Your Vital Signs Are Normal

I am blogging from the hospital.

I can say with utmost certainty that I have never uttered those words in that order ever in my life.

Before you start asking me a hundred questions, let me just tell you that I am not here because of me. My best friend has been having a lot of health concerns and is here today for a heart cath procedure as another step in the whole, long process of figuring out what is wrong. She’s got a plasic bag full of medicines and a head full of worry. When I was on the phone with her last week, I found out she was planning on taking a cab to come to the hospital today. As one of her oldest and best friends I was rightfully offended that she hadn’t asked me to take her. I live fifteen minutes from her. We’re family. WTH!? After I gave her an earful, she acquiesced. I don’t give a good god damn if it is 5am and you don’t want to “bother” me. The fact is you need me. I’m there, no questions asked. That’s just how it works.

So here we are at the hospital which looks nothing like the one on Grey’s Anatomy(though it’s rumored there is a doctor here that looks just like McSteamy- I’ve got my eyes peeled, letmetellya) and it is not yet 7am. I’ve been up since 4am whereas my BFF was still asleep when I arrived at her house to pick her up despite 5 calls from me to wake her ass up. Thank god she has dogs that go ballistic when someone comes to the door or else I’d be climbing around the periphery of her house knocking on windows in vain. She’s a deep sleeper, that girl.

We’re here waiting for her to be taken to the lab and all the prep work is being done- medical history being taken, clothes being stripped off in leiu of a lovely open-backed gown and gray slipper socks, EKG, blood drawn, IV hook up, an aspirin with a dixie cup of warm water for breakfast. They go to shave her groin and I quip, “Hey, saves you money on waxing!” because that’s why I’m here. Comic relief. They come to wheel her off to the lab and as we walk the hall, the two nurses, she and I, I tell her, “Don’t get used to this being pushed around in a chair business. This is just a momentary luxury, baby.” Because honestly, I’ve got to make her laugh one more time because I know inside she’s worried and trying to be outwardly strong. Because I know this procedure is simple enough as procedures go but that doesn’t stop a person’s thoughts from racing ahead- from thinking about mortality and unfinished business and regrets. Because when you love someone, you do whatever you have to do to ensure they feel that love- like wake up at 4am and make dumb jokes at their hospital bedside and pray for them and be there when they wake up.

It’s just what you do.

Think good thoughts for her, will you please?


“When the night has come/And the land is dark/And the moon is the only light we’ll see/No I won’t be afraid, no I won’t be afraid/Just as long as you stand, stand by me/And darlin’, darlin’, stand by me, oh now now stand by me/Stand by me, stand by me…” -Stand By Me, Ben E. King


29 thoughts on “Your Vital Signs Are Normal

  1. Thinking good thoughts between my tears. Nice post (I mean it – no comedy here). I can only hope I can be as good of a friend to my BFF should there be the need … and that my BFF is just like you should I be in need.

  2. Thing good thoughts for the BOTH of you today. And as someone who spends far too much time in the hospital, I will say that friends who make jokes, make the whole thing that much easier. (And never in my life have I seen a hospital that had a mc steamy lookalike in it- or even someone who I would want to give my number to. Le sigh. There was a hot male nurse once though…) Keep your eyes peeled!

  3. Well, I think you win the award for Most Dedicated Blogger Of The Week.

    I hope everything is well with your friend.

    I may call you if I ever have to have any catheter-invovling procedure. But you’d have to be really really funny!

  4. I will think good thoughts, say a prayer, cross my fingers, all of it for your friend. You are a great friend to do this. With all my health problems, I have really figured out who I can count on. I feel much the same way your friend does about “bothering” people, you offering instead of her having to ask is a huge thing. It would be for me. I hope everything goes well.

    Oh and this business about hot doctors? Where? I have only once had a hot doctor. I had a very painful procedure done and I wanted another after seeing the doctor. 🙂 Ok, Not really.

  5. Best of luck to your friend! I hope they find out what’s wrong, but that it’s not serious. The not knowing sucks worse than knowing and dealing with.

    You are a good friend.

  6. Because I know this procedure is simple enough as procedures go but that doesn’t stop a person’s thoughts from racing ahead- from thinking about mortality and unfinished business and regrets.

    Exactly. No matter how old we get to be, it’s still “too young.”

    *hugs* Good thoughts sent your way, and hers.

  7. Well I hope she’s home resting comfortably now. How’d things go? Hoping they find out the problem and get her good as new again!!

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