Self? Where have you gone?

Yesterday was not a good day. I’m burning myself out. I’m “on” too much of the time- at work then at home because home is now work- and I’m just exhausted. I’m so tired my brain can’t tell me the words to basic things. “Can you hand me the thing? The thing there sitting on the other thing.” Their response: “Whatareyoutalkingabout?” Me, trying again, “It’s round and has a hole in the middle near the desk.” Them: “A donut? Oh this cd! Here.”

Last night I fell asleep at 9:30pm and slept until 6:30am. I could sleep more but those 9 hours was a start. At least this morning I don’t feel like hurting anyone or throwing anything. Yesterday, my tolerance for things going wrong or for mistakes or for annoyances was -5. My list of annoyances goes something like this:

  1. I hate my gray hair and am not yet ready to embrace the fact that, if I were to stop dying my hair, I’d have a completely gray head of hair before turning 35. Maybe after I turn 40 but not yet. I’ll fight you to the death, gray hairs! (Hair appointment scheduled for Thursday thankyouhairgods.)
  2. I filed my taxes in early February with a direct deposit set up for my refund. My bank rejected the deposit so the IRS had to cut and mail a paper check. I changed my address with the post office around the exact time the check was being mailed. It’s March 5th and the check has still not arrived. That’s my money to buy furniture. This is leaving me dresser-less and couch-less and very unhappy.
  3. Speaking of mail. . . I sent in my change of address form well in advance of my move and yet my mail? It comes sporadically and piecemeal. And there is no IRS refund check. I am very upset by this current state of affairs.
  4. My new birth control, while not making me mental, has stolen my libido. I want it back!
  5. Living out of boxes is driving me to insanity. I’d be horrible at a vagabond life. I like my things to have their place. I like my home to have order. I like knowing where to find my socks and that one shirt that doesn’t make me feel fat and where my measuring tape is and come to think of it, where are my scissors?
  6. Every year this fundraising event at work bugs me. We have lots of events at work but this one? This one for some reason always irritates me. Communication to me about volunteers is crap and then at the last minute I’m informed of major changes. I really, really dislike being out of the loop particularly when it affects how I do my job.
  7. I’ve had a nagging cough for a week. I’m not sick enough to stay home but just sick enough to feel run down and irritated by the constant tickle in my throat.

I want to be in a better mood. I’m going to try. I hate not feeling like myself.


41 thoughts on “Self? Where have you gone?

  1. I ended up coloring my hair Monday for the same reason. I couldn’t wait to get in and I didn’t want to spend money I don’t have.

    and you MIGHT want to check out another set of pills. Libido screwed? aawww…

  2. *hugs*

    Sorry things are so rough.

    I feel you on the gray hair thing… I feel wayyyyyyy too young to be getting them, but alas, not much I can do about it. Yesterday, I was determined to pull this one out that was mocking me and instead, pulled out three other hairs instead.

  3. YE ha. Sounds like a boat load of fun there at the Sizzle Estate. {sending you the positive waves}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    At least you don’t have to wait for your ex to re-file to correct her mistake which is preventing you from filing and if left alone would cost several thousand dollars.

    I do hope you fell better soon. (and find your libido!!)

  4. USPS is the worse thing EVER. And just so you know, after so many weeks, 6 or 8 I think, you’ll have to go fill out a forward thing again since they stop forwarding at that time. Cause really, certainly you only need a month or two for all your mail to find you. Maybe if they wouldn’t hold forwarded mail for two weeks before forwarding it, it wouldn’t take over 2 months to get it all straight! UGH!

    Had the same issue with libido. Had to quit the pills. What a joy it was to be horny again. I was worried it left with my 30th birthday.

    I buy lipstick if life is kicking my butt. Or shoes. Either makes me feel better and doesn’t make my hips larger.

  5. Here’s hoping the funk lifts ASAP – sending hugs and sugar and liquor and whatever else you need to get through it!


  6. I’ll echo you on the gray hair hate. Ugh. I’ve been dying my hair since college, though it wasn’t nearly as bad then. Now, when my roots start to shine through, it makes me want to scream!!! Funny enough, I have an appointment later today with my very favorite stylist!!!

  7. It sounds like the cough and the libido thing are your body telling you to SLOW DOWN! I know it’s a damn sight easier said than done but try or you are going to make yourself properly sick. Don’t look at the big scary picture, break it down into little manageable pieces and just do 1 thing at a time. Oh geez listen to me preaching! Sorry!

  8. Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. For me, priority number one would be unpacking the boxes…you’ll probably feel much better once your space is in order (or in a better place to deal with the rest of the crap)!

  9. We had similar days yesterday (you know this) I’m going to try to choose to have a better day. The operative word being “try”.


  10. Not sure about you, but mail problems leave me feeling SO vulnerable! Especially when you’re awaiting something important, like a check from the unfriendly IRS.

    Birth controls pills always sucked the libido out of me. I’m so happy to not be taking them anymore.

  11. It will get better…I promise.

    Wait a minute….I commented that yesterday.

    Try again…

    Go get a cherry slurpee and add a little vodka THEN you won’t FEEl so bad.


  12. Ugh, I had a similar experience twice with the post office. I hate them!

    I second the notion of trying yet another pill. I know it sounds crazy, but I literally tried 13 varieties before I found “the one.”

    Which just made me realize that I’ve gone through four times as many pills as I’ve had serious boyfriends. Wow. Never had that thought before. That just kind of blew my mind!

  13. Have you called the IRS? I don’t know if they changed their rules but I know that as of 4 years ago, they USPS was not allowed to forward a refund check. I don’t know if this is true anymore but I am just looking out for ya!

  14. I have a 28-year-old friend whose hair is completely gray. People often say things to her like, “Why do you dye your hair that color?” It’s pretty obnoxious.

    Also, I hate BC that makes you not want to have sex anymore. What’s the POINT?

    I hope things improve for you soon!

  15. Things just don’t seem to slow down right now, do they? There’s always something or someone. And they are all worth it, but damn if you can keep up.
    Hang in there, girl.

  16. The IRS sucks! So does libido monkeying birth control. I just started back on the pill…so far, no monkey business. At least no BAD monkey business. šŸ™‚

    *steps away from desk, knocks on wood*

  17. Yikes Miss Sizz, lots on your plate right now! Here’s hoping things settle down a bit soon. It’s bad enough when it’s one or two things that are going on at once, but you have a long list! Hang in there! Hopefully the weekend you have some good plans in the works!

  18. Hang in there Sizz, “change of address” BS gets me fired up every time. My last run in, the mail carrier decided to put one in for my deceased husband without my permission. I still get mail at my new house every day for him. I purposely didn’t want that to happen.

  19. Enough with the gray hair already. You look fine. I can’t be bothered with such little things. If I did I’d have to dye my beard every time I grow it.

  20. Ah, sounds like my day.

    I had a change of address once that they “lost” and I had to go to the post office, in person, and yell at them, to get them to fix it. Bleh. I hope your check comes soon and you take lots of pictures of how your new place looks!

  21. If it wasn’t for hair dye – at home – I would be totally gray at 25 and broke by 30. Utilize the hairdresser as long as you can.
    The rest – hugs and deep breaths. The postal service and IRS sucks up here too in Canada if helps any. Do you not have direct deposit to your chequing acct as an option? No mail then….just there one day.
    Hope it gets better šŸ™‚

  22. I started going grey at 20. Sigh. I refuse to stop fighting it though!

    I hope that you get another night of rest and that tomorrow is full of sunshine and daisies!

  23. hang in there. ugh two jobs suck and i can’t imagine being on call at home too!
    p.s. were my doctors lying to me by telling me bc doesn’t effect your libido? because i just talked to them last week and they said no. grr. i always thought that was true.

  24. Women with gray in their hair are beautiful. “Life” lines are beautiful too! Although you have none of those yet! Gorgeous skin!

    I can totally relate to what I call ‘losing words’ when I am overtired or stressed or overworked. Dont worry, your brain gets back to normal and in the meantime your loved ones think its cute!

    And last but not least in this long reply to your post … I think that you should take an hour out of your week to do something just for you! Pedicure or manicure or a nap or a bath… anything!? Just something for Sizz!!! =)

  25. I think you should give yourself a break. You’ve been under a tremendous about of stress with the move and the new job. You’re mood and libido will be back once the stress subsides.

    PS. I’m 40 and fighting those grey hairs every day. It’s a losing battle. šŸ˜¦

  26. I am having the hair issue too. I do my own but I find lately there is just too much that isn’t being covered. I need to make an appointment but that would require 1. money, and 2. my kids to be somewhere other than with me. Neither happens too often, so I guess I’ll have to be ok with looking older? I know I don’t actually look older, but it is amazing how much the hair thing matters to me.

    I hope everything slows down for you and gets better. I ALWAYS find that when I am tired I am less able to handle anything else. With my kids sick with the flu and me being up at night taking care of them, anything else just pushes me past my limit. We got a letter from the IRS saying we owed more money plus tons of interest (they made a mistake according to our tax guy) but when I got the letter I actually cried because I just can’t take one more thing right now. So I get where you are coming from. I really do!

  27. Oh and I meant to say that I bet once you get adjusted to living at “work” and get things organized to how you want them, the issues will slow down. It is always exhausting starting a new job, and I can’t even imagine moving as part of that new job! You will get through this, I know you will! Hopefully it will even start being fun!

  28. Ha! I just splirted my coffee on myself! Goo! I want to give you a high five and say “Things! Yeah, thank God for the word Things!”

    I hate birth control pills for that same reason. And what is with the US Mail these days?! I have a similar problem with the dang DMV.

    Cheers to Thursday, tomorrow will be Friday and I hope you get to sleep in on Saturday.

  29. Sizzle, I moved 16 months ago and I still can’t find anything. It’s the damndest thing. I’ll think of an object I need, and I’ll imagine it’s exact location — IN MY OLD HOUSE. Then I realize I have no idea where it is in the new house. It sucks. I keep wondering when my brain, my memory will catch up to this place.

    Mayberry Magpie

  30. Shiiiiit. Aww, just get knocked up honey. No, don’t. But don’t forget that moving is a HUGE life stressor. Up there with the big “D’s”, Divorce and Death. I’m surprised it doesn’t also start with a “D”, Doving. We just moved also, hated it; and with a baby and a pre-teen to boot.

    This too shall pass.

  31. Pingback: You Do The Math « Sizzle Says

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