Where I Put My Foot In My Mouth

I sent out an email to the office yesterday asking if anyone was planning on coming in costume. I got back a smattering of responses, most of them were like “Let me know if anyone else is and maybe I will” or “I was going to put some horns on my head.” Totally sub-par if you ask me. Where’s the festiveness? Am I the only one who gets her rocks off dressing up in costume?


I was walking to the mail room when I crossed paths with Her. You remember her? She finds me overly amusing and seems to lack social skills. She says to me, “So, Sizzle, you’re going to wear a costume tomorrow?” I reply with my customary enthusiasm, “Yes! Are you?” She says, “No!” all taken aback like that’s the strangest thing anyone has asked. I retort, “Well why not?” She feebly replies, “I don’t have a costume.” She has a nervous laugh. She laughs this laugh a lot.loser

It was then that I did the thing I can’t believe I did. I said to her, “Why don’t you cut out a big “L” and tape it to your forehead. That could be your costume!” All the while I was making the “L” shape out of my hand and raising my hand to my forehead. She laughed again in that way she has and said some great comeback like, “Oh thanks! Yeah, right!”

I have no idea where that came from. . . I’m not normally THAT direct and tactless. I was joking and only meaning to rib her about not wearing a costume but still, it was a pretty cruel thing to say to a girl who clearly has social awkwardness and desperately needs a make over.

Last night after work while I was knocking a few beers back with some co-workers, they all ganged up on me. “You should take her under your wing!” and “You need a project- help her!” It’s not really because they want her to better herself. That’s maybe 40% of it (we are bleeding hearts so the quest to help others is ingrained in us). The other 60% is purely selfish. She’s just…lacking in social graces but appears to desperately want to fit in. She’s one of those girls who tries too hard. And her clothes try to be fashionable but are often too baggy or ill-fitting. Her hair is in need of a Whoorl make over. She tries but she just misses the mark.

I feel for her. I really do. Not that you could gleam that from the whole “L for Loser” costume suggestion.

Good thing I was already planning on going to hell. This just seals that fate.

*Oh and hey, check out this meme that SJ came up with. It’s super cool, yo. Snackie is doing it too.

“And stranger than your sympathy/And all these thoughts you stole from me/And I’m not sure where I belong/And no where’s home and no more wrong/And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was/And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted/And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me . . “ -Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls


31 thoughts on “Where I Put My Foot In My Mouth

  1. You can still giggle with your foot in your mouth, which sometimes is what we have to do.
    And not that you wouldn’t be great about taking her on, but a project? Could be exhausting. 🙂

  2. That is some serious bitchy middle school-esque hilarity right there.

    Perhaps bad karma, but wicked funny just the same.

    “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints…”

  3. I believe there is an Imp in all of us that can sometimes let things like that slip. Hell, my Imp does that shit all the time! I’ve already reserved my spot in hell, so I just embrace it and try to deal with the damage control (afterwards).

  4. That is fairly epic. Well done! If it makes you feel any better, I tend to be the awkward one. In fact, this morning I made the brilliant announcement that my entire building was shaking during the earthquake. Naturally, someone pointed out that I am an idiot, and that every building in the city was shaking. I think we all walk away from these situations feeling awkward, no matter which side of the spectrum you fall on.

  5. I always wondered when talking about people behind their backs would catch up to me and I’d say something to their face. I know I’ve had my day already with plenty more to come. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?!

  6. I do not understand this whole business of “I’m only wearing a costume if someone else is.” I am the first idiot to walk out in full garb the whole week before Halloween! Because I just don’t care what people think, I’m having fun!
    This whole anecdote sounds like something that would happen on an Ugly Betty-esque sitcom. 🙂

  7. Your “L” is backwards, so maybe that means you didn’t really mean it, right? 🙂 My office didn’t do anything related to the holiday, but at least we get to close at 4.

    That meme is pretty cool and a great idea, but I always feel bad excluding people.

  8. Hey Sizz is your L backwards or is it the photo? I always do that, makes me a super double loser because I can’t get it to go right without asking someone if it is the right way.

  9. guess who is the loser? me! because i used the wrong hand to make my “L” – ha ha. joke’s on me.

    update: i ran into her today and she was all smiles and giggles about my costume. i ribbed her about where her costume was but she just laughed.

    it’s her way. the laugh.

    dear god help me.

  10. OMG that is so funny… i was just waiting for you to tell us that she actually WORE that to work today… now that would’ve been funny… poor, poor girl…

  11. O…M…G…I can’t believe you said that! She probably couldn’t either….oh sizzle. Now you have to make her your project, you know that right?

  12. I wish I knew where people got the courage to blog about work. I mean, someday, they’re going to read it and know what’s up.

    This isn’t a criticism – more, it’s a fear I would have and I wonder why others don’t share that fear. Is it because I’m chicken? Do I lack some frankness gene?

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