What’s Your Bottom? « Sizzle Says

What’s Your Bottom?

August 26, 2008 at 7:03 am | In drivel | 72 Comments

Bottomless french fries.

You heard me. BOTTOMLESS.

How does that strike you? Because seriously, my first reaction when looking at the menu was: No one NEEDS that many french fries.

I know, I know, I’m going to hear from a contingent of french fry lovers. “Why you gotta be a french fry hater, Sizz?” Hey, I love french fries too but I usually can’t finish the serving of fries I am served when they aren’t bottomless. I do not think bottomless french fries are necessary or healthy. America does not need to eat more french fries. No, America, you do not. This is your mother talking and you will eat a side salad and not more french fries, you hear me?

Yeah, I didn’t think that tactic would work.

I just think that this whole “bottomless” thing is contributing to the “super size me” epidemic that is rampantly sweeping our country. What are we teaching our kids? Gorge yourself because there will always be more! One serving of fried potatoes is not enough- have three! Um, no. Please hear me: I am not saying that I blame bottomless french fries for obesity in America. I’m just saying that we are a greedy lot who doesn’t know when to say when. And we need to learn some limits. We don’t need bottomless anything in my opinion. Okay, maybe on some particularly hard days I would like bottomless beer or bottomless ice cream sundaes but that’s just silliness. I would never actually eat bottomless sundaes.

Or would I?

Know what I’d like to be bottomless? Gasoline. Or! Money. Yeah, MONEY. Or maybe bottomless Paid Time Off. YEAH, that’d be kinda AWESOME.

What would you like to be bottomless?

72 Comments »

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Naps. Particularly the kind where you’re snuggling a husband, a dog, or a sleepy child.

Comment by Spider — August 26, 2008 #
I think restaurants offer bottomless items with the mindset that most people won’t take them up on the offer for more, that most people have a hard time finishing one serving of anything. Yet, if they offer that, even if you don’t take them up on the deal, it somehow feels like you’re getting away with something for free. I’ve been sucked into upgrading to a large popcorn just for the free refill. It’s only 50 cents more! And yet, I’ve never gone for seconds. It’s a way for restaurants to eek a little more money out of the consumer, and for the consumer to “think” they’re getting a good deal.

Comment by Jen — August 26, 2008 #
I never actually take them up on the “bottomless fries” deal… but I sure like knowing its there.

Comment by Dave2 — August 26, 2008 #
books and yes, i know there are libraries but they actually want you to give the books back!! that’s wrong.

sleep.

hanging out with great, funny people.

Comment by pea — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless Silence?! But, then again, I have seven children under my roof.

Bottomless Common Sense. Now there’s something we’d all benefit from!

Comment by Secret Agent Mama — August 26, 2008 #
I am going with the bottomless pile of money idea, oh and bottomless bliss sounds nice too :-).
How about bottomless laughter and bottomless joy.
XOXO

Comment by Annie — August 26, 2008 #
Right now, I could totally go for a bottomless bucket of french fries with cheese, bacon and ranch.

I really need to stop fantasizing about food.

Comment by gorillabuns — August 26, 2008 #
I am thinking bottomless money sounds damn good. Bottomless pizza, nachos and french fries all sound like a good idea in theory to me, but to actually eat them or promote them?! No, I would not. In other counties the portions are so much smaller than they are here. And we wonder why we are such an obsese nation as a whole??

Comment by Smilf — August 26, 2008 #
I would love a bottomless wallet or closet with clothes all clean and in my size!

Comment by Christina — August 26, 2008 #
Ugh- Patience. i need it bad.

I hate the “bottomless” thing in restaurants. I’m NOT going to eat that much, and I don’t want to feel like I’m paying for it when there’s no way I’ll use it. WHO NEEDS THAT MUCH FOOD?! How about bottomless carrot sticks instead. I could possibly get behind that, now that I think about it.

Comment by heels — August 26, 2008 #
Ooooh, unlimited PTO! I love that one!
I’m not really good at unlimited eating events either, but it’s a great occasion for me to have the fella around. He has to be part hummingbird, I swear, like The Fly only with hummingbird DNA grafted on to his!

Comment by diane — August 26, 2008 #
I feel like I’m living in a nudist colony, surrounded by a bottomless, potty training toddler- so I’m thinking bottoms are a good thing right about now!

I think “all you can eat” food should be banned altogether. I’m sure this “over-sized” mentality just further perpetuates the weight problem of America. Although, I like the bottomless carrot idea. I mean, can you really overeat carrots? The worst that would happen is you’d turn orange and maybe have explosive diarrhea!
:)

Comment by 180/360 — August 26, 2008 #
Weight loss. Not that I want to weigh 50 pounds and then die, but I’d like to be able to have as much as I want, whenever I want.

Comment by Jess — August 26, 2008 #
Ok you lost me. I saw the words “french fries” and my mouth starting salivating. I can be completely full and still somehow eat fries. They are just too good. Too good! Now I want fries.

Comment by Marie — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless fries are offered because they are CHEAP. Places like Red Robin offer them, but never have I ever seen anyone order more. And it’s not because the original helping of fries is huge, but rather because the food portion ITSELF is huge.

And funny, but as I talk about Red Robin and bottomless fries, my cup of strawberries seem much less appealing…

Anyway, I want bottomless love and bottomless paid time off. Works for me!

Comment by TC — August 26, 2008 #
great question! if bottomless mean calorie-free then definitely pizza! if NOT calorie-free than i would say jogging – i would love to be able to go more than 4 miles… :o)

Comment by jodi — August 26, 2008 #
Right now, bottomless sleep at night so I can store up for what will soon be months of no sleep.

I am not for bottomless food at restaurants, but how about a bottomless supply of diapers, boring but very practical.

Comment by andrea — August 26, 2008 #
Wow seriously? Bottomless fries? Amazing! Obviously bottomless wine would be the perfect option. It’s made from fruit so it’s practically a health food…right? ;o)

Comment by Penelope — August 26, 2008 #
I’ll go with the bottomless wallet idea… then again, if it were bottomless paid time off, you could basically be gone all the time and paid? That would be like free money as well!

As much as I love food (and it appears to love me, I mean, just LOOK at me!)… I’ve never been a “bottomless” kinda gal. I rarely eat every bite I’m given.

Comment by sue — August 26, 2008 #
Opportunity.

That sounds lame but it’s what I need right now. Followed closely by bottomless good hair days.

Comment by brandy — August 26, 2008 #
You know my answer Sizz!

Bottom Vodka Slurpees and Lentils.

=D

Comment by Ashmystir — August 26, 2008 #
Money and PTO sound good to me. I’d also like the ability to add more hours to the day when I need them.

Comment by Dagny — August 26, 2008 #
I agree that no one needs bottomless French fries. It is screwing up the health of the world. However, bottomless drinks (non-alcoholic) should be universal and sadly is not.

Once in a while, especially during football season, I’d love bottomless hot wings! ;-)

Comment by kapgar — August 26, 2008 #
I do! I need that many french fries…. and yes it IS a need, not a want.

psh.

Comment by robin — August 26, 2008 #
What’s even worse than Bottomless French fries is the Bottomless French fry/chicken finger combo. That’s an automatic jean size increase.

There are days of the month that I wish Nutella came in bottomless jars…and money.

Comment by MoxieMamaKC — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless fries are one of my favorite things about splurging on the rare occasion I eat out. AND! People always complain if restaurants don’t give free refills on soda, right? Bottomless fries = better customer service!

Comment by Abigail — August 26, 2008 #
My family once shut down a local all-you-can-eat buffet. Poor guys didn’t understand our level of commitment.

Comment by the slackmistress — August 26, 2008 #
As I started reading this post I was thinking “wait, french fries have bottoms?” and then all I could see were two very unappealing arse cheecks on each and every french fry. Now I must go scrub my brain.

Comment by Kevin Spencer — August 26, 2008 #
I think you are right on the money with bottomless gasoline, money and PTO. Although this morning I’m thinking bottomless iced lattes and a bottomless night’s sleep would be fabulous. I wouldn’t mind making my alarm clock obsolete in the slightest!

Comment by fairydogmother — August 26, 2008 #
I would like bottomless love.

That sounds a little naughty.

Comment by Pants — August 26, 2008 #
Gas, PTO and money pretty much covers it. Those are the things I’d like bottomless.

Comment by The Diva's Thoughts — August 26, 2008 #
bottoms. and don’t say you don’t know what you’d do with it. I may need some additional time off from work but the investmetn is so worth it.

Comment by dan — August 26, 2008 #
I’m in on the sleep thing. *yawn* As far as food – I don’t like anything “bottomless” except maybe the iced (unsweetened, because EW!) tea.

But if we’re wishing? How about time? oooo or how about bottomless GOOD luck??

Comment by Kyra — August 26, 2008 #
Free fries, free soda refills, bigger portions…yep, it’s every chain restaurant trying to up their game…not knowing the damage they are causing to people like me who have little to NO control when it comes to food. I myself wouldn’t mind if it continuously rained shoes.

Comment by Foo — August 26, 2008 #
The bottom-less Spouse might get a little old– so I’m going to go with beverages! ;-) That, and trips to the salad bar.

Comment by Bully — August 26, 2008 #
Me. I’d like to see less of my bottom.

Comment by anne — August 26, 2008 #
I am not crazy about fries, so bottomless fries isn’t even appealing to think about. I’d say that drinks should be bottomless, and if we are wishing for things that couldn’t actually happen, I would wish for bottomless health for my family. Cheesy, but true.

Comment by tori — August 26, 2008 #
A bottomless bank account so that I could pay for my bottomless cleaning lady…

Comment by Amanda — August 26, 2008 #
I hear you. It’s very rare for me to finish an order of french fries. Give me a big burger over fries any day.

I’m boring: right now I want bottomless health and safety…and money for everyone.

Comment by Jummy — August 26, 2008 #
a bottomless bank account. or paid time off. I’d take that.

Comment by legallyheidi — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless fries. Really? Is that what our country has come to? Me? At this point, I’d take bottomless nights on the couch because I won’t have one of those any time soon. Or bottomless free hours with which I can go workout. Or bottomless meals cooked by an in-home (healthful) chef.

Comment by Nilsa — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless = Bottomfull

Comment by Whit — August 26, 2008 #
Dude, you can tell by my ass my position on the bottomless fry. I would also like a bottomless bank account instead of my current all bottom bank account.

Comment by Tracy Lynn — August 26, 2008 #
That is really false advertising because bottomless fries adds more to your bottom which means you actually get MORE bottom, not less…

Mr. Noodle

Comment by Mr. Noodle — August 26, 2008 #
I saw some baby clothes from China this weekend that were bottomless. I guess babies in China don’t wear diapers.

I’m always happy when I have a bottomless glass of water. But I’ll take the bottomless bank account any day.

Comment by hotpinksox — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless patience would be good, or bottomless ability to deal with crap when it comes your way.

But bottomless french fries? And people wonder why Americans tend to be overweight. Sheesh.

Comment by Sarah — August 26, 2008 #
Too many fries and you won’t be bottomless long.

Comment by Travis Erwin — August 26, 2008 #
I’ll be honest: when it comes to french fries, I’m drinking haterade. I hate them. I’ll eat them randomly, but growing up my parents owned restaurants where I usually worked. The smell of french fries just reminds me of teen angst and boones farm marathons.

Comment by Shamelessly Sassy — August 26, 2008 #
Forget the fries – I am about bottomless happiness, friendship, opportunities and WINE

Comment by Cathy Wohlberg - Craig — August 26, 2008 #
You must have been at Red Robin :) I think it’s just a marketing gimmick so that you forget that you’re paying more than $10 for a burger/fries. Despite the option, I never order the second helping b/c I just don’t need it.

For me, I could take a bottomless amount of massages or facials, since they won’t add to my bottom.

Comment by Becky — August 26, 2008 #
I don’t like regular french fries, but I LOVE sweet potato fries. I have even started making my own I love them so much. As for bottomless, I like love please!

Comment by Vanessa — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless Money (and gasoline!) would be awesome.

Comment by Angella — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless opportunity for good sex. Shallow, right? Bottomless good books. Bottomless happiness.

Comment by nicalyse — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless anything, food-wise, was pretty much the answer to my prayers in college. Back when I could eat bottomlessly and not pay. Now, I’m kinda sick at the thought, though you wouldn’t have known it by the ice cream I had yesterday. Oy.

I agree very much, though.

Comment by justrun — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless Pinot Noir – but with no hangover. And, I’ll probably need those bottomless fries to go with ;)

Comment by Rhi — August 26, 2008 #
Massages.

Like I could go twice every single day.

Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey — August 26, 2008 #
I am allowed to say I like it when The Man is bottomless? LOL.

Bottomless bank account would be nice.

Comment by Nat — August 26, 2008 #
Bottomless energy. Bottomless motivation to write.

Comment by Mel Heth — August 26, 2008 #
I love the bottomless french fries at Red Robin. But I don’t eat there that often. And I exercise and eat healthy. It’s the poor kids (and adults!) who don’t know any better. I do think it’s fun that they offer it though.

I would like bottomless motivation to get work done!

Comment by kilax — August 26, 2008 #
Ok, I was all ready to type bottomless french chips and salsa and then you up and presented the bottomless time off deal. Count me in. For that much time off I can handle a premeasured quantity of both chips and salsa.

Comment by Michael C — August 26, 2008 #
bottomless orgasms.

Comment by X — August 26, 2008 #
What would I like bottomless?

High school senior girls.

And after about 4,106 fries, I start to get full, so the bottomless idea is a bad one.

Comment by avitable — August 26, 2008 #
Well, ever since they renamed them “Freedom Fries”, a lot of restaurants have instituted bottomless fries as a way to support the War on Terror. That way we can all do our part to bring endless freedom to the world! Why you gotta be a freedom hater, Sizz?

Comment by Iron Fist — August 26, 2008 #
Paid vacation days… And a bottomless supply of money to make those days fabulous (and buy lots of fries)… And a bottomless pit so I have a place to toss all the people who really just get on my nerves…

Comment by robb — August 27, 2008 #
lol, it’s 4somethingAM and I’m over here giggling like crazy at this post, I think I just woke the neighbors up.

Bottomless fries? Really? Where?……ok, I don’t really need to know because I’m one of the weak ones who can’t say no.
I agree with you, bottomless gas would be nice. Bottomless shoes should be thrown in there with the bottomless things and what else…ummm bottomless Kindness and love…yeah, that one!

Comment by notperfectdotcom — August 27, 2008 #
Chips and salsa – there is a striking lack of good Mexican restaurants here in Germany and I actually dream about good salsa!

Comment by Diane Mandy — August 27, 2008 #
Somebody else already said patience, but that would be a good one for me. Also, time with those I love.

Otherwise, money obviously tops the list. That would be nice.

Comment by Melissa — August 27, 2008 #
I’m with you on the Money and Gas (my order of preference) Let me also add Love to that.
What can I say…I’m single and could use some bottomless love. :)

Comment by Gina — August 27, 2008 #
Who in the world serves bottomless fries? Not that I’d mind bottomless sweet potato fries!!!

I’m with others on the money, gas, and naps thing.

Comment by Jodi — August 27, 2008 #
I would like a bottomless metabolism, in that I could literally eat anything I wanted in any quantity and never gain an extra pound.

Yeah, that’d work for me.

Comment by SJ — August 27, 2008 #
Sorry to get all sappy on you, but love and patience. I want bottomless love and patience. Think how much better the world would be. (Or at least how much better my house would be.)

Comment by Mayberry Magpie — August 30, 2008 #
bottomless faith.

Comment by Ruthibelle — September 2, 2008 #