On The Fly

Over dinner the other night my Mom recounted details of her new crush. Let me give you a bit of the back story. My father died 16 years ago. My Mom- funny, smart, gregarious and beautiful- has not dated that entire time. A shame, wouldn’t you say? So the fact that she currently has fluttery feelings for a recent widower she met at the dog park is good news. Monumental news. And of course, because the Universe is a cruel tease, this is happening right before she is retiring and moving here to Seattle to be with us.

So we’re sitting there sipping our respective cocktails (her- cosmo, me- vodka tonic, Dokey- water since she hit the sauce hard the night before) and she tells us about how the last time she ran into the dog park crush his zipper was down. She was so flummoxed by this turn of events she cut their conversation short and rushed home. The next day he was not at the dog park which my mother, in her infinite wisdom, attributes to his utter humiliation. In her mind he discovered (too late) that he had encountered her with his fly down causing subsequent paralyzing mortification- so much so that he could not face her at the dog park.

(Here’s where I’d like to cast a vote but I won’t. I hold steadfast to my claim that a zipper down is not as embarrassing as having a huge piece of spinach in your teeth or an equally green booger dangling from your nose. But I digress.)

I blurted out, “The fact is, you need to get laid.” To which my Mom retorted, “The fact is that scares the hell out of me. I can’t even look at an open zipper!” That’s when my sister and I broke down in tears of laughter. It’s so painfully true and my mother is so painfully cute in her awkwardness around dating and sex. But it is really heartwarming to see her giddy about someone after all these years.

And yes, I talk to my mother like that.

And yes, she knew I was going to blog this. I whipped out my journal at the table and wrote it down. Can you blame me? Besides, there was drinking involved.

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58 thoughts on “On The Fly

  1. Sizzle my dad is the same way. It’s been years since my mother’s passing and when he talks about a crush he gets all silly. It’s so freaking cute. Anyway, Mama Sizzle, good luck!

  2. Oh, your Mom is adorable!

    I see where you get your sweetness (and good looks!) from 🙂

  3. That’s so great that your mom is going to move to Seattle to be near you and your sister. I often miss my mom and secretly wish she’d move closer to us. In fact, the prospect of my mom coming to see me in LA on Saturday has got me giddy, and it’s what will get me through the next couple days of long, hard work. Sometimes a girl just needs a little one-on-on mom time.

    Great story about your mom – I can’t wait to hear how it turns out!

  4. Wait til the day comes when you go to visit your mom and while looking for some item in her bedroom, you come across a jumbo box of condoms. Ahhh. Memories.

  5. Oh your Mum is gorgeous!
    I’m afraid I’m going to be just the same in a few years – not gorgeous, but scared of men with their zippers flying low! ;o)

  6. Your mom is such a cutie!! That’s so great you have such an open and friendly relationship with your mom. Isn’t it the best?!

  7. You get your looks from your mom and you’re both foxy babes. Your mom is just so kewl! Makes me miss mine who is traveling in your neck of the woods in her RV.

    =)

  8. I love that you can have this type of conversation with your mom. A zipper down can be embarrassing but I’m with you on the teeth thing. Spinach mouth is way worse than a little zipper mishap–

  9. THis was a very cute story! And yes, a zipper down is much lower on the totem pole of humiliation than large food chunks in the teeth or nose secretions.

  10. Awww, good for your mom!

    My mom is a bit too out there with dating stuff. I could have done without seeing printouts by her computer detailing how to achieve greater orgasms (or ogregasms as I originally typed). It’s funny to joke about your mom needing to get laid, not funny to hear what happens when she does.

  11. Oh my god you look EXACTLY alike and you are both SO CUTE. I’m glad you have that kind of open relationship.

    Also the title of this post is hilarious.

  12. On the Fly, Hah!
    What a great photo and the story made me giggle. After losing my husband I thought I’d never find love again and I was scared about the sex thing too. Her crush reaction is adorable and I agree with you…stuff in your teeth, way more embarassing than a zipper. Go Sizzle’s Mom!

  13. omg! MK! a crush! this is fab news :>)

    please send her big hugs from me (and a little wink)

    xoxo

  14. My mom and I have that kind of a relationship, and I love it. My mom is actually going through the same thing. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old.

  15. OMG, Sizz, I love this post. Because the picture of the two of you is wonderful. Because you have such an open relationship with your mom. Because your mom feels the flutters. And because there is promise she will crush again when she moves your way. This was a humorous, but very much feel good post. Thank you!

  16. If a zipper down is bad news, I’m forever a culprit of this situation.

    Your mother is quite beautiful and just like her daughters – has a beautiful smile.

  17. It’s refreshing to hear you talk to your mom like this. I did with my mom when I lived under the same roof. We don’t discuss those matters as often these days as she has a steady man.

    A zipper down is embarrassing, but not a deal breaker by any means. You’re a good daughter.

  18. Okay I have a few things to say that have nothing to do with this post.
    A-you have gotten some mad comment love lately…good for you. Do you realize how many of your posts have 69 comments? I had to snicker to my junior high self
    B-miss reading you, I am 17 posts behind. I am hardly sleeping let alone reading blogs…I will catch up soon
    C-I just saw your new template for the first time tonight and LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! So uber jealous. I can not get Ryan to design me one. I will have to play the b-day card on him.
    D-no D point, but three points is so cliche.

  19. I think that is very sweet that your mom is retiring and moving here. I think it is doubly sweet that she has fluttery feelings for the gentleman from the dog park. Very inconvenient timing, yes, but sweet nonetheless. I think that she should try to not let the timing and her impending move deter her from at least striking up conversations with him on future dog park visits. Who knows, maybe he has a kid in Seattle he’d like to live closer to as well!

    Also, my mom is not above directing the phrase “bite me” toward either of her children. And alcohol doesn’t even need to be involved. It helps, of course, but it isn’t necessary.

  20. I’m glad that it works for you, but I don’t think I’d ever be comfortable with… how do I even say it without sounding prudish? that .. um, type of talk with my parents. Just seems ill-placed (for me). I would be uncomfortable and I know they would be as well. That’s just us, though.

  21. Your Mom is absolutely adorable.
    And forgotten zipper or not, she needs to track down “Dog Park” guy. One last fling before she moves!!

  22. 16 years with no whoopee! Oh my! It is cute that she is shy about such things but I guess I don’t talk to my mom about that kind of thing much. Your mom is cute and she deserves happiness so hope the dog park guy works out.

  23. God your mom is cute! I love ya’ both now. She is adorable! Tell her my dad died young and my mom didn’t date for about ten years and when she did it was funny as hell! She would have conversations with my sister and I … “pizza and beer – is this a date or just pizza and beer” and can you come lingerie shopping with me! yikes!

  24. Oh…look at Mama Sizz! You guys look nothing alike, though. Just kidding.

    I think ALL moms need to get laid. That’s my weekend wish for everyone!

  25. Your mom is so pretty! As are her daughters.

    Good for her for finding someone to be giddy about. I hope she finds someone to be giddy about in Seattle.

  26. Your comments have exploded. It might be time for the tees. You are confusing me posting at night. I’m used to being an early commenter. People are taking my comments. So.. your mom is adorable. You look adorable together. It is bittersweet that she is leaving her new crush. But the good news is that there are single gentlemen here as well and some good dog parks. Was anything peeking out of the zipper? If not, not embarrassing.

  27. i love that you can have conversations like that with your mom – i talk to my mom like that the time, she’s more of a friend now that i’ve gotten older. hate to admit it, but she can be .. fun 🙂

    p.s. the title of this post is hilariously appropriate

  28. You and mom are very lucky indeed (and both adorable)! I could NEVER talk to my mom about these things,–ergo… It took me a year to tell her I was divorce and she only knew about my husband a month before we married.

    No wonder I have a blog.

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