Together
January 28, 2011 at 7:30 am | Posted in cohabitation, love, processing, why I love him | 31 CommentsIt’s us together on a couch with a woman sitting in a chair across from us, smiling warmly. We fill her in on the highs and the lows, piecing together a Cliff’s Notes version of us. During the 75 minutes we spend in the room, we talk and share and wonder. Occasionally, we reach out a hand to soothe the other. A gentle reassurance reminding the other that we’re in this together.
We do this, sit in this room with this stranger pouring out our hearts, because we want to be better together. Because we don’t want to wait til our disagreements become too big and unfixable and we’re looking at each other wondering where the hell we went wrong. Because at the core of everything we love each other and know we can do better for each other, for ourselves, for us. Seeking a deeper understanding, trust and love is not failure. It is authentic and honest and humble. It is brave.
This is us saying we’re in this together. That we want to be happy together.That we’re willing to risk vulnerability and uncomfortableness and our fears for the other.
This is how we say I love you.
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You are both very brave. And this is a good thing. I’m proud of you for taking this step, for choosing this together, for planning a future together, and for believing in your love. (I believe in your love too.)
Comment by Booyah— January 28, 2011 #
It’s years away from the starry glittery moments of new love. But, taking this step shows that you still see that greatness in each other and are willing to take this time to pull off the layers which diminish your shine. When two people agree to undergo discomfort to make a stronger relationship it’s a huge step. Nice post.
Comment by Imelda Dulcich— January 28, 2011 #
How good of you both to see past the moment enough to work on the future together.
Comment by LesleyG— January 28, 2011 #
Good for you, guys, to seek help. This shows how committed you are to each other! I think it’s wonderful that you’re doing this!
Comment by San— January 28, 2011 #
You guys are awesome. This speaks volumes about the love you share.
Comment by Diane— January 28, 2011 #
And this is me, tearing up over a couple that I’ve never met but want only the best for.
What a beautiful post.
Comment by wordnerd— January 28, 2011 #
*hug*
You know me, I think everyone and everything can benefit from therapy. How strong you will be together for this, no matter what happens!
Comment by wafelenbak— January 28, 2011 #
You guys are amazing. What great examples.
Comment by Amy— January 28, 2011 #
Counseling was the best thing we ever did for our marriage. While we’re strong again, I really wish we could find someone we both clicked with who would be there when we need them. Finding a good counselor is SO HARD! Good for you and Mr. Darcy for workin’ through the tough stuff.
Comment by Tia— January 28, 2011 #
Love this. And you guys. Hooray to working together to keep your love growing!!
Comment by Angella— January 28, 2011 #
I think everyone should do this because if they don’t, they end up separated from true happiness, like I was. I think that if my ex and I had done thins, things might be different. Good for you. :)
Comment by Hilly— January 28, 2011 #
beautiful :)
Comment by hillary— January 28, 2011 #
i think that’s great. (also, emailing you..)
Comment by megabrooke— January 28, 2011 #
Awesome!
Comment by Karla— January 28, 2011 #
This takes courage to do and to post. Cheers to you and you are an encouragement to us all.
Comment by Kaleigha— January 28, 2011 #
I think this is one of the most important things couples can commit to doing together. Taking a step like this to work things through is truly a sign of enduring love. Good luck to you – you’re going to come out better on the other side.
Comment by Mel Heth— January 28, 2011 #
One of the best things I’ve heard all week! I wish more couples would do this.
Comment by Melissa— January 28, 2011 #
How awesome that you are doing this. I have suggested couples therapy to my husband numerous times. I just think we could be better at communication. And that it would help if he could talk about losing his mom. But no.
Again, good for you!
Comment by kilax— January 28, 2011 #
This is wonderful, to work things out before things get out of control, to know each others fears and everything else is amazing. Kudos to both of you :)
Comment by Claire— January 28, 2011 #
This is so beautiful, friend. YOU are so beautiful. And I love how open you are about your relationship with Mr. Darcy. Amazing doesn’t always mean easy. And why should it? If it’s worth it, you fight for it and work for it, and all of that to say: I’m so happy you’re happy. And so impressed by how far you’ve come and how you share your heart, with Mr. Darcy, and with your friends, too.
Comment by Kerri Anne— January 28, 2011 #
Yay.
Comment by Sally— January 28, 2011 #
“If it’s worth it, you fight for it and work for it”
I think Kerri Anne said it perfectly.
What a lesson Sizzle… I wish so many other people struggling in their relationship could read this and know this is also a way to say ‘I love you’.
Very happy for you both!
Comment by noe— January 28, 2011 #
So important, so honest, so real. I can entirely relate… Thank you for your “real-ness” and your beauty!!
Comment by Tiffany— January 28, 2011 #
You’re taking big steps, Sizz … much bigger than most couples are willing to take. Kudos.
Comment by Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks— January 28, 2011 #
Well, THAT… and there’s a samurai sword in the house. You never want arguments to get big when there’s a lethal samurai sword in the house…
Comment by Dave2— January 28, 2011 #
So well said. I am a huge fan of therapy. I just feel like you can’t go wrong.
Comment by LongStoryLonger— January 28, 2011 #
I will say this once again – you’re such an inspiration! Opening up and revealing thoughts, fears, concerns and emotions to your partner can leave one feeling emotionally naked and vulnerable, but in order to have a healthy and happy relationship – true communication is imperative.
Comment by Melissa from Ohio— January 28, 2011 #
I think this is such a GREAT idea!!! Sometimes couples wait way too long to do this and they have hurt each other so badly by then that it doesn’t help. Getting this help early on is a good thing!!
Comment by Theresa— January 29, 2011 #
This is awesome! I think it is wonderful to do this so nothing ever turns into a huge issue that the other person didn’t even know about. I am so happy you are both willing to do this for each other.
Comment by radioactive tori— January 31, 2011 #
sigh. i miss the days of having someone who wants to work things out…wait, i never had those days. im just plain jealous
Comment by fizzgigabyte— January 31, 2011 #
I have a lot of catching up to do (I remembered how much I love your blog – sorry that it’s been a while), but I’m glad to read that you are both working towards a common goal, together. :)
Comment by Michi— February 7, 2011 #