On the Homefront

I currently have three open units in the building.

Unit One is a long-time resident who just bought a house. I showed it to one guy and he put a holding fee on it. That was easy.

Unit Two is one of the two lesbian couples who are breaking up but not the couple who fights. One of the girls has already moved out. The girl who stayed tells me she’s moving out. I post the ad and record the outgoing voicemail. She calls to tell me she’s changed her mind and wants to stay. I pull the ad and re-record the outgoing voicemail. She texts to say she’s actually going to move out. I post the ad again, record the voicemail. I hate her.

Unit Three is the other break up couple. One of them already moved into a different unit in the building. The remaining girl lives like a monk with very little furniture. The girl who moved into a different unit has already had the downstairs neighbor complain about her music being too loud in the morning and that she walks too heavily. I received a passive aggressive email from her asking me to tell her downstairs neighbor that she will be up getting ready for work in the mornings and it requires her to walk. The complaining neighbor was the same woman who was woken up by kittens repeatedly. She has since told me she is looking for a house to rent because she is over apartment living. Meanwhile, I’m trying to rent the monk-like tenant’s apartment which is directly over the Music Man’s apartment. Whoever moves in there will hopefully work during the day, not mind show tunes and hopefully own a lot of rugs.

Meanwhile the Smell Lady has not said a peep to me since I basically slammed my door in her face. Maybe she responds to meanness? Maybe I will receive her notice this month because as it stands right now at 7:40am on the 6th, she’s late with rent. She has never been late with rent. I now have to call her and ask where the hell her rent is. If she is giving notice, I need it in writing. She should know this since she claims to work at a property management office. There will be no way I can show her unit until after she vacates. She has THAT MUCH STUFF in her apartment. No one in their right mind would want to rent it with it looking like a case for Hoarders.

I currently have three tenants who have neglected to pay rent on time. Rent is due by the 5th of each month. Not the 6th. Not the 7th. Not the 6th and 5 minutes. Every month, it’s the same due date. Why is it so hard for some people to pay on time? This one guy is late with his rent every single month. I’ve given him warnings. I’ve charged him the late fee. What the fuck? He lives on the same floor as the where the rent is deposited. This is not a proximity problem but a I-smoke-too-much-pot-so-I-don’t-remember problem.

75% of the time this second job is totally worth it. It’s the 25% of the time that you hear me bitching about. My crabbiness is off the charts today thanks to cramps, the beginnings of a head cold, bad hair and a ten hour work day looming large in front of me.

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35 thoughts on “On the Homefront

  1. Any possibility of heading back home and straight into bed? Take a sick day perhaps? Yes? Hope you feel better lady.

  2. You are a strong woman! As time goes on and I am moving closer to getting back into Seattle apartment living, I think of all the downfalls and question my sanity. But alas, I just know I want a top floor and as few shared walls as possible so that I don’t have anyone to complain about. They can just complain about me. Good luck with all the nutsos!

  3. Mmh, about the late rent: being from Germany, where rent is paid by “bank transfer”, I still can’t get over the fact that personal checks are still used for so much money business in the US.
    If you had an automatic bank transfer, nobody would have to worry about a due date. Just my two cents.

  4. I oftentimes wonder how adults can behave so badly. I think there should be a mini hell on earth where we can send these folks for their poor decisions and behavior. Even if they don’t shape up, at least we won’t have to deal with them!

  5. Man, I would LOVE to not have to hunt down my landlord to get him my rent check. These people have it so easy!!!

    Hang in there, sweets. This too shall pass.

  6. haha, it DOES sound like college students! and having just watched hoarders for the first time last night (OMG HORRIFYING) i.. well. i’m sorry about that one unit. eesh.

  7. I think your apt building is cursed. You seem to have a lot pot smoking, loud music playing, heavy walking, and rent dodging freaks living there.

    Just say’n!
    :P hugs!

  8. well thankfully it’s OK 75% of the time & in the very least, that 25% gives you great blogging material. I loved reading this post. Cracks me up!! Hang in there!!

  9. This makes me less likely to complain about the asshole who lives above me and a) only stomps and b) just took up playing the guitar.

  10. I love when you bitch about it. Don’t stop. Your stories are great. Although, I wish it wasn’t so stressful for you. You’ll be a better person in the end… right? :)

  11. I worry that I am turning into one of these kinds of tenants. But I mean come on, the guy downstairs PLAYS DRUMS.

  12. You know, it sounds like 98% of the time that job isn’t worth it. Of course, I like neither people nor cats, so maybe it’s just me.

  13. Two things:
    First: you have more lesbians in your life than I do. And I’m a lesbian.
    Second: at this rate you’re gonna end up an honourary lesbian. Welcome to the family.

  14. I have a friend who wants me to manage their building. Not quite sure that I am up to it. Sounds intriguing for about five minutes.

  15. My rent is due on the 5th of every month too! We pay by direct debit… is that not possible for your tenants? I doubt we’d even remember if we had to pay it every month by hand! Not that I’m defending the late-payers, I just remember what we were all like when we did have to pay a bill every month in person – we always forgot. I think cos in the UK very few people pay like that. It’s mostly done by direct debit through the bank. Is it not like that in the US too?

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