Two More Weeks of This

March 18, 2010 at 6:40 am | Posted in conversations, everyday frustrations, the super | 31 Comments

Since the Smell Lady gave notice, I’ve only shown her apartment once. Partly due to my crazy work schedule and partly due to wanting to avoid interacting with her at all costs. Because she is crazy. And not in the good way.

I attempted to call her multiple times over as many days only to have her phone ring and ring and ring. She apparently does not have an answering machine. Then I resorted to an old fashioned paper note stuck in her door because, oh yes, she has not given me an email address despite my frequent requests to do so. When she finally called me she said the reason the phone was ringing repeatedly was because they had it plugged into the internet. She has dial up! Excuse me, but what the hell year is it? Am I back in 1991?!

Gah.

Our conversation went down something like this:

{Semi-pleasant greetings exchanged}

I got your note. Our phone was plugged into the internet but we don’t have an answering machine anyhow.

That makes it very difficult for me to get a hold of you then.

Yes. I wanted to ask you a few things. Why do you need to take pictures of my apartment?

So I can post them to the Craig’s List ad I have up. We get a much higher response rate when there are photos of the unit.

I do not want photos of my apartment on the internet. I cannot allow it.

Uh. . . okay.

You have to give me 24 hours notice to enter my apartment.

Actually, no I do not. You have given me written notice to vacate so I technically can show your apartment without notice during reasonable hours.

I work at a property management company and I do not think that is the law.

Well, it is. You go ahead and look that up. When you give written notice to move out, the 24 hr head’s up is no longer required. But it really won’t matter as I usually schedule with the tenant some chunks of time during the week where I will be showing their apartment given how busy my schedule is. We can just agree to a few times during the week where I will show it.

I do not want you showing my apartment without me there.

I can’t promise that. It’s my job to rent your apartment and if someone stops by and wants to see it, I can legally show it to them right then. I don’t generally do that because like I already said, I’m very busy and prefer to schedule appointments that are mutually agreeable to the tenant and myself.

I want 24 hours notice before you show it and I want to be there when you do.

Uhhhh, I think we’ve already gone over this. I don’t have to give you notice. I likely will because that’s how I like to do things but I can’t promise that. I don’t have to do that.

Well I work at a property management company. . .

(interrupting her) Yes, you said that. And like I said, you go ahead and look that up. I’m showing your apartment at 6:30 tomorrow. See you then. Good-bye.

It’s conversations like this that make me want to throw my phone across the room.

And tit punch her.*

If she had tits.

*Invoking Kaplyism

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I think I’d want to punch her in the stomach. Make her lose her breath. Give her a moment of panic. I’d probably come up with other things I’d want to do to her, but I can’t stop thinking about the asshole this morning who sped up to cut me off (even though no one was behind me) and then gave me the finger when I switched lanes to pass him. WTF?

Comment by Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks— March 18, 2010 #
There is no reasoning with the insane, but you did a fabulous job anyway! Hang in there.

Comment by Marleah— March 18, 2010 #
Baahahaha!! Tit punch her! That’s even better than “kicking her in the box.”

Thanks for the laugh!

We have a rental house with two suites, people are a pain in the friggen ass. I feel your pain.

Comment by Lindsey— March 18, 2010 #
*I* want to tit punch her. Seriously.

Comment by Angella— March 18, 2010 #
WHAT? She has no idea what she’s talking about. And there’s no way she can “not allow” you to take photos of the unit. UGH, The Crazy you have to deal with is unreal. I can’t wait until she’s gone, for good!

Comment by Kerri Anne— March 18, 2010 #
The reason she “cannot allow” photos of her apartment to go up on the internet is because it would take her three weeks to download them at dial-up speeds. Okay, not really: it’s because she’s CRAZY.

Comment by Iron Fist— March 18, 2010 #
Dude. I would lose my mind if I had to deal with that shit on a regular basis.

Comment by hillary— March 18, 2010 #
She doesn’t have tits? And she smells? When is she supposed to be out anyway?

Comment by Windsor Grace— March 18, 2010 #
I guess two weeks. Did put the title of this post together. Duh.

Comment by Windsor Grace— March 18, 2010 #
Ahh, nothing lends itself to stress-free living like dealing with asshat residents. I hope the next two weeks go by very fast for you.

Comment by Dumblond— March 18, 2010 #
So the smell lady is stupid too? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait until she’s gone!

Comment by kilax— March 18, 2010 #
I think I would have had a heart attack or stroke by now dealing with your tenants.

Comment by mainlyclearskies— March 18, 2010 #
You have the patience of a saint. We shall immediately get to work on the monument for St. Sizzle, patron saint of harried landlords.

Comment by Shania— March 18, 2010 #
Oops, hit enter too quick. was going to suggest that you refrain from tit punches as they aren’t very saintly. ;)

Comment by Shania— March 18, 2010 #
Fortunately, actual tits are not a requirement for a titpunching.

Comment by Tracy Lynn— March 18, 2010 #
I vote against tit punching. You’d most likely be implicated. Instead, you should accidentally spill water (or some other beverage) on her shoes. Because it’s clearly an accident and what’s worse than walking around with squishy, sticky shoes? Go ahead. You know you want to.

Comment by Booyah— March 18, 2010 #
Yeah in writing from now on if I was you. Avoid her! lol

And I love that you use the “crazy, but not in the good way”… I totally believe there are batshit crazy people that are amazing functioning humans ! lol

Comment by Sigh— March 18, 2010 #
that is insane. tit punch her for me too.

Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey— March 18, 2010 #
Wow, she’s crazy-pants for sure.

Comment by Sarah— March 18, 2010 #
I love it when people act like “if I just keep repeating myself maybe she’ll change her answer/mind!” That’s when I pull out the “you can keep asking but I’m not going to change my mind.”

Comment by Erin (Snarke)— March 18, 2010 #
Does it all start to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher after a while?

Comment by tiff— March 19, 2010 #
I’d love to hear her reasoning for now allowing pics of her apartment on Craigslist. What’s she hiding in that place?

Comment by Isabel— March 19, 2010 #
I’m surprised you didn’t follow with “well, I work for a property management company too. And I’m planning an open house at 2 a.m. on Friday night and going to sum all the crack heads I can find to take your smelly shit.”

Don’t blame you for wanting to inflict violence.

Comment by Nat— March 19, 2010 #
May the next two weeks go by as fast as possible!

Comment by 180|360— March 19, 2010 #
I really think you should go for the tit punch.

Comment by Mayberry Magpie— March 19, 2010 #
Soon she’ll be gone! Think positive!

Comment by Stacey— March 20, 2010 #
I’m SO GLAD she’ll be gone soon, Sizz. I think I would bang my head against a wall after a conversation like that. Hang in there! Take a big red marker and “X” off the days!

Comment by Long Story Longer— March 21, 2010 #
I want to make you one of those paper chains that we made in grade school to countdown to Christmas. Every morning you can tear one off. And, maybe you can hang it outside her door.

Comment by Rhi— March 23, 2010 #
“And tit punch her.” – my new favorite phrase of the year I think.

Comment by Kevin Spencer— March 23, 2010 #
Dear God, that woman sounds annoying.

This tit punching thing, I could get on board with that. Go for it!

Comment by cityhoot— March 24, 2010 #
[...] Yep, The Smell Lady. [...]

Pingback by Crazy Makes Me Crazy « Sizzle Says— March 31, 2010 #

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