I Really Dig You, Man.

6mosWhen The Fella and I first started dating (six months ago yesterday, as a matter of fact) he used to say, “I really dig you, man” at pointed moments in conversations or after too many Jim Beam and Cokes. I thought it meant the obvious- you know, that, uh duh, he digs me. That he thinks I’m cool. He likes hangin’ with me.

Months later he let me in on a little secret. “I really dig you, man” was code for “I’m in love with you.” I’m pretty clueless I guess because I had no idea. I mean I thought he liked me, maybe even like-liked me, but the L word? That came as a surprise.

We were sitting in a local bar on a white leather couch being couple-y and cozy when he blurted it out. “I love you.” I was taken aback thinking, this must be the booze talking/we haven’t been dating that long/he doesn’t really mean it. Blah blah blah. All those thoughts ran through my head quick like liquor through my bloodstream. I didn’t say it back to him right then. He said I didn’t need to. I wondered how long he’d feel okay with saying something so significant without a reply back.

The Fella knows my history. My triggers in relationships. How the last two men I loved weren’t available to me. How I can check out. How I can shut down when an old hurt resurfaces. How when things get too easy, too uncomplicated, too familiar, I can vacate emotionally. How I don’t want to be a “burden” so I push people away. It’s like I need it to be difficult to feel engaged. I am learning how to love without the drama. How to love in peace.

I’m learning because The Fella shows me how.

I don’t think I’m the easiest person to be in a romantic relationship with even thoanniversary giftugh the Fella begs to differ. But then again, he’s biased. And he’s probably hoping I’ll put out. Since we started dating I’ve teased him saying, “Given my past, we’re probably only going to date for about 6 months. Enjoy it while it lasts!” We’d laugh enjoying the joke but then sometimes he’d ask me to not say that. And he’s right. Why am I such a defeatist when it comes to love? It’s really not fair to him or to me. And who needs more odds stacked against us? Why not just believe that good happens?

Hey Fella? Thanks for being you. I hope you know I really dig you, too.

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70 thoughts on “I Really Dig You, Man.

  1. Aw, that was sweet. I hope you do put out after all that πŸ™‚ Happy 6 month, may there be sooooo many more!

    I dig you too, but not in a dig dig kinda way, I just dig you, yanno? πŸ™‚

  2. Sizz, I totally understand how it feels to only feel like something is love if you have to earn it and look for the good — and I’m totally impressed that you’re working past all of that to make something great with such a clearly amazing man.

  3. aww that’s a really nice way to say he loves you πŸ™‚

    my boyfriend told me he loved me first too. he didn’t mind that i didn’t say it back. we say it all the time to each other now – soppy tarts that we are πŸ˜‰

    happy anniversary! as a person who never thought a relationship could last past 3-months and have made one last nearly 2 years, i totally understand your pain. and it doesn’t get any better. the angst and worry just keeps on rolling. but it does make the good times REALLY good πŸ™‚

  4. That’s so cute πŸ™‚

    I’m glad you and he are that point.

    I think that it’s easy to have that defeatist attitude because it’s a total defense mechanism. I mean, if you’ve been hurt badly before – and you obviously have – this is your way of pretending it won’t hurt as bad because you’re the first one to kind of say “See, it won’t work.” Even if that’s the reason it ends up NOT working.

    It’s hard to trust people and let them in sometimes. And each time we’re hurt more, it gets worse. Someone who pushes and pushes to get in, says everything we need to hear, and then suddenly decides they were wrong? Yeah, that’s the worst thing imaginable to some of us. That’s why sometimes it’s easier – not necessarily better, but easier at the least – to just be emotionally unavailable to begin with.

    I think it’s a good thing you took a chance on him. And hey, you’re already beyond the 6 month mark now πŸ™‚

  5. So sweet! I love the shirt, too…what a great idea! And I think I’ve said it before, but your past may inform who you are, but it does not define you…so whoever you want to be in THIS relationship is who you should be. And it sounds like you’re doing just that. Happy Anniversary!

  6. It doesn’t have to. And don’t let it. I know I spent a lot of time thinking – this will just end anyway and looking for signs that it will. Even planning on what I would do when it ended. That wastes a lot of time. It wastes energy. You end up missing out on the relationship because you are not really in it. Plus there is always a chance you will just create a self fufilling prophecy. Simply because youve been hurt before is not an indicator that you will be hurt again. The two aren’t related and have nothing to do with each other. Success does not beget success and failure does not beget failure. Enjoy your fella!

  7. Pingback: Dating - Find your perfect match » I Really Dig You, Man.

  8. ‘How I can shut down when an old hurt resurfaces. How when things get too easy, too uncomplicated, too familiar, I can vacate emotionally. How I don’t want to be a β€œburden” so I push people away. It’s like I need it to be difficult to feel engaged. I am learning how to love without the drama. How to love in peace.’

    That you are honest enough to say it? I just LOVE you. I know how it feels, Sizzle, and learning a healthy kind of love can take some trial and error! You won;t be perfect, or go without stepping in it now and then, but that you are letting yourself just Be and love and enjoy? It means so, so much. πŸ™‚

    FWIW, he’ll screw up too, now and then. Just don;t give up.

  9. I love that anniversary gift to the Fella. Awww, what a great post. And he’s right – just because your past has its flaws doesn’t mean the future can’t be bright. There seems to be so much promise between the two of you – as Tim Gunn would say on Project Runway, make it work! πŸ™‚

    PS – Sweets blurted out the love word very early on in our dating, only we were sitting in his car just after dinner. It took me a few months to catch up with him, but he was ok with it because my actions spoke mounds of how I felt about him.

  10. That is really cute. πŸ™‚ I try to not ever be the first one to say it, but I think that is more superstition than anything.
    Congrats on 6 months, here’s to (at least) 6 more!
    And Fella, we think you are awesome for loving our sweet little Sizzle like you do! πŸ™‚

  11. YAY! You know you give me hope. The whole, emotionally checking out, not wanting to be a burden thing?

    …yeah, that’s sooo me!!!

  12. Ms. Sizzle… I must say that I love the way you write. I relate to so much of what you share. I could have written part of this blog myself – obviously not the part about The Fella LOL But I am an emotional vacater (sp?). When men I really care about show me or tell me that they care about me… I push them far, far away… ever fearful of being hurt yet again. Ah well. I want wish you and The Fella a very Happy Anniversary πŸ™‚

  13. This is so sweet: I told mine I have never said those words to any man and he said he’d be afraid to say it first in case i don’t say it back.
    Crap!

    But I’m happy for you.

  14. Excellent. Excellent excellent.

    My husband TOTALLY shocked me when he said “I love you” pretty early in the relationship, the confessed he’d been thinking it for weeks and had taken that long to get up the guts to say it out loud. Still gives me tingles to think someone thinks that of me.

  15. This guy seems ok to me. If you find yourself in need of a little drama, just have pretend fights. (I recommend this if you are looking to get laid, too).

  16. This post makes me think that we are a lot alike in relationships. I am glad you found someone who can tolerate these things that you do and loves you in spite of it. I was lucky enough to find the same.

    Shit, maybe we aren’t that bad after all.

  17. Awesome, beautiful post πŸ™‚ I understand so well about learning how to love in peace, without all the drama, thanks to my guy. It’s a wonderful thing, and it’s so great that you have that…

  18. Sunday will by my two year mark with my boyfriend and every time I think about that I almost fall over. I’m a lot like you, I think, and I just wanted to say I’m happy for you πŸ™‚

  19. Awww, happy anniversary!

    Your post made me laugh because my grad school prof said that to me after he’d had a few drinks at our after graduation party, and it always seemed a little…. something. lol.

  20. Every couple needs to have those little inside sayings. Just took you longer to figure it out. No biggie. At least he’s saying it and still means it after being warned off by you.

    Happy six months.

  21. Some 20 years ago my husband said “I think I love you” as his first expression of affection. And all I could think was “When will you KNOW?! Because, I’m like, REALLY interested.”

    Mayberry Magpie

  22. I’ve known your Fella for… oh wow. Eleven years now. And lemme tell ya, not only can I hear him saying that phrase, but knowing him as I do, I would have laughed if I had heard it, ’cause I know how shy he can be. πŸ™‚

    And all that said? DAMN I am glad to see him so happy. FINALLY.

  23. I’m so happy for you and The Fella! It’s good to see you in a healthy relationship, one that’s not causing you pain.

    My husband has taught me how to love without fear, too. I still get scared that he’ll suddenly realize how much better he could do, and disappear. But he’s still there every morning when I wake up! August will be our 5th anniversary.

    By the way, he was the first to say “I love you.” He said it three days after his first email. Scared the hell out of me! It took me a month to say it back.

  24. Happy Anniversary! I think you should, at every 6 month anniversary, perform a theoretical breakup for a moment in time…like for 2 minutes…then have great make up sex and start the monthly anniversary count over again. That way you’ll never be dating over six months. Just a thought. πŸ˜‰

  25. Happy Anniversary!!!
    You deserve this Sizzle. Sit back and enjoy πŸ™‚ Oh, and give the Fella a squeeze for being so sweet.

  26. looks like all the odds are stacked in yer favor – those two bright pearly white smiles give it away πŸ™‚

  27. How I don’t want to be a β€œburden” so I push people away. It’s like I need it to be difficult to feel engaged. I am learning how to love without the drama. How to love in peace.

    Seriously, I think we may have been separated at birth.

  28. Awwwh so cute! Happy anniversary honey! I’m so glad things are going well, that you’re trying and that you’re HAPPY! Happy Sizzle is all sorts of good!

  29. Sixty comments. Good lord.

    Anyway, I tagged you on my blog today. If you want to play, come see me and do super easy and silly Book Meme. Gracias.

  30. the worst thing you can do is tell your man he has bad taste (aka self-depricating in his presence…the random bitching excluded…)

    he loves you and don’t make him think he might be wrong about that.

    i struggle every day trying not to tell my man why he is wrong loving me. i just try to accept it and sometimes are much easier than others. just be yourself and love him as you can without telling him he is stupid to love you back…

  31. How to love in peace! Your post hit a chord with me.

    I’m so happy for you, and so glad that the Fella is who he is, and that you’re willing to learn from him. Happy Anniversary Sizzly πŸ™‚

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