how awkward and hard it is to feel different and left out (I’ve moved a lot in my days and lived in places I truly didn’t quite fit in, either because they were much more conservative that I was, or the other way around). I think though you are doing great. You have an awesome personality, an incredible smile, a huge heart and all the charm in the world to not only lift your spirits but also the spirits of those around you. Don’t worry Sizz, we are what we are, and we need to learn to love ourselves for who and what we are. I think you’re great no matter what size you wear, and I truly thought you looked great in the pictures of the last post! Keep smiling : )

  24. Thanks for writing this. (I tried to use the little trackback thingy, but it’s not showing up. Damn my non-caffeinated morning.)

  25. I think that you’re a pretty amazing person, and I wish I could have written something so eloquent. I’ve suffered (?) the same way you have, and I’m always afraid that people are going think “Wow, she’s a lot bigger than I thought she would be”, but I think the older I get, the more acceptance I garner. I know the mentality won’t ever fully go away, but I’m hoping it won’t always be at the forefront. You rock, chica. Hard core.

  26. Do you have any idea how excited I am that I get to actually MEET you this summer? None of that other stuff that worries you will even register. I just can’t wait to see your smiling face in person!

  27. I hope to meet you at blogher and hug ya! I know yr perfect just as you are. I love the new masthead- but mostly I love yr writing and humor- that is what you look to me- amazing! xo

  28. T-shirts…*sigh!* Don’t even get me started.

    Although I was encouraged by the fact that the last XXL shirt I bought from Gap wound up being WAY too big, and when I went to return it yesterday, I found an adorable cap-sleeve jacket-thingy that I wound up buying instead. XL fits perfectly. :)

    I wish there were more cute clothes for big girls. Because it would definitely make it easier to accept myself accordingly if there were. Instead I try to rationalize my eating habits/workout habits to a level that doesn’t make my head explode when I think about it.

    And now I’m going to go eat one of the choco chip cookies I bought at the cafeteria today, dammit. :)

  29. The media are a bunch of ass hats. Woman are always skinny and white men are always Kevin James or Ray Ramono dumb. I think thats why I don’t watch tv anymore. That and the sea of negativity. I know it sucks, but…… Maybe the best defense is a good offense. Meaning concentrate on those that love, honor, respect and admire you. Instead of being depressed because somebody doesn’t have your size in a stupid T-shirt. Type on over to Cafe Press and make your own T-shirt. Then laugh at them because you still got what you wanted or needed. Knowing you supported someone or in this case a business that respects your money.

  30. Have you noticed what’s missing from my blog. Photos of me? At my thinnest,I was a size 10. I’m about a size 12-14 (although with sizes now it doesn’t mean much.) Which I know is not ‘really’fat but I still feel that way. Sigh. (Posting photos of yourself in running gear does that.)

  31. I’m Ashleigh and I’m a chubette too!

    Just know that you are beautiful no matter what size pants you wear. See how many comments you get? People…make that a lot of people…obviously LOVE your personality and spunk. THAT is what counts. I’m a Marilyn Monroe fan. Most of the world think she’s beautiful. She posed for Play boy and she was a size 14!!! Models today have NO shape. They usually look hungry or like they have a stick up their ass.

    So I say…Feck what other’s think. There’s only one me in this world and I love me!! Jeez…I sound like Stuart Smalley from SNL BUT it’s true!!

    You truly rock Sizz!!

  32. One of the reasons I love the internet is because you can get to know the inside of someone before you know exactly what they look like. I think everyone has some sort of bias, and getting to know someone when you can’t see them makes it harder to let that influence your opinion if you ever do finally meet them.

    I have one daughter that is heavier and one daughter that is skinnier. Both are beautiful but I do notice that both of my daughter’s have issues with wishing they could be more normal sized. To that I always ask them what size “normal” is. Variety is the key to life, and if we all looked “normal” (which doesn’t even exist) how boring would that be? I think almost every woman has issues with their body, and a lot of that is because the people we see on tv and in magazines are not real. Even THEY don’t actually usually look like what we think they look like.

    It makes my heart hurt to think that this is something my daughters (and you) have to even think about. You are beautiful both inside and out, and that is what matters. That is what I always tell both my daughters (and my sons) too. Who you are is always so much more important than what you look like!

  33. P.S. I think it sucks that when I was wearing a size KIDS 16 three years ago because I was totally sick with cancer and went shopping with my SIL who shops at Lane Bryant, SHE was the one who felt like she was at an unhealthy weight. Seriously? A size 14 or whatever she was was MORE unhealthy than a 31 year old woman wearing kids size 16? This is what is wrong with the world today!

  34. Coming from a relatively slim gal I must say that the media’s evil tentacle get you no matter what you look like, or how thin you are. I’m not saying there isn’t a serious problem with the way we particularly view/treat so called “overweight” people, but that The Sickness infects even the tiniest of tiny. Unfortunately. And, as for me, someone who has been with a woman sexually, I seriously prefer some junk in the trunk and some padding then to knocking our knobby pelvic hip bones together-just a personal preference. Fuck main stream media, it fucking sucks big ass hairy bloated ballsage. Seriously. You’re hot. When we’re all 80, and just a mass of wrinkly bundles, we’ll be cursing ourselves for being so hard on ourselves, I’m sure.

  35. This is a wonderful, wonderful post.

    I think the Internet easily lends itself to portraying “idealized” images of ourselves, whether it’s physical or mental or social. I don’t think there’s a single woman who doesn’t struggle in some sense.

    But who wants idealized? And who’s to say what’s ideal? I appreciate, I look for genuine and truthy – that’s what I find ideal. So thank you for that.

  36. i love, love, LOVE this design! i have been reading you on my reader. definitely glad i stopped by today – and who cares if you are “not that small”. I wouldn’t want to be three inches tall.

    and size nine is not that big!! good god, we kill ourselves to be kate moss and nicole richie –

    one of whom i saw in rehab… and trust me: don’t compare your outsides to someone else’s insides.

    seriously.

  37. You know what absolutely amazes me, Mizz Sizzle? I’ve been reading you for a while here. And you’re right, you haven’t ever lied about your size. Or your self-image. But those posts? About your weight, in particular? Are like 0.01% of what you write about. And the rest? Well, what you do and what a gaggle of size two’s do … it’s all the same. You struggle with your jobs and balance and boys and friends and family and the list goes on. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING. And what’s so wonderful to me is, I think you’re pretty damn fabulous. Which has absolutely nothing and absolutely everything to do with that stupid number spouting stupid things from the stupid scale. ((HUGS))

  38. As a woman who has lived in the Have-Another-Donut range of sizes, I can honestly say that I want to wear what everyone else is wearing, just in my size. Why is that so hard for manufacturers to understand?

    And what you don’t tell people is that you are also tiny and cute, with an excellent sense of fashion and humor.

  39. Oh, I can relate in a lot of ways, but I never liked my body even when I *was* thin. (I had no idea how thin I was, to be honest.)

    So now, as I struggle to lose the weight I put on 3 years ago, I see myself one way and everyone else another way, and I can’t. stop. thinking. about. my. stupid. body.

    Anyway. Bla bla bla. I should probably write a blog entry about it.

  40. This came on while I was reading your post. I’m sure you know it. :)

    I think shy is boring
    I think depressed is too
    I think pretty is nice
    but I’d rather see something new
    y’know all those plastic people
    got their plastic surgery
    but we got a big big beautiful
    y’know I got it for free
    who you gonna be
    if you can’t be yourself
    y’know you can’t get it from t.v.
    you can’t force it on
    anybody else

  41. Sizzle,

    Your size is not who you are. You are so much more than a number on a label. But, I hear ya.

    I want the cute girlie shirts too but they make them for people who wear single digits! Damn marketers!

  42. yep. yes. and me too.

    i wonder if it will ever just stop? i mean, if we will ever stop thinking about it and processing it? i wonder if/when it will never be a topic of conversation? as if we and others would just never even think about it as a part of our identity… maybe? someday?

    i hope so…because i’m (and i am sure you are too) tired of it being a defining factor of my existence.

    you’re beautiful and hot and sexy…and i’m not even one bit biased. well, maybe…

    xo

  43. I think the reason I keep coming back here (read addicted) is that you are the most sincere and real person in blog land I’ve ever encountered.
    I’ll be honored to meet you beautiful person you in person someday.

  44. Sizzle, you are freaking awesome! I just want you to know that. I’m sure that’s the same thing the 52 or so people above me here just said, but you could be an inspiration to anyone who reads this blog. And for the record, you photograph very well.

  45. Sizz, I love this post. I really appreciate your candor.

    Do you know Mika’s song Big Girl? I have a story about it that I’m afraid to post. You might like the song – I adore it :)

  46. I understand the post a bit. I mean, as much as one can understand what another person does. For the longest time I didn’t write or post photos to the blog because I wanted at least one thing in my life to not be about my weight, to have something where the self-loathing (sigh) and the self-imposed negativity weren’t welcomed. The only way to do that was to just avoid writing about my physical self. And then, I don’t know, I think it was because people asked why I never posted photos of myself that I finally mentioned my weight issues. Nothing in your face, mind you. Just little comments here and there and I felt it was necessary just because I didn’t want people to think I was pretending to be something I’m not. I mean, come on, how many jokes have I heard about meeting people online and them turning out to be 400 lbs? True, that’s in dating situations but still, I didn’t want my weight to be a surprise to anyone in case I ever met them in real life.

    SInce that initial outing I’ve met a bunch of bloggers and everyone’s been great. Of course. I also set up a diet blog and that was a major shift in my way of thinking, to put all the fears and all the bad feelings out there where people can actually see them, that was progress for me. No idea if anyone reads it now but it doesn’t really matter. It’s helped me get to a better place, even if I’m not 100% comfortable with my body. Hell, I could my ideal size and I’d probably still have days when I wouldn’t feel that way.

    Anyway. Sorry. I’m rambling now. Just wanted to say, I get you. Also, I’m bummed that the frostitution tee wouldn’t fit me either. Blah.

  47. everyone said it already, but girl, size SO doesn’t matter! Great post and I can’t wait to get to meet you at BlogHer, from one chubette to another ;-)

  48. It’s really hard to get shirts sometimes… the “girly shirts” at my distributor only go up to XL. I can get them larger, but have to order them a dozen at a time. Since I’d never be able to sell that many, I can’t afford to buy them. It’s really a raw deal, because I feel bad that some of my readers are left out. :-(

  49. I have come back so many times to post a comment… I think I am just going to have to second Tracy, you are tiny and adorable.
    It saddens me that so many of us feel that horrible self loathing about our bodies.

    We eat your cupcakes; make us tees!

  50. My first response was, “Wow, they had an XL in the girly T size?” When I go to shows and want to buy a girl shirt for bands I like, they never have them in XL, only S, M, and L.

    Also I thought about how, forget the t-shirt, when I was at my highest weights, I’d sometimes develop a sense of shame even being *in* a cupcake shop. I used to stand there in line and think people were looking at me and thinking, “This is the LAST place she needs to be.” Sigh.

    I totally understand your struggle–and even why you suddenly felt the urge to write this post, though you sure as hell don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. After thinking I was okay with this myself, I also find I am suddenly going through a whole new bout of realizing I’m not quite there yet (see the recent blog posts). It’s so frustrating when you know the attitude you *want* to have, and it seems something is blocking you from having it.

    I have the natural urge to tell you that you’re lovely, and not to worry about it–but i know that the whole point is that MY or anyone else’s opinion is the whole fucking problem. I hope one day you (and I) can get in touch with the whole shebang of our loveliness(es?) so that what anyone else thinks isn’t even something we DO think about.

  51. Bony women are dangerous. EmergencyRoomDangerous. You could put out an eye on an elbow, impale yerself on a hipbone, quite possibly slice an artery with a mere shift of a shoulder blade in the night. As well, women’s clothing makes absolutely no sense when it comes to sizes or shopping. Little wonder it takes women so long to shop since everything is all of a jumble all over everywhere and no two “same size” items are actually the same size so they HAVE to try every damn thing on. I deeply believe this is why sensible sorts would rather stay home and clean the garage than go shopping with their womenfolk. None of which explains why size seems to matter so much to so many. Yet another great mystery…like women in general.

  52. Sigh…I know exactly how you feel. I distinctly know the feeling of shame when shopping with your skinny friends or not being able to buy something because even at it’s largest, it doesn’t fit. As much as we all want to ‘accept our bodies’ I find that I slip into a bit of a regression when faced with those situations It’s a panicky, shameful feeling. The weird thing is that I can’t seem to get past it for myself. I look at anyone else and don’t think twice about whether or not they can fit into a ‘missy’ xl, but somehow I feel like every single person that passes me is sizing me up (pun intended). We are much harder on ourselves than anyone else ever is….of course, that’s the way we’re programed from youth!

    Okay, I’m rambling, so….thanks again for another candid moment from your life. Hopefully putting it out there and seeing that others feel like you do helps….I know it helps all of us. You rock, whatever size/shape/weight you are. you rock.

  53. I love this blog. I just started reading it recently, but your words have me hooked. I appreciate the strength, honesty and wisdom that you share with us.

  54. I find it hard to squeeze into those girlie tees too. I just eat more cupcakes. ;) I’d say don’t judge yourself by the clothing sizes, but I do it all the time. sigh.

  55. The main reason I read your blog is for posts just like this. I love that you put yourself out there, and share with us. I can relate to what you’ve said here, and I appreciate that you don’t hide behind some online facade. You say things that a lot of people are too afraid to admit.

  56. Like the new look of your website! wow!
    Hey, and about the chubbette thing, I totally understand how you are feeling. Know that you are so….not alone, ok? If I came to meet you someday in Seattle (I’m not that far in tacoma area here) I would totally dwarf you with my extreme chubbiness. ha! I hate not being able to fit into ‘regular’ clothes if that’s what you would call those little tiny baby t’s everyone is selling. I still have this idea in my head I can get back to a size 8 and all will be right with the world. I think I have to just try for a 12 or 14…maybe someday. It is a never ending battle, one of many for me. Hope you are feeling better about things soon!!!!

  57. Darling you are beautiful. I struggle with my weight too and I have come to grips that Twiggy I am not and will not ever become. I’ve got the hips and the ass and the boobage. That’s just me. Full figured. Us full figured gals rock.

  58. Hey, I can’t see your banner thingy. I thought it was all still under construction but obviously its something to do with the work puter.

    I, too, am a chubbette, and I only get unhappy about it when clothes I want don’t fit. I blame fashion designers. They’re the ones with the problems. No realism!

    I think it’s good to have some fat. Less wrinkles for a start.

    And you are beautiful. Keep up the self-acceptance, you can do it!

  59. obviously I’ve never met you so I don’t know how you look in person. But I would guess you are lovely, and have probably created a funhouse mirror in your head that distorts how lovely you really look.

    I have a 7 year old girl. She’s a stick. Skinniness is a genetic trait in my family UNTIL you have your first kid, then all of those little pounds come straight home to roost). She is so think right now that she looks almost painfully awkward.

    And it broke my heart that after having pizza for dinner the other night, I heard her say, “I’m fat” and pat her tummy. I just hear the whistle of the societal baggage train bearing down hard and fast and it bums me out how the world conspires to make women feel like shit for who we are.

    OK, feminist rant of the day is over.

  60. I completely understand why you wanted to write this. I do. And I wear a size 6-8. But I’m also shorter than 5’2 and I know where my lumps are.

    I have been fighting an urge to post pictures of my belly and my cellulite ass and my shaka shaka thighs because I feel like a fraud when people call me “little”.

  61. Oh, sweetie. I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I hate that feeling of not fitting the world. Also, I, too, would not be able to fit into an XL girly-tee. Which totally sucks. Especially since my office is participating in this run/walk thing on Sunday and our director ordered a bunch of shirts. I said I wanted an XL, and then when I saw he was actually buying girly ones AND men’s ones, I had to specify that I wanted a MENS XL. SO EMBARRASSING. Can’t he just buy normal t-shirts? Now I’m going to be the frumpy woman in a men’s shirt while my tiny co-worker is cute and adorable in her girly one. I feel sick just thinking about it.

  62. I was a twig when I was growing up. Too thin, by most standards, and tall for my age. Topping off at almost 5’10” when I was in high school. (Believe it or not, I’ve lost over an inch with my neck surgeries!)… However, after children and massive lack of activity, I gradually ballooned up and have never been able to completely lose weight again. I have been anywhere from a size 12 to a size 22… and, yes darling, I need a XXL t-shirt. I’m still tall, so carry it a bit better than some, but it is still there, still obvious. Doesn’t mean I’m any less a person than anyone else, but there are days that I can feel less. Here’s to you, Sizzle… a woman of curves and a beautiful person. Inside AND out.

  63. I’ve been reading for quite some time, so I knew you weren’t a stick but by no means do i think you’re a chubette. Personally, I viewed your build as average.

    Curves are in dearest. Embrace them and who you are – which is a fabulous woman inside and out.

  64. Dude. I’ve met you and I think — no, KNOW — you’re gorgeous. And honestly, 100% honestly, chubby is not anywhere on the list of words I’d use to describe the way you look. Heart.

  65. I have that XL “legalize frositution” shirt. There is nothing XL about it. It took me two years to fit into it. And it’s still a stretch. I think that shirt is a cruel cruel joke on womenkind.

    But man, it’s CUTE.

  66. I have met you, and you are right. The woman in the header is probably a size or two smaller than the real sizzle. But the real sizzle is 100x hotter that a cartoon. I love the beautiful artwork by SAJ, but it is an iconic image against a one-dimensional backdrop. It can never truly capture the real you, even if this was Monet making the illustration.

  67. I love the new layout! As for being a chubette? People are beautiful. Just like that, just that simple. I think we try to hard to fit a certain mold rather than celebrate our differences. Sure we all want to be accepted and loved, but really loving ourselves is the true challenge.

  68. This is a top-notch post, Sizzle. Way to be true to you.

    And… to make the rest of us feel just a tiny bit better at the same time.

  69. I’ve been fighting my weight since I hurt my knee in 2001 and I’m now 40 lbs. heavier than then. I go through these phases where something just triggers my depression about my weight, like having to pick a larger size of a shirt out than I should…and in front of Ted. Or the fact that I was the only girl on our kickball team to order a man’s L shirt. I’ve asked Ted to also try to help me from an eating standpoint b/c it’s hard for me to eat well if he eats like crap and he’s been really good about it so far.

  70. I’ve dealt with weight issues my entire life and TOTALLY get where you’re coming from. I’m just now settling into a comfortable spot with my body (sort of…almost…) but man, the pressures of the world can really make you feel like crap, huh? Thanks for the wonderful post; well said.

  71. I’m late to the game on this post, having just discovered your fabulous blog, but I can relate. FOR THE OPPOSITE REASON.

    I don’t feel I fit well in the world either. Ladies, while I can empathize with your plight in being a little bigger, being small is also a great disadvantage. Try being a 5 foot tall, 85 pound 30 year old. I work in a professional environment, and have to wear t-shirts and jeans nearly every day, because I cannot find slacks or blouses that fit. Looking like a nerdy pre-teen is certainly less than desirable, and I hate it. I have the choice of shopping in the Juniors department (and look like a trendy whore-wannabe) or the Petites department (and look like a grandmother).

    So you’re not alone. Even us skinny girls have problems too.

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