Ring My Bell

Oh Comcast, how you torment me so! You know I need you. You know the alternatives to you are minimal and complicated, at best. You know you’ve got me right where you want me. You abuse your power, Comcast. I’m ashamed of you.For a while there, it felt like we were making up. The honeymoon period had been revived. I was connecting with ease to the internet and my cable was reliable. . . It was nice while it lasted.

It seems that even the best laid plans go to waste when you’re involved, Comcast. I called you way in advance, letting you know I was moving and was even going to upgrade my service. We made a date. I wrote your name in pen in my day planner. I was so looking forward to your visit.

Then the day came for you to arrive. I woke up early, excited to see your name in red and black on the side of the white van parked out front of my building. I watched from my second floor apartment as you put out your orange cone and readied yourself to come upstairs. I watched you walk across the street, clipboard in hand, anticipating the ring of my buzzer. Seconds turned to minutes and yet there was only silence in my disheveled apartment. Where were you?

I saw you return to your van, replace your orange cone to the back of your van and sit in the driver’s seat. If you had looked up you would have seen me looking forlorn and worried out the second floor corner window. Why weren’t you coming upstairs? Were you not my technician? Should I run down and accost you? Would you think me mad?

I called the help line where they informed me that you didn’t have a note on the order telling you it was a secure building. They told me that’s why you didn’t ring my bell. The logic of this escapes me. It says my apartment number. Why wouldn’t you ring it? Instead you called my cell and unfortunately, the record showed my old number so you weren’t able to reach me. Did that upset you, Comcast? Is that why you drove away?

Why do you have to break my heart like this every time, Comcast? Don’t I pay you on time? Don’t I give you enough attention? Don’t you want my love? Or are there so many other takers that I’m disposable?


After several calls, you finally arrived hours later than originally planned. Being spiteful, I decided I didn’t need to pretty myself up for you. Sweats with the hole in them, ragged old t-shirt, no bra or make up. I was looking haggard. Turns out it didn’t matter. You barely acknowledged me except to call me “Ma’am”- it’s like they teach you how to hurt me. Ouch! And what about the ass crack? Was that just a special bonus for being such a patient customer? That was a whole LOT of ass crack. You shouldn’t have. No, really.

You shouldn’t have.

The good news is- you are gone and we only need to speak via electronic measures. And I have a DVR. All is right with the world again.


30 thoughts on “Ring My Bell

  1. Those fools!!!! Don’t they realize what they are doing to you? I guess it’s easy to be callous when you monopolize cable. Let the DVR soothe you.

    This was SUCH a great post. I enjoyed every word, which I probably should not admit since it caused you considerable angst. Sorry ’bout that.

  2. Oh god…don’t even get me started on my cable company rage. I’m glad you got everything figured out (and some bonus butt crack to boot)!!!

  3. Ohhhh Comcrap.
    I was so excited because a friend of mine got AT&T Broadband and I thought finally, FINALLY I can make the long-overdue switch! But they need a phone jack, and my phone jack is located way, wayyy far away from my desk. *sigh*
    And so I remain bound to the abusive Comcast. :p

  4. I was almost in tears from laughing so hard at this post, but it was The Butt Crack lines that sealed the deal šŸ™‚ Thank you for making me laugh to the point that my coworkers asked “WTH is so FUNNY over there?!?”

  5. (sigh)

    Me and Time Warner Cable have a similarly disfunctional realtionship. at the moment, TWC is holding out on me re: internet service, until March 1. And I haven’t gotten any in more than TWO WEEKS. Stingy lover.

  6. Isn’t it terrible how we rely on the internets and television? We go one or two days without and it’s like we’ve starved ourselves to death. Sigh. Glad, though, you’ve got your feed back … and everything is now balanced.

  7. At least you got what you needed. Here we have the choice between RCN and Comcast but they might as well be called Rock and Hard Place, because god do they suck.

  8. I am sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience with our company. On behalf of Comcast, I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

    Our company is always looking for ways to improve the way we serve our customers. Your experience is a good example to share with the local leadership so that we may learn from it and prevent any recurrence in the future. I would like to get more information from you so that we may investigate further. If is okay with you, will you please send me your contact information?

    Thank you in advance for providing us the opportunity to improve our company!


    Mark Casem
    Comcast Executive Offices

  9. You know there are blogs devoted to the relationship that some folks have with Comcast. I was just reading about it in the latest Businessweek this past weekend. And I see that you already have your response from them. Because in the article, it said that they now have a team of people who scour the internets for posts on customer service.

  10. And that comment up there from Mark Casem is the reason why (I think) people spell it “Camcost” on their blogs when they write about them. Because they troll the ‘nets looking for this sort of thing.

    At least you were nice about it. I’d hate to see them get all “libelous” on your ass because you wanted to write about an airheaded tech that didn’t think to push a button to ring your apartment when he arrived. (How the hell were you supposed to know that you needed to alert them to the fact that you live in a secured building? Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard…)

  11. DVR = Pure love – except for nights like tonight when AI, TBL, BB and god knows what else is all on at once. 2 dual tuner DVR’s = marriage made in heaven.

  12. Loved it!!! It hasnt’ been that long since I penned something for my company too: I feel your pain.

    And what about the ass crack? Was that just a special bonus for being such a patient customer?


  13. Well, at least the DVR is worth the hassle. I couldn’t live without the TiVo in my life.

    And the C*mcast response on your site? A little too big-brother creepy.


  14. Sounds like our version of Comcast up here – Cogeco. I think you have to be okay with toying with people’s emotions to be a cable/internet company.
    Thanks for the laugh though and happy you are back up and running:)

  15. this happened to me!! I called and asked for help, they sent someone 2 days later (no internet for 2 day!) But this guy was a lazy idiot and didn’t ring our doorbell. it was there, it works. instead he called my boyfriends cell phone from a “private” number and when no one answered he left!! we were up at 7 am and then @ 3 we finally called to complain and they told us he was already there. needless to say they heard the business end of it. seriously, there is much more that happened but i’m not here to waste your time and the biggest loser is on my dvr. bottom line is we waited until 7 that night for someone ELSE to come out. NO shOW. so after MUCH complaining, they sent someone the next day. I hate that company, but they have a monopoly over my complex and the dish sucks.

    congrats on the move! good luck with your new adventure!

  16. Bwahahahaha!!! It’s not good to be sitting here alone at 9 PM laughing out loud at my computer screen, but I am.

    Hilarious, Sizz.

    Kinda makes me wanna be a cable guy.

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