All the titles I can think of for this post are gross.

September 23, 2009 at 6:22 am | Posted in funny bone | 25 Comments

My co-worker and friend had a mean case of the shits the other day. Too embarrassed to ask around the office himself, he told the front desk volunteer to email blast everyone asking for stomach medicine. (That poor volunteer.) I ran into him later and he asked me directly if I had anything to help him. I was like, No dude. I don’t generally suffer from that affliction. He was like, DUDE, I need to stop shitting. I suggested he look in the first aid cabinet because I am helpful like that. Another co-worker overheard us and said she used to have stuff in a kit like Tums and dental floss and such but she took it home. (Not helpful, eavesdropper.) While that was no help to him, I did say that maybe he could have used the floss on his butt. I even gestured like I was flossing my butt. And then we broke down into a fit of giggling. Because we are secretly 12 year old boys. Awhile later because I couldn’t help myself, I sent him this video clip. (Man, I love that movie.) He came by my desk and was like STOP MAKING ME LAUGH OR I WILL SHIT MY PANTS. Which only made us laugh more.

After work he left me a voicemail that basically said: I just started giggling alone in my car at the realization that we are both in our late thirties and find poop funny. I shall keep up my shrine* to you. And oh, I left you a little something on your chair.

Two guesses what he left me.**

The moral of this story? Diarrhea is funny. When it isn’t you who has it.

*He has a running list of why he thinks I am cool and at the top is the fact that I am a girl who admits to liking porn. I’m thinking the giggling over poo comes a close second.

** He left fake puke on my chair. It looked like dog barf.

P.S. Apologies for referencing porn two posts in a row.

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You should check out James Gunn’s PG Porn (I can’t link to it from work). Their tagline is something like “For people who like everything about porn except the sex.”

Comment by Grant— September 23, 2009 #
That was money well spent.

Comment by Mighty Hunter— September 23, 2009 #
Poop is funny, as are all the sounds that precede it. I can’t help it, I’m twelve.

Comment by justrun— September 23, 2009 #
I love that movie! I’m going to have to agree with you, diarrhea is funny. I even laugh when it happens to me. Unless I’m in pain. Then not so fun.

Comment by Marie— September 23, 2009 #
I think you should aim to reference porn, naturally, for a week straight. PORN WEEK at Sizzle’s place!

Comment by Jess— September 23, 2009 #
oh-sweet-baby-jesus. Never have I ever read your blog before, but you can bet your buttons I will be reading it from now on.
The only thing I didn’t like about this post was the apology for mentioning porn.
kudos to you, dear.

Comment by Kate— September 23, 2009 #
hi, me [immediately] again. I would like to add, that if you weren’t fully endeared by the porn and poop, the lists of your dislikes included “passive-aggressive bullshit” and “Coldplay” did it for you.
thanks.

Comment by Kate— September 23, 2009 #
CRAAAACKING UP. My bf teases me ALL. THE. TIME. about how much I enjoy a good poop joke. And he acts like he is all “above it”, but whatever, he laughs too (he claims he is laughing at me…riiiiight).

Anyway, at work I am the go-to pharmacy for nearly anything that ails anyone. Then again, most of my department knows (in part b/c of Facebook) that I have IBS so they know they can come to me with these issues. Hee.

Comment by wafelenbak— September 23, 2009 #
Diarrhea *IS* cool.

And to you, wafelenbak, when your bf actually *stops* shitting he can act all holier-than-thou.

Comment by Meghan— September 23, 2009 #
I like dick and fart jokes. Don’t have a problem with porn. And shitting yourself is always funny. I am a 12 year old boy too. I always have a lot of guy friends because of this… now I work in an entire office of 12 year old boys.

I am a bad influence on my 6 year old son, I encourage the fart jokes.

Comment by kim— September 23, 2009 #
Poop IS funny. So are farts. What?

Comment by Angella— September 23, 2009 #
Damn you for not being a co-worker of mine!

Yeah. Poop in funny. Sincerely.

Now quit checking out porn sites and get to work. lol.

Comment by Ashleigh— September 23, 2009 #
You’re just referencing porn in your blog posts because you want a spike in hits from Google searches. C’mon admit it. I know it’s your style. hahaha. Between your poop stories and my toilet paper stories, I’d say we have the lower GI covered. hahah.

Comment by SoMi's Nilsa— September 23, 2009 #
Farts and poop are funny until someone decides to let a squeaker out in an elevator, and it’s one of those unfortunate “gambled and lost” moments. 6 floors in an elevator has never smelled so bad.

As soon as I was free, you better believe I laughed at the guy who stayed in the elevator to go back upstairs and change his shorts.

Comment by Karen— September 23, 2009 #
I’m going to be laughing at the image of you fake flossing your butt all night.

Comment by Tim— September 23, 2009 #
I LOVE that movie. One of my all time favorites. I watched that clip and laughed and laughed.

And poop is very funny. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t think so. Or maybe I just surround myself with “poop laughers”.

Comment by serror— September 23, 2009 #
I LOVE poop jokes. And Steven and I call each other poopface as a term of endearment.

Comment by kilax— September 23, 2009 #
I love it when you mesh with coworkers…

Comment by Nat— September 23, 2009 #
Poop is beyond funny. And all women are secretly 12 year old boys. Just today, a coworker and I spent 15 minutes giggling our assess off fantasizing about sticking the toothbrush of an evil adversary up our assess. Best laugh we had all week.

Comment by Mayberry Magpie— September 23, 2009 #
That song is stuck in my head now, but it’s oh-so-very-much okay because I can’t stop laughing.

And yes, poop jokes are awesome.

Comment by inkpuddle— September 23, 2009 #
Poop. Farts. Porn. It’s all funny.

Wait. That’s messed up somehow.

(You’re a good friend for making him laugh about pooping.)

Comment by Mocha— September 24, 2009 #
Yeah, that’s definitely not one of the meds I keep in my little pill box in my purse. It didn’t occur to him to just go to the store? :)

Comment by Becky— September 24, 2009 #
I thought for sure the video clip would the the ‘rhea scene from Dumb and Dumber. That one is for sure my favorite and I often quote the sound Jeff Daniels makes. Poop and porn are two of life’s great uniters. Nothing brings people together quite like those two.

Comment by Mel Heth— September 24, 2009 #
I think this is hilarious, the whole post! I always feel so judged when I say I like porn. Usually I keep that to myself because I hate when people get all uptight about it.

Comment by radioactive tori— September 25, 2009 #
I see nothing wrong with admitting to liking porn. I watch it all the time…well not ALL the time. I have to go to work and stuff.

Comment by Shaw Girl— September 26, 2009 #

Sizzle Says