“Can you help me hang this stuff?” I say pointing to six pieces of framed black & white pictures of jazz artists that have been sitting on the dining room table for far too long.

“Sure!” he replies.

“We need a pencil to mark off where to drill holes.” I scour the desk drawers and come up empty. “Here. We’ll just use this pen.”

We set the level on top of the frame. I hold the frame in place while he marks where the holes should be.

He drills the first hole, then the second, then puts the screws in place. I hang the frame.

And it’s crooked.

“How in the hell did THAT happen?” he asks incredulously.

“Well shit! Hmm, maybe we shouldn’t do this while we’re drunk?”

“Yeah, good idea.”

50 thoughts on “Screwed

  1. I never have pencils when I need them, either, and for that reason, have several pen marks on my walls that the new owners of my house (if there ever are any) are going to LOVE.

  2. Though being drunk may help from getting into fights over the process – not like we have ever had fights (where one of us had to leave the house) or anything.

  3. I always shoot pool better when I’m slightly buzzed…I can’t hang pictures straight sober, so maybe I should try it a tad tipsy. Thanks for the good advice!

  4. Thanks for the tip! Does that apply to grocery shopping too? Cuz…it all looks good when buzzed and food shoppinh late at night. lol.

    Don’t drink and drive!
    Don’t drink and hang pictures!


  5. If you look, every picture I’ve hung in our house is lower on the left than the right. I hung them all sober I swear!

  6. I find myself concerned that you operated power tools while drunk. Though, I guess on the power tool scale, the drill is unlikely to do permanent damage to a person.

  7. Just have a couple more…that picture will look straight. Of course, that means that you’ll have to STAY drunk in order for it not to bother you.

  8. You guys, we were drunk so of course we weren’t thinking clearly. Re: operating power tools is a GREAT IDEA when inebriated. 😉

  9. I think pretty much everything we’ve hung in our house was put up under the influence of a glass or 2 or a bottle of wine. Plus, we eyeball everything. Things look remarkably straight considering!

  10. I’ve spent the past few weeks hanging frames…and none of them are straight. Almost…but not quite. Under each picture there are 2-3 empty nail holes representing the first, second and third tries to get it right.

  11. Hmmm…have you thought that maybe the picture is actually straight, but it just looked crooked because you were drunk?

  12. haha I do that sober too. I measure and measure and it still comes out wrong. At least it was probably a lot funnier after drinking.

  13. Actually, all the jazz pics might look cool all cocked this way and that. My friends did that with their Disney paintings and it turned out great. But then I am prone to vertigo.

  14. Hmmm…I wasn’t tipsy, but I can’t hang things straight either. With help or without. Tell people it’s art. And all jazz.

  15. This is why I have to keep digging the laser level out of the toy chest. The kids think it is a toy, but I NEED it to hang anything straight. That’s right. I just admitted I let my kids play with lasers…!

  16. Just hang them all a bit crooked and act like you meant to do it that way, my lazy mans sollution. I happen to live with the most anal retentive picture hanger who wouldn’t let that fly. He has been known to do a little mock up on the computer before actually hanging the pictures and once that is done the hanging itself often involves a level.

    Drunken picture hanging sounds much more fun.

  17. LOL. Getting dressed and putting make-up on while tipsy and/or drunk is a big NO for me – I learned the hard way. Hahaha, but drilling holes and hanging frames up, that’s a whole other ball game!

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