Where Am I?

I’ve lost myself.

In the aftermath of the wedding, in the shuffle of six-day work weeks, in the pile of leaves that have fallen from the now-bare trees, in the darkness of 4:30pm and crisp chill of morning. In the stress eating and emotional funk and anger at frustrating situations that I can’t seem to let go of. In the reality that I am almost 40, glaringly marked by the fact that I would rather stay home than go out to a concert that starts after 10pm, that I’d prefer to have a dinner party than wait an hour at a popular restaurant for a table to accommodate a group, that the majority of my friends have kids and so hang out time is ruled by nursing schedules and bedtime routines, that I can still be tired even after 8 hours of sleep and sometimes getting in bed at 9:30 feels like the right thing to do.

I’m in a funk and I can’t pinpoint the reason.Where Am I?

I’m sorting and thinking and feeling. When I figure it all out, I’ll let you know. Until then, I’m getting my hair cut today and that is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.

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13 thoughts on “Where Am I?

  1. I’m guessing it’s post-wedding let-down. You spent so many months preparing, not to mention dealing with all the health crap, and now things are normal again–except it’s a new normal because you’ve been through all that stuff and you’re married.

  2. I’m pretty sure I was in a little funk after my wedding, too. You spend so much time planning and obsessing and then it’s all over and you have all this TIME. Hoping it passes quickly for you. xo

  3. Maybe it’s a post-wedding funk, but I think it’s more just where we’re all at these days. You get up, go to work, come home, get tired, lather, rinse, repeat. “Is this all there is?” is a common thought in my (and my friends’) mind(s) these days. I would much rather stay home (with friends) than go out any day, and some days that bums me out and other days I’m glad to be over that part of life. It takes a series of emails and calendar checks (for husband work schedules and baby schedules) before my BFFs and I can find time to go see Twilight. But, that’s just the way it is now, and the fact that we STILL find the time to go see that stupid movie means something, too. You’re not unusual by any means with these feelings. Some days/weeks are just more funk-filled than others. I totally get it. And I don’t know if we ever “figure it out” or just learn how to make it become a part of us. One suggestion: have that *low-key* dinner party at your house. I bet that helps a bit.

    (Oh, and Winter. That always brings on the funk, too.)

  4. I think your funk makes a lot of sense! I feel a bit of letdown after any huge moment in my life passes. Sort of a “What’s next?!”

    And I hear you on the irritations! Last night we stayed home to watch a movie rather than go see one because we just didn’t want to leave.

    Excited to see the new cut!

  5. The pause between breaths is as important as the breath itself, so my yoga teachers say. So there’s a pause. Everyone does it, and everyone’s is different. Some people need to pause for two seconds, some of us need a bit more.

  6. You’ve just been through a couple of huge events. It’s OK to just sit and breathe for a while. Just like you need sleep between days of activity you needs breaks between huge events. Give yourself permission to just be, please.

  7. It could be the post-wedding funk or it could be that Fall and Winter are upon us, it could also be that the holidays and the stress that come with them are heading your way, it could be all of the “emotional” stuff occurring before your wedding has finally slammed into you because you have had time to really think about it and it could be that life is freaking tiring. It seems we jam it with so much shit yet, we take no time to for ourselves to sit, relax and just be.

  8. I want to say “thank goodness it’s not just me” but then I don’t really want to cos that makes it sound like I think it’s a good thing you’re in a bad place. Maybe the previous commenters are right: it’s the winter, and you’ve probably got some post-wedding blues (I eloped and still post-wedding blues, and I’ll be honest I haven’t been as excited or happy since those months leading up to my wedding, I think it’s a unique feeling, knowing you’re going to marry the person you love, and it’s hard to replicate). But then again it could be just that life is just weird and sometimes it weirds you out how weird it is ;)

  9. I was going to say that is sounds like post-wedding let down, but it looks like everyone else beat me to the punch. It is, by the way, completely normal. Focus on something else that brings you joy. Perhaps getting ready for the holidays? Maybe you could host a tree trimming party for your and Mr. Darcy’s first married Christmas in your new home? Something small and intimate so you don’t stress yourself. :-)

  10. Sometimes there’s no one reason for a funk – it just is. Thankfully, they are temporary, but that doesn’t mean they suck less while going through them. I hope yours passes quickly!

  11. I felt the same way after our wedding. Like I was flailing and didn’t know where to go next. And no one warns you about that sh*t! I hope you feel better soon. I think the thing that pulled me out of my funk was getting laid off. But I won’t wish that one on ya!

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