Something’s Got to Give

Recently I’ve been suffering from emotional hyper-sensitivity, an inability to make decisions, to think in a logical fashion or to employ what is commonly referred to as “patience.” You might say, “But Sizz, isn’t that like a normal day for you?” To which I might reply, “Kindly, fuck off.”

It’s the PMS talking. Don’t take it personally. Really.

Since moving into the new apartment and taking on the second job, I feel stressed out most of the time. I didn’t realize how much though until I went away for the weekend. On the first weekend of the month (re: when rent is due). Without an on-site substitute to ward off disasters (though my bro-in-law was on call as a back up just in case). With three open units to rent. While The Fella and I were gone in Cannon Beach, he wanted me to only check my messages once a day. We negotiated to twice and I stuck to it. Luckily, nothing major occurred and I was able to return home without haste.

Except the moment I walked into my apartment I felt. . .heavy. My place is STILL not decorated. It’s half-assed with no couch, mismatched chairs and lighting that needs to be installed. And that’s just the living room! I think the disarray is effecting how I feel when I am home. I don’t do well in disorganization. I don’t rest well in my bedroom because there are still boxes and my bed is squeaky and uncomfortable. Add to this the feeling of constantly being “on” because tenants need things, the building needs cleaning, and I have to show units and get them rented ASAP or heads will roll.

Not heads in the plural. One head, actually. Mine.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to excel at the tasks I take on. I am currently over my limit, not taking time for myself (or when I do, feeling guilty about it) and generally just checking out of what would normally be considered fun activities because I “have too much work to do.” In the past week I have missed out on two shows (that I already had tickets for- waste of money!) because I was too tired, too busy having an emotional meltdown, too bloated with PMS to find an outfit that didn’t make me feel like a stuffed cabbage, too, too, too, too much of everything, really. It’s gotten to the point where I actually said, “I don’t care about my birthday.” Wha!? Me?! The epitome of an Aries saying she doesn’t care about her birthday?!

Is the world spinning off its axis?

So it’s time for a new way of being. If I keep this up, I will lose my shit. It will not be pretty. And I’m not ashamed to admit. . . I like the pretty. I am striving for the pretty, people. I’m crying out: Jesus, take the wheel!

Ok, I’m not really calling out for Jesus- I’ll leave that for Carrie Underwood- but me, myself and I are gonna have what is commonly referred to as “a come to Jesus” talk. It’s time to get real and make some changes. I am tired of feeling this way.

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40 thoughts on “Something’s Got to Give

  1. That kinda sounds like the weekend that I had… emotional breakdowns… mine was all unnecessary… but none the less, I was a friggin basket case..
    Take heed though… it’ll all pass…

  2. I hope things get better soon! And that you don’t lose your shit because I hear (just hear mind you because I of course have all my shit together ALL the time. *ahem*) that getting it back is kind of hard.

    I had to have a couple of Come to Jesus meetings at my old job. While it wasn’t necessarily fun, they were satisfying in that everyone, by the end, understood what was needed to be done to make things better. I hope your talks are equally as satisfying.

  3. Best of luck with the Jesus meeting! I agree that stressed or out of control is no good mentally or physically. You can abandon the Carrie Underwood approach and go with more of an Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett plan of attack and say that ‘It’s 5 O’clock Somewhere.’ Just a thought…

    Hang in there!!

  4. Dude, I hear you. For me, it’s a process of letting go, of reminding myself to concentrate on the small things, and to just do the next right thing. Otherwise I get overwhelmed, and I default to sheet therapy.

    Keep your eye on the pretty, indeed.

  5. Sizzle, you are not going to get better until you loose your sheetz, until then and only then will things gets better
    You are an Aries to the core. I’m way too irritated if my personal space is not the way it should be so I definitely understand that.

    What has always helped for me is the phrase (I’m not kidding) “Sheetz happens”, or “no one died”
    I made hotel reservations for our important guests coming to visit where I work for next week instead of this week…. I was a bit bummed because not only did I embarrass myself, I embarrased my boss. But hey you know what. No one died.

  6. This does sound difficult…I can relate a lot. I’m a PhD candidate, and my work is NEVER finished. Can’t just leave the office and put it away – there’s always more to do (until I have the degree in hand). I’ve learned over the years to take weekends off (like you did) when I need them and to live in the moment – blocking out those chunks of time when I am not a student, professor, or researchers. Not wearing a title/hate/job. Just being me, living life and enjoying the moment.

  7. Take a deep breathe…BREATH….

    There you go. You can handle this, I know you can. Its overhwhelming but not as bad as it seems. If you work on things in small chunks instrad of looking at it in totality, it looks a lot less daunting.

  8. I am right there with you right now. I have WAY too much going on – I couldn’t even enjoy MY little romantic getaway this past weekend because I was not feeling well because of all the stress.

    You WILL feel so much better once you get your apartment together. That’s why I am such a clean freak – my head could be a spaz but as long as my surroundings are together…

    Hang in there 😉

  9. Awww, sweetie. Well, if it makes you feel better, we all go through these times. Where life gets overwhelming and it’s time to reevaluate and make some changes, hopefully for the better.

    Take some advice the shelter for domestic violence (where I volunteered) gives it’s employees … if you are not feeling well, physically or emotionally, take a day off for yourself. Because if your health is no good, then you can not be of great service to our clients. And they meant it. No raised eyebrows when people called in sick.

    So, do what you need to do, but figure out a way to give yourself some time. The rest of your life will thank you!

  10. Honeylove! I empathize!!!

    It sounds like not having your living space up and running is bumming you out a lot, even subconsciously. Do you think you can take a day this weekend to get things underway in the apartment? The other stuff will fall into place. You are extraordinary in that way!

  11. Can you send me the crib notes from your “come to Jesus” talk with yourself?
    Because I need to do that too.
    (I also was wanting to just throw off my birthday plans entirely, which is unheard of!!)

  12. For what it’s worth I gave up caring about my birthday years ago. Something about turning 30 a few years back and wondering what the fu** happened to my 20’s made me think that the arrival of birthdays are no cause for celebration 😉

  13. good for you! sometimes when everything becomes too much for me I try and schedule in one hour of me-time. you know: take a bubble bath, get a massage, go running (psh, yeah right). maybe take a new course in meditation or hip hop dancing or yoga…

    i hope it gets better for you!

  14. I’m sending positive vibes your way… I know how unnerving it feels to have things in boxes and not be settled in, and on top of that be very busy. I hear you Sizz. But you are a string woman, you’ll get it together, you’ll see.

  15. Can you get some help? It sounds like you are overloaded and maybe need to delegate or give up on some activities, at least until you get a handle on everything that you have going on. I’m hoping that Jesus has some good ideas for you!

  16. My second job makes me feel that way too. It’s not hard, just time consuming and you don’t realize how precious time is until it seems like there is none. Hang in there Sizz!

  17. Shit damn I know that feeling like it is an old worn out shoe. What makes it seem more bearable (aside from vodka) is knowing that it will pass. You will get control back eventually. I promise.

  18. Hugs to you. I’m feeling quite teary, overwhelmed, anxious, disappointed, etc. myself. I don’t even have as much on my plate, but I defintely have the hormone piece happening right now. I guess I’m trying to say I feel your pain (or a little of it) and yes, it can only get better!

  19. I hear ya. Every time I come back from time away- be it a day or a week- that overwhelmed feeling about kills me. I make lists, lots of lists.

    A big hug to you, girl. Here’s to recognizing the feeling and dealing, right? 🙂

  20. I was feeling like that and so today I cleaned out my pantry. I’m not making light of your situation, I am being serious. Too much of anything stresses me out, even too much of something good. I was going to blog about that, but never got around to it because I was stuck in the feeling. I think adjusting to the job is tough, and I am hopeful that you will settle in and not feel so stressed, so “too much” very soon! If there is anything I can do to help you out, please let me know! I don’t like a sister Aries to be so stressed out that she won’t enjoy her birthday!!!!

  21. Ugh, all of those feelings suck, especially when piled one on top of the next. I agree with Angella that first comes you, then comes your responsibilities. Good luck!

  22. Wow that sucks huge donkey balls. I hope things get better for you. I say you take a day and just decorate to your heart’s content, this way you won’t be agitated at home too.

  23. I know you’ll be able to get adjusted to all this. It’s still a new routine for you, and you still have time to make the schedule work, and decide what activities you want to drop/add. You got this 🙂

  24. Dude, you time. Just tell everyone “no” for just one day and spend it making your place all prettified…they can hold on for just a day :).

  25. When all else fails, REALLY cry out to Jesus. Yes, some may think that’s lame, but it will soooo hit the spot!!! In fact, I think that would hit MY spot right about now!

  26. I agree with Hilly (and everyone else).

    Nothing will happen overnight. You just moved in for crying out loud.

    Think back.

    How long did it take you to get your first place done when you moved up there?

    No matter how you look at it, there are STILL only 24 hours in the day.

    And guess what? YOU CAN’T CHANGE THAT!

    Bummer. But true. Do what you can do in 24 hours. The rest will still be there tomorrow.

  27. I think you’re one (big) step ahead of the game, because you have recognized what it is you want to change. You always seem so good with introspection.

    Thinking of you.

    Perhaps take some more of those long weekends away?!

  28. Hey there. Not much more I can say than what others have so eloquently put. But just want to send you lots and lots of hugs. I hope things get better soon.

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