Meeting a significant other’s friends is, for many people, a marker in the relationship. Oftentimes it can mean you are getting “serious” about the person. For me, when I introduce someone I am dating to my friends and my family it means I am pretty interested in them. I want the people I hold dear to me to like the guy I am dating. Their approval doesn’t make or break the relationship but it colors it if you will. Because I have some very serious friendships and those people and their opinions, like my Mom’s and Dokey’s, matter. Besides, I’ve made some really questionable choices when it comes to partners in the past. (King Ick, Mr. Grass and Scoots to mention a few.)
I remember I was dating a guy about 4 years ago and the first friend of his I met was a total and complete bitch to me. I was really thrown for a loop. I kept trying to find conversation starters but was repeatedly met with a disinterested tone and a distant stare. When I mentioned this to then-boyfriend he said that’s just how she is. Um, what? You have a friend that is like that to your girlfriend? What the fuck kind of friend is that? Besides, who doesn’t like me? I am very likable God Damn It! But we later broke up and they are still friends.
Moving on. . . the Fella and I have been dating for over nine months now. I know, I know- Sizzle dating records are being broken left and right. Let’s not make a big deal out of it. My friends that have met him adore him and have welcomed him into the fold. My nephew knows him by name. My Mom has us married in her head. If he sits down on my couch, Dash can’t refrain from sitting in his lap. (I know how it goes, kitty. It’s hard to resist.) These are all great things. I love this man and am glad that the people who are most important to me have affection for him.
But, I have only met one friend of the Fella’s (and that’s because we paid to see the show she was in). It’s not for lack of trying but without sounding too mean, it appears his friends are rather flaky. Or possibly not very good friends. I know this is a touchy subject for my love since we’ve had numerous conversations about it. There’s some history I won’t go into but suffice it to say many of these friends were made under different circumstances and well, I’m wondering if they are better left in the past. I hate seeing him hurt by their dismissive behavior. That’s not being a friend to him! I am very protective of my loved ones and his friend’s crappy behavior has made me want to kick some ass on numerous occasions.
Fast forward to Saturday night. The Fella and I met some friends to celebrate a recent engagement (not ours, duh). We’re hanging out, tossing back some English cider and lager when he spots one of his elusive friends. He goes outside to chat with them while I confess to a couple of my girlfriends that I still have not met any of his friends. We’re waiting to see how this all plays out because I am already poised to be irritated if I am not introduced. They all stream back into the pub and go their separate ways. The Fella joins us and it’s clear he’s a bit miffed, thinking they wouldn’t have gone out of their way to say hello to him if he hadn’t made the first move. This seems typical of his relationship with this guy. Later, as the friend is leaving the bar, he stops by leaning over the couch and saying something in the Fella’s ear. The guy sort of scans the area seeing a couple of women so I stood up and extended my hand. “Hey whatsyourname, I’m Sizzle.” He responded with something like, “Oh hey. You’re. . . very sparkly.” And then he waved good-bye. Um. Ok. Sure, my retro-styled sweater had sequins around the collar but seriously, this is what he had to say to me?
I’ll admit that I purposely stood and introduced myself 40% out of manners and 60% out of spite. I don’t like being ignored. I have no idea what happened to manners but it seems too many people lack them nowadays. And frankly, this guy who is my beloved’s “friend” did not impress me one iota. In my book, the Fella deserves better than an afterthought invitation and the occasional text.