I’m positively beaming.
Life definitely has a way of shifting, sometimes very unexpectedly and swiftly, sometimes positively or sometimes negatively. I’m a firm believer that good begets good, kindness increases kindness, and positivity circles around back to you. Does this mean I never wallow in self-pity, negativity and despondency? Of course not. But I try SO hard to think of the bright side, to believe better things are on their way, that there is always hope no matter how bleak the current outlook might seem. Some days it is easier than others.
It’s no secret that I had a difficult end of the year. I fell into that negative pattern of thinking and struggled to have my usual positive outlook. I spent too much time wallowing in the “why me?” and isolating myself from loved ones thinking I could protect them from my toxicity. I’ve been slowly, day by day, moment by moment, trying to reconnect with the good in my life. I’ve been making lists and plans, putting dreams on paper to actualize them. I’ve been talking to trusted confidantes about The Future and the person I want to continue to become. I’ve been honest about what I view as my deficiencies and blunt about what I want to do to see change materialize. I am a woman of action. And this is my year of gumption damn it!
It helps when the Universe gives you a sign that says, “You’re on the right path.” Like yesterday when I got a surprise at work. An unprecedented reward for all my hard work during the busiest season at our agency. A big ol’ compensation that spelled out “You Are Appreciated.” I was floored. The gesture alone is overwhelming but the dollar sign on the piece of paper helps. Tremendously. My supervisor joked that she had every intention of making this happen before I fainted from being so sick and gave myself a concussion. My bosses have made it clear that they realize I was overworked during that time and it contributed to my health deterioration. I can say for certain that I won’t ever let myself get to that unhealthy of a place again. Work is work. It will still be there when you are done being sick.
I feel very grateful. For my life and my job and the good people I am surrounded by. For this city and my family and for finding laughter every day. For The Fella and the future and possibility. Good things are actualizing and I am shining with thankfulness.
Solatium: a compensation (as money) given as solace for suffering, loss, or injured feelings.
My supervisor assures me that her gesture was not a solatium but a thank you for a job well done.