On the Homefront

I currently have three open units in the building.

Unit One is a long-time resident who just bought a house. I showed it to one guy and he put a holding fee on it. That was easy.

Unit Two is one of the two lesbian couples who are breaking up but not the couple who fights. One of the girls has already moved out. The girl who stayed tells me she’s moving out. I post the ad and record the outgoing voicemail. She calls to tell me she’s changed her mind and wants to stay. I pull the ad and re-record the outgoing voicemail. She texts to say she’s actually going to move out. I post the ad again, record the voicemail. I hate her.

Unit Three is the other break up couple. One of them already moved into a different unit in the building. The remaining girl lives like a monk with very little furniture. The girl who moved into a different unit has already had the downstairs neighbor complain about her music being too loud in the morning and that she walks too heavily. I received a passive aggressive email from her asking me to tell her downstairs neighbor that she will be up getting ready for work in the mornings and it requires her to walk. The complaining neighbor was the same woman who was woken up by kittens repeatedly. She has since told me she is looking for a house to rent because she is over apartment living. Meanwhile, I’m trying to rent the monk-like tenant’s apartment which is directly over the Music Man’s apartment. Whoever moves in there will hopefully work during the day, not mind show tunes and hopefully own a lot of rugs.

Meanwhile the Smell Lady has not said a peep to me since I basically slammed my door in her face. Maybe she responds to meanness? Maybe I will receive her notice this month because as it stands right now at 7:40am on the 6th, she’s late with rent. She has never been late with rent. I now have to call her and ask where the hell her rent is. If she is giving notice, I need it in writing. She should know this since she claims to work at a property management office. There will be no way I can show her unit until after she vacates. She has THAT MUCH STUFF in her apartment. No one in their right mind would want to rent it with it looking like a case for Hoarders.

I currently have three tenants who have neglected to pay rent on time. Rent is due by the 5th of each month. Not the 6th. Not the 7th. Not the 6th and 5 minutes. Every month, it’s the same due date. Why is it so hard for some people to pay on time? This one guy is late with his rent every single month. I’ve given him warnings. I’ve charged him the late fee. What the fuck? He lives on the same floor as the where the rent is deposited. This is not a proximity problem but a I-smoke-too-much-pot-so-I-don’t-remember problem.

75% of the time this second job is totally worth it. It’s the 25% of the time that you hear me bitching about. My crabbiness is off the charts today thanks to cramps, the beginnings of a head cold, bad hair and a ten hour work day looming large in front of me.

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