Intentionality

It’s no secret I’ve been waiting impatiently for this day for weeks, internally pleading for 2007 to be over already. Give me a fresh start! But you know what? Upon review of my blog archives I realized that this year was a really good year for me. At the beginning of 2007 I set my intention theme- Acceptance. And honestly? I really DID a lot of acceptance this year. Acceptance of me.

I spent a lot of energy letting go of the unhealthy parts of myself- facing my sugar addiction, wrestling the over-niceness disease I suffer from, retiring my cape from the rescue complex I have been perfecting since childhood, saying goodbye to the toxic people that take up too much of my precious energy and heart space- and for that, I say thank you to 2007. Thank you for helping me finally see that accepting myself and knowing my own worth is invaluable (and a journey I will be on for the rest of my life).

I pushed myself into finally accepting I am worthy of love. . . And I found love- twice. On the first go round, I got my heart broken but learned valuable lessons about trust and integrity and valuing my worth. Even though I didn’t go into a lot of specifics on the blog, I spent the earlier part of 2007 crying my eyes out over a situation I should have never been involved in. . . But there’s no changing the past. There is only moving forward. I forced myself to walk away from two people who played an important (if not very painful) role in my unlearning. Enough with the toxicity, the being told one thing but seeing another, the feeling used, the playing the best friend instead of the leading lady in my own love life. Enough! And in walking away, I walked right into the arms of an amazing man who shows me every day about real love. The healthy kind. The kind that makes me go “wow” and not because it hurts but because it is so utterly amazing to have someone show up so consistently, adore me for exactly who I am, and be a person of integrity, character, smarts, and utter silliness that I find myself laughing and smiling and feeling filled with hope. I chose love and it chose me back!

This is one of my favorite quotes from my blog this past year:

Maybe first you have to be willing to let someone see it. The raw ugliness of your pain stitched up in who you are and who you long to be. There’s beauty in that. Maybe then you let them touch it and when you see that they don’t flinch, you breathe deeper. There’s healing in that. You let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone new and you build trust. There’s hope in that. You wear your scars like medals of honor from a war you fought so courageously in. They are part of your history. They are a part of who you are now.

And hopefully, you begin to see that it’s possible to love again.

I did learn to love again. And I can honestly say I am excited for 2008 to see how the rest unfolds- what new things I will learn about myself and about the incredible journey I’m on. When I think about 2008, one word keeps coming up for me. After all the learning and unlearning of 2007 I’ve got to muster the courage to move onward and upwards, right? I’ve got to ignite the spark within me. I’ve got to use what I know to better myself and the world around me.

So this year’s theme is: GUMPTION.

As Mark Nepo so eloquently said, “There is no substitute for genuine risk.” Watch out 2008, I’m tapping into my spunkiness and I am not afraid to use it.

May 2008 bring each of you love, laughter, adventure and the actualization of your own intentions. Know that my 2007 was made brighter by you being in it. Here’s to a new year and new beginning!

“All of these lines across my face/Tell you the story of who I am/So many stories of where I’ve been/And how I got to where I am/But these stories don’t mean anything/When you’ve got no one to tell them to/It’s true…I was made for you/I climbed across the mountain tops/Swam all across the ocean blue/I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules/But baby I broke them all for you/Because even when I was flat broke/You made me feel like a million bucks/You do/I was made for you . . .” -The Story, Brandi Carlile

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26 thoughts on “Intentionality

  1. Happy New Year! I love how you’ve got themes for each year. That’s a great idea and one I should probably adopt instead of making silly resolutions that I never keep anyway.

    All the best!

  2. Amen to gumption! It’s funny cause I am totally making a post a la Justin Timberlake called “Bringing Hilly Back” where one thing I talk about is ruling with my spunk out again this next year.

    Much love to you for the new year!

  3. I’m with Whit. I never thought of the theme idea either.

    And I like it. 🙂

    Gumption is a good one. Go get ’em, sista!

  4. Wanted to wish you a great 2008!!! I took a look at some of your pictures and they are awesome. I glad you found love this year, it is the greatest gift of all I think.

  5. So funny, how you and I even years apart as we are, sharing the same karmic loop of lifelessons. Gumption appears to be my challenge in the New Year, too.

    I know you are feeling the effetcs of the head injury still, and feel cranky, but you have been a real blessing to me. I learn from you every week, as we stumble along. Please don’t ever give up. You are wonderfully brave– you just don’t know it yet!
    *hugs*

    Happy New Year my friend.

  6. Good for you! Acceptance is HUGE. Once you’ve mastered that, you won’t believe the things you can do and the things that will come into your life. I’m lovin’ the theme idea – if I don’t dive too far into the champagne bottle tonight, I may have to come up with a theme to call my own… Here’s to happiness and healthiness for us all in ’08!

  7. You know, days like today make me realise just how thankful I am I started stalking your blog.

    You’re totally insane, real, warm, funny, and beautiful in and out. Happy new year… to you and the fella.

  8. Happy New Year to you and the wonderful love you have found.
    By the way, I got the Mark Nepo book for Christmas!! Thanks for making us all aware of it. 🙂

  9. I really love your version of resolutions. Not some specific list that becomes impossible to achieve. You set focus and that’s great. Plus, I love the word gumption! Go get ’em girl!

  10. Wonderful post – I loved your own quote from your past post – very true indeed and what more is there then learning that you’re beauitul even in the face of such vulnerability? I wish you all the best in 2008 and somehow I know you’re going to go after and achieve all of your goals with GUMPTION!

  11. I love that word — GUMPTION. It just sounds good, doesn’t it? I’m looking forward to reading about the good things that are going to happen for you in 2008! Happy New Year, Sizz!

  12. there’s no changing the past. There is only moving forward.

    You said a lot there. Something the probably can never be said enough.

    Happy New Year, Ms. Sizzle.

  13. I teared up reading this. I’m wishing you all the best this new year. And I’m incredibly, so very glad my 2008’s going to have you in it. Wish I found you sooner.

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