This Eye Looks With Love

June 27, 2008 at 6:08 am | In love | 59 Comments

There are many things I admire and adore about my friend, Tomato. His ability to read my mind, how he always tells me the truth, his uncanny ability to help other people be their very best selves, his effortless dance moves, his big ol’ laugh that takes up the entire room, and the way he (no matter how much time has passed between seeing each other) always “gets” me.

But I think the quality I most admire about my friend is his absolute authenticity. Tomato was not always the self-confident powerhouse you see before you now. After almost twenty years of knowing one another, we have seen each other through some of the best and worst times. High school graduations, stupid school dances, concerts, late night talks, unfortunate hair don’ts, pool parties, family crises and heartbreak. He was there when I found out my father died and he held me as I cried. I sat next to him at his beloved Aunt Bernice’s funeral. We’ve seen death. We’ve seen life. And we’ve loved the whole way through it.

It was a few years after we’d given up trying to date when he took me out to dinner to share some big news. At first I thought he was telling me that he’d met a new girl but in actuality, he was telling me that he is gay. I’ve heard all the stupid jokes about how I “made him gay” or the curious inquires as to how I couldn’t have known- “Didn’t you guys date?” There have been a few too many times where I have had to shoot a pointed look at someone as if to say “are you fucking kidding me with this?!” because the ignorance and prejudice was just too much. Over the years I have become a passionate advocate for gay rights not just because some of my best friends are gay but because it is THE RIGHT THING TO DO. We all want to love. That’s it. Every single one of us should have a shot at that. Without shame. Without hostility. Without persecution. Tomato found the courage to be who he is and that’s something we can all, no matter what our sexuality, take a lesson in.

I am so grateful for my friendship with Tomato. He is the most alive person I know. He is carpe diem incarnate. He is my lighthouse, my safe harbor, my Madonna in the Cherish video rolling around in the surf. He’s Edie Brickell on a warm summer day driving around with the top down. He’s a surprise party with noise makers and decadent chocolate cake. He’s like Buddha (no, I am not saying you are fat) meets Bette Midler. He’s the deepest belly laugh I’ve ever met.

This weekend is Gay Pride in Seattle and today is Tomato’s birthday. I can’t think of two better reasons to raise my glass in celebration. Here’s to being proud of who you are! Here’s to a friendship that I can’t imagine my life without!

Happy Birthday, friend. You know I love you more than my luggage.

59 Comments »

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  1. This was a fabulous post. Nothing can replace that absolute best friend. I’m so happy for both of you.

    Happy Birthday, Tomato!

    Comment by TC — June 27, 2008 #

  2. Happy Birthday Tomato!

    You have reminded me of my good friend T. I will have to remind him how much I adore him.

    I will be at the Fisher Pavilion (in with all of the non profits) handing out brochures on Sunday… stop by if your going to the parade.

    Comment by kim — June 27, 2008 #

  3. Cute pictures! Such a wonderful post about a close friend. :)
    Happy Birthday Tomato!! And have a wonderful weekend!!

    Comment by Marie — June 27, 2008 #

  4. Oh I so love this post!!!! How sweet!!!!

    Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — June 27, 2008 #

  5. What a great post — hear, hear! Happy Birthday to him and have a great weekend! :)

    Comment by Karen — June 27, 2008 #

  6. Please wish tomato a happy birthday. How cool is it to have someone like that in your life.!

    Enjoy the gay pride celebrations

    Comment by Christina — June 27, 2008 #

  7. What a great post Sizzle, what a great friend you are! Happy Birthday to Tomato, you’re a lucky lucky man!

    Comment by Chris — June 27, 2008 #

  8. Sizzle,

    I love to read posts like these and that you guys are such good friends. Never have enough good friends in life.

    Happy Birthday Tomato!

    =)

    Comment by Ashmystir — June 27, 2008 #

  9. Nice. Friends rock! SO happy for you both to have such an awesome friendship!

    Comment by Kaili — June 27, 2008 #

  10. We all want to love. That’s it.

    that’s been my argument for years. i just don’t get why being gay is seen as wrong.

    ps: you look like a young tori spelling in that picture! from her 90210 days. very pretty :)

    Comment by Ys — June 27, 2008 #

  11. Happy Birthday, Tomato! Sizzle, you write the most touching tributes…here’s to love and friendship!

    Comment by punchlinewalking — June 27, 2008 #

  12. Once again, I had a similar thing happen to me – I dated a man in college who is now gay. And I got all the same stupid jokes about me “turning” him. And I’m a huge advocate of gay rights, too. The happiest of happy birthdays to your friend!

    Comment by La — June 27, 2008 #

  13. Yup, I don’t know which of you is luckier. :)
    It’s pride weekend in Chicago too–enjoy!

    Comment by diane — June 27, 2008 #

  14. Tomato is lucky to have you as a friend… When I came out, I lost “friends” and my own mother, who I had been pretty close to, told me that it would better if I were a rapist or child molester because at least then I would be normal… Then she told me I would get AIDS and die and go to hell because that’s what I deserved… We didn’t speak for many years… People have no idea how hard it can be to come out… I wish I could have had a Sizzle when I came out!

    Comment by Robb — June 27, 2008 #

  15. Yo! High school pic!

    I think Tomato is cool. Of course, because you have spoken highly of him on more than one occasion :)

    Comment by Scotty — June 27, 2008 #

  16. Happy happy, joy joy!

    Comment by Krystal — June 27, 2008 #

  17. I love this post, Sizzle. Because I think everyone can relate to knowing someone (or themselves) struggling to find themselves. And when they do, it is most definitely a cause to celebrate.

    Comment by Nilsa — June 27, 2008 #

  18. What an awesome post about a true friend.

    :: raises glass to tomato and gay pride too ::

    Comment by Kristy Nuttall — June 27, 2008 #

  19. [...] My day… Posted on June 27, 2008 by Bob Merrick is already off to a rip roaring start… breakfast in bed… my ride is just minutes away to take me off to the spa… and my cell phone has been ringing off the hook and it is only 9:16am… so much love so early in the day and for that I am so very grateful and thankful… and most especially for one of the nicest things I have ever read… ever… (and I didn’t even have to ask for it ) sizzlesays.wordpress.com [...]

    Pingback by My day… « Planet Baub… Out of My Head! — June 27, 2008 #

  20. Happy Birthday, Tomato! And great post, Sizzle. (On a semi-related note, I recently found my first boyfriend evar on Facebook. He’s gay. But he assured me that it wasn’t for my lack of trying. LOL)

    Comment by Alison — June 27, 2008 #

  21. Aw, happy birthday Tomato! I love this post – it is fantastic to have a friend like that. :)

    Comment by Smilf — June 27, 2008 #

  22. Woo hoo! Happy Birthday, Tomato! And Sizzle, thank you for sharing this great story, and great friend, with us!

    Comment by wordnerd — June 27, 2008 #

  23. Here’s to great friends! And love!

    Comment by Melissa — June 27, 2008 #

  24. Robb is breaking my heart. Seriously HOW can people be so… closed minded? Maybe I grew up too liberal and surrounded by gays (closeted and flamingly OUT) so it was never an issue in my mind or my family’s or my friend’s… it was just like “ah, well. Another good catch off the market!” :) And I don’t think I have met a gay person in the past decade that has had a ‘bad’ experience. In fact, most of the gay men that I know said that when they sheepishly told their families they were like “DUH! WE HAVE KNOWN SINCE YOU WERE BORN! Pass the potatoes.” :)

    I fully support the Pride rallies and such, but it makes me so sad. We shouldn’t have to have these things to make people feel good about themselves – sexual preferences are just a part of life. Things that have ALWAYS existed and always will exist. There doesn’t need to be a Brunette Parade, why a gay one? I wish that the world would just wake up already.

    Much love to you and your Tomato. xoxo

    Comment by mia — June 27, 2008 #

  25. What a lovely post. Tomato sounds like a most wonderful person. I totally agree with you about
    gays, love is love, who cares about gender. Happy birthday Tomato!

    Comment by Annie — June 27, 2008 #

  26. You guys are adorable! Happy Birthday to Tomato.

    Comment by Jen Rotert — June 27, 2008 #

  27. Happy birthday, Tomato!

    And I, too, have gotten a ton of “did you turn him?” comments from people about my very own version of Tomato. Which I know are meant to be funny — but mostly, I just think, “um, screw you.” Because I don’t believe anyone can make anyone BE anything they’re not. And maybe, just maybe, me loving him unconditionally was part of what gave him the courage to be…himself. You know?

    Comment by sandra — June 27, 2008 #

  28. Happy Birthday Tomato!!

    Comment by Pants — June 27, 2008 #

  29. That is an awesome awesome post! Your Tomato is very lucky to have an appreciative friend such as the Sizz.

    Comment by Sitcomgirl — June 27, 2008 #

  30. Happy Birthday Tomato! And many more.

    Comment by hotpinksox — June 27, 2008 #

  31. Happy Birthday Tomato!

    And here’s to a wonderful friendship, I’ll raise my glass to that.

    P.S. It’s going to be a great weekend for the festival!

    Comment by Kandace — June 27, 2008 #

  32. DAMMIT SIZZLE! I SEE YOU TOOK TOTALLY AWESOME PICTURES IN THE PAST TOO! DID YOU NOT TAKE BAD PICTURES EVER?!? I’M LOOKING THROUGH ALL MY DAVEATTLE 2 PHOTOS, AND THERE YOU ARE… PERFECT IN EVERY ONE OF THEM!!!

    And you’ve exactly summed up why I advocate for gay causes as well… it is the right thing to do. I have too many friends being treated as second class citizens because of who they love, have sex with, and want to marry. When people can be persecuted for who they are, that’s wrong and something needs to be said.

    Comment by Dave2 — June 27, 2008 #

  33. AwwwW! Tomato! It is so great to have such a kind loving wonderful friend! Friends like that are soooo hard to come by!

    I love the pictures you posted!
    DAMN girl! You totally look like Neve Campbell from the movie the Craft!

    Comment by gibsondog — June 27, 2008 #

  34. great post! I hope the Tomato’s having a molto groovy birthday!!!

    Comment by claire — June 27, 2008 #

  35. Happy Birthday Tomato!

    Yanno, Sizz? You have a lot of lifelong friends.

    But then again, they all have you. See? You ARE a really special person.

    You just don’t give yourself enough credit for being the wonderfully quirky, adorably fashionable, obsessively organized person that you have always been!

    Comment by Mattie — June 27, 2008 #

  36. Happy Birthday Tomato! What a touching tribute to a wonderful person! Man, I feel like he’s a friend of mine too.

    Comment by gorillabuns — June 27, 2008 #

  37. Tomato sounds like the awesome friend every girl should have! Happy Birthday to him!!!1

    Comment by Jen — June 27, 2008 #

  38. Happy Birthday, Tomato! Any friend of Sizzle’s is a friend of mine.

    Comment by Angella — June 27, 2008 #

  39. Happy birthday to Tomato!!! You sound like you have a great friend there and I’m sure he thinks the same of you.

    Comment by Patty — June 27, 2008 #

  40. How lucky you are to have a friend like this. Happy Birthday Tomato!

    Comment by Vanessa — June 27, 2008 #

  41. YAY for great friends, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to yours!

    Comment by Z — June 28, 2008 #

  42. Great post! Happy Belated Bday Tomato! So I’m looking at the high school photo and I’m thinking…. WTF? Why does Sizzle have a photo of herself with Zachary Ty Bryan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0117022/ )on her site? Then I realize that in Mr. Handsome Tomato’s younger years he was Zachary’s Doppleganger. Aaaaaah…Bach!

    Comment by Holly — June 28, 2008 #

  43. What an awesome dedication to your best friend Tomato! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Enjoy your weekend :)

    Comment by Gina — June 28, 2008 #

  44. That reminds me. I need to get in touch with Chad. He was my first kiss ever. I turned him gay, too. ;-)

    Comment by Mocha — June 28, 2008 #

  45. There’s nothing like a good friend who knows everything about you and has been everywhere (physically and emotionally) with you and still loves you all the same. That’s awesome.

    Happy Birthday, Tomato.

    Comment by Heather B. — June 28, 2008 #

  46. this post is so sweet…I wish i had a best friend like that

    Comment by Susel — June 28, 2008 #

  47. What a truly beautiful tribute from one truly beautiful friend to another truly beautiful friend. Happy birthday Tomato! And happy Pride from Vancouver.

    Comment by NerdGirl — June 28, 2008 #

  48. I want to know how Tomato got his name.

    Love your photos!

    Mayberry Magpie

    Comment by Mayberry Magpie — June 29, 2008 #

  49. So, do you ever just call him up, just to ketchup?

    Comment by whall — June 29, 2008 #

  50. You are both very lucky people. Love in all its forms should be celebrated.

    A very happy (belated) birthday to Tomato!

    Comment by SJ — June 29, 2008 #

  51. Great post, Sizz.

    Comment by Stacey — June 29, 2008 #

  52. Thatsa one hotta tomato! Woof! And glad I found your blog. And on a 92-degree day here in the Emerald City! Was destined.

    Comment by Northwest — June 29, 2008 #

  53. Happy TOMATO day!!

    Comment by Esmerelda — June 29, 2008 #

  54. Loved this post for two reasons. One, it reminded me of my sister’s ex. Long story, plan to post about it. Two, I always say “You know I love you more than my luggage.” Did you get it from “Steel Magnolias” or do you just say that?

    Comment by X — June 29, 2008 #

  55. [...] and voicemail were all filled with loving sentiments. One of my best friends on the planet posted one of the nicest things I have ever read about myself. And this was all before 9am. I was served a yummy breakfast in bed (this is not code for anything, [...]

    Pingback by My birthday 2008… « Planet Baub… Out of My Head! — June 30, 2008 #

  56. ohhhh the memories…they come flying in…

    how blessed we are to be in the company of amazing humans

    happy bday b

    xo
    j

    Comment by jenny two times — June 30, 2008 #

  57. He sounds great! Happy birthday, Tomato!

    Comment by Diane Mandy — July 1, 2008 #

  58. Happy Belated Birthday Tomato. What a great post!

    Comment by suze — July 3, 2008 #

  59. [...] protective of me in a very familial way. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been best friends for twenty years. The analogy just gets creepy when you throw in the sex and dating part of our history because, um, [...]

    Pingback by A, B, C As Easy As 1, 2, 3 « Sizzle Says — June 4, 2009 #


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