I Made a Move
January 28, 2009 at 7:35 am | Posted in love | 102 CommentsI don’t do things half-assed. It’s just not in my nature. So I am sure you can understand that doing a romantic relationship half-assed would not work for me. If I don’t live my life that way, I won’t love that way. I’m not good at limbo-ing- figuratively or literally.
Lately when I have talked about my relationship with the Fella to anyone, I’ve been either irritated/frustrated or completely void of emotion. People would ask, “Why are you two still together?” And I would not have a good response. But then yesterday when someone asked me again I said, “Because I love him and it used to be so good. I want it to be good again.”
What you might not know is that for the past six months we’ve been spiraling in a bad place- together and alone. We’ve had arguments, hard discussions (repeatedly), and went so far as to press pause on our relationship which basically meant we communicated via text or email. When we did hang out it was usually with other people. In essence, we hid ourselves from each other and in doing so, I think, made fixing what was wrong even more difficult. The distance grew and grew until I wondered if I really had a boyfriend anymore because it sure as shit didn’t feel like it.
When I said I wanted it to be good again, aloud, for the first time in a long time, something inside me woke up. Part of my problem with this whole thing was that I was not actively engaging in the relationship. I took myself out of it emotionally speaking but kept up some semblance of appearance which just felt false. I don’t do false well either. Not only did I have a boyfriend that I never spent time with or connected with but I had stopped nurturing that part of myself. I swear you could probably hear the hallowness inside me when the wind blew.
So I made a decision. Either we are IN or we are OUT. No more of this half-assed bullshit.
And then I called him up and asked him to meet me.
I told him about the decision I had made and that I was willing to go full in if he was too or else I was out. And he said he was full in. And I think I finally actually got teary. Emotion! I am not dead!
We’re both in.
Keep rooting for us.
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I’m rooting!
So what does this mean?
Comment by carrisa— January 28, 2009 #
Count me in too!
Comment by Dave2— January 28, 2009 #
Yay! Will do. Cheering hard over here.
Comment by Momo Fali— January 28, 2009 #
I heartily concur with the premise that “All in” is the only way to know if you can be “you two” for sure, for real.
I just want to hug you both right now.
Comment by Kerri Anne— January 28, 2009 #
I am so rooting for the two of you!
Comment by Jessie— January 28, 2009 #
Wooo! I am definitely cheering for you. Where there is love there is a way to work it out. (Sounds corny, but I believe it.)
I’m excited for you! :)
Comment by Angela @ Lost In Splendor— January 28, 2009 #
Hell yeah!
I am SO glad to hear you say that. I mean…any man that will wear a pink apron AND let you take his picture…is a KEEPER. ha. ha.
way to go guys!
Comment by Ashleigh— January 28, 2009 #
I’m glad to hear this! I was thinking of you! You are right (of course) conciously plugging in makes all the difference.
Comment by justrun— January 28, 2009 #
You? Emotionally dead? I can’t see that. I’m rootin’ for you two!
Comment by Marie— January 28, 2009 #
I definitely know how hard it is with these indecisive relationships. Good for you for making a stand, and I am so happy that the decision was made to keep going the distance…
Comment by Neil— January 28, 2009 #
I’m so glad! Now that you are both really invested in making this work, I have faith that you will!
Comment by Jess— January 28, 2009 #
Joy!!
Isn’t it a great feeling when you make that first step? I’m rooting for you, as he obviously means a lot to you.
Comment by Miss Pickle— January 28, 2009 #
Good luck!!!
~ FC
Comment by FC— January 28, 2009 #
Go Siz and fella!
Sometimes you need to hear yourself say the words that you have been thinking.
I wish nothing but the best for you two.
Comment by Christina— January 28, 2009 #
Yeah! Best of luck.
Comment by Jennifer— January 28, 2009 #
Totally rooting!
Comment by Lindsey— January 28, 2009 #
Rooting for you all the way!
Comment by diane— January 28, 2009 #
Yay!
Comment by kristi— January 28, 2009 #
Alright Sizzle! You made a move and stuck it out. That rocks… I’m really glad you both are fully involved.
Comment by Daisy— January 28, 2009 #
Also rooting over here. Glad you’re both IN :)
Comment by san— January 28, 2009 #
Always! xoxoxox
Comment by alissa— January 28, 2009 #
Add one more cheerleader to your squad! Go you! Go Fella! Go you and Fella!!!!
Comment by wordnerd— January 28, 2009 #
Doesn’t it feel good? Root! Root!
Comment by rosalicious— January 28, 2009 #
Hooray! I will think good thoughts for you both. What an awesome decision to make a real try again.
Comment by tori— January 28, 2009 #
I can barely handle the economic recession, but a love recession? Oh dear sweet satan, HELL NO! I’m happy to know you took the love. Woohoo!
Comment by Jaz— January 28, 2009 #
I’m totally rooting for you and the Fella!
Comment by Jummy— January 28, 2009 #
aww. so happy to hear that. ive been rooting for you all along and will continue to do so!
Comment by brookem— January 28, 2009 #
Woo hoo! There’s my rooting :)
I am glad to hear that you are both in, excellent step forward together :)
Comment by Sitcomgirl— January 28, 2009 #
You know I’m rooting for you and the Fella. Live, laugh, love!
Comment by Vanessa— January 28, 2009 #
Good for the two of you.
I think deep down you both knew you’d get back to good. Otherwise, you’d have truly let go a long time ago.
Comment by TC— January 28, 2009 #
It’s like Dolly Parton said “you got to tinkle or get off the pot!” I’m glad you guys decided to tinkle :). I’m totally rooting for you both!
Comment by punchlinewalking— January 28, 2009 #
YAH! I haven’t posted in ages, but have been reading regularly for years and am SO happy to hear you guys are both *in.* I was thrilled when the fella arrived on the scene and have been rooting for the two of you ever since. Very best wishes to you both!
Comment by Aimee— January 28, 2009 #
Go Sizz! Go Fella! Rah rah rah!!
Half the battle, I swear, is making the decision. Now you can do the work.
Comment by Kate— January 28, 2009 #
Wow, I was in a very similar place this past Saturday. Having that very real conversation about if we should be dating or not and then deciding we both still wanted to.
I wish you the best of luck, it must be pretty special if you guys are willing to keep trying!
Comment by typographysnob— January 28, 2009 #
I cannot even tell you how happy this made me. ATTAGIRL!
Comment by Tracy Lynn— January 28, 2009 #
That’s awesome! Smart man too.:)
Comment by Kaleigha— January 28, 2009 #
Oh, good! I’m happy for you.
Comment by Jennie— January 28, 2009 #
Wish you all the best. I totally agree that you have to be all in or it’s not worth doing. I applied that little tidbit to my own life last year. And it seems to be working so far.
Comment by Kevin Spencer— January 28, 2009 #
Awesome!! I wish you well with your relationship.
Comment by NGS— January 28, 2009 #
I AM PROUD OF YOU! You’re right, saying it out loud makes all the difference in the world.
Comment by abbersnail— January 28, 2009 #
HOORAY! For talking, for committing, for trying…TOTALLY rooting for you!
Comment by Angella— January 28, 2009 #
I was so happy to read this – rooting for you and the Fella, as always. Stay IN it – both of you ;)
Comment by Amber— January 28, 2009 #
I’ll jump on that band wagon!!
Kudos to both of you for talking to each other honestly and openly and both of you being willing to work hard at your relationship.
Go Sizzle & Fella.
Comment by snowflake37— January 28, 2009 #
Yep, over here… rooting!
Comment by LVGurl— January 28, 2009 #
Yay — it kind of reminds me of Miranda/Steve meeting on the bridge :)
Comment by Becky— January 28, 2009 #
Yay! Love wins again!
Comment by Lady Fizzlebottom— January 28, 2009 #
I’m rooting for you both and for love! Congratulations on facing forward, and good luck!! It can be good again, never fear.
Comment by Sarah— January 28, 2009 #
I am definitely in! He is a good fella.
Comment by kim— January 28, 2009 #
Sizz, you just brought a tear to my eye, too! Because I feel like I know how hard it is for you to go to that place full of emotion – that place where you put yourself out on the line. And it warms my heart to know both you and the Fella are willing to make another go at this thing we call love. I hope you guys make it work!
Comment by SoMi's Nilsa— January 28, 2009 #
Hoot hoot hoot! That’s me rooting!
Comment by sjane7272— January 28, 2009 #
Ahhh honey, you know I’m rootin’ for you guys! And I’m always just an email/phone call away!
Comment by Shaw Girl— January 28, 2009 #
Always in your corner cheering you on… :)
Comment by Nat— January 28, 2009 #
Awh. Your story made me teat up. Cheers!
Comment by Grace— January 28, 2009 #
YAY!!! Just … YAY!!! I absolutely believe you guys made the right decision, and you know I’ve been worried about which way it would go. WHEW. This is such fantastic news!!! A love worth having is a love worth fighting for.
Comment by SJ— January 28, 2009 #
In my cubicle at work, swingin my forearm around, making Arsenio noises…getting looks.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if relationships were completely effortless?
Comment by jonb— January 28, 2009 #
This is great news! It’s good to be on the same page.
Comment by Essentially Me— January 28, 2009 #
Oh, MAN! I was so afraid the end would not be what it was! I’m so happy for you! RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH!
Comment by Kristin— January 28, 2009 #
Rooting away for you guys.
Comment by Travis Erwin— January 28, 2009 #
Awwww. *sniffle*
I’m rooting, but selfishly admit if things go south before BlogHer, I have a cute Chicago boy I’ve been dying to fix you up with since long before Fella. ;)
Comment by wafelenbak— January 28, 2009 #
Hahahahaha at the “Emotion! I am not dead!” commentary on the sitch. Because that is soooo like me. And I love it when you act like me. It cracks my ass up. :P
Comment by Faith— January 28, 2009 #
Rooting from the sidelines. Relationships are scary, but sometimes you gotta go all in.
Comment by the slackmistress— January 28, 2009 #
Root Root!
Comment by Toe— January 28, 2009 #
I’ve been pulling for the two of you — because I think there’s something great there, under all the hard — and I’m going to pull extra-hard now.
And to your post from yesterday, I always think of a good friend of mine (who a lot of people thought was way bitchy for years) who kept putting one foot in front of the other, despite an abusive relationship, parental terribleness and a sick sibling. Most people probably just thought she was mean; she was really just doing the best she could.
Comment by sandra— January 28, 2009 #
You go Girl!! That is great.. {{ champagne corks popping now }}
Comment by Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer— January 28, 2009 #
this.is.the.news.i.needed.
i am .smiling.big. for you 2.
love to you both
xo
me
Comment by jenny 2 times— January 28, 2009 #
Yay!! You’re both IN!!! WooHoo!
Comment by LA Blogger Gal— January 28, 2009 #
Yes!! Good for you Sizzle, what a great move to make.
Comment by brandy— January 28, 2009 #
Yay Sizzle!! I’m a big fan of romance and working things out with someone you love. Sometimes it takes the littlest thing to spark action. I’m glad your going for it, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Comment by Gina— January 28, 2009 #
Definitely rooting!
Comment by Lisa— January 28, 2009 #
go sizzle go!
Comment by zeghsy— January 28, 2009 #
You give me hope, sista!
Comment by doubleb— January 28, 2009 #
Rooting for you both! I learned the hard way that relationships can be so easy and awesome at the beginning and that can make me a little complacent. Relationships need work and dedication, and sometimes just the smallest amount of effort brings a lot you wouldn’t expect!
Go Sizz!
Comment by serror— January 28, 2009 #
Good Luck to you!! This makes me happy to read. :)
Comment by Theresa— January 28, 2009 #
That was a GOOD move. I’m wishing all sorts of wonderful things for you both :o)
Comment by Penelope— January 29, 2009 #
Yay! It’s so nice to hear people putting effort into a relationship :) Good luck to the both of you :)
Comment by Ys— January 29, 2009 #
Either we are IN or we are OUT. No more of this half-assed bullshit. – Amen to that! Good luck!
Comment by Melissa— January 29, 2009 #
I’m rooting!
*Picture me rooting, like Arseno Hall.*
Root, Root, Root, Root,Root!
Comment by sam {temptingmama}— January 29, 2009 #
:-D That is very good news– Love and commitment is worth it. (and YOU are worth the serious effort. I promise.)
Comment by Bully— January 29, 2009 #
Excellent.
I am very happy for you both.
Comment by AppleTree— January 29, 2009 #
I’ve never stopped rooting for you two. I know you can work it out. Nothing easy is worth the trouble, right?
Comment by gorillabuns— January 29, 2009 #
Good Luck! I am so happy for you :)
Comment by pinky— January 29, 2009 #
‘em so excited here.,. good luck.,. ‘ll keep waiting for the good news.,. ;)
Comment by raikamein— January 29, 2009 #
I’m rooting for you Sizzle!
Comment by gibsondog— January 29, 2009 #
Yay for you and your move! I’m here rooting, loud and clear!
Comment by Jen— January 29, 2009 #
This is the happiest thing I’ve read in a while.
Yay!
I’m totally rooting for you, big foam finger and face paint rooting for you!
Comment by Shaba— January 29, 2009 #
Woo Hoo!!!! That kind of commitment makes me happy too. I will be rooting for you two too.
Lots of Love:
G-man
Section 4b Sizz & Fella Cheering Section
Comment by g-man— January 30, 2009 #
DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS RELATIONSHIP!
Don’t you love virtual blog strangers telling you what to do? :-)
Seriously. Get in and act in and stay in. Leave no regrets on the table about how you fucked it up again. If it doesn’t work, let it be him who wasn’t invested enough.
Mother will stop talking now.
Comment by Mayberry Magpie— January 30, 2009 #
Hooray for love!
Comment by Isabel— January 30, 2009 #
This may not come out quite right, but I personally feel that a major step in living fully for yourself is being able to open yourself up completely and honestly to another. To live, you have to allow yourself to possibly be hurt, but it also allows you to really enjoy. Good for you both.
Comment by heels— January 30, 2009 #
I got teary reading this! Good for you!!! You go!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey— January 30, 2009 #
Woo-hoo! I am so happy for you sizzle. Keep working at it. :)
Comment by kilax— January 30, 2009 #
Cheers!
Comment by Mad William— January 31, 2009 #
I am late to the party (as usual) but I am totally rooting for you. Woo-hoo!
Comment by Iron Fist— January 31, 2009 #
WOO HOOO!
Have I told you DC and I are ‘all in’ as well?
It’s good, no?
Comment by Esmerelda— February 1, 2009 #
Yay! Definitely rooting for you two kids. Your early stories of your relationship were just so magical. I don’t want to believe love like that can fall apart. Good luck!
Comment by Stefanie— February 1, 2009 #
Would you like me to print out some t-shirts to show support?
Comment by egan— February 2, 2009 #
I’m rooting for you too! I hope you guys can work it out….you deserve it!!!
Comment by Patty— February 2, 2009 #
I am rooting for you, too! Sounds like a great step forward – or at least, a step in any direction! – that you absolutely needed to take! :)
Comment by Z— February 3, 2009 #
Sooooooo happy for you! Wishing you lots of great memories together.
Comment by Rachel— February 3, 2009 #
I am SO rooting for you guys! Yay for love!
Comment by Kate— February 3, 2009 #
Good for you! Wishing you both the best!
Comment by Diane Mandy— February 4, 2009 #
the best thing that ever happened in my relationship was when we surrendered the fantasy and dealt with the reality that we are two flawed individuals who really love each other. working to make it good again will make it better than you ever imagined.
Comment by krista— February 4, 2009 #