My Brain Is Melty
July 30, 2009 at 6:10 am | Posted in drivel, vent | 49 CommentsI’ve taken to dunking my cats in the tub.
Before you call the SPCA on me, let me explain. It is hot here. When I say “hot” I mean HOT. Yesterday, Seattle broke its own heat record at over 100 degrees. ONE HUNDRED DEGREES. This is Seattle. We do not do extremes well. Give us constant rain and we’re fine. You won’t hear nary a complaint from us. But bury us in a couple inches of snow and we freak out. Melt us with temperatures over 75 and we are not pleased. It’s not that we’re fussy (that much) but rather unprepared. We only had like 3 snow plows when Snowmaggedon 2008 struck and now, with this heat wave, we’re whining and dripping in sweat in front of four fans cranked up to full blast.
Okay maybe not everyone, but I certainly am.
We’re not a city that requires air conditioning generally speaking which is why people are flocking to the malls and movie theaters (I saw The Ugly Truth and it’s predictable but Gerard Butler is sexy and it was like 60 degrees in the theater so totally worth it). It’s also why people are lining up at Lowe’s before the store opens to try and buy an air conditioner. Apparently people were lined up even after the delivery of A/C units came and went. They even had the people who bought the units exit a different way so that they didn’t have to deal with a mob.
Seriously? Man, people are CRANKY when they are hot. I can attest to that. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in over a week. My nose is stuffed up. My throat is scratchy. And I can’t seem to motivate myself to unpack my luggage, eat dinner or accomplish anything except taking cold showers and grumbling. I can literally step out of the shower dripping wet and be dry in under two minutes.
My apartment has become a clothing optional zone.
But back to my cats. When it’s 100 degrees outside that means it’s likely 120 degrees in my apartment since it gets direct sunlight for the hottest part of the day. My cats are literally baking. They meow forlornly and wander around trying to find a cool spot on the hardwood or tile floor. I finally couldn’t take it anymore so I filled the tub up a smidge and grabbed Dash. He’s the furriest but a gentle giant. After multiple times in the tub, I am convinced Dash likes it. He puts up an obligatory fight at first but once he’s in there he’s all, Hey, I think I like this! Dot on the other hand is fussy all of the damn time so she’s likely to cut a bitch if you look at her wrong. Luckily, I am wily and know how to be quick about dousing her. So far, no bleeding. She thanks me after, begrudgingly, by lying next to me on the bed in front of the fan.
The fact that I am looking forward to it being 88 degrees this weekend shows you how warped my thinking has become in this heat. The good news is, I’m probably sweating away the pounds I gained at BlogHer and purging my overwrought liver of the buckets of booze I forced it to process.
True Stories From the BlogHer Conference
July 29, 2009 at 5:40 am | Posted in adventures, blogger meet ups | 43 CommentsCell phones can act as travel vibrators.
Just send your Twitter account to your phone, get on a plane for 4+ hours, turn your phone back on, have it set to vibrate, and put it down you pants.* I’m pretty sure at first count there were 121 messages. Not enough to get a girl off but. . . close.
*I did not actually put it down my pants. I am a lady. (In public.)
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At the St. Louis airport during my layover on my way back home to Seattle my waitress asked, “Are your eyebrows naturally thick like that?” to which I answered honestly, “Yes.” Her reply? “You are blessed.” Her comment marked the fifth observation about my eyebrows in as many days.
FIFTH.
My eyebrows are noteworthy.
For those curious: I have a really great esthetician. I use an angled brush dipped in brown shadow to fill in the sparse areas. And yes, if you look closely enough, one brow is slightly arched all the time.
And, thank you for the compliment.
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$20 ride from O’Hare to the Sheraton? Hell yeah I am on that shit! Except, what they don’t tell you is, they’re cramming you and 12 other conference attendees in a stretch limo. Do not be lured by the word limo because while it might generally denote high class, it is not when you fear decapitation based on the amount of unsecured luggage precariously stacked right behind your seat and your driver wastes 20 minutes exiting the airport only to take you back to the place where he just picked you up. Then some New Jersey blogger rips the driver a new one and you get to watch. BONUS! But then you get stuck in traffic and try not to barf on your Seattle friends from carsickness and arrive with 10 minutes to check in, drop off your luggage and race to a meeting that you are hosting.
You = Me in this story.
Moral? Careful of a discount.
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I was born to hail a cab.
Photo credit: Rhi
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I do not care about swag, monetizing my blog, tracking my stats to a CIA level, or, it turns out, attending sessions in cramped rooms with insufficient air conditioning and no cell reception. I attended two sessions both of which were lead by bloggers I read/know and they were great. The thing I realized is I already know who I am as a blogger so I don’t come to these conferences to figure that out. I come to meet people and experience the host city. I come to connect.
Okay, fine. I COME TO PARTY.
Pictured: Chris from 3 Giraffes and Jenny from Jenny on the Spot. Local girls REPRESENT!
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The amount of booze ingested can directly correlate to the sum of photos shot. For example: 5 cocktails x 1 woman clad in purple dress = 64 photos. Or conversely, zero cocktails consumed x 1 woman clad in black dress = 3 photos taken. Oh who am I kidding? I drank the entire time. Hence, the 374 photos I shot.
Also, if you “misplace” your phone and your camera in the span of 2 minutes it is time to put yourself to bed. Besides, everyone knows that the sixth cocktail always causes me trouble.
Pictured: Nilsa from SoMi Speaks
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Where else can you sit at a table eating the most delicious meal of your entire trip with four of your best blog buds, phones in hand, Twittering away and not get shit for it?
At BlogHer, that’s where. #blogher09
Pictured: Kaleigha, Carrisa, Rhi and Kerri
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I love this photo.
Someone’s partying caught up to him.
The architectural river tour was AWESOME. Don’t ask Neil. He was busy napping.
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If the first you hear of conference “drama” is on Twitter from people not actually AT the conference then you know that you are doing something right. Because I AM A DRAMA FREE ZONE. At least in Chicago.
Shuddup.
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Wearing a McDonald’s bag as a hat on my head is as close as I will get to actually eating their food. And I’m totally okay with that. Yes, there is an actual party involving cheeseburgers and wearing bags on our heads. We packed a hotel suite to the max and it was The Most Fun. At one point I saw a bunch of beefy dudes walk in and was like WHA?! so I asked them who they were and one guy responded, “We heard there were cheeseburgers and chicks up here.”
Turns out they were a bachelor party.
Hilarious.
These ladies were my awesome roommates: Kerri and Angella.
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It’s okay to get a little choked up saying goodbye to your internet soul sister or when meeting your BlogBro and long-time bloggy friends for the first time. At least that is what I am telling myself.
Pictured: Radioactive Girl, Kilax, Me, Nilsa and Kapgar (Not pictured: Diane. We missed you!)
P.S. Kevin’s head taste like marshmallows. You heard it here first.
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Having good friends to pal around with made all the difference.
Pictured: My good time gal posse from left to right- Kaleigha, Kerri, Rhi, Carrisa & (duh) me. Plus the weinermobile. It was just hanging around outside the hotel dickin’ around.
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I had a fucking blast at BlogHer and even picked up a few back up dancers.
Pictured: Kaleigha & Kerri
A Tryst
July 28, 2009 at 9:08 am | Posted in adventures, blogger meet ups, travel | 31 CommentsWhile the city slumbered and my cab pulled out into the warm, waking day, I said my good-bye to Chicago.
Dear Chicago,
You are magnificent and I will miss you.
With your downtown streets a bustling mix of city dwellers and lost tourists, the thick smell of chocolate in the air, your summer storms that soak my soul- I fell in love. Even with your humidity that laid upon me like a sweaty, napping toddler. Even with your single shoe-ed crazy cab driver. Even with your Sheraton Hotel whose beds were painfully squishy and damaging on my back.
Your beaming architecture winked at me and captured my attention. Your history marked on weathered streets or high up top the Ferris wheel lured me in. Your beautiful lake stretching out- a calming place to float. I could easily see myself walking along your river, thriving in the your urban hub, decorating a little apartment in a quaint brick building, expanding this brief affair into a lifetime.
Except. . my heart already knows its home. And I’m headed there.
I’ll never forget you.
Kiss kiss,
Sizz
Here I Go
July 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm | Posted in bloggers rule!, travel | 39 CommentsTags: blogher
My bags are packed. Well, packed, then unpacked, then repacked. I had to be sure about a few things. I am a notorious over-packer which is mostly driven by the fact that my wardrobe is subject to the whims of my ever-changing moods.
My camera battery is charged. I plan to fill the memory card to the brim with pictures.
My DSi is ready to roll. Good thing cuz it will definitely be keeping me company on the plane.
My BlogHer binder is complete. Do not judge me. I am a Very Organized Person. Plus, I am/have been coordinating the volunteers for the conference so I need things like spreadsheets and schedules and such. Please note: I am a very important person. (Snort.)
My cell phone is bursting with blogger’s numbers. Maybe this way I won’t bug all the non-conference goers on Twitter with those pesky “@kerrianne Where the hell are you?” tweets.
My iPod is fully loaded with tuneage for every mood and situation.
My tenants have been notified that Sizzle Has Left The Building. Emergencies only, people!
I’m stocked up on snacks. Just in case I get hungry and there are no food options for me, I’ve got stuff like nuts and Think Thin bars. It is not pretty when my blood sugar drops. I do this for the sake of all mankind.
I’m totally cool, calm and collected. I’m going to practice going with the flow this weekend. The control freak in me is currently screaming in my ear as I type this (I AM IN CHARGE!) but let’s just put on some music and forget about her, shall we? La la la la la.
I won’t be back to blogging until Tuesday at the earliest. It depends on how bad my hangover is. (I jest!) Think of this time apart like you’re at summer camp. . . except without the mosquitoes and sing-alongs and making out behind the bathrooms. Can you tell I never really went to camp? Yeah. Totally busted.
Let’s test that whole abscence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder theory.
Miss you already.
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If you’re going to be at the conference please note the following:
- I am short. Look down if you’re searching a crowd for me.
- I will hug you. Unless you give off a do-not-hug-me-vibe. Then I’ll let you warm up to me and hug you good-bye. So there.
- I am very friendly. Please come say hi to me if you see me! (I hope to God I recognize everyone.)
- In case you forgot what I look like, it’s something like this:
Borderline Obsessed
July 21, 2009 at 6:20 am | Posted in meme | 21 CommentsMy good pal at I’m Not Benny bestowed an award on me last week which is totally rad of him. I’m pretty skeptical about awards that come with obligations though. Is this a Miss America pageant or something?! Do I get a crown?
I’m disturbed by the visual that accompanies this award and yet, am required to post it. Apologies to those who, like me, try to avoid nose picking imagery or the real deal at all costs. Like the other night- my nephew who has recently discovered the treasure chest that is his nose- literally chased me down with a booger on his finger trying to wipe it on me. Man, almost-three year olds can sure run fast! Good thing I’ve been working out. I totally escaped booger-free. But just barely.
Wow, that was off-topic.
I’m supposed to tell you about my obsessions.
OBSESSION 1: Brain Age on my DSi.
Who would have thought that I would be playing a hand held video game device every night before I go to bed? Not me, that’s for damn sure. But I cannot stop playing this game. I’ve lowered my Brain Age from something embarrassing like 120 years old (that might be hyperbole) down to 38. I love progress! I am particularly obsessed with the Virus Busters game and Sudoku. My brain is actually becoming sharper. This is a good thing.
OBSESSION 2: Order.
This is a very general obsession which lends itself to such behavior as the following- straightening picture frames that are not mine, not in my house, not even my business; organizing the various teas that come in a basket when I order tea in a restaurant; making orderly piles of miscellaneous junk on OTHER PEOPLE’S TABLES (usually family or friends, still, none of my business!); periodically emptying out my fridge to reorganize it by food groups. These are just examples. Don’t judge me.
OBSESSION 3: Cooking, Cops and Compulsions.
I am unable to resist the allure of tv shows containing cooking or cops or compulsions. It’s a weakness of mine. Shows I am particularly fond of currently include: The Closer, Castle (Hi! Nathan Fillion! Mmmm, yummy) and Law & Order SVU (any of the L & Ws will do in a pinch really, I just have a particular fondness of Mariska Hargitay), Top Chef, Iron Chef (please do not make me watch Guy Fieri or Bobby Flay), Obsessed and Intervention (note to self: have some kleenex when watching the alcholic interventions- talk about flashbacks).
There are more but I think I’ll only crack the obsession door open a smidge.
(Feel free to tag yourself if you are in need of a meme.)
Counting Down
July 20, 2009 at 7:54 am | Posted in adventures, bloggers rule! | 33 CommentsIn four days I will be in Chicago.
To say I am excited would be an understatement of epic proportions.
While I am looking forward to attending the BlogHer Conference, I would be lying if I said that’s my only reason for going. I was on the fence about attending after last year but once they announced the location, I was sold. I haven’t been to Chicago since I was ten which basically means I have never been since I was ten in 1983. Besides, we didn’t even sightsee- we just hung out with relatives and the only real memory I have from it is that my second cousin got his mouth washed out with soap and he liked it. (HE LIKED IT.)
I digress.
Not only is Chicago a fantastically cool city but it’s also the home of some of my favorite bloggers. Bloggers that I’ve been reading for a long time now and am insanely excited to meet in person. (I am looking at you Kapgar, Nilsa, Diane, Kim and Tori.) Not only that but some of my old blogging pals will be in town and I’m happy to get to spend more time with them. The list of people I am excited to see again or meet for the first time is way too long. I will spare you because I am nice like that. Add to that the fact that I am rooming with none other than Kerrianne and Angella and you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to have an epic good time. I’m 98% certain we will be busting out with some Boom Boom Pow grooves in our hotel room.
The only thing concerning me now is not what I am going to wear or what sessions I am going to attend but how in the hell I am going to fit in the conference activities AND all the sightseeing I want to do AND spend time with all the super awesome bloggers. I really should have stayed more than one extra day. More like an extra week. If only I was made of money. And didn’t have two jobs.
I realize that a lot of non-attendees get sick of hearing about BlogHer this and BlogHer that so I will TRY to not tweet my fingers off at the conference. I don’t have a lap top so I won’t be posting. (You’re welcome.) BUT, if you’re going to BlogHer or are in Chicago, let me know in the comments so I can look for you and possibly accost you with a big hug. I’m friendly like that.
Welcome to My Bad Mood
July 17, 2009 at 5:43 am | Posted in my neurosis, processing | 33 Comments- There was a new teacher at water aerobics last night and he was Lame with a capital L. He does gets points for trying but those are the only points he gets. The class was scattered thus, I had a horrible work out. Apparently everyone could pay $2 instead of $5 when they checked in but since I have a flash pass I just bi-passed the line which resulted in me paying full price. For a class that sucked. It’s only $3 but it’s insult to injury.
- The Case of the Noisy Kittens continues. To the point where the landlords required me to write up the kitten owner. The kittens weigh less than 5lbs each. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THEY WAKE A PERSON UP!?
- My chin is breaking out.
- I have PMS. (see #3)
- My therapist told me that while I am very good at expressing myself, intuitive and analytical she senses that I am always frustrated and angry. Fuck her! Just kidding. She’s totally right. I know this. I hate this. I don’t know what to do about it. I left our session even more frustrated and angry because having someone reflect back to you something you abhor about yourself but not help you figure out how to be different is, well, frustrating. But you know, sorry out of time, sessions over. I sort of hate myself today. All I can see is everything that is wrong with me.
- Tenants who stand outside the front door smoking (Hi! Didn’t you get the memo that smoking kills?) and talking loudly with their friends after quiet hours while I am trying to sleep. Even with three fans blowing and ear plugs in my ears, I could still hear them. But I did not go down and ask them to be quiet because (see #3-5) I am crabby and cannot be trusted to defuse such petty situations. I probably would have ended up punching someone.
- When people do stuff that infuriates me because I DO THAT SAME STUFF. I heart being a hypocrite. Random vague examples: Speak up for yourself! No one can know what you want if you don’t TELL them. Don’t assume other people’s intentions! Instead of letting your insecurities speak for you all the damn time, how about you ask the person where they are coming from or (gasp!) admit to feeling insecure. Don’t tell me that’s the plan then change the plan! Especially when I am the one who ends up looking disorganized.
I think that’s enough. But know that there is more.
Someone put me back to bed until I find my happy.
Obligatory Fun
July 16, 2009 at 6:03 am | Posted in my neurosis, operation happy | 23 CommentsConfession: I only went to two weeks of the five week dance class.
I knew going into it that I would be challenged. That my overwhelming need to lead allthefuckingtime would take a beating. That I would have to try and try again to let go of control. And I did. I swear to the baby Jesus I did! But a few things stood in my way of me thoroughly enjoying the class.
1) The teachers sped through the steps without giving us enough practice time to really get the moves ingrained in our bodies. While they were both perfectly nice and friendly and knowledgeable, the quick pace and the cramming-too-much-info into a one hour session just did not work for me. Right when my brain would start to get the steps, they’d throw in a more complicated move. Plus, they had us change partners A LOT which isn’t altogether a bad thing except that you’d just be getting the grove with one guy and WHAM! you’d have another.
2) Work overwhelmed me. I honestly had every intention of pushing through to the very end despite my misgivings but then a work deadline made attending class last week impossible. After that miss, my brain started to talk myself out of attending further. I already felt behind because I was struggling to be a “follower”. (I make a very bad rag doll apparently. Massage therapists have told me this when they gently tell me to “relax” and I am like BUT THIS IS ME RELAXED!) I’ve been so busy that the thought of just going home one night without a mountain of things to do was/is very appealing.
3) This type of dance maybe isn’t for me. While I enjoy watching Lindy Hop dancers, the moves require a lot of knee bending. It’s old news but I have really, really bad knees. I could get through the class but the next day they’d be hurting. I really love swing dancing but maybe I should stick with East or West Coast?
Now the positives:
1) I signed up for class- GO ME!
2) I danced with all sorts of strangers and hardly felt self-conscious.
3) I decided not to pursue something just because I was supposed to or because I spent money. What’s the point of “Operation Happy” if I am not happy? Um, yeah. THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.
4) I have not given up on dancing. In fact, I want to take another dance class.
I do feel a little guilty. I’ll admit it. It’s hard for me to not complete things even when I know they are not making me happy. (Hi Catholicism! Hi child of an alcoholic! Hi people pleaser!) I’m trying to look at this as not a strike against me but an opportunity to fit something new into my schedule that really DOES make me feel happy.
What Counts
July 15, 2009 at 5:40 am | Posted in bloggers rule!, my neurosis | 39 CommentsYou may have noticed that I’m slipping.
It’s probably no coincidence that my blogging mojo always seems to slack off around summer and BlogHer time. But it does. It IS. I’ve been so damn busy that when I get home the last thing I want to do is be on my computer. I’m so behind on blog reading that I have been marking all as read sometimes even though it pains me to skim or skip. Sometimes we just have to prioritize our off-line life. You’ve been there, right?
Do you think that the blogisphere has “summer hours” when June hits and that bloggers post less during summer?
Do you ever notice the correlation of being too busy to comment on other blogs and a drastic decline in your comments?
I remember a time when I was getting upwards of 75+ comments on a single post. I had NO IDEA why or where readers/commenters came from. Sincerely. I was floored. Flattered, floored. . . and confused. What did I do to “deserve” all this traffic? Did I strike some magical balance that created the perfect storm of comments/traffic/blogging mojo? To this day I still don’t know but I realized that like a lot of things in life, there is an ebb and a flow to blogging. Back when the comment section was bursting, I had a few loyal readers from my blogging beginnings mention to me that they didn’t feel the need to comment anymore because I got so many other comments. That stopped me in my tracks because THEY were my people, the ones who had been there through all of it regardless of if I was “popular” or not.
It was a double-edged sword really because on the one hand my ego loved the expanding number in my comment section and the rise in my stats. And I was honestly struggling to keep up with responding to the volume of comments. On the other hand, the people who were my tried & trues were feeling on the outskirts of my blog which was the last thing I wanted to happen. I’ve always strived to create a community on my blog. That’s why I try to reply to every comment (when my life is not overwhelming me). That’s why I try to read the blogs of those who read me (I am unsuccessful at this most of the time due to time limitations- can we have 48 hour days?!).
I have absolutely no idea where all this is coming from except that I’m thinking about why I blog. I blog to connect with other people. I blog to share my life and find commonalities with other people. I blog to go deeper in my authentic experience. I blog to release. And somewhere along the line, I started to blog to be more ME.
The bottom line isn’t what Stat Counter says or what number the comment box reads, it’s that I am expressing myself and being true to me.
So, what’s your bottom line?
My Exception
July 14, 2009 at 6:09 am | Posted in family | 33 CommentsThere is one person in my life who is the exception to every rule I might hold and that person is my sister.
Today, Dokey turns 34.
She is the first person I’ve watched grow up. From a shy, blanket-yielding, fluff-eating little girl to a strong, wise, loving woman.
She’s my touchstone, my memory, my childhood. Who else can I call that can pull an old inside joke from the depths of our history to make me crumble in a fit of laughter? Who else can look at me and know, without words, my own heart?
She is the first person I want to call when things are breaking apart or falling into place. She helps me put the pieces together.
She tries. This is no small feat. I don’t think enough stock is put into the act of trying. This past year has been one of her hardest and yet, she’s trying. . . Trying to be her best self. Trying to let go of what isn’t working. Trying to forgive and heal and move forward.
She has the best laugh. Ever.
She is an amazing mother. I am floored by her parenting skills and the little boy made of sunshine and giggles and boundless energy she is raising.
She is bursting with creative abundance with an eye for beauty and capturing priceless moments on film. Her uncanny ability to make ordinary things extraordinary always makes me pause in wonderment.
She loves, vast and deep like the ocean.
She is my sister and my best friend. And I couldn’t be luckier.
Happy Birthday, Doke. May this be your best year yet.
I love you.
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