The Super Slacker

The other day I walked into the communal laundry room in the building to find a note on the white board. I know what you’re thinking but don’t audibly groan just yet. It said something to the effect of, “Let’s hear it for our awesome new manager- thanks for all you’ve been doing.”

Kinda warms your heart a bit, doesn’t it?

I wrote back “Thanks!” (insert happy face) and then a few days later wrote about the rise in noise complaints in the building. It’s not that people are purposely being assholes. At least, that is what I choose to believe because in my mind I try to see people as good until they blatantly prove otherwise. (This gets me burned on numerous occasions but I’m alright with that. It’s far too draining to live in negativity 24-7. I tend to just visit there sporadically.) Maybe it’s a combo of the weather turning nicer, people having their windows open, Spring Fever or an increase in recreational drug use. . . I don’t know but people are being loud and in turn tenants are coming to me. What I would really like to see is everyone knowing one another so that they can feel comfortable going to their neighbor and saying: “Hey dude, I’m trying to sleep and you are playing your keyboards really loudly. Mind keeping it down?” Something polite and direct. I am going to train them to do this because I am not their mother or their R.A. or their babysitter. And last I checked, we are all adults here sans that one kid who lives on the top floor with his mom.

I have been slacking in one respect though. Vacuuming. I’ve come to dread it like I do putting away my laundry or taking out the trash. My laziness confronts me every time I leave my apartment and honestly, it is just too much to bear for this ex-Catholic people pleaser. In my sleep it haunts me. Sizzle. . .you need to vacuum. . .don’t be a bad apartment manager. . .

But I had a really good excuse. The building vacuum has been out of commission for the past week- it ran out of replacement bags. There was a huge crate of bags but NONE of them actually fit the vacuum correctly. It’s like someone just randomly picked up bags at the store hoping they could shove them on the machine and it’d work. There were two other dusty, discarded vacuums in the maintenance room that I tried. One was light weight and I hoped it would work because lordhavemercy hauling a vacuum up and down 4 flights of stairs really blows. Sadly, that one had no suction. I tried the third one. It was a mother of a vacuum- incredibly heavy and bulky- but with spotty suction, no hose attachment, and a cord that didn’t allow me to reach the ends of the hallways.

Um yeah, that’s not really gonna cut it.

I felt like Goldilocks and the Three Vacuums. “This one has no bag. This one doesn’t pick up dirt. This one has a short cord.” So I went to Target and purchased a new bagless vacuum with a long cord. I no longer have an excuse to avoid this chore. Damn me and my inability to embrace laziness and slacking.


41 thoughts on “The Super Slacker

  1. If you had a Dyson, you would love vacuuming. And you might put the Dyson in your bed with you at night.

    Yeah, it’s that good.

    As for the tenants getting to know each other, how about throwing an apartment party? You could buy some lasagnas. Or not.

  2. I’ll totally come over and vacuum all four flights of stairs for you; I LOVE to vacuum. Something so rewarding about hearing all the crumbs being picked up.
    Don’t ever ask me to fold and put away laundry though, I’ve got a months worth that every day I pile on the bed to dig through to find clean undies and then dump back onto the floor at bedtime, not a single item folded. We can’t be good at everything.

  3. I hate vacuuming. It takes me too long because it has to be perfect. I love clean floors though, and I really want a dyson.

    Goldilocks and the three vacuums. That shit is cracking me up.

  4. Hehe. I was going to say the same thing about my Dyson – I LOVE it.

    I bet it was nice to see some positive confirmation of all the hard work you’ve been putting certainly deserve it!

  5. Ugh, I can’t stand vacuuming. I’ll do laundry, the dishes, even sew something back together, but for the love of God, don’t make me vacuum!!

    And totally agree with you on the whole “too draining to live in negativity 24-7.”

  6. I despise vacuuming too. How much do you have to do? All the communal spaces?

    (If you do get the tenants to communicate with each other, I hope they are polite enough to actually quiet down. It seems like some people get more infuriated when you ask them politely to be quiet!)

  7. The Vacuum Goldilocks. That’s HILARIOUS. Am I the only one who finds that so funny? Cuz, I don’t care. You’ve sent me laughing into my weekend. Thanks, cutie!

  8. Look at you Ms. Popular Manager girl – now we just need a cute vacuuming themed tee for you to sport while you get your suck on :o)

  9. I detest vacuuming and as I have a small zoo of furry animals here it needs doing too damn often for my taste. I am not adverse to plugging in the iPod and dancing around, dragging the damn thing behind me though ;o)
    PS Totally agree on the t-shirt idea! ;o)
    PPS (Woops!) Forgot – yayyy on the cute message! It’s about time they appreciated you!

  10. See? THEY DO APPRECIATE YOU. And I love to vacuum as well, as much as I love any housework,which is to say, not much, but do not have a Dyson, although I covet my mom’s.

  11. Man, we problem solvers really kick our own asses sometimes, don’t we?
    But I’m a little sick when it comes to vacuuming– I like to hear the sound of crap being sucked up. Which doesn’t sound right at all.

  12. I wish you were my apartment manager! My building gets vacuumed MAYBE once a year, and in the meantime the stairs become littered with all kinds of crap. It drives me absolutely crazy and I’ve actually complained about it to my landlord before.

  13. Wanna know an easy way to get out of that stuff?
    Merry Maids!!!
    I’m not sure if you have that where you live. But, here in good old PA… Merry maids are $65.00 a month, they pop in twice a month and spend about two hours or so.

    They are awesome!

    Business write-off? 🙂

  14. I HATE vacuuming! Lucky for me, Honey LOVES it. That’s why he bought a Dyson – he wanted the right tool to do the job 🙂

    Hooray for a sweet note – you deserve it for all the crap you have to deal with!

  15. i hear you. i vacuum only when necessary, i.e. when my dog spills his food all over the carpet. otherwise, i greet dust bunnies as friends!

  16. Sorry to the Fella in advance – it seems I am always find new good ways to tell you why Sizz and I would be perfect for one another!

    Reason number 4002:

    I LOVE VACUUming….!!! Marry me Sizz and I will do ALLL the vacuuming for you! lol

  17. Okay… please bear with me… I’m new at this. Haven’t had my blog for very long (and am vastly disappointed at how boring it is), but I have been reading your stuff for ages, and I love it. When my blog grows up it wants to be just like Sizzle Says!

    I think it may be good-blog-etiquette to ask first, so may I please put a link to your blog on mine? Spread the Sizzle word? I reckon my tiny readership would enjoy your work as much I do.

  18. I hear you on the mulitple levels. We have six here. Granted, they are half levels but still, dragging a vacuum up and down all the live long day gets exhausting, especially for a gal with knee issues. I want to move now!

  19. I remember reading about vacuuming and suction. Then I wanted to say ‘that’s what she said’ and no I have to go read the rest of the post over.

    Have a great weekend!!

  20. On principle, I do not vacuum. That is my husband’s territory and I don’t want to emasculate him by taking over.

    But even I have to admit (as the other commenters did) that the Dyson vacuums (especially that swivel ball one) look pretty cool. Almost worth the cost of three car payments.

  21. Recently our vacuum was broken and I just called up the university housing office (cause that’s where we live) and they sent in a brand new one! The only thing the thing is so heavy that I haven’t used it and have taken to the dustbuster instead.

  22. Let’s see… I have a built-in vac we put into the house when we built (central vac system), I have a Dyson, and my kids bought me an iRobot for Christmas.

    I still hate vacuuming. Personally, I hate all cleaning. I do it, but I hate it. I think it stems from years of waking up on Saturday morning, not to cartoon watching but to intensive house cleaning. We’re talkin’ toothbrushes to the corners cleaning. Ugh. I am NOT “Suzy Homemaker”. I like a clean house, just hate getting it that way.

    Good thing I have a patient husband who doesn’t complain… 😉

  23. As much as I’m all about the Dyson love (how bad do I want one? BAD), I have to question… why is there carpeting anywhere anymore anyway? Anyone?

    Seriously, though, with how much they trap allergens and get dirty gross so easily, why did we ever think it was a better alternative to hardwood?

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