What Keeps Me Up At Night

The sun finally came out yesterday allowing me to leave my window open while I slept. I say “slept” like I got a good night’s sleep. I did not. Here’s what happened:

It’s 1:40AM and I am woken up by:

“Why are you doing THISSSSSSS?! I am not the one who’s spent all day at work DRUNK. You’re a fucking cocksucker and I hope you fucking burn in HELL!”

Says a man/boy with a high pitched, frantic, loud voice as he paces outside my apartment building.

I lay there startled awake. It’s a bit disconcerting to wake up to someone yelling obscenities. I couldn’t figure out at first where the voice was coming from. I waited, trying to calm myself in the hopes of falling quickly back to sleep.

It’s 1:50AM and I hear:

“Why is everything MY fault? You lost your own keys! You’re a fucking douchebag who drinks too much!”

That’s when I got up to look out the window. In my hazy state, the guy’s voice sounded like a tenant of mine. I’ve seen him get into hysterics once or twice and I know he suffers from insomnia so it wouldn’t be that far fetched that he’s the culprit. I see a thin, emo-dressed young man holding a cell phone up to his ear speed walking from across the street coming toward my building. It is not my tenant.

I throw myself back in bed. Now I am annoyed.

It’s 2:00AM and here he comes again, this time louder (if that’s possible):

“You’re going to tell me we’re ‘not ready’ for that and then bring someone home to fuck in front of me?! You’re a whore, Brian. You’re a fucking, stupid whore!”

I heave a big sigh knowing that I’m going to be tired in the morning.

It’s 2:10AM and I swear I hear whimpering and then whispering. I can barely make out someone crying and then I hear:

“. . .I’m sorrrrrrrrrrry. . . I love you. . .”

But maybe that last part was just my tired brain making up a happier ending then those two seemed destined for.

Oh the perils of living in the city in the heart of Capitol Hill. Drunken revelry after the bars close, noisy pedestrians lingering over cigarettes outside the building and now, lovers spats at top volume.


At least it’s Friday.

58 thoughts on “What Keeps Me Up At Night

  1. We live close to downtown, there is what we have dubbed “The Party House” directly behind ours. Every year, they have these massive parties — every year we are serenaded with calls like that one.

    Last year, it was 4 a.m. and they were still carrying on. We called the cops. The cops came. Then at 5 a.m. we were serenaded with “I can’t believe peopel called the cops.”

  2. oh man… I mean, you just want to yell out your window something to get them to shut up, but it’s probably not going to work or be more trouble than it’s worth.

    It is like you’re getting your dose of missed dorm life. A fan may be in order.

  3. hey sizzle…tre here πŸ™‚ of thoughtbythought.wordpress.com…love your blog theme and the little peeps caricatures that are on folks’ comments. thank you oodles of noodles for all youre doin to help the volunteers. your post reminded me of my days in boston and chicago…soon to be again…i always take a moment when i’m startled like that to kinda acknowledge why i’ve woken up…something wanted you alert…maybe to hug the neighbors in your thought…maybe so you could be a resource to help if you were needed….nothing’s ever a coincedence…and while annoying in ways, you don’t know…coulda been a need there and just your presence of alertness helped calm things…
    can’t wait to meet ya! πŸ™‚ Tre~

  4. I think if I had my window open, I would have yelled down for him to shut up or at least go inside to his apartment. I would have been highly pissed.
    I definitely wouldn’t have been polite about it.

  5. I lived in an apartment in Chicago where the buzzer didn’t work, so I would often get woken up by drunk people who had lost their keys yelling “can someone let me in!!!” I tolerated it because a couple times that drunk person may have been me.

  6. Ugh. I hate getting woken up by something stupid. Last night I was woken up by thunder that made the house shook. I thought something blew up. I ran to all the windows trying to see flames shooting up into the sky. Apparently it was either a dream (because there was no rain, lightning or thunder to follow) or something invisible blew up.

  7. I’m so tired that the part where you wrote “perils of living” I read as “penis of living”. Holy. Hell.

    Hope you get some sleep and have a fantastic weekend!

  8. There is nothing else quite like middle of the night gay boy drama! You want to be amused by it, but it is so irritating. Although I’m totally going to be giggling over “you’re a fucking, stupid whore….I’m sorrrrrrrrry….I love you” all day.

  9. I don’t know how you do it. We don’t have these problems on my street. Although, I did see the really stoned dude next to my garbage cans for like 2 hours. That was weird.

    Happy Friday…I hope you get a nap today.

  10. I live in a quieter neighborhood, but right on the main drag. So I’ve been woken up a few times in the middle of the night by crazy homeless guys screaming obscenities at some imagined adversary.

  11. I find that “Shut up now or I’m calling the cops,” pretty much always works. Of course I am hugging them spiritually while I holla.

  12. All we have is lawnmowers and strollers…the excitement factor is next to nothing. I’m so jealous of your sleepless nights and blogging material :o)

  13. In my experience, men named Brian are always whores.

    Okay, fine, I made that up. Whatevs. I hope you sleep better tonight!

  14. Gone are the days of weeknight drinking and drunk dialing (as if I really did that in the first place – well, not since college anyway). In my old building, had that guy been out there … there would’ve been more than one person at the window yelling, Shut the Fuck Up. It’s been done before…

  15. When I’m awoken by such things I’m half mad, half intrigued by the goings-on.

    My favourite was a girl shouting at her boyfriend, “You’re a fucking asshole! Kissing that fucking slut right in front of me back there! I fucking hate you! Wait, where are you going? Why are you leaving me? I love you! Please don’t leave me!”


  16. That Brian, he is a stupid fucking whore.

    I get woken up by police cars speeding by with sirens blaring. Occasionally a fire truck.

  17. Damn that Brian!

    That sucks. On the bright side, it made for a hilarious blog post πŸ˜‰

    Oh how I miss living in the city!

  18. I’m such a baby when I sleep that it’s one bonus to living in old-fogey Eastlake. We have some friends that live in Cap Hill too and talk about how the noise goes on in the streets all night long. I’d go crazy!

  19. I get woken up every night by one of my cats who decides she needs a snuggle at 2am. It’s hard to be mad at a cat who wants a snuggle.

  20. Ever noticed how whenever you overhear gay sex it sounds like two dudes moving a couch up a flight of stairs and through a narrow doorway?

    Not on topic, but that’s what popped into my head.

  21. 1) Stories like this make me love living out in the country more and more.
    2) Profanities suck. More so when being woken up by them.

  22. Not on topic at all, but I had a dream last night that I met you.
    I was walking down a street and your apartment building had “Sizzle Apartments” as the building name.
    I rang the bell and you came to the door and I asked, “Are you Sizzle?”
    You said, “Yes..?” very confused like.
    I said, “As in Sizzle Says?”
    You said “Yes,” gave me a confused this-lady-is-crazy look and walked off.

    You know you’ve been gone to long from the Blogosphere when you dream about other bloggers.

  23. That’s one reason I like the burbs….but even we out here in the country get some things a going on…usually drunk teenagers. Hope you got some rest!

  24. Ayyy. Kids! They don’t realize how young and silly they are.

    TV show? Isn’t that a thought? Sizzle’s Complex.
    Preview “You can hear it all, at Sizzle’s Complex. Stay tuned for what happens when the Smelly Lady meets E boy… catch it here, after these messages!”

    I hope you had a great weekend! And some sleep! πŸ™‚

  25. LOL, I would hear similar conversations just living in an apartment complex full of college students my last year at the university. The walls were too thin and the courtyards would echo too much.

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