They’re Special

For the most part, the people who come to dance class are a bunch of women in all shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities who come to get their sweat on. It’s a supportive, welcoming environment where our teachers encourage us to have fun, listen to our bodies, and feel the joy that comes with movement. And I love it for all those reasons. I couldn’t help but notice a few standouts in class though. Some particularly special folks who deserve mention. . .

The “I’m a Dancer” Dancer: She has a hot body- lithe, curvy, bendy. She wears half shirts and stands right at the mirror near the teacher. She is a regular and knows the moves well. So well that she often over-exaggerates the routines to push her work out. She will spin and leap and bend back and down, glistening in sweat, watching her reflection always. She annoys the crap out of me mostly because part of me wants to be her (but with a lot less posturing).

The Inappropriate Outfit Dancer: She wears swimsuits or old leotards with her bra showing. Her ample breasts are not well supported. When she bends to stretch to the floor, you can practically see her cervix. She leaves the class a few times in the hour to visit the restroom, I assume to dislodge her skimpy clothing from her butt cheek or re-position her boobs. She makes me uncomfortable. GET SOME SWEATS, LADY.

The Lone Male Dancer: He’s the only man in a sea of ladies. He stands in back and tries to keep up. He is usually 3 steps behind and when it comes to moving his hips, he can’t seem to find them. Good for him for trying though. (Dance class is a great place to pick up chicks.)

The Wild Abandon Dancer: She thinks she is a really good dancer. As in, she’s like a maniac on the floor, “Locking rhythm to the beat of her heart/Changing movement into light/She had danced into the danger zone/When the dancer becomes the dance” but no, she really just flails and takes up too much space on a crowded dance floor.  I avoid her every single class because I learned the hard way that she would encroach on my personal dance space. And, inexplicably, something about how she wiggles her butt makes me filled with ire. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

The What’s This Song? Dancer: She’s older and doesn’t really know most of the songs. She’s not sure of the move where we gyrate our hips and chest. She goes along during the parts where we bust out some hip hop moves. She prefers when the teacher plays old soul or funk tunes. She can electric slide like nobody’s business. I hope I am still dancing at her age.

 

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23 thoughts on “They’re Special

  1. This is all so true! I do Zumba 3-4 times a week and find the same “dancers” in my classes. I know that everyone is just there to work out and have fun but these people just make me irrationally annoyed. See also: “The I Have All of the Fancy Zumba Clothes So Everyone Thinks I’m an Instructor But In Reality I Suck at Zumba” and “The Lazy Lady Who Looks Bored and Does All The Moves Half-Assed and Doesn’t Even Break A Sweat”

  2. HAAAA. I know who all these people are since I’ve been to this particular Nia/Zumba studio. :) The “i’m a Dancer” Dance is the most irksome, IMO.

    I need to get to a class there soon. It’s such a different ambiance than the studio I regularly go to now.

  3. I’m a little disappointed there aren’t any illustrations. But, this is still awesome. We have this thing in Atlanta (there’s probably something like it in Seattle) called “The Wave: 5 Rhythms” and it’s a thing where people are just “moving to the music how you feel.” It’s insane. They have it at my school.

  4. Oh, man, as I’m sure you know this is something so many of us do. At my yoga studio, for example, I have Plastic Surgery Lady, Hippie Man, Sir Dreads-a-Lot, and Muscle Woman, just to name a few. I cannot begin to imagine what they might call me.

  5. Love this! You correctly identified every single “type” in the Zumba class I take, except for one particularly annoying group. It’s the “I Can’t Go to Anything by Myself Group”. Generally it’s a group of college or high school age girls, always come in a pack of three, generally stand towards the back and off to the side and hoot, laugh and cackle at each other the whole class. Makes me crazy!

  6. I wonder what kind of dancer I would be… hmmm. But, like you, I wish I’m still dancing and having fun when I get to be here age :)

  7. I can totally picture each of them in my head. I love it!

    Um and Lone Male Dancer – that would be me if I were in your class. Uncoordinated and trying to hide in the back. I’m sure he’s just there to pick up on chicks.

  8. I’m filled with irrational rage at just the thought of the “I’m a Dancer” dancer.

    I’m terribly uncoordinated so I’d be in the back with Lone Male Dancer.

  9. hah. just yesterday i saw an ad in the elevator at my gym about new zumba classes starting mid-july. can’t wait to try it out. also, i promise to not be one of the aforementioned “types” but simply sweat, try to keep up and have fun :)

  10. I’ve encountered a couple of these dancing types in my zumba experience. Actually, one of the girls with whom I went to the class was the “I’m a dancer” dancer. Intimidating to be sure; however, I always danced right behind her so I could follow her moves when I couldn’t see the instructor.

    Sometimes I feel like I am a little bit of a “wild abandon’ dancer…but I imagine it is mainly in my head. I hope it is at least.

  11. Your descriptions made me giggle so much. If only I could join you for class and see these people for myself, we’d have a riot. :-)

  12. This is actually why I am afraid to take a Zumba class. I know I look like a fool when I dance and now I know folks will watch, judge, and maybe even write a wildly funny post about my type – the 40 year old who does not belong anywhere near the Zumba floor. :-)

  13. I want to be “I’m a Dancer” dancer. :( But I am probably more like the inappropriate outfit dancer. I have never taken any kind of dance class, but it is on my to-do list.

  14. You missed the Large and in Charge, blocks the mirror space of two people and never lifts her feet off the floor, yet never the less insists on standing directly behind the instructor and Glamorous Grama, dances with wild hiphop abandon, yet two beats off, calls out Pitbull and Shake that ass whenever there is a break in the music, comes late to class and then stands right in front no matter who else might happen to be there first.

  15. I recognize many of these from my yoga class. In my class, however, there is also “aggressive jerk with mousy girlfriend” and ‘muscle guy that does everything perfectly’. The latter is actually my favorite, and makes the price of my gym membership worth EVERY PENNY.

    I am clumsy girl that hides in the back. I love the class, though.

  16. I love that I got to see some of these “types” in person the last time I was there.

    The “I’m a dancer!” Dancer was seriously making me cry-laugh the entire session. But yeah, I also admittedly found myself coveting her abs.

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