Let Me Hear Your Body Talk
April 30, 2009 at 6:20 am | Posted in conversations, health, sexuality | 39 CommentsMy Mind: He is cute.
My Mind (1 minute later): That guy is hawt.
My Mind (30 seconds later): Oh he’s sexy.
My Ovaries (piping in): Any of them will do!
My Mind: Hey! Are you the culprit for all this? I can’t stop eyeing the man candy.
My Ovaries: Well, yeah, check your calendar. Besides, it’s been a while.
My Vagina: Don’t remind me.
My Mind: What the? Listen Vagina, you better watch your sarcasm.
My Clitoris: Vagina is right! We need some action!
My Nipples: YEAH!
My Mind: Oh great, now the peanut gallery is chiming in on my lack of sex.
My Vagina: Do you even remember how to have sex? You’re like a born again virgin!
My Mind: That’s harsh, Vag. I’m on a love sabbatical.
My Clitoris: Who said anything about love? We just want naked time with a hot guy!
My Mind: You really have a one track mind, Clito.
My Vagina: Look, you’re an attractive woman with big breasts. . .
My Nipples (interjecting): YEAH!
My Vagina: As I was saying. . .this should not be a problem. Quit with all your moral standards and get us laid.
My Uterus: You guys, I really don’t feel so good.
My Vagina: Oh great, we’ve missed our window! Damn it!
My Mind: At least now I don’t have to listen to you yammer on about sex.
My Vagina: Oh we’ll be back next month with a vengeance.
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Wow, I could have written this.
(Except it wouldn’t have been nearly as amusing)
I hear ya…
xo
Comment by Princess of the Universe— April 30, 2009 #
But what did your butt say?
Comment by avitable— April 30, 2009 #
But that’s why it only lasts a few days every month. So that we can’t make too many irrational decisions that involve shooting ourselves in the foot.
Comment by Jess— April 30, 2009 #
Ah, hormones. Tee hee hee. :) (blatantly ignoring Avitable’s comment)
Comment by diane— April 30, 2009 #
I take it your mind won over the other body parts?
My mind and body are both currently doing this: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually, they like doing that most weekdays. ;)
Comment by Marie— April 30, 2009 #
snork!
Comment by Ashleigh— April 30, 2009 #
Hysterical! Unfortunately I have a dirty mind, too, so I’m all trouble.
Comment by Anonymous New York— April 30, 2009 #
Yikes! TMI!!!!
Comment by Gramps— April 30, 2009 #
You are hilarious! I love that you wrote this out!
Comment by tori— April 30, 2009 #
ROLFMAO! That was classic!
Comment by Gina— April 30, 2009 #
I am laughing so hard! Excellent writing Sizz
Comment by Sitcomgirl— April 30, 2009 #
I actually spewed water all over my keyboard after reading this. I bow to your comedic genius (or should I bow to your various body parts’ comedic genius…hot naked time???).
Comment by Shaw Girl— April 30, 2009 #
HA! Do you ever watch “Bones”? One of the main characters, Angela, is on a celebacy kick… she is constantly horny. Sounds much like your dialog. :)
Comment by sue— April 30, 2009 #
Better put the boyfriend review board on standby for next month.
Comment by kim— April 30, 2009 #
Too funny! Not TMI, I loved it. Those body parts can get unruly.
Comment by Aimee— April 30, 2009 #
Buahahahahahaha! When I have those kind of days I try not to go out…..those are when poor choices are made ;)
Comment by skyzi— April 30, 2009 #
Did Neil take over your blog today? ;)
Comment by the slackmistress— April 30, 2009 #
I’m giggling like a school girl over here.
Comment by Angella— April 30, 2009 #
Now that is funny.
Comment by Travis Erwin— April 30, 2009 #
“Clito”? I think that made me pee my pants a little.
Comment by Mel Heth— April 30, 2009 #
Wow, it’s been months since you asked me to send that photo of myself. I’m shocked and honored you are still looking at it.
Sadly, I am all the way across the country. Sorry Sizz, you’ll have to be satisfied with photos till I make it to the west coast sometime in the future.
:D
TAG
Comment by TAG— April 30, 2009 #
ROFL
Give your body what it wants :)
Comment by TC— April 30, 2009 #
So glad there aren’t balloons over our heads with script of what we are actually thinking. I’d be in so much trouble…
Comment by Vanessa— April 30, 2009 #
Oh dear. Not only are you now reduced to talking to yourself. But all your different body parts are talking amongst themselves. We’re in trouble, Sizz, deep deep trouble.
Comment by SoMi's Nilsa— April 30, 2009 #
I almost spit out my drink reading this one!!! Very funny!!!
Comment by Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer— April 30, 2009 #
Wow, your body has some intriguing dialogue going. I wonder what my ovaries say…
Comment by Larissa— April 30, 2009 #
This is hilarious. And I can so relate.
Comment by nicalyse— April 30, 2009 #
hilarious. as always. :)
Comment by remember moments— April 30, 2009 #
Uterus: I don’t feel so good. LMAO
Comment by Nat— April 30, 2009 #
I totally can’t do this as well as you. I was trying to describe it to Tracy earlier and the best I could pull of was, “Sizzle was all about ‘I like cock and stuff. No, really, I like it a lot and everything.’”
Comment by Matt— April 30, 2009 #
Unsurprisingly, men’s internal conversations are much simpler:
My mouth: Holy crap a beer sounds good right about now.
My penis: Eyes on the prize, amigos! If we don’t find some action soon we’ll have to retire for some “me time.” Again.
My stomach: Dudes, pizza is much easier. Let’s get it delivered.
Comment by Iron Fist— April 30, 2009 #
Now *that* is bloody hilarious!
All I can say is; you and me both sweetheart ;)
Comment by Penelope— April 30, 2009 #
Club Celibacy can be a real bitch. Hang in there. xoxo
Comment by Pants— May 1, 2009 #
Fantastic!
Comment by Amber— May 1, 2009 #
This was kind of totally amazing.
Comment by zandor— May 1, 2009 #
For a brief time in college, I dated a guy who was bisexual AND who popped his collar. And he was 10 years older than me.
Need I tell you it didn’t work out?
Comment by Mayberry Magpie— May 1, 2009 #
Too funny. I feel for ya though. I hope you can shut them up soon.
Comment by G-man— May 5, 2009 #
[...] Sizzle Says has a six way conversation with herself about a lack of, ahem, activity in her hilarious Let Me Hear Your Body Talk. [...]
Pingback by DCBlogs » DC Blogs Noted— May 6, 2009 #
This is hilarious
Comment by rocker girl— May 6, 2009 #