An Electronic Life

I woke up this morning thinking about the internet.

There are many things that are great about it- meeting people, learning new things, connecting, stalking, tracking down old friends, diagnosing your own illness (not recommended), etc. There are also many things that aren’t great about it- anonymous asshole commenters, learning things you didn’t want to know, old friends finding you when you didn’t want them to, diagnosing your own illness, etc. How it allows you to have an entire relationship electronically and then. . . just as easily erase any record of it.

That’s so fucking weird to me.

You can remove them from your blog roll. Delete old chats and emails. File away shared videos and photos or trash them altogether. You can change privacy settings to keep them from seeing certain things if you wanted. You can literally go completely mute on anything that remotely ties you to them. To the outward eye? No one is the wiser.

If you didn’t know any better, you could fool yourself into thinking it was all a dream. But then your iTunes shuffles and a song comes on, the one that you both loved, together. And there is no denying how deep he penetrated your defenses. How real he was to you. Back then.

You can delete all traces of what you shared but you can’t press a button to clear your heart of what passed between you. That, that’s yours and yours alone. No one gets access to that unless you let them.

Some things you keep just for you.

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23 thoughts on “An Electronic Life

  1. I think the Internet makes it harder to forget quite honestly. Sure you can delete someone from your blogroll, feed reader, chat programs, email blah blah. However, in a world without the net, you walk away and it takes a lot to know what they are up to or to check out their lives….with the net, it’s a click away and is so tempting.

  2. Is it sad that when I started reading this entry in my feed reader, the first thing I did was rush to my web browser so I could come see if I had been deleted from your life?

    Maybe not sad… but a bit self-centered, considering I took an entry about you and somehow made it about me. πŸ™‚

  3. That is a wonderful post Sizzle. And so very true!

    I dont think I’ve ‘heard’ you swear before!? Or have I? It seemed wierd coming out of your mouth!! Like little Sizz is too innocent or something! haha

    By the way, I took your advice and bought the Crest Whitestrips today! Gorgeous teeth here we come!

  4. I was thinking something similar this morning… about people who aren’t connected on the net like us bloggers are… maybe they are the wiser ones. πŸ˜‰ I agree that some things never leave your heart, but when they come stalking you, and brings up those old memories.

  5. you wote this post hoping he’ll read it.

    you got locked out, you can no longer stalk, and now you won’t learn things you don’t want to know, like how happy he is with her, without you.

    consider it a blessing and move on already.

  6. This happened to me more than once. It’s incredible, with just one button pressed everything is gone, and yet the memories linger forever. I like to think it was just a dream, it gives my current dreams the potential to become real ; )

  7. Vrey true– but it also goes to show we are made up of experiences and friendships with other people, even online ones. A friendship online brings something to us, even as does one in “RL”. It can be hard to completely “delete” a person from your life. They are there, somewhere, inside.

    They are inside the certain song, or topic, or program–and while only you may know when a nerve has been hit, it is no less hit.
    I’ve felt silly, being upset over “internet friendships” gone wrong, or being ignored/deleted/erased, but I do think it is a byproduct of the newer generations, where they know that much really is actually possible. I talk about things i suppose that way, in resolution to my own end of things. People disappear, so you never really know their’s.

  8. to not.her (because you didn’t put a real email address): i wrote this post like i write every post, to get something off my chest. i knew he would read it because i know he reads my blog every day. i walked away on purpose but that doesn’t mean i don’t have residual feelings to process. i hope he is happy. with himself and/or with her.

    i have a distinct feeling you think i am talking about someone that i am not actually talking about. you’re confused.

    to everyone else: thanks for getting what i meant by this post.

  9. Siz, you are as usual on the money. The all new social paradigm of the internet has been on my mind constantly lately. We’re just babies in it, learning how to navigate a new world. But the knowing that he is somewhere on IM and not messaging me, well. It’s not my favorite part.

    Thank dog for newer and better men.

    Kristin

  10. Ms Siz,
    I got it. Someone is gone. Without as much IRL of it- you could almost convince yourself it didn’t happen. But, inside, you know it did. They touch your heart. Break ups (of any kind) stink. I feel for ya. Krisco

  11. That gave me shivers.
    I am going thru something similar right now, only I could not have put it nearly as eloquent as you did.

  12. Awesome thoughts Sizzle.

    but you can’t press a button to clear your heart of what passed between you.
    Sometimes, I wish there was a button.

  13. So true… and, as you say, usually it just comes out of nowhere. You have no time to prepare a defense. To put up a wall so it doesn’t hurt so much.

    Guess that’s called being human, huh? {{{hugs}}}

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