In A Drift « Sizzle Says

In A Drift

December 28, 2008 at 9:11 am | In love, my neurosis | 47 Comments

At lunch with a friend the other day I grappled with a way to describe relationships. All around me many of my nearest and dearest are struggling in their relationships with their significant others. An analogy came to me that, while not my best work, suited the situation.

Relationships are like snow.

At first, snow is a beautiful thing softly falling outside that you are happy to see. It gives you a thrill. You don’t mind staying up late just looking at it. You want to run out and play with it. You want to feel that way about snow forever. You can’t even imagine not loving snow. You get all starry eyed just talking about snow. There’s adventure with snow: you make snow angels and ski and sled and have a snowball fight. You walk in its quiet calm. You take a lot of photos and in each one, you’re beaming.

The snow keeps falling and falling and falling so you go out to shovel it. You need a way through. You spend hours and then days shoveling snow out of the way so you can have a clear path. It seems that each time you clear the walkway, more falls. You wonder if it is worth it. But then you see a glimmer of its beauty and you press on.

Of course it is worth it.

But time inevitably passes and the novelty wears off. You’ve start to feel bored and restless. Seems it’s the same thing day after day. And you’re sick and tired of shoveling. Outside, the streets are piled high with unplowed snow. You feel stuck. You want past all the patches of ice and piles of snow but you don’t have the right tires.You reach out to a friend who has the right kind of car and they pick you up. Bumping over solid chunks of ice that coat the roads, you feel fear. You spin your wheels in a pile of snow in a parking lot and have to get out and push- getting your pants caked with mud in the process. You think that maybe not having the proper tires was a sign: You are not prepared for snow.

Along the roadsides, the snow sits in dirty clumps. Gone is the pristine purity. You forget why you loved snow in the first place. It seems a distant memory. You don’t know how to get back the elated feeling from the beginning. You start to wonder what you ever saw in snow. You long for Spring.

Until your allergies start acting up. Then you’ll long for Summer.

Until you get too hot and the fans don’t cool you fast enough. Then you’ll long for Autumn.

And so on.

47 Comments »

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Very well said. I have a hard time staying interested past the first few beautiful snows.

Comment by Long Story Longer — December 28, 2008 #
Bravo. Well said and so true. But I’d LOVE to have some… ’snow’ now.

Comment by teachaholic — December 28, 2008 #
great post.

Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey — December 28, 2008 #
Hang in there…you’ll eventually find a way to tollerate all conditions.

Comment by jonb — December 28, 2008 #
I think the true challenge is finding contentment with the “snow” even after the newness has worn off. Sometimes snow is like unwrapping a present, but once opened you realize that the inside of the present isn’t everything the packaging promises. Sometimes snow is a quick, god I love you, gone the next day kind of fling. I guess snow can be a lot of things but it’s almost always exciting at first.

Comment by Vanessa — December 28, 2008 #
brilliant…

wow…

i’m stealing this and reading it daily…

Comment by Tori Blaine — December 28, 2008 #
I like it. And as then, in winter, you have a warm snap and the entire city turns into a skating rink, you slip and break your wrist… then you know your love affair is over.

When I was a girl growing up, I had this dream that love would be easy. We would fall in love and every thing would be perfect. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s work, harsh, difficult but sometimes sublime and perfect…

Hugs.

Comment by Nat — December 28, 2008 #
well said.

Comment by san — December 28, 2008 #
Great read, great depth, great honesty.

love

Comment by Piper — December 28, 2008 #
See, you stopped at Autumn because THERE ARE NO NEGATIVES ABOUT AUTUMN!!! Ahem.

My response got too long for a comment, so I think I’d better make it a post on my own blog …

Comment by SJ — December 28, 2008 #
On second thought …

I was about to compare my marriage with Autumn since Bret and I got together in our 50s, but our relationship is certainly NOT perfect. It’s by far the best I’ve ever had, but it’s still a work in progress and always will be. But as long as the “goods” outweigh the “bads,” we’ll keep compromising and accepting and adjusting and allowing and all the other things life with another living creature requires.

The key is to find a guy you love as much as your cats, so when he coughs up a slimy hairball or chews up your sweater or poops outside the box, you just sigh in exasperation, clean up the mess and move on, accepting the hassles as the price you pay for a warm, loving body purring next to you on a cold night.

Comment by SJ — December 28, 2008 #
I really enjoy this one – I think it applies pretty much to life as well as to relationships.

Comment by Kyla Bea — December 28, 2008 #
Continue through the analogy…snow begins beautifully, gets irksome/annoying, then as it melts into water provides for the very life & bounty o’ spring/summer/autumn. Maybe a better analogy would be water…

Comment by The Capt. — December 28, 2008 #
great post – and true. Love doesn’t always live up to our expectations, and it is a lot of work, but it’s worth it…

Comment by suze — December 28, 2008 #
So true, so very very true.

Comment by Sitcomgirl — December 28, 2008 #
I’m not as comfortable about using snow as an analogy for relationships, not that that can’t be done; but relationships are so much more complex then that. The trouble come in when you think that that one person is there is your Everything.

Relationships are Hard Work. No one is a Mind Reader & even when you think you are, you know you aren’t going to be right 100% of the time.Human beings are complex and require many different things in order to be Happy- a Transient state at best.

Comment by wildbill — December 28, 2008 #
Word.

There comes a point with snow and ’snow’ when you just want to hit a pause button for all the other parts of life – work, family, and all other assorted responsibilities..because hey, as as long as we don’t have to go anywhere or get anything done all of the literal and metaphorical snow is pretty awesome. Unless the power goes out. Or you have to try to get to work. Or you try to go to the grocery store but the chains rusted on your tires. But eventually snow gives in to slush…and then I’m suddenly longing for snow again. *sigh*

Comment by fairydogmother — December 28, 2008 #
They don’t call it the “Honeymoon period” for nothing

Comment by Maggie — December 28, 2008 #
Wow. What a great illustration, Sizzle.

Comment by Angella — December 28, 2008 #
Yup. We are a fickle lot, us people.
Great post!

Comment by justrun — December 28, 2008 #
Very good analogy. May you soon again find your love of all the wonderful seasons!

Comment by thequeenlisa — December 28, 2008 #
Being in a 8-year relationship has taught me that as much as I hate the long winter, it’s my love for spring that keeps me hanging on.

Comment by Rachel — December 28, 2008 #
Wonderful metaphor. …and so many beautiful, unique snowflakes out there. ;-)

Comment by good girl gone blog — December 28, 2008 #
Ulgh, I absolutely hate snow. Like, hate, HATE it. I live in a snowy hell right now. On the other hand, I totally “get” your analogy.

Comment by Lindsey — December 28, 2008 #
possibly one of your most perfect and poignant.

Comment by Bob Merrick — December 28, 2008 #
few of us are lucky enough to know love. even fewer get to keep it.

it’s snow, not waterboarding. enjoy it while it lasts, you’ll surely miss it when it’s gone because you have pushed it away.

Comment by nother — December 28, 2008 #
I think this is the best post I have read about relationships in awhile… because it is all true… every last word.

Thanks.

Comment by Carmen — December 28, 2008 #
This post is slightly depressing, but also beautiful. I hope everything is OK.

Comment by Jess — December 29, 2008 #
Good analogy. But I hope all is well.

Comment by Marie — December 29, 2008 #
first time commenter, long time reader! i can see your point about relationships being like snow – they seem perfect and unsullied at first, but then you hit rough patches.

but this comparison also makes the relationship seem like this separate thing outside of you that you are trying to handle on your own. i wonder where the other person is to help you shovel and clear the path? but maybe that’s your point.

my relationships have probably been more like hikes through snowy woods. sometimes the person is there with you on the same path, and you’re helping each other through it, and having fun. and sometimes he’s distracted by outside influences, and you’re left behind while he does battle with the snow and woods himself, which is sad because you really wanted to help him.

Comment by anna may won't — December 29, 2008 #
You are so clever. Your analogy is perfect!

Comment by tori — December 29, 2008 #
Excellent analogy. EXCELLENT ANALOGY. So soooo true. Even for those of us who live in snowless Phoenix.

Comment by kristi — December 29, 2008 #
I long for snow. Unfortunately it does come with shoveling, slippery patches, and eventual longing for greener grass.

Stupid snow!

Comment by Scarlet Hip — December 29, 2008 #
Uhhhh, you couldn’t be more right!

Thanks,
J.

Comment by Jen — December 29, 2008 #
so very true, a great analogy :)

Comment by katelin — December 29, 2008 #
I do agree, snow can get old, but when you live somewhere that has plows and can handle the snow, it isn’t so bad. I love it each and every time it snows :-), but it happens every year in Taos, so we know what to do and life is not slowed down one bit. I drive to work in a blizzard almost every week :-).

Comment by Annie — December 29, 2008 #
I’d say that sums it up well.
Rightly so my dear sizzle.

Comment by Supple — December 29, 2008 #
I hear you. My last relationship was nearly 7 years and was quite a bit like snow. New and lovely at first, creating a safe quite space for building snow forts where we could hide away from everyone else. Then the winds picked up and well…I suppose I could find fitting wintery analogies, but that might get quite a bit too personal for a comment section.

My new relationship is still in it’s early stages at under 2 years so I have no metaphor for it. We’re still learning each other and figuring out how best to communicate.

It’s so difficult to be going through a rough time relationship wise especially whilst blogging. You want to talk it out, but still be respectful to the other person. It’s also unsure how things will turn out and you don’t want to say to much too soon and then be eating your words…I never did find a good balance at the end of my last relationship and got quite a lot of angered phone calls from the ex about things I wrote. Blah.

Thinking of you…

Comment by SparklieSunShine — December 29, 2008 #
There are many apt analogies for relationships… but this one is as good as any I’ve heard. And none so apropops…

Comment by doubleb — December 29, 2008 #
haha, apropos… slip o the keys… I need sleep!

Comment by doubleb — December 29, 2008 #
I absolutely love your analogy, Sizzle.

Comment by Mishelle — December 30, 2008 #
Everyone goes thru the honeymoon phase then it’s back to reality and annoyances!

Comment by Amy — December 30, 2008 #
It is a good analogy. It’s just always hard to tell if spring is ever going to come or whether it ever should.

Comment by Becky — December 30, 2008 #
EXCELLENT analogy!

Comment by Ashley — January 5, 2009 #
I’m in the first snow period of a relationship now, so I’m all aglow.

But I know that when the snow turns dirty and disgusting, often there is a little flurry that makes it all shiny and new again, and hides the flaws.

Comment by Stephanie — January 9, 2009 #
Interesting analogy… And quite true, for the most part :)

I’m behind on my blog reading, so sorry for the late comment – and there will be more coming on other old posts soon! ;)

Comment by Z — January 10, 2009 #
[...] tell you about the boy. About how Sizzle may have summed up my current romantic situation in her post about snow… but then I would be admitting that I’m not sure where things are going. PS- As much as [...]

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