Kicking It With My Main Squeeze
June 30, 2009 at 5:41 am | Posted in family, float my boat | 41 CommentsI had a hot date with Finn Saturday night while his parents went to a show. During the course of the evening the following was said:
- Running up to sniff a outside garbage can, he puts his face right up to the plastic and smells. “What are you doing?!” I ask suspiciously. His reply? “I’m sniffing. IT SMELLS LIKE WAFFLES!” Uh, whatever you say weirdo.
- In the bathtub he’s got a gajillion toys floating around him in the water, including tiny bowling pins. It looks like he’s sitting on one so I say, “Careful that you don’t sit on the bowling pin. You don’t want that to go up your butt.” Clearly, I need more practice around almost-three year olds because what does he do? Oh yes, grabs it and tries to PUT IT UP his butt. “No! Don’t do that!” I cry out thinking that my sister is going to kick my ass if I have to call her and tell her she needs to come home because he has a miniature bowling pin up his bumhole. He laughs and says, “I like it.” Oh dear.
- He has a flashlight and is torturing the cat with it. The cat is not in the mood for a spotlight and gives him a warning hiss. He runs into the bathroom and uses it to peer up the water spout. I ask him what he sees and he replies, “There are germs up there!”
- We’re in the kitchen and I’m making him a bedtime snack. As we wait for the toast to brown, a naked Finn (this is right after bath time but who am I kidding, the kid loves to be in his birthday suit) is jumping up and down, up and down, up and down and he says rather gleefully to me, “Look TeeTee, I am making my penis move!” That’s awesome, Finnman but that trick isn’t really going to impress the ladies in twenty years. Just keep that in mind.
- We’re reading books in bed when we get to the book, Wombats on Walkabout. I ask him what a kookaburra is and he says, “Ummmm (thinking, thinking). . . It’s a MANIAC.” And wouldn’t you know? In the book it says the bird laughs like “a maniac.”
Clearly, my nephew is an adorable genius. If you aren’t convinced, watch this:
What can I say? I have much to teach. Give me your child for the evening and I shall encourage him to speak in street slang with gang signs (luckily he got that part wrong- the hand up to the mouth was his own interpretation).
I can also teach kids to drop pebbles down an alley drain and to listen for the kerplunk sound in the water below. Hours of amusement in this activity, I tell ya. Plus, it’s like SCIENCE.
I am also skilled in fashioning turbans out of towels after bath time. (This picture slays me EVERY TIME I look at it. Sincerely.)
This is the job of the aunt. I take my job very seriously.
Rude Awakening
June 29, 2009 at 5:57 am | Posted in the super | 32 CommentsIt seems like I had just fallen asleep when my buzzer rang repeatedly.
{BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!}
I drag myself out of bed and pick up the intercom line.
“Hello?” I say groggy and disoriented.
“Hi. This is Ali.* I don’t have my keys, can you let me in?” She says in a bit of a rush.
“This is Ali? You don’t really sound like Ali.” I say hesitantly, not trusting myself entirely to remember voices since I was just woken up.
“Yes! This is Ali! I am here with Monica at the front door!” She says exasperated.
“Then let me talk to Monica. Because you don’t sound like Ali.” She really doesn’t. I can tell now after her little outburst. And why isn’t Monica talking if she is there? (Monica and Ali share an apartment.)
“Ali, she wants to talk to Monica. She won’t let me in.” I hear her say this away from the intercom. Curious: How is she talking to Ali when she claims to be Ali?
“Where is Ali?!” I ask. I am tired and this is pissing me off.
“Look, Ali is going to call you to tell you who I am. My name is Daisy and I’m staying with them this weekend from out of town. I need to get Monica up to her apartment.” She says this to me like I am inconveniencing her. If I wasn’t naked at the time I would go downstairs and tit punch her.
I overhear Ali’s voice somewhat muffled apparently from a cell phone. She’s saying through the phone line, “Sizzle, she’s my friend that’s staying with us and she doesn’t have a key. She needs to get Monica inside! Can you buzz her in?”
“I can hear Ali so I will let you in. This could have been avoided if you HAD NOT LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING ALI IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
{BUZZ!}
I shuffle back to bed and check the clock. It’s 2:00a.m.
“You’re welcome!” I want to scream at the top of my lungs. If you wake someone up in the middle of the night you should at least be apologetic. That’s just common courtesy.
*Names changed to protect the guilty.
What It Means To Be A Friend
June 27, 2009 at 7:25 am | Posted in love | 15 CommentsToday calls for celebration. For revelry and big belly laughs and smiles so wide they test the expanse of cheeks. It’s a day for love and sharing and dancing- because this man loves to dance.
Because today is Tomato’s birthday.
I talk about Tomato a lot on this blog (though he’d probably like it if I talked about him even more- he is afterall the guy who asked me if I talked about him therapy and was disappointed when I hadn’t). We live 954 miles from each other and yet he is a part of my every day. This is what happens when you’ve been best friends for nineteen years. This is what happens when someone gets into your heart and sets up camp. You are together no matter distance or time, always.
Many of you follow his blog or listen in on his soon-to-be-famous radio show. He is a man of many hats and talents. There really is nothing that Tomato can’t do. He’s forged ahead time and time again, risking himself, his safety nets, his outmoded ways of being to become NEW, to better himself, to grow- all in pursuit of his dreams. Here is a man who looks at himself and strives to be his very best self. Here is a man who radiates authenticity and joy and honesty. He is all at once the life of the party and your most trusted, wisest confidante. I imagine if Deepak Chopra and Bette Midler had a child, he’d be like Tomato.
Words don’t do justice to the love I feel for him. He is the one I go to for honest advice. The one I know will always tell me how it is without trying to tiptoe around The Truth. He’s the one I can call up anytime who will get me because he’s paid attention to who I am. He can make me laugh like no one else. Tomato is the kind of person that makes other people shine. He has an incredible knack for opening people up and encouraging their success. He is generous with his opinions, his love and his zest for life. Wherever he is, is a good time. (Unless it’s first thing in the morning. Then, be a dear and leave him be for a little while so the sleeping bear can wake up without incident.)
His enthusiasm for life is as infectious as his giggle.
Having him in your corner means there is no way you’re going to get away with standing in your own way. He is your cheerleader, your coach and your biggest fan all rolled into one handsome devil of a man.
I am so proud of my Tomato. Watching him blossom from an awkward, lanky teenager to the powerhouse of a man that he is today, seeing how committed he is on his journey towards self-love, observing the shining light he brings into the world every single day by being himself, I can’t help but beam. This is my dearest friend.
I wish I could be there to celebrate with him in person but since I can’t, I’m sending my love today and every day. May this year be the best one yet.
Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
June 26, 2009 at 5:30 am | Posted in float my boat, memory lane, processing | 24 CommentsSince hearing the news of Michael Jackson’s passing, I’ve been very nostalgic and sad. I remember getting the Thriller album on cassette tape when I was ten and listening to it over and over. So much so that his music is laced with many of my growing up memories. I remember hanging a full size poster of him on my wall, replacing the one of Shaun Cassidy probably along side the ones I ripped out of Tiger Beat magazine of the Coreys, Duran Duran, Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox. I remember when MTV actually played videos and I’d watch his repeatedly- Billie Jean, P.Y.T., Bad, Smooth Criminal- the moon walk, the glove, the red jacket.
He is to my generation what Elvis or the Beatles were to my mom’s- an icon and a legend.
In celebration of his career and pioneering musical genius I am cranking up my favorite songs of his and dancing. Thanks for the music and the memories, Michael.
Triple Step
June 25, 2009 at 5:30 am | Posted in my neurosis, processing | 22 CommentsI am not a follower.
This is not a newsflash but for the purpose of context I feel it needs to be reiterated. If I’m in a situation without an appointed leader, I will naturally gravitate towards creating order out of chaos or bridging gaps in communication. If everyone is floundering, I will pop up with ideas to head us in a direction. If you need someone to quiet a room of hundreds and gather their attention, I’m your girl. In many, many instances this trait is welcomed and applauded. But not all.
When I’m on the dance floor? I need to follow.
This is extremely challenging for me given my proclivity for BEING IN CHARGE. Throughout class last night I was having an internal dialogue that went something like this: “Stop leading! Follow. Follow. Just move in place and let him lead. He’s NOT leading that’s why I am. You need to chill. Just follow. Follow.”
Sigh.
Despite my comfort zone being rocked, I did have fun. Between my internal struggle to relinquish control and the fact that we had to switch partners every few minutes (anxiety! negative thoughts about what they could be thinking about me! shhh!), I tried to just focus on the footwork and not give into my brain’s chatter.
Sometimes you just have to ACT a different way to trigger a different way of being inside.
Trying to be different is not an instantaneous fix though. It’s a process. It’s a journey. I know that these baby steps- like taking a dance class and being the follower- will eventually teach me to relax and not be so uptight about myself, not be so neurotic about assumed negative thoughts that others may or may not be having about me, not feel required to ensure everything is going smoothly. Figuring out when to be in charge and when to let someone else carry the burden- that’s the struggle for me. And the not feeling useful or worthwhile if I am not the leader. I am trying to teach myself that I have more than that to offer- the fixing and the leading and the rescuing.
“Even though I believe in living in the open, parts of me hide. I can’t help it. But what I can help is which parts of me- the open or the hidden- run my life. What I can rely on is this inexplicable knowing that when I am in the open, life nourishes even those parts so sorely hidden. . .We become so preoccupied with what we are not able to address, what we are not able to mend, what we are not able to leave behind, that we forget that whatever we are in the light of day is slowly, but surely, healing the rest of us.” -Mark Nepo
Operation Happy: Take One
June 24, 2009 at 5:42 am | Posted in float my boat, operation happy | 29 CommentsRemember when I said I was embarking on Operation Happy? Tonight is step one gets put into action.
Lindy Hop dance class at the Century Ballroom.
When I decided to make myself happy, the very first thing that came to mind was dancing. I love love love to dance. Back when I was in college my sister and I took a swing dance class together and it was SO MUCH FUN. We’d go to shows and cut a rug. I always have a smile on my face when I dance.
Another thing I love? Music. Specifically big band music, jazz and all those fantastic standards singers like Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald. What I wouldn’t give to be a jazz singer. (Secret daydream.) By taking this class I am getting both dancing AND music which means I get double the happy. Bonus!
One thing that’s worrying me is that I’ve always been a strong leader on the dance floor. Ask any of my ex’s who tried to lead me. So here’s hoping that my new attitude of loving myself and not being so controlling will translate onto the dance floor. I am trying to squelch any fears that pop up about being too fat to dance or that guys in the class will wish they didn’t have to dance with me. I just tell those thoughts to SHUT THE HELL UP and hum a little diddy.
I think I need a theme song.
When Planning Comes In Handy
June 23, 2009 at 6:05 am | Posted in body image | 31 CommentsI decided after my last weigh in post that I would only weigh myself once a month right now. I have heard arguments from both sides- how weighing oneself weekly or daily keeps you in check and, conversely, how weighing oneself weekly or daily can make you a numbers-obsessed-dieting-freakazoid. So. . . I decided to stay away from the scale until the first of July and then reassess.
Meanwhile, I’m still eating well. No refined sugar or white flour for five weeks and counting. And you know what? I don’t really miss it. Weird but true! But I pass up cookies and bread-y things left and right. I’ve slipped here and there- the rare slice of baguette at Cafe Presse after my Nintendo party while I waited on my salad or the tiny piece of homemade chocolate birthday cake for my brother-in-law’s birthday but for the most part I am on track. I realize perfection is not actually my objective, just consistency. I’ve been exercising regularly with water aerobics three times a week and the 100 Push Up Challenge and 200 Sit Up Challenge plus walks. I need to do more exercising and have a few ideas in mind which I will reveal in another post.
One key ingredient to success for me is preparing my own food. Luckily, I love to cook so I have been reserving Sundays for prepping my go-to meals for lunches or when I get home ravenous from a work outs. Planning is key when trying to keep to a healthy eating regime. Eating out is difficult at a lot of restaurants – so many huge portions of foods I do not want to be eating. (I am looking at you potatoes!) I did find a great breakfast place that serves whole wheat pancakes and other whole grain, healthy options which I will DEFINITELY be returning to. (Any Seattle peeps love breakfast as much as me? Let’s go!)
Here’s a few recipes I am trying out this week:
Reinterpreted Moussaka (I found it to be a bit sweet but I didn’t have one of the spices which maybe changed the flavor? It’s like lasagna without pasta. Tasty enough and it made a lot so I’ll be eating it for a while.)
Hummus & Whole Wheat Pitas (This is DELISH! I do believe I will never buy store bought hummus again. And I loved making the pitas. I’ve never worked with yeast before but it was fun and they are so so tasty.)
Spinach with garlic and pine nuts
Cinnamon Ricotta Creme (The peanut butter mousse from my last recipe post turned out so good that I thought I’d expand to other flavors. I never would have thought to use cottage cheese to make a cheesecake-like dessert but it really works. Mmm!)
Flourless, Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cookies (I made these and well, I don’t like that much Splenda in my food. They don’t taste bad but I think I’d rather reserve my dessert options for something with fruit. Did I just say I wanted fruit as dessert?! My world is spinning off its axis.) (Also, too much Splenda can make a girl gassy and what’s ladylike about that?) (TMI. Apologies!)
If you have any recipes you love that don’t include sugar or white flour, please feel free to share.
You Could Say I Had a Good Time (But That’d Be An Understatement)
June 21, 2009 at 6:36 pm | Posted in bloggers rule!, float my boat, fun & frolicking, meet ups | 41 CommentsFrom time to time I get these emails from solicitors asking me to publicize their product on my blog and most of the time I reply with a polite decline but a few weeks ago I got one that made me pause. She clearly had read my blog based on the content of her email to me and she linked to a blogger that I read/had briefly met at BlogHer which totally helped legitimize her offer. If someone asked you to potentially be a Brand Enthusiast for Nintendo would you think someone was pulling your leg? Because I did. And I’m usually really gullible!
Justine, Ms. Brand About Town herself, and I met at a local coffee shop when she jetted in to meet hopeful Seattle-based Brand Enthusiasts. Before you go thinking this title was handed to us, please note that there was an interview process (which really felt more like chatting with a girlfriend over tea because Justine is incredibly likable and down to earth with this adorable accent) and some hoops to jump through- like writing a bio, submitting a photo along with an array of statistical data regarding my blog traffic. Luckily, I passed (They liked me! They really really liked me!) which meant I could now add “Brand Enthusiast” to the growing list of titles I have (amongst the greats like Bossy McBossypants, Ms. Congeniality and Minty Nipples).
So what does all this “brand enthusiast” business mean then? Well, basically I invited 35 of my girlfriends to a party where we all sat around playing Nintendo DSi’s, nibbling on tasty food, and sipping champagne poured by hot men (hello Cesar! hello Israel!) and all I had to do was invite my chicas, show up in
my party dress and be the hostess with the mostest.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! I am like the luckiest woman ever.
My two worlds collided that night with work friends and internet friends co-mingling in one big swankily decorated loft. I took the opportunity to invite some of my favorite local bloggers who, by the way, are just as awesome in person with nice hair and cute shoes and make me laugh. They know my real name now though are under strict instruction about the rules of the Circle of Trust. (Rule #1: The trust shall not be broken.)
Sizzle & ZestyJenny who acted as our unofficial photographer.
The two most asked questions of the invitees? 1) What if I don’t play video games? and 2) What should I wear? Oh ladies! You are the exact demographic they are looking for. That’s why they call the party a “Girlfriend’s Guide to Gaming.” Besides, the last time I played a hand-held game was Tetris on my Game Boy back in 1995. And P.S. I am wearing a dress but you can wear whatever is comfortable. Though keep in mind you will likely be ON THE INTERNET.
I think everyone had a great time based on the amount of texts/emails/posts I’ve read from guests. I know that I did. How often does one get to host a party in an urban loft for 35 of her girlfriends and not have to do ONE SINGLE THING? No set up. No clean up. Just be me and mingle. It’s this Event Manager’s secret dream!
Tracy, Angelica, Carly and Allison at the Rhythm Game Station with Brand Enthusiast helper Kat.
Jamie, Dokey and I before getting our game on. Doke was proud of me for wearing a belt. Aw, thanks sis!
Melissa & Carly in all their cuteness. See? I really do have non-blogging friends.
Bonus? Every single guest got to take home a DSi of their very own. Incredible, right? I think that’s why Mona referred to me as her “White Oprah” which is a term I can now add to my aforementioned title list.
Aimee demonstrates her enthusiasm for her VERY OWN DSi.
The party was, in a word, EPIC.
I’m thankful that Nintendo and Brand About Town selected me to join their elite crew and allowed me the opportunity to introduce my friends to the DSi. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go play Mario Kart.
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I was not required to write this post as a Brand Enthusiast but I honestly had such a great experience that I just HAD to share it with you all.
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Tomato and I did a special radio show Sunday evening. You can listen to it here or by searching “The Baub Show” on iTunes. And yes, that’s me singing the theme song at the beginning. Consider yourself forewarned.
Pranked
June 19, 2009 at 5:45 am | Posted in float my boat | 20 CommentsI work in cubicleland. This is not a complaint really but more a fact of circumstance. I get a window that looks outside at trees and stuff. But because I am in said cubicleland, it can be hard to concentrate with all the background noise, gossip chatter and such so I often plug into my iPod to drown it all out.
Yesterday I was listening to my iPod fairly loudly as I am wont to do. I believe it was actually a punk song, probably Against Me! or something, so the distraction level was quite epic. I was plugging away on some document, my back facing the opening to my cube, for who knows how long. Probably not that long since I seem to have adult-onset ADD. I swiveled in my chair to grab a piece of paper to the right of me when something behind me caught my eye.
A piano.
Unbeknownst to me someone had rolled an upright piano into my cubicle.
Well I’ll be!
So I did what anyone would do really. . . I rolled my desk chair on over and flipped it open and started to play. That brought the office to life. All of a sudden a crowd had formed and everyone was laughing. Then my coworker squeezed through and I gave her my seat so she could play. Because unlike me and my less-than-one-year-of-lessons-as-a-kid, she actually knows how to play. I leaned longingly along the side of the piano like any good jazz songstress would, pretending we were the main act in a nightclub.
It was a jovial few minutes in the office, I’ll tell you that much.
I’ve got to get my friends back who keep pranking me. This is the second thing they’ve put in my cubicle. A couple weeks ago I came back from lunch and a double wide file cabinet was taking up my entire cubicle. It’s payback time!
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Don’t forget! This Sunday Tomato and I are doing a special live show at 5pm PST. Call in! Chat with us! Listen and laugh! Worst case scenario, download the podcast Monday via iTunes but really, tune in if you can and be a part of the conversation. We’d love to have you. The topic is relationships.
The Mob Takes Over
June 18, 2009 at 6:32 am | Posted in boyfriend review board | 17 CommentsThree of my oldest friends weigh in with their Boyfriend Review Board questions…
It’s Supple’s turn to weigh in with her Boyfriend Review Questions:
- If Sizzle were to be the vivacious and extremely extroverted woman we know her to be at your best friend’s party, and started singing what would be your reaction? Would you a) start a duet with her, b) would you watch on with the look of amazement and love in your eyes, c) would you back off, or d) would you go hide in a corner in embarrassment?
- Do you believe in surprise parties?
- Are you gay? Because Sizz has already gone down that road.
- Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? Please note that the internet can supply us with a boatload of info to support or deny your claim, so you better answer honestly!
- Do you like sushi?
- Do you drink?
- Do you do drugs?
- Do you know what the color taupe is?
- When was the last time you had sex and can you last more than 2 seconds?
- Can you handle the Sizzle Swizzle? (Me: Um, that’s another post entirely. Ahem!)
It’s not a review board without my dearest Jenny Two Times. I’m so impressed she kept it to five questions. That’s so unlike her!
- What are you passionate about? You know, that “thing” (whatever it is…well as long as it is not, say, porn – that it is bad- but passion about porn is a bit creepy) that puts fire in your belly? What is it? Why? Cuz, Sizzle is passionate about many things and it puts excitement in her life. You need have that too, your own.
- What do you like/love about yourself? Qualities you admire about your being. Qualities you admire in others that you may also see in yourself. What is something(s) you are working on about yourself? None of us are perfect, so we get that you’ve got “stuff”. What are those challenging qualities you have? (Me: That’s actually multiple questions in one but I’ll allow it.)
- Do you like music? Because music is a must. Really.
- Have you ever cheated on a significant other? If so, what were the circumstances?
- How do you feel about family? Are you in contact? If not blood family, do you have a chose family? Maybe friends you consider family?
James Dean, my dear old friend and former boyfriend (the only boy I ever lived with!), of course has questions of his own:
- Eleanor Roosevelt, Hot or Not?
- Let’s just pretend for a moment that you are at work at the very moment the zombies begin to rise up and take over the planet, would you barricade yourself at work in an attempt at self-preservation or would you fight your way through zombie-infested streets to be with the woman you love?
- If you could travel through time and do one thing, which would you do? a) assassinate Hitler all ninja-style using little sharp Stars of David, b) wearing an ape outfit, pretend to be Bigfoot at documented sightings, thereby perpetuating the myth, c) try to find out what’s up with Napoleon’s hand, d) would only travel through time IF the woman you loved could come along
- Would you use your one prison phone call just to call up the woman you love? (Me: Woah woah woah WHY IS HE IN PRISON!?)
- If someone tried to attack you and your love and you stepped up to protect her, what would you do to the attacker? a) go Medieval on his ass, b) go Edwardian on his ass, c) go Bronze Age on his ass, d) go Post-Modern on his ass
What do these questions prove? Well, not only do I have extremely awesome friends but also that I have a bit of a my own personal mob. Mikey is clearly into chivalry and maybe knows a bit more about history than I do. I still don’t get what the Napoleon hand thing is. (Anyone?) Jenny Two Times cares deeply about music and family as do I. And Supple cares about a good lay which is one of the many reasons I keep her around because someone better be keeping that at the forefront. Have you noticed that my friends seem to have a commonality in their questioning? It’s like they KNOW me or something.
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Tomato and I are hosting a special call-in show on Sunday at 5pm. Won’t you join us? I’d love to chat with you! You can listen in by going to The Baub Show website on Sunday or download the podcast after the fact via iTunes. But listen! Join! Let’s chat!
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