Crazy Makes Me Crazy

March 31, 2010 at 6:14 am | Posted in conversations, everyday frustrations, the super | 28 Comments

I arrive home after a 12 hour day to find a moving truck in my parking space. Two guesses who the thoughtless, rude, annoying person was who didn’t have the decency to ask if she could use my driveway is. I bet you don’t even need two guesses, do you?

Yep, The Smell Lady.

I illegally park my car on the sidewalk, flip on my hazard lights and storm up to the top floor. On the way I encounter movers. Spanish speaking movers who, through gesticulations, decipher my request to move their truck. I pull my car far up into the grass so they can park behind me. BECAUSE I AM NICE.

I head directly to her apartment, skipping the tirade about her not asking to use my space and instead plunge directly into my request. I noticed she had multiple garbage bags and a mattress/box spring set out on the marble steps of the front stoop when I left for work this morning with a hand written sign that read, “Salvation Army.” Upon my return I noticed that the mattress and box spring are still there, uglying up the entry way to our otherwise respectable and classy building. The landlords would have a shitfit if they saw that.

“Hey, I notice the mattress and box spring are still on the front stoop. You’ll need to get rid of them.”

“Yes, well they didn’t pick them up today. I was going to call someone tomorrow to pick them up.”

“Yeah, that’s not acceptable. You’re going to have to remove them tonight.”

“But we are moving. Can you recommend anyone that will pick it up?”

“Used mattresses are very hard to have picked up. You’ll just need to take them with you. You can’t leave them there.”

“But we are moving.”

“I’m well aware that you are moving. But makes the building look like shit so move them tonight. Thanks.”

I CAN ONLY BE NICE FOR SO LONG.

Her broken record technique irritates me. It’s like having a conversation with a wall. She’s immovable in her stupidity. But today is her last day ever here! REJOICE!

I hope I don’t haul off and tit punch* her tonight during the final walk through of her apartment. I have a feeling she will do something to inspire it. She’s predictable that way.

*Kaplyism

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You have to let us know how the walkthrough goes. Even though she has annoyed you, I have to say that she made for some great stories. Not so good though that I’m not thrilled for you that she’s moving out. I can’t imagine how good it will feel to have that burden lifted.

Comment by Jessie— March 31, 2010 #
What a jerk face! Good luck today.

Comment by hotpinksox— March 31, 2010 #
I’m dying to find out if she ‘disappears’ w/o her mattress. I hope you don’t get stuck with that. I’m so happy she is leaving. Hope you get a better non-smelly tenant!

Comment by bubblewench— March 31, 2010 #
At least this is the last week you’ll have to deal with her! Rejoice!

Comment by Windsor Grace— March 31, 2010 #
at this point i’m HOPING she gives you a reason to titpunch her :-)

Comment by Alice— March 31, 2010 #
I am SO GLAD this woman is leaving. May you never have to see her ever again, ever. Ever.

Comment by Jess— March 31, 2010 #
Did she mention that she’s moving?

Comment by Dave2— March 31, 2010 #
Seriously, no charity takes used mattresses. Not even the John 3:16 mission. I think it’s illegal. So yeah, she needs to get rid of them herself. Hopefully wherever she goes next, someone makes her life a living hell.

Comment by Carrisa— March 31, 2010 #
Oh Sizzle, it’s been too long since I checked in. I found this post particularly hilarious.
I live in an apartment complex that perpetually attracts undesirables despite astronomical rent.
We’re currently on to our sixth set of managers for the year.
While we don’t have a resident Smell Lady we do have a Perverted Russian, an Incent Burning Pot Smoker and an Anorexic Albino couple.
I hate my neighbours passionately, but I hate moving more.

Comment by Holly— March 31, 2010 #
Yeah, I was gonna say that before I saw Carrisa’s comment…I didn’t think you could donate a mattress. People do nasty things on mattresses…charity don’t want your nasty shit, Smell Lady!

Comment by Faith— March 31, 2010 #
Guess where she put the mattress and box spring?

LEANING ON THE DUMPSTER.

I hate her.

Comment by sizzle— March 31, 2010 #
I would seriously strangle someone who kept resorting to that broken-record style circular reasoning like that. Drives me freakin’ nuts!! I don’t know how you kept from setting her apartment on fire in the middle of the night all this time.

I vote you tit-punch her. Or give me her forwarding address and I’ll do it.

*knock knock* “Telegram!”

“Oh, that’s odd. I wonder who would send me a telegr– OOOFF!”

“BAM! Tit-punch, sucka! Special delivery from Ms Sizzle!”

Comment by Iron Fist— March 31, 2010 #
Oh geez, of COURSE she left it leaning on the dumpster. Too bad you can’t special deliver that to her at her new address…maybe send it with Iron Fist’s tit-punching telegram?

Comment by Marleah— March 31, 2010 #
Tit punch. Heh

Comment by Jen— March 31, 2010 #
#1 Charge her for leaving the mattress and #2 tit-punch her for good measure.

Comment by Karla— March 31, 2010 #
I think we’re way past tit punch. I’d go for a swift kick to the groin. Bitch.

Comment by Meghan— March 31, 2010 #
I hate her, too. I feel my blood pressure going up just reading these posts.

Comment by mainlyclearskies— March 31, 2010 #
Tit Punch her!!!!!

Oh, and charge her $300 to remove the mattress.

Comment by kim— March 31, 2010 #
I just had this wierd thought. What if one of us knew the Smell Lady?

I am just imagining having a conversation with a co-worker and hearing her bitch about her apartment manager bitching about some mattresses leaning against the porch. And then bursting out laughing in her face and not being able to explain why.

By the way. I really need this to happen today, to improve my mood. I can think of a few people I would like to be the Smell Lady.

Comment by kim— March 31, 2010 #
just for the record, we have a box springs along the side of our house right now. I’m sure our new neighbors are THRILLED with us. Can’t wait until we get our fridge installed right there on the front porch!

Comment by Rhi— March 31, 2010 #
She put the mattress against the dumpster? Hello, slap in the face.

Comment by Angella— March 31, 2010 #
Totally tit punch her. Not like she can complain to anyone… she doesn’t live there any more.

Comment by Nat— March 31, 2010 #
You are a saint.

Comment by Long Story Longer— March 31, 2010 #
She probably didn’t know what to do with it, or where to put it. Her lack of initiative in finding this out is appalling, however, if she’s lived there for a long time, it’s possible she wouldn’t have needed to know before now. Is there anything you can do? Withhold her deposit cheque for disposal charges?

Comment by jeopardygirl— April 1, 2010 #
TIT PUNCH! TIT PUNCH! TIT PUNCH!

(but, yanno, only if it’s really necessary.)

Comment by kapgar— April 1, 2010 #
Thank goodness you are almost done with her and hopefully it all went well and nothing else happened.

Does she have a security deposit you can keep for mattress removal fees? At least you are done with her now. Yuck!

Comment by radioactive tori— April 1, 2010 #
Oh my goodness, well I hope she took her stuff with her and there were no tit punches exchanged, because I have a feeling somehow that would come back to bite you…..because you know the crazy people always win, I swear.

Comment by Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire— April 1, 2010 #
Ugh.

Comment by sue— April 1, 2010 #

Sizzle Says