Boxed Up

My once organized, decorated and clean apartment is in shambles. Boxes are stacked against empty walls. The cats are confused, stumbling around the apartment to find a place to curl up. And me, feeling more and more claustrophobic and stressed out by the hour as my to do list runs on a constant loop in my head.

I don’t do well living in such disarray. I can’t seem to keep my chin up in a half-packed apartment. As the days crawl closer to the impending move day, Sunday seems far off and yet, too soon. I’ve started to get nostalgic which isn’t helping matters. Leaving my first apartment in Seattle, my first home when I flew the coop of California, probably shouldn’t have such an impact but I’m a sentimental fool. This has been a welcoming cocoon for me. It was here that I found my refuge as I slowly made my place in this city.

I know it’s a good thing- the leaving. Moving on is the right thing to do. So I will pack away my memories and seal them up with tape, mark the box with “miscellaneous” and hope that upon arrival at the new home they are still safe. But I know they will look different in the new setting and some of them will get lost in the move. It’s right to let them go. Some memories shouldn’t follow.

The memory of the last time I ever touched him as he fiercely hugged me goodbye at the door will stay behind. And the time that I laid in bed for five hours on the phone with the man I thought was my true love, giddy with possibility. Maybe the pangs of reality that I was wrong in that belief will stay behind too. I’m tired of carrying that hurt. There are burdens and worries and sorrows that I want to leave behind to rest between the slats of the floor or the cracks in the weathered walls. It’s time to make new memories in a new home. It’s time for a fresh start.

I want to look forward instead of backward.

“Trying to pull myself away/I’m caught in a pattern and I can’t escape/Trying to pull myself away/Lately when I get lost there’s this thing I know/Even the dogs have somewhere to go/Everything comes if you just let it be/Work, work, brighten the corners that we’ll never see/Untangle the thoughts that you know what they mean/I hope that the answer doesn’t come too late. . .” -Trying to Pull Myself Away, Glen Hansard (from Once)

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47 thoughts on “Boxed Up

  1. Moving is always very emotional for me, too…but the excitement on the other side, when you get into your new place, is going to make this part a distant memory.

    And now I’ve got that song in my head….

  2. I was surprisingly unemotional about moving out of my last apartment. But you’re right–it’s a great opportunity to start fresh and build new memories. 🙂

  3. As sad as I was to leave my beloved California behind during my recent move, I was really happy to start fresh. To know that I can go to the grocery store without hiding from him in the diaper aisle or come home without seeing the ghost of him waiting on my front steps.

  4. Some memories shouldn’t follow.

    Agreed. Well said.

    Good luck with the move. And it’s OK to be emotional… some memories are good and some are bad, they are part of what made you who you are. It’s OK to feel sad when you say goodbye to them.

  5. Ah, I know what you mean. Both the unsettling feeling of having things packed away, when you’re still living there, and the anticipated nostalgia of knowing there are things you are going to miss. It’s inevitable I guess, it comes with the moving territory. Sunday will come soon enough, and as you say, you’ll start fresh, anew. Good luck!

  6. Ah, how I hate moving (for the obvious reasons, and also the not-so-obvious ones). Me? Not good with change. Bravo to you for mustering up the energy and nerve to do it!!

  7. I’m sure you will start making those new memories right away, the first {ahem} here and there. How the phone company messed up your phone number now you keep misdialing, stuff like that. 🙂

    I hate moving, I have done it more times then I care to recall, but once in the new place I do enjoy the change of scenery. All the best in your new place darlin’.

  8. I am so very familiar with this feeling.

    I’m currently living in my 17th residence (17th!) and moving still makes me feel like this every single time. It’s a mixture of excitement and insane stress and sadness and nostalgia. I also hate packing. It’s probably why I don’t have very much stuff, because I always do the thing where I say “if I throw this out/give it to Goodwill, I don’t have to pack it.”

    Good luck with everything!!

  9. Ugh, mooooovvvvvviiinnnnggg suuuuuuccccckkkkksss. But I know you know. It will be finished soon, and, if you can imagine, one day it may even seem like a good idea again. Ha. hahaha.

  10. As everyone has said, moving is definitely stressful, tied to emotion and dizzying. Just remember it is only a short time of madness, for soon you’ll be settling into your new place, starting fresh. Change is good! Enjoy the moment of temporary displacement and look forward to all of the exciting things ahead. 🙂

  11. Yeah, moving is the great possibility of possibilities. So many great things can lie ahead. Embrace the future!! And watch out for that box in the middle of the room in the middle of the night 😉

  12. Oh man, this got me excited! You are doing the right thing I think Ms Sizzle, and I do believe the best for you is yet to come. (And I’ve found drinking wine helps me deal with unpacking)

  13. The good news is that soon you get to unpack and that’s really the best part! I’m excited for the new job, if only because now we’ll be able to swap “crazy resident” stories (though hopefully you get less crazy than I have!)

  14. I know both those feelings! I certainly does seem to take so much more time and effort to move forward than to languish in the past. But even with the stress of this move, you sound like your doing a perfectly fine job keeping one foot in front of the other.

  15. that sounds like the chaos i lived in the week before i moved here – i never ever want to move again hehe. it’s hard work isn’t it?

    i agree: some memories should be left behind. upon arriving here i boxed up my past, taped it shut and put it under the bed. i couldn’t be happier now 🙂 good luck with the move and everything it brings you 🙂

  16. I think it’s sweet you’re nostalgic about your first Seattle home. It says a lot about your move to the area and how you’ve grown personally. Just tuck those life lessons and accomplishments away in one of your boxes and be sure to revisit them in your new home.

  17. Gosh! You are a strong woman! I’m so glad I have ran into your blog… you are great inspiration.
    Although it is hard right now, your strength will lead to brighter lands.
    Cheers to you. Hugs.

  18. How cool! You started at one point and came SO far while living in your last place; just imagine where you’ll go from your new starting point.

  19. It’s really hard to leave a space like that when it is so tangled up with memories. I lived in the same dorm on campus for four years and when I finally packed up and moved out for the last time, it was so weird. There were so many firsts in that dorm. It was very strange to leave. An apartment or a house can be even weirder, I’m sure.

  20. When did you find such Acceptance? And where can I get some, too?!!?
    Acceptance eludes me, but I am working on it. What you said is beautiful. It shines the light, and makes me see what is possible.:-)

  21. Weird how our physical environments play such a big part of emotional health. I used to cope with stress in college by cleaning my room. It was like exerting a small amount of control over something and it always made me feel better. Hence why moving gets to me too. I’m notorious for just wanted to get it over with so I can regain my sanity.

  22. Moving is rough physically and emotionally. Just be glad you don’t have a house with a basement FULL of crap. I think I’m going to refinance and get one of those 30 year fixed mortgages at the end of which I’ll have a huge estate sale, sell the house and float around on a boat named “pack-rat” ’til I die…that’s kind of like looking forward, right?

    This new opportunity seems like an exciting one..Chin-up!

    Oh, and if you need any crap for your new apartment, let me know; my basement is kind of like a condensed version of Ikea.

  23. I struggle with moving as well. It’s just that I attach memories to every single inanimate object. I hope the move goes smoother than it is in your head now.

  24. As non-sequiter as it might sound, I feel almost the exact same way about the stuff I have at work. I still have unpacked work boxes from job moves 9 years ago.

    I get this whole nostalgic wistful aura that surrounds me when I try to go through them.

  25. Moving is always emotional and stressful. It doesn’t matter what the circumstance. Know you are doing this for all the right reasons, Sizzle. This too will pass and you’ll be soo enthralled with decorating your new place, it will be forgotten.

  26. Say goodbye to the old life, the new one has nearly begun! Moving is definitely like starting over. It sucks until you’ve managed to unpack everything and get your new place sorted. Good luck!

  27. ugh, I know what you mean. I left a lot of memories from my longest relationship when I moved from my last apartment into my house…I should have been happy….but instead, sad and nostalgic. It’s okay to go down memory lane, as long as you’re just on the sightseers tour and not setting up camp. 🙂

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