It’s no secret I’ve been waiting impatiently for this day for weeks, internally pleading for 2007 to be over already. Give me a fresh start! But you know what? Upon review of my blog archives I realized that this year was a really good year for me. At the beginning of 2007 I set my intention theme- Acceptance. And honestly? I really DID a lot of acceptance this year. Acceptance of me.
I spent a lot of energy letting go of the unhealthy parts of myself- facing my sugar addiction, wrestling the over-niceness disease I suffer from, retiring my cape from the rescue complex I have been perfecting since childhood, saying goodbye to the toxic people that take up too much of my precious energy and heart space- and for that, I say thank you to 2007. Thank you for helping me finally see that accepting myself and knowing my own worth is invaluable (and a journey I will be on for the rest of my life).
I pushed myself into finally accepting I am worthy of love. . . And I found love- twice. On the first go round, I got my heart broken but learned valuable lessons about trust and integrity and valuing my worth. Even though I didn’t go into a lot of specifics on the blog, I spent the earlier part of 2007 crying my eyes out over a situation I should have never been involved in. . . But there’s no changing the past. There is only moving forward. I forced myself to walk away from two people who played an important (if not very painful) role in my unlearning. Enough with the toxicity, the being told one thing but seeing another, the feeling used, the playing the best friend instead of the leading lady in my own love life. Enough! And in walking away, I walked right into the arms of an amazing man who shows me every day about real love. The healthy kind. The kind that makes me go “wow” and not because it hurts but because it is so utterly amazing to have someone show up so consistently, adore me for exactly who I am, and be a person of integrity, character, smarts, and utter silliness that I find myself laughing and smiling and feeling filled with hope. I chose love and it chose me back!
This is one of my favorite quotes from my blog this past year:
Maybe first you have to be willing to let someone see it. The raw ugliness of your pain stitched up in who you are and who you long to be. There’s beauty in that. Maybe then you let them touch it and when you see that they don’t flinch, you breathe deeper. There’s healing in that. You let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone new and you build trust. There’s hope in that. You wear your scars like medals of honor from a war you fought so courageously in. They are part of your history. They are a part of who you are now.
And hopefully, you begin to see that it’s possible to love again.
I did learn to love again. And I can honestly say I am excited for 2008 to see how the rest unfolds- what new things I will learn about myself and about the incredible journey I’m on. When I think about 2008, one word keeps coming up for me. After all the learning and unlearning of 2007 I’ve got to muster the courage to move onward and upwards, right? I’ve got to ignite the spark within me. I’ve got to use what I know to better myself and the world around me.
So this year’s theme is: GUMPTION.
As Mark Nepo so eloquently said, “There is no substitute for genuine risk.” Watch out 2008, I’m tapping into my spunkiness and I am not afraid to use it.
May 2008 bring each of you love, laughter, adventure and the actualization of your own intentions. Know that my 2007 was made brighter by you being in it. Here’s to a new year and new beginning!
“All of these lines across my face/Tell you the story of who I am/So many stories of where I’ve been/And how I got to where I am/But these stories don’t mean anything/When you’ve got no one to tell them to/It’s true…I was made for you/I climbed across the mountain tops/Swam all across the ocean blue/I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules/But baby I broke them all for you/Because even when I was flat broke/You made me feel like a million bucks/You do/I was made for you . . .” -The Story, Brandi Carlile