A) I have much freckleage.
B) I have much cleavage.
C) I have a geographical tongue.*
D) My boyfriend is hubba hubba hawt.
*This geographical tongue business caused me much distress as a youngster. When I discovered my cracked tongue was different than other tongues I freaked out. OMG NO BOY WILL EVER WANT TO KISS ME! I AM DISGUSTING!
It should be noted that I refused to french kiss my first boyfriend for the first year we were dating. I know, prude. Things have changed, ok? Don’t razz me about it.
So there I am wallowing in my freakish misery for years (I like to get a jump start on worrying) when really I had nothing to spaz about. I mean, boys? They are pretty much stoked that you’ll kiss them, period, so who gives a flying fuck about your tongue? No one did.
Let the frenching commence!