You Do the Math

Yesterday I threw a party at work. It involved multiple trips to Costco, lasagnas and trying to figure out how much bread is enough bread for 80 people. Do you know? Cuz I didn’t. I have loaves left over. Anyone want some french bread?

I purchased 9 lasagnas- 6 meat and 3 veggie. (I really bought ten but someone stole one out of the building fridge even after I had written the name of my organization all over it. Stop! Lasagna thief!) 6 of the lasagnas had to cook for 2 hours. 3 of them had to cook for one hour. What time did we have to start cooking the lasagnas for all of them to be ready to serve at 6:00 pm? See? It’s a word problem. I really loathe word problems. So I made my coworker do the math and be in charge of cooking them.

That’s called delegation, folks.

Then there was the issue with the two ovens. Four lasagnas go in and cook for two hours but only two in the top oven are actually cooked. The bottom two are still frozen in the center. Now we are down to one oven and have only 3 hours until the party starts. And 4 more lasagnas to cook. Or something. I’ve lost track. Basically, I just said fuck it and ordered pizza to make up the difference. Only to discover that 20-30 people who RSVP’d didn’t actually show leaving me with 3.5 left over cooked lasagnas, three frozen lasagnas, a huge bowl of salad, a mega bag of spinach, a tray of sliced french bread and four loaves uncut. Oh. . .and two halves of two cakes. It should be mentioned though that everyone in attendance had a really good time. In spite of the food mishap, it was a successful event.

But let us never talk of lasagna again. Ok? Ok.

Hey, guess what I am having for lunch today?


52 thoughts on “You Do the Math

  1. Ummm, lasagna? I’m guessing the rest of the office will eat the left overs. People in my office are human vacuums when it comes to food.

  2. Ugh, if you and I are ever trapped somewhere and the only way out is to solve a word problem, we are doomed!

    But yes, if you’re offering, I’d love some French bread. 🙂

  3. I have to be honest. I am now dizzy trying to keep up with the food totals. Well, I’m little hungry now too…

    At least it went well!!! If I ever need to throw a kickawesome Lasagna party, I am calling you. Oh crap, I said lasagna. Oh crap, I said it again. I’m sorry.

  4. I had an auction and the caterers (a well known, reputable organization) did not show. Food mishaps are not good. But it seems to work out if you can start giving them liquor.

    Apparently if you just leave the lasagna in the fridge it will disappear, so you shouldn’t have to eat it for too long.

  5. Okay, I haven’t been over here in a while so I’m sure this is a late compliment, but I LOVE your new design! WOO!

    Also, that lasagna making story made my head hurt. I think my head would have exploded if I’d actually lived that experience instead of just reading about it. Poor yoU!

  6. Mmmmm, I will gladly eat lasagna for the next 3 weeks. On the bright side, at least you didn’t run out of food and have grumpy people on your hands.

  7. ha.ha.

    That’s a whole mess of food you got there Sizz. I’m sure the co-workers will help eat some and if not…throw another party!. HA. Give some to the Fella. Oh and send some to me! PRONTO because now I’m hungry!!


  8. I am hopeless at cooking for really large groups – I always worry there won’t be enough and then end up with tonnes of leftovers – I do love cold lasagne though – does that make me weird? ;o)

  9. That hurt my head. I always prepare way to much food…I get it from my southern mother who always cooks for an army. I’m glad, despite the hassle, the event went well! I guess, since the food is already cooked you can’t donate it?

  10. And yet, what stands out to me most is that I want to know who stole the lasagna??? Because that is just seriously rude. Totally different after the fact if you have so much left over, but before hand???

  11. #1. When people RSVP they are coming, DAMNIT, COME! Arrrgggh! Can you tell that’s a sore spot with me? Yes. After having TONS of food left over from graduation parties and wedding receptions because people said THEY WERE COMING… then NOT SHOWING UP… well, ’nuff said.
    #2. Math. I hate math. Cooking I can do. I would have to approach this from square one and write it all down, then I would be able to manage it. But thinking of it as math? Oh, pluueeaaze god NO.

  12. I love french bread! And lasagna. When should I stop by?

    As my mama taught me, when giving a party it is ALWAYS better to have too much food than not enough.

  13. I love french bread! And lasagna. When should I stop by?

    As my mama taught me, when giving a party it is ALWAYS better to have too much food than not enough.

  14. That’s a lot of yummy food, and feel free to send some bread my way – I love every kind of baked good, but french bread is one of my favorites!

  15. I always sucked at word problems…and can’t even imagine cooking/heating for a large group – I can’t even time shit when it’s my immediate family. Now I want bread. Thanks Sizz ;o)

  16. For Reals, lady, my head was spinning as soon as you had 3 hours left until the party!

    It’s hard enough figuring out how much to cook for 10 people let alone 60.

    It’s always better to have too much!

  17. I’m’ still in shock that someone actually swiped a lasagna from the fridge. Who does that? Or rather, how the heck did they escape without being caught?

    (Your post just made me hungry)

  18. Word to the wise from someone who has managed nearly 1,000 separate events (yes really!) in the past few years… assume that 55% of the people who RSVP’d will actually show up. For weddings, it’s sometimes higher, like 60%. If it’s a (free) lunch time event at work, maybe higher like 75%. You poor thing. Oh well! Enjoy your leftovers and have another party in the future to use up the rest of the frozen lasagnas!

  19. Delegation!! heh. You are so funny!
    I love it when you mix word problems with food-event talk! 🙂 Awesome post–it really made me smile.

  20. Funny that this happened to you because it always happens at my office too. I have had many lasagne issues in my time! I always found that people ate the leftovers thank goodness. No salad of course, because that is far too healthy but the cheesy goodness, they were always game for the cheesy goodness.

    Hope your week is going well!

  21. The food theif resides in my office as well and there’s only 5 of us on a regular basis.

    I was following along on cooking times until the 2 cooked, two still frozen thing and then I gave up. Large groups are a *itch to mathematically cook for. although, it sounds like those who did show up had a great time.

    And to those who RSVP’d and then no showed – I hope you took names and plan to mail them some leftover lasagna and bread.

  22. LOL. Better too much than not enough. Soup kitchens would appreciate some of that no doubt. I’m glad that you had a good time though. 🙂

  23. I have a feeling I am about to be in a similar situation. My twins are having their first communion party this weekend and I have no idea who is coming or how much food we need. I am making lasagna, sausage pasta and tons of other food that I fear we will be stuck eating for weeks!

    Word problems make my head hurt. Seriously. My daughter tries to get me to help her with math and I always skip the word problems and tell her she is on her own for that because I can’t figure them out!

  24. Mmmm, lasagna. I make a mean gluten-free one, which I realize, does not sound appetizing at all, but it really is.


    Also, math = the devil.

  25. Now I want lasagna.

    The stress of organizing all that would have killed me, though. You are far more capable, word problem or no word problem 🙂

  26. La Brea Bread from Costco? mmm. I’ll take a loaf of that. I’ll also take a veggie lasagna and whatever leftover beer you might have, too.

  27. I’ve made the mistake of putting too many things in the oven at once. 😦 So irritating. But what a feat to cook for that many people any way!

  28. I cannot believe there was an effing Lasagna thief in your midst! People never cease to amaze me.

    Last fall I volunteered to cook for 50 people for a funeral. Do you know how many cans of grean beens it takes to feed 50? Neither did I. I had enough green beans to feed a school house full of children.

    P.S. Don’t try to freeze green beans for later. Trust me on this.

    Mayberry Magpie

  29. FYI, all I’ve been able to think about today is lasagna. I’ve been craving lasagna. Crazy thing? I’m not really a fan. But for some strange reason that truly escapes me, lasagna has been on my mind today. Go figure.

    Office fridges are like socks in a dryer. What you put in isn’t exactly what you’re gonna be pulling out. It’s one of life’s frustrating little mysteries.

  30. We do a lot of events. Food always a challenge. Food you need to cook. Even more so. Ambitious.

    We had a massive event planned and a snow storm combined with a hockey… we had 10 per cent show up. 10 fucking per cent. Lost of staff had lots of goodies that night. Shrug.

  31. I threw a Cinco de Mayo party and had a bunch of shredded chicken and beef left because you have to plan for people eating a lot when in actuality, most don’t.


    But if you didn’t plan for a lot of folks and for them to eat a lot, then you would’ve run out of food.

    A catch 22, no?

  32. I love office parties. I love your cute new comment box!

    So, was the stolen one veggie or meat? (sorry if someone already asked) Who steals lasagna?!

  33. I am terrible at math. I would burn 9 lasagnas if I had been in your position. I also probably would have bought 15, giving me leftovers for a week.

    Maybe you could give some leftovers to star tenants?

  34. What is wrong with those 20-30 non-showers? (i mean people who didn’t show, not showers that don’t exist – reading this i realize you probably don’t realize i am talking about a shower with water as opposed to a shower – person who shows. in that last part).
    I hate people that rsvp and then just oops don’t show.
    But yeah, tough word problem. At least some were cooked!

  35. If it were not for Costco I could not have parties. Or participate in my kids’ bake sales. Those kirkland chocolate chunk cookies fetch a hot price on the grade school aftermarket.

  36. I just noticed on my last post you commented that you’ve seen Missy Higgins in concert. Like her? She’s going to play at an outdoor concert in Minneapolis this summer. I’m deciding whether or not I want to buy tickets to both nights of this outdoor shindig. She is on the second night and most of the artists I want to see are on the first night.

  37. You could serve lasagna at your ‘meet your neighbor’ party at the complex.

    Oh, you weren’t having a party there?

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