I told The Fella last night I was going to drop it but seriously I am still so utterly confused by this recent news story out of Kansas, I can’t stop wondering WHY. I mean every time I sit on the toilet I am reminded of this woman. I’m sure you’ve heard of it by now. Apparently, this woman was stuck on her bathroom toilet for, oh, TWO YEARS. Her boyfriend would bring her water and food and ask her to come out and her reply would be, “Maybe tomorrow.”
Excuse me but wasn’t there a point (about let’s say 23 months and 3 weeks, give or take a day or five) earlier in this “situation” where the boyfriend would have considered calling the authorities. Maybe 5150-ing his girlfriend? Maybe calling in some assistance because his girlfriend is clearly not well?
There were all kinds of thoughts racing through my head when I heard about this bizarre story. They included:
- I guess she saved a lot of money on tampons.
- Did she have a phone in there?
- She didn’t have to put out for two years.
- What about birthdays and holidays? Does she have no family to speak of that wouldn’t miss her during these festive times?
- I hope she doesn’t have children. Or pets.
- Was there a window in the bathroom?
- I hope they had more than one toilet in the house.
- How does one get stuck on a toilet seat?
- I wonder if they will break up now.
- Will she have to have ass reconstruction surgery?
- Did they wheel in a tv or radio to amuse her while she sat on the throne?
- I wonder if she will be on Oprah someday.
- Did she get a lot of reading done?
- Sure saves a lot of money on clothes and haircuts and pedicures and make up.
- Does this mean she never showered for TWO YEARS?
- Or shaved?
- I hope she brushed her teeth.
- Did she not have a job to go to?
I sincerely hope that she gets the medical and psychological attention she needs but I also want answers. I want to understand WHY.
Maybe she had a Forrest Gump moment. Remember when he just starts running. And running and running and running and years go by and his beard gets long and hair scraggly. He just needed to run. Maybe she just decided she needed to sit for a spell and that spell turned into months which turned into years. They say some do their best thinking on the crapper. Here’s to hoping she had some sort of epiphany to make it all worthwhile.
Like, “I should have bought that heated toilet seat when I had the chance.”
*This is a WTF Friday post brought to you on Thursday because this shit can’t wait.