I + I = Us
March 29, 2010 at 8:35 am | Posted in love | 72 Comments
Mr. Darcy and I often start sentences to each other with, “I don’t want to freak you out but. . .” and then one of says something that is ripe with future plans involving the other, a sentiment we’ve been carrying around that involves an unspoken happily ever after, a feeling that is simultaneously pure excitement and fear. It’s been three months and many caution that it’s too soon to say such things, to know such things. And yet, all my life people have been saying that when you meet The One, you just know. I’ve rallied against that because in many of my previous relationships I wanted the person I was with to be The One. The thing is, you can’t force someone to be Your Person, and no amount of trying to make them be IT is going to work.
I don’t want to make it sound like Mr. Darcy and I met and everything has been sunshine and roses from that day forth. There has been lots of sunshine and plenty of roses for certain but we’ve also had our share of struggles as we’re learning to be a couple- an us instead of an I. I’m not the easiest person to date. I’m difficult. I’m too structured and completely closed off.* I have a panic button when it comes to intimacy and it’s hard to find the off switch. I’m upfront about all this but I struggle with being a burden, requiring too much effort, letting my neurosis get the better of me. Mr. Darcy is the counterbalance to my spazmatronic ways. He’s steady and self-assured and patient. It’s not that he’s perfect. He’s also an epic worrier, sensitive and internalizes a lot of his feelings. It’s just that he’s perfect for me.
For me love is a verb. It takes action and choice. It takes being all in, showing up, trying and trying some more. If the past three months have shown me anything it is that Mr. Darcy is worth every effort, every growing pain, every compromise. He is worth everything to me.
*Why yes, sometimes I am very much Sally Albright from When Harry Met Sally.
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what a wonderful post.
i loved it.
and it’s true… at one point, you gotta become ‘US’ instead of I
Comment by noe— March 29, 2010 #
SO happy for you!
Comment by Karen— March 29, 2010 #
BTW…your writing has taken on a completely different feel since you’ve been in love. It’s wonderful!
Comment by Karen— March 29, 2010 #
I’m enjoying this love story so much!
Comment by Roxie— March 29, 2010 #
I am beaming! So so happy for you! And it’s cliched, but when you know, you know. Ben moved across the country to be with me after knowing each other less than a month. Other people were scared for us but neither of us had doubts (and 7 years later it seems the feeling was right).
Comment by Punchlinewalking— March 29, 2010 #
EXACTLY. Not perfect, just perfect for you. The crucial, beautiful difference.
What an adorable photo of the two of you!
Comment by Jess— March 29, 2010 #
I LOVE that “love” is a verb in your world. It should be.
Also? I am very happy for you. :)
Comment by Hilly— March 29, 2010 #
Sally Albright huh?
Do you also imitate orgasms in public restaurants? ;)
cuz THAT would just be freaking classic. I even bet that a few onookers would catch the movie reference.
:)
Comment by Ashleigh— March 29, 2010 #
You’re so right that love is a verb. And, I’m so happy for you two.
Comment by Marleah— March 29, 2010 #
ahhh…. you guys are so cute! i’m so happy for you.
Comment by 180|360— March 29, 2010 #
Love it. You both are just glowing!
Comment by michelle woo— March 29, 2010 #
You look so happy…and maybe this will freak you out, but sometimes, I think about Mr. Darcy’s post and him calling Jesus his Personal Trainer, and it makes me laugh to this day. So happy for you…you seriously glow and I’m just delighted for you both.
Comment by Amy --- Just A Titch— March 29, 2010 #
I’m so happy things are going so great – I’m kinda bummed that Hunk and I won’t be the cutest couple at TC 2010. Y’all have us by a landslide, and we’re pretty cute!!
You look positively smitten, I can totally see you two in 50 years sporting matching hoodies……
Comment by Beth— March 29, 2010 #
I am so happy for you.
Comment by kim— March 29, 2010 #
I LOVE this….. “For me love is a verb. It takes action and choice. It takes being all in, showing up, trying and trying some more.”
Comment by Theresa— March 29, 2010 #
Swooooon… I think balance is so wonderful and important. The yin to your yang. So happy for you that you’ve found it!
Comment by Mel Heth— March 29, 2010 #
That’s such a good photo.
Comment by Kevin Spencer— March 29, 2010 #
Sweet Sizz, you deserve everything you are finding in this relationship and so much more. I can’t tell you how reading your blog has helped me push through my own broken heart because not only have you been there before, you’ve written about it honestly and elegantly.
To see you now, happy and steady, gives me more hope than I can say. The ripples of your happiness have been good. Thank you for sharing so much of your life and allowing those ripples to touch me.
As my favorite quote says, “Be in love and eat lots of dessert!”
Comment by Booyah— March 29, 2010 #
You just seem…really good now. Like, the relationship has enhanced your life…and while, as you said, all relationships are work, you don’t seem to be turning yourself inside out. You just seem happy.
Does he have a brother?
Comment by sandra— March 29, 2010 #
A classic portrait.
His face says …
Look at me, in love. Happy. Content. Mischievous. Excited for this moment, greatly anticipating what comes next. She’s great. She makes me laugh uncontrollably. She makes me feel at home.
Your face says …
Look at me, in love. Happy. Content. I hope this moment lasts. I’m not sure about tomorrow. But I’m going to give it everything I have. I don’t want him to know I’m a bit scared. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. And I’m afraid to embrace it because I don’t want to lose it.
Cute portrait. Made me go … awwwwwwwww.
Comment by teebopop— March 29, 2010 #
I hope he is The One. You two are so adorable together.
Comment by carrisa— March 29, 2010 #
So happy to see you HAPPY!!! You deserve it. All of it. And more. Lots more. I’ll stop now.
Comment by Marci— March 29, 2010 #
Love this post. I think when you find someone to balance out the crazy (which btw, is in all of us to some degree…) it works really well. I’m sure you balance things out for Mr. Darcy too. So happy for you Sizz!
Comment by Foo— March 29, 2010 #
This makes me so very, very, very happy for you lovely lady. You deserve hoards of sunshine and roses and hope that’s what you always have. :)
Comment by Marie— March 29, 2010 #
So happy you are happy!
Comment by Heather— March 29, 2010 #
“You come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly” – Sam Keen
That’s one of my favorite quotes. Delurking to say that I’m so happy to see that you’re finding your happiness.
Comment by Liz— March 29, 2010 #
i love this
and you
and you 2 together
xo
j
Comment by jenny 2 times— March 29, 2010 #
Awesome! I love it and am so happy for you!
I found the one who was perfect for me. And I just knew. And love itself is a choice.
Comment by Melissa— March 29, 2010 #
An adorable picture! And I love that y’all are perfect *for* each other ~ what a great description.
Comment by Rachel K— March 29, 2010 #
you look adorable in that pic!
Comment by kristin— March 29, 2010 #
The perfect is in the timing and that you are both thinking the same things. Pffft to any kind of “opinion” anyone else might have on what’s right. Happy for you!
Comment by LesleyG— March 29, 2010 #
This was beautiful, babe. (Like you.) You deserve every ounce of happiness you are feeling, and I’m so glad you and Mr. Darcy are perfect fits for each other. Even with everything that’s happened, I’m a believer that “happily ever after” doesn’t be to be a myth. Here’s to you two!
Comment by Kerri Anne— March 29, 2010 #
Sweet. Very happy for you!
Comment by Karla— March 29, 2010 #
F yeah!
Comment by hotpinksox— March 29, 2010 #
so so so so thrilled for you.
Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey— March 29, 2010 #
YAY. I love Mr. Darcy too.:) It’s so great when you find a person (friend or romantic) that compliments you. It just makes you feel so much better about being you.
Comment by Kaleigha— March 29, 2010 #
…you so deserve every bit of happines you are finding with your beau …he is very lucky
Comment by zainmoribundi— March 29, 2010 #
I can testify that every fucking word of this is true.
Comment by Tracy Lynn— March 29, 2010 #
It’s Magic when you decide to let people into your Whole Life! Just remember that you are a Whole person and while you Share everything, you are also Strong Enough to stand on your own,Walk your own path & make your own decisions. I’m Happy that You’re Happy (we all are!) and hope for the Future-I also hope you can take the time to breathe on your own, enjoy the sun on your face, the wind on your cheeks and think your own thoughts. Too many folks seem to Melt into each other while in a relationship & forget that Time has a funny way of making you move Forward, Together or Apart and those who hold themselves up are the ones most able to go on-no matter what. Love IS a Verb!
Comment by yknot— March 29, 2010 #
Sizz, How do I set a picture as an icon? Get back to me & let me know, if you do. Thanks! :-)
Comment by yknot— March 29, 2010 #
aw sizzle this is just so cute and so so true. love it.
Comment by katelin— March 29, 2010 #
*Big, happy sigh*
Comment by Angella— March 29, 2010 #
You are right. When you meet your “One”, you just know. It was exactly that way with my husband…even though when I met him, I had just broken off an engagement…even though I swore to myself that I would take any future relationships extra slow. After two weeks, I knew it was love. After one month, we were discussing marriage and children. It happens when it happens.
Hooray for you and your “one”!
Comment by Dumblond— March 29, 2010 #
You two are adorable.
Comment by Kim— March 29, 2010 #
YAY! Cutest picture ever!
Comment by serror— March 29, 2010 #
Squeeeeeeeeee!!!
Comment by Mayberry Magpie— March 29, 2010 #
That photo is too cute for words. Thank you Mr. Darcy for being brave enough to show up on da’ sizzle page.
Comment by Jenn Bo— March 29, 2010 #
So, so happy for you! In less than 3 months, I am marrying the love of my life. After 3 months of being together, we said ‘I love you’ and knew we wanted to be together forever. That was almost 7 years ago. It has been a long, and at times broken road, but here we are, more in love than ever. When you know… you know. Best of luck to both of you!
Comment by Steph— March 29, 2010 #
Reading this made me so happy :)
And I agree with Amy – every once in a while I think about him saying Jesus isn’t his personal savior but he is his personal trainer, and it makes me snort.
Comment by Long Story Longer— March 29, 2010 #
Seriously, :)
Comment by kristi— March 30, 2010 #
Rough times are a sign of a normal relationship. Fighting your way through them is a sign that you both give a damn. Congrats on giving a damn.
Comment by kapgar— March 30, 2010 #
That totally made me smile. You sound happy (and sensible?). Yay!
Comment by Kate— March 30, 2010 #
I have been DYING to see you two together and I am so happy you posted a picture. You look adorable together. I am so happy for you!
I think you are awesome. I love that you see love as a verb. It should be and I think people forget that all too often.
Comment by radioactive tori— March 30, 2010 #
What a GREAT photo! Love his smile–and your hair–I want that hair cut!
Comment by CindiB— March 30, 2010 #
The Honeymoon Stage is always so much fun!
Comment by Harper Graham— March 30, 2010 #
I knew I had The One right away, so yes, I believe in that stuff. :-)
What is more complicated, is the inside-stuff, you talk about, about what is in you. I’m glad you are going to a good therapist and seeking to unwind these things, get some healing. Maybe I wouldnt be here 30 yrs later, and wondering what is really Real, about me. What is Real, period. Figure out your truths now, and you can go in to your future feeling really in touch with yourself. That honesty is worth so much, as solid ground to stand on!
Comment by Bully— March 30, 2010 #
You two are just TOO cute. Yes, I, too, knew The One when I met him (30+ years ago)… trust your gut, sweetie. If it is meant to be, it will be. You don’t need to MAKE anyone into anything. You just need to enjoy. As I just told my eldest daughter (who is trying to decide if she really wants to go through with the divorce or go to counseling)… does he make you feel safe? Is he the one you want to be with when things go wrong? Who you want to talk to? Is he on YOUR side? Does he make you want to make him happy? If you can both say “yes”, then you are well on your way to your own 30+ years…
Comment by sue— March 30, 2010 #
This is, officially, the cutest photo ever :)
Comment by Meghan— March 30, 2010 #
That is a great picture! I have to say, I love that you share. Because, sometimes, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with (as I call them) hang-ups. And it is hopeful to know that there are men who will encourage that growth rather than judge it. So happy for you two. :)
Comment by Sarah— March 30, 2010 #
you two are so cute, number one.
number two, i have been married two years and we’re still struggling with “us” and “i”. don’t beat yourself up!
Comment by willikat— March 30, 2010 #
Well, I don’t say it is too soon. I was single girl for life (longest relationship…2 months), until I met Jason. Started dating and moved in immediately, 5 years later we just got married and still no real fights or problems (except that I just found out he didn’t know who Imelda Marcos was). Sometimes, you just know when something fits, and I hope that is what you have.
Comment by Moriah— March 30, 2010 #
:) This made me very very happy.
Comment by Sarah— March 30, 2010 #
Love the When Harry Met Sally reference. I do think you do know when it is the one. How cheesy is that to admit? :) And you’re right – that doesn’t mean it is easy! But that even after a disagreement, you still want to be with this person. It’s just what feels right.
Comment by kilax— March 31, 2010 #
Yay! Such a cute picture. I got engaged four months after I met “The One.” Would marry him again today! It’s not that hard. When you know, you know. Best of luck to you and Mr. Darcy!
Comment by EV— March 31, 2010 #
but in a good way.
just had to finish that one myself! :) enjoy!
Comment by sambycat— March 31, 2010 #
You’re structured and closed off, but in a good way. :)
I’ve gone through the same feelings of wanting someone to be The One but not having that “I know feeling.” But with the current Modern Fella, I Know. And that feeling is amazing. Congrats for finding one another.
Comment by The Modern Gal— March 31, 2010 #
“The thing is, you can’t force someone to be Your Person, and no amount of trying to make them be IT is going to work.” this rang so true to me.
And I absolutely love this “For me love is a verb. It takes action and choice. It takes being all in, showing up, trying and trying some more. If the past three months have shown me anything it is that Mr. Darcy is worth every effort, every growing pain, every compromise. He is worth everything to me.”
I am so happy for you Sizz!!!
Comment by Jen— April 6, 2010 #
Simply, utterly, and wonderfully adOYable.
Comment by Krystal— April 7, 2010 #
[...] have a boyfriend who loves and accepts every part of me. Even the parts I don’t [...]
Pingback by 37 Positives « Sizzle Says— April 13, 2010 #
Oh my, I think you just described me and my relationship with “mine”.
Comment by Marissa— April 16, 2010 #
[...] of and go after a life I want. I feel limited by what I think is possible. I feel like I found this one true, amazing, wonderful thing and then I grabbed it and planted my feet firmly in the ground in the hopes that I can ward of [...]
Pingback by Not Good Enough « Sizzle Says— June 8, 2010 #
Siz! Almost a year after you have written this, and wanted to let you know that I am using you as a resource… Three months into an incredible relationship, and the talks of love and life and living life together forever comes up. …which made me wonder what is normal for lovebirds.
You’ve been sited as a resource for my love questions. Just wanted to let you know, and also to thank you for being so opem with who you are on here.
Comment by Klely— January 31, 2011 #