I’m All Over The Place, I Know

Firstly, remind me to never schedule a doctor’s appointment at 7:45am. That’s just too early. I will arrive late, a bit frazzled and without enough time to flat iron my hair. Secondly, remind me to find a new gyno because her waiting room is filled to the brim with pregnant ladies and she’s always canceling appointments because someone is in labor. And while I realize that’s her job, I am worried that the .1% that isn’t guaranteed by my birth control will somehow be the loophole by which I find myself with child. Because you can’t be around that much knocked upness and not have a little rub off on you. It’s somewhat comical that I am there to get a new prescription to prevent the very thing which all the women surrounding me are so happy about. Maybe someday. I’m just not ready. Don’t rush me.

Thirdly, I’ve tried two of Giada’s recipes and can’t say I am all that impressed. Fatty, fatty, fatty nigellaand somewhat bland. They are tolerable unlike her “Italian accent.” While Rachel Ray isn’t my favorite, at least her recipes are pretty good and easy. If I could just mute her and still learn how to cook, I would. Meanwhile, Nigella is the porn princess of the Food Network. Gah, she’s sexy. I don’t watch her for her recipes. I’ll say that much. Do any men find themselves having man crushes on Alton Brown? I’ve now counted three of my male friends who have confessed as much. It’s a geek boy thing.

I did color and cut my hair but I went to take a picture and realized that none of you will probably notice a difference. In person you can but if you just see the occasional picture of me on the blog, you’ll be like the boyfriend who is afraid to say he can’t tell you cut your hair. And then feelings will get hurt. We don’t want that, do we? I do have this fun panel of copper in the front though which makes me feel sassified. I’ve been wearing heeled shoes lately and skirts. It’s like I want to play grown up or something. I’m embracing the whole “How To Look Good Naked” meets “What Not To Wear” philosophy. This is my body, best dress it to its best and love it, regardless of if it changes or not.

That leads me to my fourth thing (or is it fifth? I hate counting.)- an idea I had. This might be ambitious but I was thinking the other day about doing a monthly or twice monthly advice column where a reader submits photos of themselves with information about their current style and what they like/don’t like about their bodies and in return, I give them support and tips about how to dress their body type and accentuate the positive. I am in no way an expert on this but I obsessively watch these shows, help my friends shop for clothes with good results and love to help people feel good about themselves. Would this just be a total flop? I am sure it couldn’t rival Whoorl’s Hair Thursdays (which are awesome and if you aren’t reading her/them, you’re bonkers) but I figure a lot of you have mentioned to me you would like help. Maybe I can help? Or is this just a ludicrous idea? Would you want to participate or vote on outfits?

I bring out the worst in you, and you try to let me know/You bring out the worst in me, anxiety, anxiety/I’m trying to let you go, you say I’m giving you the creeps/So I assume the role, open my claws and grasp for your heart. . . “Violins, Lagwagon


38 thoughts on “I’m All Over The Place, I Know

  1. First, I always schedule early appointments (like 7:30 at the dentist) and then kick myself, because I always arrive all disheveled, too.

    Second, I feel the exact same way about the gyno. And I worry about that .1% all the time, even after being on the pill for more than a decade with no mishaps.

    Third, Giada has a giant head atop a bird body. She’s a walking candy apple with big boobs. I don’t like that. Nigella IS hot, but quite rotund, and I like that about her. Roth totally has a crush on Alton, as do I. Good thing Roth is like my own personal chef/food scientist.

    Fourth, I am so overdue for a cut and highlight, it’s not even funny. Can we say, an inch of black roots against the bleach? Not pretty.

    Fifth, sign me up! I’ll gladly participate in a style makeover!

  2. Love Nigella. My mother even fostered the love by getting me a Nigella cookbook for Christmas. Great recipes in addition to her hotness.

    And totally in on the style makeover…I volunteer to throw myself to the masses.

  3. I bet your hair rocks out. C’mon, give us some eye candy! And I think your Whoorl spin-off is a great idea. Only don’t expect me to participate. Because, then I’d have to admit I wear cut-off cargo pants to work. SUCH A SLACKER!

  4. I would love to see style makeovers…. I should even sign up. But you might decide I am helpless.
    By the way, after you mentioned it I watched How to Look Good Naked. Great show. (feeling a little single white female, as I eat at your favorite restaraunt, watch your favorite show)

    I used to watch some craft/home show with Katie Brown because she was kind of cute. And I totally adore Alton Brown.

  5. Let’s start a petition to now and forever separate the OBs from the GYNS! Everybody in agreement?

    And Giada IS the porn princess of the Food Network, a total skank.

    Yeah, I’m totally feeling this post.

  6. Because you can’t be around that much knocked upness and not have a little rub off on you.


    I spent a lot of time the last five years, err, seven, with pregnant women, but haven’t ended up that way myself. However, I’ll still admit you’re right, cuz really, all I need is the man.

    Can’t you just buy Rachel Ray’s cookbook so you don’t have to listen to her talk? πŸ™‚

  7. nigella is the porn princess of the food network – nice one! i’ve loved her for years and always seem to miss her show on the weekend (need to buy a DVR pronto!)… eric likes alton brown but only because of that motorcycle/food show (they both have BMW bikes)… never asked him if he REALLY likes him… ;o)

    great idea about the makeover thing… for me, i would to do something more like ‘what not to wear’ because i love shopping… :o)

  8. I prefer the early morning appointments b/c the dr is more often on time, vs today when she was 40 minutes late. Gah! Not much you can do when you need to get your BC Rx refilled.

    I like heeled shoes and skirts!

    And I like your idea of the fashion help. I would vote. I like to think I dress well enough that I don’t need help, but who am I to judge? Er, wait…

  9. While I concur that Ray Ray’s yippy little voice drives me BONKERS, she really did teach me how to cook. I have gads of her cookbooks, and there are some really great/easy recipes in there. Also, my ex had a SERIOUS mancrush on Alton. Especially during Feasting on Asphalt.

  10. Come on, only two people have love for Alton, and one is second-hand to boot?!

    (Good, then he’s all mine! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…)


  11. That sounds like a great idea! I thought for a while of doing a *fat Chicks* edition of the “What I Wear” thing that was going on on Flickr, but I didn’t get around to it.

    But, I would definitely vote, and maybe even send in a pic when I’m feeling particularly broke, uninspired, or style-challenged.

  12. Yes for fashion! I really appreciated your input last night on the collections, brilliant! I say go for the photo/vote thing, it would be fun. As for Alton, my husband and I both watch and dig his show. We also loved Feasting on Asphalt.

  13. Nigella is hot. Alton is funny.

    Thanks but I don’t need fashion advice, I wear what my wife tells me to. πŸ™‚ Those shows drive me bonkers. I agree with what they are saying about fitting, but to make good TV it is adversarial, that I don’t like.

  14. I feel exactly the opposite about Giada and Rachel. I hate Rachel’s recipes, and have had great luck with Giada’s. Rachel drives me crazy too, and not just because my son once said “Rachel Ray is prettier than you mom”.

    I love your idea for the advice thing! What a fun idea!

  15. Wait, are you telling me Nigella has a regular show on the Food network now? I used to watch her all the time on the Style network, then moved and didn’t get it… Last thing I saw was an xmas special of hers on Food. Oh yeah, quite the crush.

  16. I have never heard of such an early appointment with a doctor! Mine does not open until 9:30.

    Do the advice thing! I was not sure if Foto Friday would fly, but the photo nuts love it.

    The style nuts would benefit from your advice πŸ™‚

  17. I always try for the earliest appt. b/c otherwise, they’re running so late that I’m waiting forever.

    I was actually going to write a post about the naked show, as Ted and I caught it one night and kind of liked it.

    I know what you mean about the hair. I’m trying to grow mine out, so I’m just getting small trims each time I go and no one can tell.

  18. I have a total guy crush on Alton Brown and Guy Fieri from Diners, Drive-ins & Dives…

    Plus – I say people should come to you for fashion advice. You’d do well telling people how it is and how they can look and feel better!

  19. I would love to see posts on fashion stuff. And I would vote for outfits, styles, etc.

    I’ve never seen the naked show but am fairly obsessed with WNTW.

  20. ohhhhhhh do it. do it. you always look so put together in your pictures… can you help me get ready for my date (!) this weekend… yup you read that right … NerdGirl is dipping her toe in the pool again … and she is really hot! =)

  21. Nigella is hot sex, funny and her food is brilliant. I’ve got two of her cookbooks and the pages are written on and smeared and loved. Alton Brown is my kind of man. He cooks, he’s funny, you can put him in a jacket (Iron Chef) and he likes to travel and find the great places to eat.

    And oh my god you forgot Paula Deen! I love her. I want to be her when I grow up. She’s fluffy and flirty and sassy and sexy.

  22. I will just say that I think Alton Brown is the coolest male cook – ever!!!! I had a thing for Rachael Ray, but that’s over. As for Giada; I’d buy what she’s cooking. Actually that’s what I mean. it sounds like an innuendo, but seriously, I would buy what she is cooking. I’d better just stop now…

  23. I love Alton… love him. I want to cook with him. Ok, I’m not a guy so that doesn’t count. (And his omelet technique works.) NIgella and Rachel — not so much. Sorry.

  24. Giada is like a bobble head doll… too much head resting on that scrawny neck. Nigella Lawson is awsome. My Imelda and I met her in Chicago in December… Sad photos at gastronerds.blogspot.com…. And Alton Brown defines sexy geek.

  25. I want to love Giada’s food. I enjoy watching her and really like her travel show. But I’ve recently tried two of her recipes (same show I believe) and well, neither did it for me. You’re right in that RR can be annoying (I used to love her), but at least her food is good.

  26. Love your blogs. This is my first stop every morning when I hop on line. I must say that I too crush on Nigella. She makes cooking soooo sexy and I love her volutousness LOL Rachel Ray on the other hand… hmm… quick and easy recipes – yes, but hearing “yumm-oh” drives me up the wall. Eeek!

  27. I find Rachel Ray beyond annoying, but I have a couple of her cookbooks and they are great. And I love Alton Brown. I could watch the same episode of good eats all day. (okay, maybe not all day)

    I also like that semi-homemade show. Although I think the whole “table scheme” thing is bogus. Who has time for that? But I like that she makes recipes that aren’t completely from scratch.

  28. Yes, yes, yes…do the makeover and style tips! While I love Clinton and Stacie, it would be so refreshing to see people doing this for the sake of helping other people, sans TV!

    YAY Sizzle! :O)

  29. I’ve a man-crush on Alton…he’s brilliant..absolutely brilliant. Although, I have to TiVo Good Eats episodes and watch them out of the context of the other food network shows…mostly because if I change it to the Food Network at the wrong time and that douche-bag with the spiky bleached hair who wears his sunglasses on the wrong side of his head is on, I get a little angry.

    Be careful, pregnancy is contagious. In fact, I’m guessing 75% of the pregnant women in that waiting room weren’t pregnant when they came in to get THEIR prescription filled.

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