And Then My Ovaries Went On Strike

Top Five Reasons Why I Need a New Gynecologist:

1) She is predictably late. This time I could hear on the phone in her office next door as I sat in my backless gown, naked on the uncomfortable tissue paper lining, eying the foot stirrups warily.

2) She always goes on and on about her personal life. This time it was all about her new “diet” and her goal to drop enough weight for her trip to Hawaii where she will be riding down an irrigation pipe in an inner tube. I can’t make this shit up. Also, she is very sad to give up her favorite pants because they are getting too big on her. I seriously heard about that at least 4 times during a fifteen minute check up, four minutes of which was actually focused on me.

3) She makes me not want to have babies. This time she told me about how one of her patients was making her mad because she wouldn’t listen to her reasoning. Apparently, this very pregnant woman would not let her induce labor even though she was over two weeks late. The doc claimed the baby looked “very bad” – which she repeated to me a couple of times so she probably said the same thing to the parents. What does she mean by this “very bad”- like is the baby about to die in there? The father-to-be had asked the doctor what a Doula would do in that situation which seems to have pushed her button. Uh oh.

4) My boyfriend could give a more thorough breast exam during foreplay. I have a very large rack and genetically cystic breasts. Even a skilled doctor needs to take some extra time to really be sure there aren’t any suspicious lumps. TMI. Excuse me. Hey Fella, can I schedule a breast exam with you?

5) She doesn’t pass the kleenex. What I mean is (excuse me boys, this might be where you want to just skip to the comments) that she slathers on the KY for the pap but doesn’t bother to wipe it off or at the very least, to hand a girl a tissue after so I am forced to sit up and um, well, there’s no delicate way to put this so I will just say it: drip out onto the tissue paper lining. It’s very unpleasant.

In summary, I’ve had more attention during a quickie.

At least I learned my heart rate is great, my blood pressure is good and I weigh less than I thought.

I’m still finding another doctor though.


83 thoughts on “And Then My Ovaries Went On Strike

  1. As if going to the gyno isn’t bad enough…

    Honestly, the best experiences I’ve ever had are with the nurse practitioner in my doc’s office. I just go to her for my annual exam. If I have an issue I need to address, I see the doc, but otherwise, Cindy and I are great pals. πŸ˜‰

  2. Okay, it’s weird enough going to the gyno and then you are dealing with someone talking about sliding down an irrigation pipe on a tube? And no Kleenex?! Throw a woman a bone at least after you have violated her like that! I am mad for you right now. πŸ™‚

  3. yikes! these appointments are never fun, but at least if you have a doctor that makes you feel comfortable and is thorough, you feel more… at ease. yeah, go for a new doc, sounds like it’s a good decision.

    have fun with your follow-up with the fella! πŸ˜‰

  4. I hate going to the gyno. And I never go to the same one twice. Which is wrong and I need to change that. I’m sure my stress levels and BP would go way down if I would find a doc I like and stick with that person. But dude, I’ve never not been handed a tissue afterwards.

    I agree that you need a new doc. One that will give you a lollipop afterwards. Shaped like a p3nis.

  5. She didn’t do a breast exam?

    Nothing worse than the whole KY drip thing. And you know that whole liner paper thing always ends up stickign somewhere.. you’d think they’d come up with something better. You know?

  6. Ack! I hate going to the gyno! I think it’s the most uncomfortable time during the entire 365 days of the year! And yeah, you need to find another doctor. Such a pain though isn’t it?

  7. I’ve been a lurker for a bit – first time commenter πŸ˜€

    Wow .. and I thought my Dr. had the worst bedside manner – haha.

    Get this – my husband was diagnosed with TB at his annual TB test (he works at a children’s hospital). So we schedule a test for our son and me to get tested and we also set up an apt with our Dr. for him to just touch base and get set up on the antibiotics that they put you on for six months to assure that it stays dormant.

    Fast forward to us sitting in the room when this convo happened:

    Dr.: So have you had contact with other people?

    Husband: uh … I have lots of contact with other people, I ride the train to work every day and work in a hospital with sick kids.

    Dr.: No … sexually …

    :: silence ::

    Husband and I both busted out in laughter – no … we’re good on that one – just my wife.

    Afterwards I got the giggles when we talked about it. I mean, who in their right mind would then cough up with a “well there was that one time” when their spouse was sitting right there? hahahah

    She also doesn’t hand a girl a tissue – she’s cold as a frozen fish!

  8. I feel your pain, sizzleβ€”she sounds awful! You need a new gynecologist, pronto!

    While those are all horrible things to put up with, I find her unprofessionalism (talking about her life or other patients when she should be focusing on you) most annoying.

  9. What a self-absorbed, disrespectful ass she is. Begin looking for a new doctor asap. Mine was referred from a friend and she is wonderful. Both the dr and the friend.

    Oh, and have fun on Thursday after the Fella gets out of work.

    Oh! And please send cookies. Or at least tell us how they turned out.

  10. I’ve never had a gyno give me a tissue for cleaning up or even point them out. I’m on my fourth one. I usually just make sure to pack panty liners and grab some of the paper towels to wipe with once they leave the room. I hate that gucky feeling.

    My current gyno doesn’t use paper gowns. We are supposed to keep our shirts on but unhook our bras. Only the paper blanket thingy is used “for modesty”. I hate this because I cannot just rehook my bra. I have to take off my shirt in order to rehook it. Very annoying.

    My fella also gives way better breast exams. I trust him fully. πŸ˜‰

  11. Yikes; definitely find a new doc! My doctor is so interesting; on one hand she’s very attentive and nice, but on the other…she’s almost too attentive. The last time I was in there she asked me if I was still dating the same guy as last time she saw me…

    …yep, sure am
    …ah, so is he “the one”??
    …umm, well, yeah i’m pretty sure
    …you planning to have babies with him?
    …umm, yeah, eventually…
    …but, you’ve been with him for what, 2 years?
    …well, what’s the hold up?? he’s not dragging his feet is he?? you’ll want to be married a few years before you have kids; he better get on the ball!

    …….and so it went. It sounds invasive, but she is really sweet and just a bit unusual when it comes to that whole ‘personal boundaries’ thing. And no, he’s not dragging his feet. πŸ™‚

    Oh, and she always hands me a tissue. Very important.

  12. You totally need a better Dr! I went from Gyn to Gyn in my twenties, I felt they all lacked bedside manners and I just didn’t like them. I tried men, tried women, nothing. When I moved to NYC my sister had a great one so I went with him and I have never looked back. I recommend him with my eyes closed, but somehow a trip to NYC every year for a check-up seems a little too far fetched, right? Although, you can always stay with me and make a mini-vacation out of it : )

  13. You need a new doctor — Stat! I like my ob/gyn because she’s thorough without making me feel as if I’ve been violated and actually supports my decision not to have children. I hate when ob/gyn’s try to convince you to have kids.

  14. Ugh, it is SO hard to find a good OB/GYN.
    I left my first one here because I shouldn’t worry about my family history (and my symptoms) of endometriosis until I’m ready to have kids.
    The next one was good, but she was getting harder to see because she was always off delivering babies. The she started asking me everytime I came in when I was thinking about having babies. I wondered if she knew something she wasn’t sharing.
    The last one I went to had no sympathy for my decreased libido because she’s a doctor with 3 kids and doesn’t get much play herself.
    Now my GP has given me the card of his wife’s OB/GYN and I am feeling hopeful but she only has appointments like, 2 days a week. ARGH.

  15. Whoops, I left out that the first one TOLD ME not to worry about endo until I’m ready to have kids. Which…I think will be too late? Doy.

  16. Ha! I JUST blogged about my GYN visit yesterday. Ain’t it fun! lol. My doc is a very nice guy. I didn’t think about the tissue biz because I just use my tissue paper gown and throw it in the garbage can. TMI. Sorry.


  17. I just stumbled onto your blog on my lunch break and am laughing out loud! You have a very ‘Erma Bombeck’ style of writing. And I mean that as a compliment…she’s my favorite.

    You had me hating that gyno at ‘her pants were too big.’ Ick.

  18. The best gyno around was my old one in Los Gatos. They had comfy pot holders on the stirrups, real pillow cases that they changed out after every patient and chocolates with a cute poem on the pillow – No, I’m not kidding. Soothing music, heated KY – yes, find yourself a new, non irrigation pole tubing, titty squishing doc :o)

  19. Ack. I already live in fear of my next trip for an internal. Horrible experience, it is. Your gyno would put me over the edge. Run…run like the wind.

  20. Yea. Seriously. A doctor who tends to get caught up in their own personal complaints is not keeping their full attention on you. Geez. Like you need to hear about her weight goals and issues with other patients? Thats not cool.

    She sounds like a Dr. Flake. HA!

  21. Reason #247 why I’m so thankful to have had a hysterectomy when I did!
    Gah! The whole thing is hideous isn’t it? I know it’s absolutely essential but why does it have to be so bloody horrible?!

  22. seriously, she sounds nuts! i had one female GYN in my life and hated her – she made me feel little and very unwoman-like so i’m happy with the guy i have now… he’s on the younger side, wears these cute glasses, has a great sense of humor, and makes me feel comfortable… even while squeezing my boobs or sticking his finger ‘you know where’… :o)

  23. I had a great OB/GYN when I lived in your area. She was across the pond on the Eastside though.

    And seriously, her behavior is BEYOND unprofessional. I would totally make a complaint to her office and make sure they know why you’re leaving her care. I mean, no tissue? Has she never had a pap herself??

  24. Dude, that is some craziness. She apparently missed out on the etiquette portion of her training. Seriously, why is she telling you about her dieting and her other patients?

    Does she really think that you give a shit?

    Going to the Gyno is stressful enough without all the side chat. I wish I had a good recommendation for you but if you find a good new dr, maybe you can send them my way. I am on a search for a good doctor in Seattle right now because mine is retiring and moving to Nepal.

    Weighing less than you thought is badass. When does that ever happen?

  25. This makes me wonder if there’s a course in the Medical Field that trains prospective Doctors/Nurses on ‘Bedside Manner’.

    I personally would go with the Doctor with the best Bedside Manner over one that was highly trained.

    Delivery and attitude is EVERYTHING and no matter what industry you’re in, they always win over the rest.

  26. *blink* ugh. And after you find a new doc, maybe send her an email with the text of this post?

    I have a great doc. Maybe I didn’t know just how great.

  27. My favorite Bad Man story came from a girl I used to work with, who was in the middle of the exam (the duck bill was in) when the doctor had to run out to do CPR on someone in the lobby. When he ran out, he didn’t shut the door (because of the running, and the need for CPR πŸ™‚ ). So she was laying there, duck bill sticking out, with the door open. Pleasant.

  28. Yeah, definitely time for a new doctor. Poor bedside manners are never good reason to stay with a doctor, no matter how convenient they might be.

  29. So you’re laying there with NO pants, and she keeps talking about her favorite pants… That’s just mean.

    I used to babysit for my gyno in high school, so most of my appts are spend staring at the ceiling, talking about her kids. It’s a little weird, but I like her anyway.

  30. You know, I’ve had similar situations with my past OB/GYN’s – I have horror stories, actually. Eventually I talked to friends about theirs and I auditioned a few before I found the right one. I’m at the point now where I sometimes threaten to never move away because I’m so happy with my doc.

  31. You know, the best OB/GYN I ever had was a little old man? I swear he wasn’t a pervert. He was so gentle, and so thorough, and so thoughtful. Then he died, of course.

    They just don’t make ’em like that anymore.

    Seriously, women should not choose a gyno simply based on gender. I understand why they do, but… I’m just saying.

  32. Holy heckarooni. What a ding.

    I went to my gyno last week and after the waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting the simple fact that she had a glowing speculum kind of made me forget the massive amount of irritation the appointment was causing me. I got checked by a light saber! Rock!

    I was wondering where the flood light was… (I was waiting THAT long that I had time to notice HEY WHERE’S THE FLOOD LAMP?!Is it in the table? Will the nurse wheel it in?) Little did I know the flood light would be IN MY VAGINA.

    hee hee

  33. I’m feeling you on #4. I have the same problem, but an opposite doctor. If she feels anything remotely suspicious, off to the mammogram for me.

    I should probably reword that first sentence, huh?

  34. Well that’s just tacky.
    For the very first time, when we moved I ended up with a male gyno. he rocks. I will never go back to a woman. Doesn’t that sound kinky πŸ™‚
    He’s honest, straightforward and I don’t have to deal with any of that BS. Plus, like a good man… he always passes the kleenex πŸ™‚
    Over from DutchBlitz.

  35. What the fuck. Dump her ass and get recommendations. I do not want to know anything personal about my doctor, particularly if she is checking out my girl parts. Pay attention to what you are doing, damn it. We are not on a date.

    I bet the Fella will happily volunteer for your monthly breast exam. I am horribly afraid that this will be my first year for a mammogram. I do not want these puppies squished that much. Do they make big boob mammogram machines?

  36. grr… i hate going to the gyno!! such an uncomfortable time, right?

    P.S. – your blog re-design looks great.. I came in 2nd to you in the contest… Jess just redesigned mine as well….

    Can’t wait to come back and visit soon!

  37. Thanks for the oozing visual. πŸ™‚ Having the fella feel you up is probably a better exam since he is more familiar with the territory.

  38. two quick things:

    1. my brother found a lump in his GF’s breast. turned out to be nothing, but he was a helluva lot better at finding it than her dr. was. (and he’s a lawyer, FYI!)

    2. my ex-husband is an ob-gyn. very professional about his work. made me realize that men go into this specialty not to just stare at vaginas all day. that being said, my doc is still a woman. πŸ™‚

  39. Ummmmm, yeah it’s one thing to show up late (especially when they are on the phone, that burns me up!) but it’s another thing to leave you oozing on the table. Hmm yes, time for a new doc for sure.

  40. Is it wrong that I hesitate to comment because you are at 69 comments and I don’t want to mess that up?

    I just recently switched to a new doctor because when I saw a different kind of doctor that I respect (and love) and told him about my hysterectomy, he asked who did it and when I told him, he sort of gasped and mumbled something about how he would never let anyone he knew go to that doctor. Upon further questioning, he refused to flat out say I shouldn’t go to him, but gave me about 100 names of different doctors he would recommend. I can take a hint, so I went with the guy he said was his favorite and that his wife goes to.

    I was SHOCKED that after the exam the new doctor actually wiped me off after. I have never had that done. When I got home, I called my best friend to tell her and she has never had that done either. My new doctor is a hottie, and so that line of conversation led to very inappropriate talk about what else he is probably so considerate about. I might never be able to look at my doctor the same way after what we talked about!

    Anyway, good luck finding a new doctor. It is hard to find a good one, but important!

  41. Also, I will never go to a woman again. I have had 3 in my lifetime and all 3 had “pinchy fingers”. The men I have gone to have all been much more gentle.

  42. That’s horrible. Is there a comment card or evaluation form you can fill out. She must want feedback, I imagine (unless she’s not interested in beocming a better doctor).

  43. my gyne exclaims “oh you have a BYOOOTIFUL cervix!” but also delivers sub-par breast exams. Oh and we suspect her (or her office, anyway) to be playing fast and loose with the copays, so we’ll be looking for another one for my next check-up :p

    btw, thanks for the reference to a “doula” – great timing seeing as my sister-in-law has one (called a bidan back home) to help with the newborn, I was wondering if there was an English equivalent πŸ™‚

  44. Sorry but the “pass the kleenex” made me laugh.
    I’m lucky in that I have had the same DR for 18 yrs and she makes house calls!

    You need a new one no doubt. If for no other reason than to make a less than pleasant experience a little easier.

    Hope the Fella stepped up to the request:)

  45. hilarious!!

    My guy always says “now I am going to touch the vaginal area”.
    My girlfriends and I laugh at his politeness. I mean we all know why we are there, right??


  46. Pingback: Soft Hits « Sizzle Says

Comments are closed.